Monday, 31 October 2016

It's Only Pork

If any confirmation was needed, the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz said that if he got a brain from the wizard then he would "while away the hours, conferrin' with the flowers, consultin' with the rain" which is of course nonsense because if someone handed you a brain then the first thought wouldn't be what is the rain and flowers saying but what goes with brain?
The local butcher suggests cooking the brain in a garlic paste with lemon juice, salt, chilli, fennel and coriander for 2 hours before coating the brains in egg and breadcrumbs and deep frying the lot.
The butcher then explained that brain tastes much like pork apparently but he couldn't sell me a brain due to BSE regulations and it being highly unethical but he did slip me a card with the name 'Burke and Hare' on it.
One phone call later and sat on my kitchen table, covered in breadcrumbs and smelling faintly of coriander, is the kids tea.
If they ask it's a pork joint.

Sunday, 30 October 2016

Presidentail Race Tightening

Pollsters have had a bad time of it over recent years, they got the last election wildly wrong and they got the number of boneheaded Brexiters clogging up things massively wrong so not sure how much better the American pollsters are but some polls have the two presidential candidates neck and neck while others show Clinton is set to romp home.
With Hillary Clinton's email server once again under investigation from the FBI, headlines have suggested that Donald Trump is 'surging' in the polls and that the two are now 'neck-and-neck' in the race to become President.
The race is sure to tightening now Hillary and the FBI probe news has broken while the Trump makes hay while the spotlight shines on the already dodgy Clinton (the less dodgy one can you believe) but Trump's sexual assault on an array of women (14 and counting) is sure to have some effect on his votes.
Recent polls have also shown Clinton with an edge in a number of key swing states which is where the title will be won and lost but the race is tightening, but Hillary Clinton is still ahead at least for now but there is sure to be yet another twist before November 8, mainly because there are two such fallible characters in the running.

Friday, 21 October 2016

Where You Want Us Boris?

The US-led coalition has struck mourners in the Iraqi city of Daquq killing dozens of civilians, including women and children.
Local media say that the mourning procession was mistaken for terrorists by the coalition aviation with local officials and medics saying that 15 civilians were killed and 50 more injured.
As civilians and civilian infrastructure such as hospitals and police stations as well as numerous wedding parties and funerals are being hit by the coalition warplanes, i am sure that Boris Johnson which soon tell us which foreign ministry to protest outside.

Wednesday, 19 October 2016

Disappointing But Still Successful

You only have to read a newspaper or watch the evening bulletin to recognise just how awful, violent and downright idiotic us humans can be but amidst the madness we are also capable of outstanding technical brilliance such as landing a machine on another planet as we did today with the Schiaparelli probe ending its 130 million mile trip by touching down on a strip of Martian soil.
As for the fate of the two part mission, everything went well for the Trace Gas Orbiter (TGO) which is now in orbit around the Red Planet and searching for signs of life but as for the Schiaparelli down on the Martian surface, things don’t look quite so good.
The 'everything is fine' signal never arrived and after a patient wait the European Space Agency have moved from looking for the signal to trying to work out what could have gone wrong. 
Although disappointing for the landing to fail at the last moment, the signal was lost with two meters of the probes fall left, the most important thing is that we learn from it and use what we glean from this mission to improve future missions, namely the rover being sent to Mars in 2020.
The TGO will be searching for signs of life, current or extinct, so we still have an exciting mission on the go so today was another amazing success for humankind with more invaluable data added to the growing learning blocks that go towards the most important human objective of exploring the big black space that our planet inhabits.
Just shows what we can do when we act together and stop maiming and killing each other.

