Special Guest Blogger: Thomas Jefferson

The bulk of the Declaration of Independence was written by me but the part about the second amendment, the right to bear arms, was written by James Madison and although i was initially against it, i was persuaded that no harm would come of it so left it in, nice one James, you dolt.
As well as being the third President of the United States, i was also a diplomat, lawyer, architect, philosopher and Founding Father and urged the American colonists to break from the Kingdom of Great Britain and form a new nation and set about producing formative documents showing what an America independent of Britain could do such as take back control of our laws, borders, money and not have to drink their pissy weak tea anymore. 
I also organised the Louisiana Purchase which almost doubled the country's territory, striking a bargain with the French that in return for a fifteen million dollar cheque, the United States would acquire a total of 828,000 sq mi (2,140,000 km2 or 530,000,000 acres) of prime arable land.
That France only controlled a small fraction of this area, with most of it settled by Native Americans, wasn't really a problem as we just grabbed our muskets and forcibly removed them somewhere else.
One of my famous quotes was that 'all men are created equal' all men apart from the slaves that worked on my plantation obviously although i did see slave women as equals, especially one little cutey in particular, Sally Hemings, with who i fathered at least one child so what a happy coincidence that i also hastily wrote the fifth amendment into the Constitution so nobody knew, God Bless America.