Special Guest Blogger: Matthew Perry

My dad was the face of Old Spice in America during the 1980's which meant i saw him all the time in my childhood which is ironic because him and my mum was split up and i was living in Canada with her at the time.
She worked for Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau and i knew his son Justin at school, actually i beat him up one time but i knew i was destined for great things so at just 15 moved to Los Angeles and got some bit parts in TV shows but one time i was helping a friend get ready for an audition for a sitcom called Six of One.
Without really trying, and because i knew the script because i had been helping my friend read it,  i gave it a go as i was there impressed them and they offered me the role of the show which they were now calling Friends but my path to the sunlit TV uplands went directly to shit creek.
One of the perks of being in a hit show is dating other celebrities. Friends was a huge hit and some major stars wanted to be guests on the show to increase their fame.
One such star was Julia Roberts and we began a whirlwind romance but i was so insecure because she was so famous, i broke it off and got with Yasmine Bleeth from Baywatch.
Just as Friends was at its frenzied peak of popularity, I had a jet-skiing accident and along with the accident came some ongoing pain and my doctor prescribed me with Vicodin for this, and no idea he was creating a monster.
You see, with this one prescription, I made a dark discovery that the pills made me feel better than i’d ever felt in his life.
It didn’t take long for me to become addicted and went into rehab for addiction to Vicodin and after 28 days i came out free of a Vicodin addiction but I soon found something else, OxyContin and alcohol, which led me straight back to rehab.
The big wigs at Warner Bros had concerns, not for my health or anything but because i was gaining weight which wasn't a good look on their golden goose of a TV show so it was back to rehab and a promise to clean up but my colon didn't agree and exploded and i was in a coma for two weeks.
With my body rebelling, i went back to the Vicodin but the doctors refused to give them to me so i found a replacement in Ketamine and predictably I soon wasn't so much at deaths door as standing in the hallway and commenting on the coat hooks and i was found dead after falling unconscious in my bathtub and drowning.