Sunday, 16 October 2016

Mars Calling

Not put off by the last attempt sitting uselessly on the Martian surface, the European Space Agency are having another go at landing an object on the Red Planet with the Schiaparelli probe on target on course to touch down this Wednesday.
The probe separated successfully from its mother ship but due to the communication delay with it being 150 million miles away, the modules six minute fall to the surface once it hits the Martian atmosphere at 13,000 mph is automated and nothing nobody here can do if the parachutes and rockets being used to control its descent fail. 
The previous attempt, Beagle-2, landed successfully in 2003 but then failed to deploy its solar panels properly, blocking any contact with home and becoming an expensive toy for any passing little green men.
Schiaparelli only has a life span as long as it batteries work, expected to be a couple of days,
If all is well and the probe survives the landing process, the Esa are expecting Schiaparelli to send a signal at 16:00 BST.
If it is not working this time, i'm sure we will keep clogging up the Martian surface with lumps of  useless metal until we get it right.

I Name This Ship...Erm, You Sure?

While nobody was looking the USA has got itself involved in the Yemeni War and rebels have been firing rockets at its destroyers hanging about menacingly in the Red Sea.
According to the American web site i was reading, none of the surface to air missiles found their targets but in the past week, three ships have been targeted, USS Mason, USS Nitze and USS Ponce. USS Ponce?
The rest of the article went on about the USA destroying radar sites and general tub thumping patriotic stuff but how any English person could carry on undistracted is beyond me, i couldn't.
The United States Navy does have an impressive array of ships at its disposal. Some are named after former Presidents such as USS Eisenhower, USS George Washington and USS Harry Truman.
With the dictionary definition of a ponce being either an effeminate man or a man who lives off a prostitute's earnings, who is USS Ponce named after?
Lyndon Johnson was a bit of as pervert according to some, as was Warren Harding who had a White House cupboard especially set aside for the visits of mistresses.
Bill Clinton must be up for consideration, what he got up to in the White House with the interns kept the dress and upholstery stain removal industry going for years but it was Andrew Jackson, the seventh President of the United States from 1829 to 1837, who would invite prostitutes to the White House’s Christmas balls.
So if USS Ponce is named after Andrew Jackson, which Prime Minister is the UK ship HMS Cockchafer named after?

Trump: The Gift That Just Keeps Giving

If ever there was a gift to journalists that just keeps on giving then it is Donald Trump, a man who is so arrogant that he doesn't know when to stop digging.
His four bankruptcies hang a question mark over his boasts of his business acumen and his three divorces show his failings as a husband while his racist, xenophobic right wing views put him in league with some very shady characters and now as he has come out as a self confessed sex fiend and throw in the remarkably stupid hair, the man really hasn't got much going for him.
Now eight women so far have come forward claiming that the Republican nomination made unwanted sexual advances towards them ranging from rape, to groping and kissing and the small penis handed one has come out and said they are all liars and 'who is going to believe them?'
The obvious answer is everyone will because it is exactly what you boasted about doing a week ago when you made your 'pussy grabbing' comment.
It is almost guaranteed that more will come forward before the polling stations open in November so unless a video appears of Hillary Clinton microwaving kittens, it is a safe bet the next president will be addressed as Mrs but even she is a basket of flaws, lying through her back teeth at every opportunity being the chief one.
Nobody is coming out of this bruising campaign unscathed but Trump, it is assumed, will see his star plummet further because this dirt will rightly stick and bankruptcy number five could well be looming on the horizon as potential business partners put down the barge poles as who in their right mind will want to be allied to such an infamous sex pest?
If nothing else, journalists will be thanking the heavens that they have been provided with an abundance of stories for the next six weeks at least.  

Saturday, 15 October 2016

Deplorable Ched Evans Decision

Whether a woman has been raped should be a straight forward, black and white issue but the Ched Evans case could have set a dangerous precedent.
What it comes down to is did the woman give her consent to have sex. If she never then it is rape, it really should be that easy to define.
With regards to Ched Evans, the court heard independent witnesses who testified the girl involved was very drunk, had glazed eyes and was incoherent and stumbling on the night she encountered Evans.
If she was not in any fit state to give consent, and she says she never, then Ched had sex with her without he giving him permission to.
What seems to have swung it was that the woman involved was sexually promiscuous, having been with two men in the previous weeks, and due to her previous sexual behaviour she wasn't raped.
To take into account a woman's previous sexual behaviour is an abhorrent thing to base such a massive decision of whether  she was raped on.
The fear is now that the events in the case will mean more women are subjected to the kind of humiliating and intrusive dissection of their sexual behaviour which could prevent the jailing of rapists.
Did the woman give her consent for Ched Evans to have sex with her should be the only question anyone needs to ask. She never, so Ched raped her, it is that simple.

