Friday, 31 August 2018

The Answer To Dwindling Tunes Available

As there are only seven basic notes, A,B,C,D,E,F and G and there are only a set number of ways to go from one to another, at some point there will come a day when all the music it's possible to write has been written.
With my limited grasp of maths i can't begin to work out how many tunes are possible but as we have had music for so many centuries, we must be reaching a point where the same tunes are being rehashed.
Reggae bands foresaw this problem a long time ago and just made all their songs the same tune and there are many bands that use the same 'sound' which is a polite way of saying doing the same song over and over but either speeding it up or slowing it down a bit.
I don't have a problem with bands reusing the same song if it is a decent 'sound' to start with, the Ramones deviated very little from the few tunes they had, Red Hot Chilli Peppers and Green Day don't do much different either and Status Quo made a career out of only having one tune but the basic tune they use over and over is a good one so writing one amazing tune and running with it is fine
especially if the amount of tunes left is running short.
Music could therefore take a tip from the World of movies who have hit upon a formula of once they have a successful film, they go on to make a second or third or in the case of the Halloween films, twelve.
If a band have a smash hit on their hands, why not rewrite the lyrics and put it out again a few years later?
Other bands have no problem remaking other peoples classic songs so why not The Eagles do a 'Hotel California II' or REM write 'Losing My Religion part 2' with the same tune but new lyrics?  
Just not you Billy Ray Cyrus, you stay retired, the World does not need another version of 'Achy Breaky Heart' thank you very much.

90 Days Of Summer: Last Day

I always seem to have a song follow me around during Summer and this year it was 'Wipeout' but not the cool 60s version but the one by the Fat Boys which was okay at first but it wouldn't be my first choice to be floating out from the TV, radio and even in Tesco.
Anyway, not sure what the Cosmos is trying to tell me by making me hear it so often unless it wants me to party and get a little rest by packing my things and heading out west which i did anyway by going to Exmoor in Devon, so been there, done that so you can shut up now Cosmos.
Summer in the UK, on the whole, has been hot which is great if you like it hot but i don't so i am more than happy that the days are getting shorter and it's the 90 Days of Autumn starting tomorrow (technically 91 days but let's not be pedantic).
My Summer highlight would be the World Cup where England somehow managed to make it through to the Quarter Final before playing anyone decent (and then getting immediately knocked out) but disappointingly, there was only one decent thunderstorm and that was back in June and i slept through most of it.
So as the blazing Summer of 2018 slips away it's a slow and steady march towards cardigans, big coats and gloves and trees shedding their leaves but most importantly we get into the -ber months and everyone knows that once you get a -ber at the end of the month it is a short stop off at Halloween, then Guy Fawkes Night and then we are into the throes of most wonderful time of the year...CHRISTMAS!!

Thursday, 30 August 2018

Size Isn't Important

I have a folder on my computer desktop simply called 'Music' and inside it there are 25GB of songs which i have bought, begged, borrowed and stolen over the years, a total of 5,500 tunes which until yesterday were all copied onto on my 32GB MP3 player but after a backside related incident involving my husband, now sits beside me crushed and with an arse shaped crack in it.
My first thought was to slap hubby with the bill for a replacement 32GB player but after the 10th 'sorry' cup of coffee, i began thinking do i really need 5,500 songs at my fingertips.
Truth is i spend just as much time track-skipping as i do listening to the songs and if i was able to still look at the play counter feature on the deceased player  there are plenty of songs which would have a big fat zero next to them.
The problem is i like the idea of my whole record collection being at my disposal ready to plug into my car radio and choosing between a bit of 90's Grunge or 70's DISCO depending on my mood but it does seem to get to the wheat, i have a lot of chaff to skip through.
I estimate that of the 5,500 songs, approximately 5,000 very rarely make it out of my car speakers apart from the first 2 seconds before it gets quickly shifted on.  
The solution then would be to just put the 500 most played songs on the MP3 player but i know that wouldn't happen, i would be tempted to put the whole lot on there again because you never know when you might need a bit of Electro Velvet singing their 2015 Eurovision Song on the way home from work.
I have decided then to get a smaller MP3, one that holds just the 500 songs max, those that won't be skipped and risk me plowing into the back of a Tesco lorry as i try desperately to skip on from Adam and the Ants.
The next job then is to find a whizzy 2GB MP3 player with every bell and whistle possible, point hubby and his debit card in the general direction of the shop and work out which 500 songs make the cut.
So men it really isn't true that size is important, or rather it is very important with penises but not with MP3 players.

