Tiger Woods has apologised for his indiscretions in preposterous scenes that couldn't have been more contrived for the cameras if it had featured him surrounded by sick children from the local hospital.
It pulled off the impressive trick of being both hilarious and toe-curlingly awful at the same time.
Hilarious because it was such an obviously desperate attempt by Woods public relations team to woo back the sponsors and get the Woods brand money making machine back in business and toe-curlingly awful because it ticked every box on the 'How do i get out of this mess' list.
With a delivery as wooden as the tree he drove into that night as his wife tried to wrap a 9 iron around his neck, he liberally sprinkled around apologises to all the right people (except the women he slept with i noticed), managed to sneak in a paragraph concerning his return to matters of religion, (to keep the bible holding clan happy) and managed to put the blame for sticking his penis into 14 women who were not his wife on an 'addiction'.
I imagine some people will buy into the Woods apology, especially the sponsors who will be hoping that this sort of confessional speech which seems to go down well in the States will wipe his slate clean and they can get back to paying him more for wearing a hat or a t-shirt than they pay the entire workforce in the countries that produce them.
The truth is that the only thing Woods is sorry about is that he got caught and it is almost a guarantee that if his wife had not found out about his affairs that night, he would still be at it now and he wouldn't be returning to Buddhism, seeking the forgiveness of his family or seeking help for his sex addiction, or cheating on your wife as it's called when someone non-famous does it.
I imagine Ashley Cole may be taking careful notes though while Cheryl is hopefully practising her golf club swing.
3 comments:
I thought the whole spectacle of Woods apologising was fairly unedifying and a bit ridiculuous really.
Personally, I didn't really require an apology from the bloke.
And, maybe I'm a bit unusual, but the people who have got my backs up during this whole affair (not that I've been following it closely... I've been trying to avoid it but it's been tricky!) are Tiger's fellow-golf players, some of whom have come out and spoken harsh words against him.
I mean, really, what in hell's name has it got to do with them?
It's all part of the obsession with high profile stars being bought down to earth with a crash. Admittedly, it is very much an English thing to build them up and then knock them down but i have to be honest and say i do enjoy that sometimes.
It's much more difficult to stand in front of cameras and make a fake apology than you realize.
I've had two occasions on which I've had to suffer the indignity of a televised appeal: in 1952 as candidate for Vice President, and again in 1973 during that whole Watergate nonsense.
I think Tiger did a good job. He managed to confront the issue without ever really admitting any wrong-doing - only fake regret and contrition.
I couldn't have done it better myself.
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