Wednesday, 12 October 2016

The Mad, Impossible, Cunning English

The English are 'mad' and 'impossible', according to a short book from 1944 aimed at introducing WW2 US servicemen to our country foibles.
The 1944 guide titled ‘The English and their Country’ is being reprinted by the Imperial War Museum and was aimed at introducing the Americans to some of the quirks of the English, including our eating, the North-South divide and our infamous standoffishness and stiff upper lip.
The Americans writers of the pamphlet explained that the English are: 'a mystery which has confounded other nations since time immemorial' and 'the English have been called mad, hypocritical, impossible, ridiculous, cunning, simple and many other terms that, taken together, cancel each other out'.
The book also warns that us English folk like to mind our own business and take a long time to warm to people and will not volunteer any information about themselves.
All hard to dismiss, they had us down to a tee especially the remarks about our food, stating that: 'the English love of bacon and eggs for breakfast' and our tendency to fall asleep after a big Sunday lunch.
What they didn't mention was our enjoyment, 70 years later, of reminding the American servicemen that WW2 actually began in 1939.

Tuesday, 11 October 2016

It's The Economy Stupid

I have never really understood economics, that was one of the lessons at school where Benson & Hedges was more attractive to a teenager than Boom & Bust which is probably why the adventures of the pound over the last week has been a bit of a mystery to me.
While one person is holding his head in their hands and telling tales of woe as the pound slides, another is whooping and calling for rainbows for all as the FTSE hits a record high.
Not sure then if a weakening of sterling which is pushing the FTSE 100 to a record high is good or not and we are not getting any help from the economists on the television who seem divided on it themselves.
From what i can work out petrol prices will go up, as will shop items due to the increase in the price of importing goods and obviously a weak pound means less from the bureau de change for anyone off skiing this winter.
So if drivers, holidaymakers and shoppers are on the wrong side of the falling pound, who is on the right side?
Investors in stocks and shares are liking it as are exporters as British-made goods become cheaper abroad so it appears that as i am a driver who shops and is due to spend a week waking up in the Bavarian Alps at the end of November, i'm with the wailing head holders.

Sunday, 9 October 2016

Grabbing Him By His Little Hands

Robert De Nero has said that he would like to punch Donald Trump in the face and we can't stand by and watch such violence, so let's look the other way for a few minutes and let Mr De Nero launch the full Travis Bickle on the orange haired simpleton.
It's as though the Trumpster decided to join in the Presidential race as a means to push his business but somehow found himself the last man standing and is trying everything he can do to now make sure he doesn't actually win the thing.   
So we can now add sex-pest to the list of awful traits the Hitler reading Presidential hopeful suffers (as well as his smaller than average 'hands') after Donald Trump’s taped remarks about groping women and using his fame for sex and 'grabbing them by the pussy'.
I'm sure that his overworked public relation people are planning to take the 'very sorry and i wish I hadn’t said it and I’m not like that any more' line and try to tie it all in with Bill Clinton's sexual liaisons which he swore he never had before that blue dress made an appearance.
I guess at least it has taken the spotlight off Donald's non-payment of tax over the past two decades but if the Clinton team can't put away the fat pervert with all the ammunition the awful sex-fiend has handed to them over the past few weeks then they really should hand back any fees that have paid for their services.  
And to think all we had at the last UK election all David Cameron's opponents had to go on was him having sex with a pig, this is the pig trying to get his end away.
The problem is of course that as Trumpton implodes and makes himself look even more of an idiot than ever, the person who benefits and will then become President is Hillary Clinton, and she shouldn't be left in charge of a pencil case let alone a country.    
America, as they say over there, is screwed.

