Rules For Modern Men

GQ Magazine (the GQ stands for Gentlemens Quarterly) have gone all Men, What Are You Like? and have compiled a list of 125 Rules for Modern Men.
Now 125 is a lot but as they say:  'Knowing how to be a gentleman used to be straightforward but that’s not exactly the case anymore' and have produced a tick list 'to craft the ultimate guide to being a well-mannered gentleman in 2025' but i will be buggered if i am going to wade through all of them so i will pick out the most pertinent which annoy me such as:  

Rule 1. Take out your earphones when you’re talking to someone. Especially if you are listening to something naff like Susan Boyle, in that case actually take them out before even hitting Play.

Rule 5. Always sneeze as if you’re at a library or a funeral. Damn right, nothing worse than sneezing in such an exaggerated way that people 3 counties over hear it.

Rule 12. Greet people you know with a single kiss on the left cheek. Nope, if i don't know you and you come in for a kiss i'm going to knee you very hard in the knackers.

Rule 28. Clean your sheets every week.  You don't anyway?

Rule 52. Stand up to greet people when they arrive. That is fine but go for the kiss thing and it's knee, knackers and then you speaking in Soprano for the next two hours.

Rule 87. In general: Talk less. Not much to say about this, except shut ya face sometimes.

Rule 88. Ask questions about the other person than talk about yourself. True, nobody cares and if you sound boastful you will be forever called Billy Big Bollicks.

Rule 96. Offer up your seat on public transportation. At best just don't man-spread and take up 3 seats with your akimbo legs.

Rule 116. Pick your socks up off the floor. And underpants, towels, plates, mugs. Actually, if you put it down pick the bloody thing up again.  

Rule 123. Don’t get into bed with dirty feet. You really need to be told this???

If i can add a few more:

Rule 126. Don't Hog The Remote Control. Dive bombing through all 150 channels in two minutes and settling for golf or snooker and then falling asleep within ten minutes...grrr.

Rule 127. If you pee on the bathroom floor, wipe it up. It's approximately a 2ft drop from midriff to toilet bowl!! How do you miss so damn much???

Rule 128. If you got a sniffle, don't keep mentioning it. Laying on the sofa moaning and acting as if you are about to write your last will and testament doesn't help, wuss.  

Rule 129. Offer to park the car. We haven't left in the middle of the road for exercise, it's because the parking space is too small.

Rule 130. If you start a sentence with 'I'm not sexist/racist/homophobic but...' then don't say it. I wont defend to the death your right to say anything, i will let you say it and then point out what an absolute dick you are.

Rule 131. Do not buy a kitchen utensil as a Christmas Present. That shiny new frying pan would look lovely against the decorations as it twists through the air to bounce off your head.