Tuesday, 28 August 2018

Calling Rock's Bad Boy's and Girl's

I always had the impression that if you invited someone like Lemmy or Amy Winehouse around your house for a coffee they would make off with the silverware, the TV and the cat as soon as your back was turned whereas if it was Ed Sheeran he would be perfectly pleasant and would discuss the cushion covers and wash his mug up when he has finished.  
Today's musicians wouldn't emulate the bands back in the day by trashing a hotel room, you can't help but feel they would be more likely run the hoover around it but i'm of an age when i remember when rock stars were making headlines for throwing TV's out of windows and drinking enough alcohol that their pancreases exploded. 
Musicians and their music today just seem so boringly pleasant and safe and nice in comparison, nobody is making angry music full of spiky social commentary and it isn't as if today's youth have nothing to kick back against.
Pop stars, or the better ones, are supposed to be rebellious, its a big reason why we like them and what they are here to do, live out the outrageous fantasies that we believe we would do if we were in their position like Keith Moon parking his car in the hotel swimming pool or Slash waking up one morning after a night of heavy drinking to find a lion in his room. 
Rock stars SHOULD act bad and still be able to hold it together to put out some great music before collapsing into a pool of their own vomit.
What Guns N' Roses and bands of that ilk gave us was wild, hard drinking and unpredictable musicians who would soak their cornflakes in Jack Daniels, knock seven bells out of each other while smoking 120 Benson & Hedges and still manage to knock out a guitar riff so sharp it threatened eyeballs when it came on the radio.
I want my rock stars drunk, unkempt and being photographed coming out of nightclubs at 4am, puking over the paparazzi and appearing in the morning newspapers waving two fingers and slurring rude things about Prince William.
What we have got is a chart full of thoroughly decent people when what we need is bad boys and girls ruffling feathers and inspiring a generation of musicians who rebel and smell strongly of alcohol and their own vomit.

Sunday, 26 August 2018

Why Chavez Is Not To Blame For Venezuelan Crisis

Much about Venezuela in the news recently and although President Maduro is rightly getting the blame, the previous President Hugo Chavez is also starting to get some of the fallout although the right wing have always been chomping at the bit to hit out at him mainly because he and his socialist policies were such an overwhelming success.
That may sound strange considering the mess Venezuela finds itself in today but a quick glance at what and why Chavez did what he did should show that only the willfully ignorant or ignorantly blind would make such a claim.
In 1998, the majority of Venezuelans lived below the poverty line and after Chavez won the Presidential election he made it a priority to lance this particularly unpleasant boil.
With a barrel of oil trading at $100, he nationalised the country's oil reserves and used the extra revenue to finance social and development programmes, begin literacy campaigns, build free medical centres and hospitals, constructed schools in the poorest neighbourhoods and subsidised supermarkets to reduce the cost of food.
He trained tens of thousands of more doctors, initiated millions of free school meals and started free adult literacy classes.
As promised when he took office, he halved poverty and set about solving the problems of the most vulnerable in Society, namely the poor and sick with malnutrition related deaths falling by 50% during the Chavez Presidency.
When he died in 2013, he had brought hope to millions of those who, without him, would have had nothing but more of the grinding poverty and despair of the previous Governments.
That's Chavez but what he had was oil being sold at $100 a barrel, what Maduro has inherited is oil being sold at $40 a barrel and that's where the problem lays today.
While Chavez used the oil boom dollars to run the country and import the essentials, in 2014 the oil prices crashed and Venezuela’s economy crashed with it creating huge shortages of basic items which they imported, including food and medicine, which has pushed up inflation to eye watering levels.
Where Maduro can be blamed is for his reaction to the demonstrations, cracking down with authoritarian tactics and imprisoning his political rivals while postponing elections.
Chavez took over a basket case of a country and for 14 years used the oil money which was otherwise going into oil contractors bank accounts to fundamentally improve things for his countrymen, Maduro had the misfortune to take over just as the economy tanked due to the drop in the price of oil.
That how he responded made things worse is what you can firmly hit him over the head with but to blame Hugo Chavez for making things better is a non-starter and awful right-wing journalism at its laziest.