Monday, 3 October 2016

Clinton Just As Mad As Trump

There are some who think that the only nutter in the race for the White House is the racist, fear mongering misogynist in the Republican corner but that would be unfair to Hillary Clinton who is just as window shakingly awful as the orange haired loon.
Pick a war this side of the millennium and she has been there cheerleading for it while deleting emails on her private server and handing out so many whoppers that Burger King are considering legal action.  
Now it has been revealed that Hillary Clinton wanted to deal with the leak of diplomatic cables but droning the Wikileaks founder Julian Assange.
According to state informants, Clinton and the state department were under pressure to silence Assange and Wikileaks in the months before the whistle-blowing site released a massive dump of 250,000 diplomatic cables from 1966 up to 2010.
Clinton's first reaction at the meeting on how to deal with the fallout was to ask 'Can’t we just drone this guy'?
The people in the room with Clinton on November 23, 2010 laughed at her comment, until it became clear that the then-secretary of state was serious.
Clinton’s drone suggestion was politely turned down in favour of offering a reward to anyone whose help secured the Australian journalist’s capture and extradition to the US.
Sources familiar with the meeting claim Clinton had a penchant for discussing droning enemies and she had 'many discussions about nominating droning individuals'.
With two such deeply flawed individuals about to embark on tenure in charge of America, makes you wonder what will be left of the USA by the time either has finished with it.

What Makes Trump A Great Businessman?

There is a sign taped to lamposts around my way for a £10 reward for anyone who finds a missing ginger cat. I think i may have found it although it seems to found employment as Donald Trump's hair so i don't think i will be receiving my tenner reward anytime soon.
Trump is such a laughing stock that there isn't much he can do or anyone left to insult to attract headlines but the latest revelation must have him holding his head in his tiny little hands and blubbing because it has arisen that he's spent the past 18 years dodging the taxes that most Americans are forced to pay.   
I have always wondered how a four times bankrupt who inherited his fortune can paint himself as a great businessman, that's like Bill Clinton taking the husband of the year award, but apparently that's Trumps angle and he is sticking with it.
Now he has to explain how deliberately dodging contributions to the coffers of the country he is  promising to make great again and he has started the repair job by explaining that it proves he knows the complex US tax laws better than anyone, so he is better placed than Clinton to fix them.
I'm not sure if that means he will fix them so he pays back 18 years worth of tax or just fix them so nobody else can do what he has been doing but i'm sure he will clear that up soon.
After alienating women, (fat pigs, dogs, slobs, disgusting animals), hispanics (criminals and rapists),
muslims (should be banned), blacks (if black lives matter, go back to Africa) war veterans (not a hero if you were captured) and now payers of tax, you do wonder just who is there left to cheer for him?

Saturday, 1 October 2016

Goodbye EU, Hello EU

Some people say that the British are arrogant but we don't see it that way, we just like to tell people what and how to do things as is splendidly on show with the Brexit negotiations with Theresa May and her merry gang of men and women telling the EU what we will and won't accept when we finally make that step away.
Problem is the EU are sticking to their guns and saying if you want access to our market, you have to pay and accept uncontrolled immigration which kind of sticks in the craw of the Brexiters who sold the nation the idea that if we leave the EU we won't have to accept uncontrolled immigration and we won't have to pay for it.   
They hold all the cards because the EU is the largest single market on the planet with over 500 million consumers and at present the UK exports about 44% of goods and services to other countries in the EU worth around £220 billion out of £510 billion total exports.
So when we say we will continue to send you our stuff but we don't want any of that immigration or paying for access lark, the EU just shrug and the potential for the UK economy tanking takes another leap forward.   
What is happening is the remaining 27 countries are looking what the UK sells and ready themselves to step into the market void that we leave while we scratch around looking for a pot to go wee wee in.
While the hitting of the fan is over two years away we can square our shoulders and tell Johny Foreigner what we want but as 2019 deadline draws nearer, and if the EU are standing by their red lines which they must to stop other countries following the UK out of Europe, the arrogance of our leaders may well turn into thoughts how to spin the fact that they will have to accept the EU terms and what they have actually achieved is taking us back into the exact same agreement that we left while removing us for the decision making meetings.