Fun On Halloween Night

Although those in power won't admit it, invoking demons is a relatively simple exercise and although virgins blood and pentagons makes for good stories, all you actually need is a mirror, an incantation and a couple of hand gestures.
Halloween night, when the veil is thinnest, is perfect so this year rather than go for one of the big names why not try for one of the lesser known demons, Forneus for example. 
The Dictionnaire Infernal written in 1818 by French demonologist Jacques Auguste Simon Collin de Plancy describes Forneus as a Great Marquis of Hell with twenty-nine legions of demons under his rule who will grant great friendship, loved by friends and foes alike as well as reveal all things, past, present and future and will be free to walk amongst men on the Earth once he has reaped
100,000 souls.
To summon a demon you just need to look into a mirror once it is dark but before midnight and say 'I invoke you, ye glorious regal and majestic holy one in mighty splendour!' followed by the name of the demon you wish to summon so for Forneus, you say 'I invoke you, ye glorious regal and majestic holy one in mighty splendour! Forneus!' and then hold up left your hand to face the mirror and clench it three times.
Forneus, who whoever you summon, will appear before you in the mirror and ask you what you desire.
While some demons are evil, others are kind and benevolent such as Forneus, so feel free to look away or even leave the room for a while, he won't seize upon your absence with malicious glee, clawing his way out of the mirror, tasting sweet release from the confines of the mirror, hungering for your terror and suffering and stealing away your soul and dragging it back with him into Hell or anything like that.
In this age of waning superstition, not enough people are getting interested summoning demons, and the knowledge of them is in danger of being lost and people like Forneus need your help to reach their goal of 100,000 'helped' souls.
Maybe people like Forneus have decided they need to get the word out a bit more, do a bit of networking, attract some new people, handsomely pay a blogger to post a quick dictated tutorial and post it on the Internet and see how many bites he gets.
If you are reading this and have got down this far then your interest has been obviously piqued and i'm sure there are plenty of intrepid adventurers among you with burning questions about the present or future you'd like answered.
Internet users are a smart bunch, you know the pitfalls and wouldn't fall into any of the obvious traps, right? You'd know if an evil being was pretending to be helpful and benevolent in order to steal your soul.
You're not just any old person, you got smarts and remember you need no protection whatsoever, certainly no candles or salt circles or bibles, just you and... Oh, excuse me just a moment Lucy, I think I hear someone calling me...soul 998,812 'helped' coming up.

Sweet Child O Mine - Guns N Roses

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 1 and therefore the best song ever recorded, we have Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N Roses (1988).

The outstanding Sweet Child O'Mine' ticks every box and is the perfect song, beginning with Slash, has a magnificent Slash solo in the middle and ends with the maestro with Axl Rose going on about his baby's blue eyes and pretty smile and throwing in a few 'woah oh, oh, oh's' before ending with even more Slash which goes to show that great love songs do not have to be mushy ballads and can contain arse kicking guitar solos. By Slash preferably.
The song ends as a different one to which it started although the rumour is that they didn't know how to end the song so they just chanted 'where do we go now' over and over again.
That the debut Guns N Roses album it came from, 'Appetite for Destruction' also contained 'Welcome to the Jungle' and 'Paradise City' and they left off for future albums 'November Rain" and 'Don't Cry' because they had already agreed to put "Sweet Child 'O Mine" on it as the ballad on the album meant that they were always going to be massive as long as they didn't implode in a drugs and drink frenzy first.
Something which did go bang was bass player Duff McKagan's pancreas which exploded due to too much alcohol and and it doesn't get much more rock and roll than your bodies internal organs rebelling and trying to blow themselves up but that was Guns N Roses, they were always drunk, mostly high but always brilliant and if nothing else they left us with the best song ever made since that first person pulled a vine tightly across a plank of wood and plucked it.

Astaroth's Game

Prayeth, f'r devils has't nay reason,
Astaroth waits to beshrew thy ways,
Has't thee wond'r'd if lucif'r laughing at which hour the daemon plays?
Johann Weyer (1577) - 'Astaroth's Game'

In his 1577 book, Pseudomonarchia Daemonum, Dutch demonologist Johann Weyer describes something called 'Astaroth's Game' where he sets out a way for mortals to speak with a Grand Duke of Hell, Astaroth.
You may wonder why would anyone with a working brain cell would want to do that but the desperate may consider it worthwhile because he knows things and as one of the more higher on the demon scale, he's got a supernatural advantage over the kind of knowledge any human would be able to obtain.
As one of the Princes of Darkness, he doesn't just go around just giving out information but his does have a penchant for games which is why there's a certain game he will partake in to try to win the information you need as Weyer explains .
In order to contact him, between 10pm and 2am, you'll need a mirror for Astaroth to appear in when you summon him but there are some precaution you must take first, demons are notoriously untrustworthy.

Weyer says: 'Surroundeth the mirr'r with an unbroken circle of salt 'r chalk 'r if 't be true the mirr'r is hanging on a mure (wall) 'r doth'r, did lie down a semicircle 'round 't instead, making sure yond the salt touches the mure (wall) at both ends. 
Setteth up a candle outside of thy circle ('r semicircle) and did shut all doth'rs (doors) to the cubiculo (room) and turneth off all of the lights, so yond the space is did light only by the candles.  Visage the mirr'r and stareth deeply into 't, sayeth aloud 3 times 'Astaroth - giveth me thy secret' and closeth thy eyes and counteth to ten.  Then ope those folk'.