Blaming The Witches

I have been under the impression all this time that Donald Trumps problems was all down to him being a slimy, pathetic man  who undertook extra marital affairs and specialised in dodgy deals and collusion with Russians to win the election but  turns out it's all down to Witches.
An Alabama pastor has urged his congregation to pray for the President to ward off witchcraft which is allegedly threatening his presidency.
Pastor John A. Kilpatrick has told his followers that witches are trying to remove Trump with black magic and Trump needs their prayers to fend off the onslaught.
It’s possible the pastor took the Trumps repeated criticism of the Robert Mueller probe as a 'witchhunt' to literally but i can't see how shouting a few hallelujahs his way could possibly hurt. Can't see it helping either but what the hell, fill yer boots religionists. 
If only the Pastor had spoken up before he sexually assaulted women and got jiggy with a porn star and a Playboy model then maybe he wouldn't be in such a mess now and he may have even prevented the witches forcing him into teaming up with Vladimir Putin and the Russians to win the election.  
I guess if they start praying they could deflect the spell that make Trump into a racist and even erase that infamous pee tape before it puts in an appearance.
Praying's got to be worth a go because nothing else seems to be working to make him less of a moronic simpleton.

Back To Work Ear Worms

It will soon be time to cover over the miniature golf course, put the cut-offs back in the wardrobe and get yourself a proper pair of shoes because as the Beach Boys lamented, won't be long til summer time is through.
As we watch another Summer slip into Autumn and the sun-tan fades along with our memories of lazy days with cocktails on the beach, our thoughts turn to colder, wetter days and going back to work and just as Summer has it's own songs, so does the return to the working week.
If the DJ has a wicked sense of humour, you could wake up to the Bangles singing 'It's just another manic Monday, i wish it was Sunday' or Fats Domino's 'Blue Monday' and his 'Gotta work like a slave all day' line.
On that rejoining the familiar faces on that first commute since you waved your colleagues goodbye for the summer, many will have The Smith's 'Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now' ringing in their head or even the Dolly Parton '9 to 5'.  
Walking through the door of your workplace, the Animals 'We Gotta Get Out of This Place' should ring true and as you look out the window the line from Grey Day by Madness 'The sky outside is wet and grey, So begins another weary day' couldn't be more true.
The calendar will show it's the long slog through to the next decent break at Christmas now but keep in mind a tip from the Martha and The Muffins song Echo Beach where her job as an office clerk is very boring 'The only thing that helps pass the time away is knowing I'll be back at Echo Beach some day' so daydream your day away and before you know it we would have coughed and sneezed our way back around to Summer and it's all 'Summer Nights' and 'Lazing On A Sunny Afternoon' once again.

Saturday, 25 August 2018

Internet Exposing The Truth About Dead Musicians

There are many conspiracy theories around dead musicians so it can be confusing to remember who is dead and who isn't so while Elvis, Tupac, Michael Jackson, Prince and Kurt Cobain are still alive and living in hiding somewhere, poor old Avril Lavigne and Paul McCartney are toast and were replaced by look-a-likes but someone almost certainly alive, according to some on the internet, is the Doors front man Jim Morrison.
The official story is that Jim Morrison died of heart failure, widely attributed to a drug overdose, while sitting in the bathtub in a Paris hotel but some say they saw him saying goodbye to his girlfriend at an airport in Paris days later and he faked his own death to avoid the 20 plus paternity suits he had pending and the prison time he faced for indecent exposure during a concert.
Paul McCartney apparently died in 1966 and was replaced by a look-alike and sound-alike with the evidence being McCartney is the only barefooted Beatle and is out of step with the others on the cover of the Abbey Road Album.
The same theory has been recycled against Avril Lavinge who died in the early 2000s and was replaced by a body double who wasn't quite double enough for some fans who point to slight changes in her nose and birthmarks and the replacement is several inches shorter.
While some on the net will tell you that Prince faked his death to escape his celebrity, others will give you a choice regarding Michael Jackson who either faked his death and now lives in Mexico, died in 2007 and was replaced by a look-a-like or he was murdered by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to distract the public from protests in Iran.
Other conspiracy theories round musicians are that The Weeknd is in league with the Devil as some of his music videos have satanistic rituals in them, Beyonce is also pals with Old Nick who killed Joan Rivers as a birthday present for her after the comedienne made some nasty remarks about her and her family. Need proof? Rivers died on the superstar’s birthday and Rivers was born in 1933 and was 81 at the time of her death. Beyonce was born in 1981 and turned 33 on the day that Rivers died... hmmm.
In case you wondered, it isn't Britney Spears singing on Britney Spears records and Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles from 1 Direction are gay and in a relationship and Tomlinson's new baby is either a doll or just a story fabricated to throw people off the trail of the relationship between the two.
Pharrell Williams young looks is down to him being a vampire who drinks human blood and Madonna is Lady Gaga's mother while the song 'Let It Go' from the animated movie Frozen is a thinly veiled attempt by Disney and the LGBT community to indoctrinate young children into becoming gay or lesbian due to the lyrics which include the word 'queen', 'let it go' and 'couldn’t keep it in'.
Okay, now you can engage your brain again and carry on, nothing to see here, especially not musicians who we thought had died popping to the shops wearing a wig and a false mustache and nervously looking around for paparazzi.

Friday, 24 August 2018

Today's Australian Prime Minister Is...

There are many things that we could learn from the Australians, how to throw a bent stick for starters and how to whinge about anything and everything for hours on end to name but two but something the Aussies seem to have a better handle on then us Brits  is how to nudge your Prime Minster aside.
British leaders seem to hang about like an Aussie at a free bar but the Australian leaders seem to be given just enough time to get a name plaque made up and then they are out the door as Malcolm Turnbull has become the fourth PM in a decade to be ousted.   
For some reason Australia has three year terms which i think is a good thing, if the Prime Minister turns out to be a disaster (looking at you Theresa May), then you can turf them out quicker.
Scott Morrison, an avowed Christian who voted against marriage equality in last year’s referendum, has now become the 30th Prime Minister of Australia which isn't bad when you consider they was only on their 25th six years ago. 
Our politicians can take a few lessons on how Australians treat their leaders although looking at the list of Conservatives who would be poised to take over from her, maybe leaving May where she is until she loses the next General Election is quite a smart move because Boris Johnson making decisions is a scary prospect.

The Band's Called What?

I always thought that Rainbow always sounded like a bloody silly name for a hard rock band but you can't always tell what you are going to get with some band names.
The Band 'The Doors' doesn't immediately spring to mind psychedelic rock and the dalliances of Jim Morrison and Echo and the Bunnymen isn't the most inspiring name. 
Butthole Surfers is always good for a smile but by far the worst band name that i can think of is Prefab Sprout unless when the brainstorming session when they came up with the band's name was aiming for an image of pre-made vegetables. 
Smashing Pumpkins and Blind Melon are particularly silly band names but maybe that is the point, to make them so ludicrous that they become memorable although if the rumours are to be believed, it probably isn't wise to delve too deeply into how 10cc and Lovin' Spoonful came by their names.