If all has gone correctly, you will see your own reflection but you are actually looking Astaroth who will be looking back at you through the mirror with his own eyes which will be completely black.
He will then initiate the conversation by asking you what it is you desire from him which you reply 'I wisheth to dare thee in a game of question-and-response' which he will accept.
The general rules to the game are very simple, he'll begin by asking you a question (he always initiates the game) which could be anything from a piece of obscure trivia to the extremely personal but he won't even tell you whether you got the answer right or wrong and that's where the gamble comes in.

As Weyer explains: 'That Astaroth shall at this moment giveth thee a questioneth yond thee has't some knowledge of, yond thee bethink haply thee knoweth the answ'r to but aren't very much confident. f'rcing thee to obsess ov'r wheth'r 'r not thee can trusteth the inf'rmation yond that gent then gaveth thee and beest torment'd by feareth as thee realizeth yond thy fate rests entirely upon wheth'r 'r not thee w're able to c'rrectly answ'r that gent'.

After you've answered his question, you get to ask him one in return and here's where the consequences of your previous response come in. If you answered his last question correctly, he will respond to your question as honestly and accurately as he is able. However, if you answered it incorrectly, he is free to lie to you as he sees fit and he'll feed you the most insidious, damaging lie he can come up with.

Finally, when you've gotten the information you wanted or you end the ritual by saying 'thank ye for accepting thy requesteth', and then you will be looking at your own reflection again. Only when you are absolutely certain that you're looking into your own two eyes again may you turn away from the mirror, flick the lights back on, and begin dismantling your protections.

One final word of warning from Weyer, 'proce'd with caution this game f'r the timeth with Astaroth is sh'rt but the consequences couldst lasteth thee a lifetime'.


Please Note: The blog owner has provided this post for information only and as such bears no responsibility for any consequences that may come from making use of this information. 

Hotel California - The Eagles

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 2 we have Hotel California by The Eagles (1976).

Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull once said, with his tongue firmly embedded in his cheek, that he liked the tune to Hotel California and he wished that he had written it in the knowledge that anyone who has heard his 'We Used To Know', knew that he actually did.
Music plagiarism aside, the lyrics of the song have always been subject of debate with interpretations of the song ranging from drug use to Devil worship.
The band have explained that the song is about the trappings of fame and fortune which is much more boring but i ignore that and in my mind it's about a hotel out in the desert where you can check out but never leave.
What started out as a reggae tune (the working title was Mexican Reggae), it evolved into one of the best six and a half minutes of music with great lyrics which paint a picture in your mind while the guitar riff runs throughout the song before it breaks out into that amazing two minute extended dual guitar solo at the end of the song between Don Felder and Joe Walsh which annoyingly usually gets cut off on the radio and misses out the last minute when the guitars combine and the double drumbeat kicks in.
There was once an advert running for the Eagles Greatest Hits album and was advertised as being by 'the greatest band to come out of America' which is a bold statement considering that America is responsible for almost every decent band that has graced the world stage in my lifetime but they certainly performed the greatest song about a Hotel.

I Don't Want To Grow Up - Ramones

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 3 we have I Don't Want To Grow Up by the Ramones (1985).

As there are only seven basic notes there are only a set number of ways to go from one to another, at some point there will come a day when all the music it's possible to write has been written but the Ramones foresaw this problem and just made all their songs the same tune.
All their songs had a similar pace, length and sound to them but they took Tom Waits turgid 'I Don't Want To Grow Up' and gave it the Ramones treatment and created a thumpingly brilliant version, one of those rare moments where the copy not only surpasses the original but becomes the definitive version of that song.
If ever there was a song which had a theme that i could support it is not growing up and listing the reasons why not before ending on the stinging line 'How the hell did it get here so soon' which is my lament every birthday.
If you don't find yourself nudging up the volume button before sliding across the kitchen on your knees while playing air guitar when this comes on the radio then you are a grown up already and it's too late for you.
I do sometimes briefly wonder why i have not followed other friends of the same age who had fallen into liking more mellow, grown up music but that only lasts few seconds as i pick up the guitar, whack the gain up on the amp and blast out 'When I'm lyin' in my bed at night, I don't wanna grow up' until someone comes banging on the bedroom door telling me to turn that bloody racket down and it's like being a teenager again, only with less pimples and shiny shoes.

Rock And Roll - Led Zeppelin

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 4 we have Rock And Roll by Led Zeppelin (1971).

As with most Led Zeppelin songs, this one lifts the tune from another song, Little Richards 'Keep A Knockin' but they do make a decent fist of it so let's be charitable and say that this song was inspired by the other song.
Jimmy Page straight faced that they wrote the song to answer the critics that they were going soft so wrote something ass kicking, an animal, powerful thing which they did because this song is all those things.
The frantic drumming, the brilliant riffs and the very up tempo pace makes for a great tune and far superior to the Little Richard song which Bonham was playing on the drums before Page began jamming along and the tried and trusted Zeppelin moment of realisation that nobody would notice and recorded it with Plants lyrics.    
You do have to hand it to the Zeppelin guys, they may have a reckless disregard for other people copyright but they do make a brilliant job of it.

Who Would Have Thought Fracking Causes Earthquakes

Regardless of the evidence that amongst other drawbacks, Fracking causes earthquakes, the Government in their wisdom has after a pause in 2011 following a 1.7 quake for seismic research allowed fracking to continue in Lancashire once again and 11 days later the fracking has been paused once again after a 0.4 tremor was followed by one of 0.8.
Cuadrilla has said that it was only 'tiny movements' and local residents have nothing to fear and nobody is in danger which subtly overlooks that what they are doing is causing earthquakes regardless of the size.
The British Geological Survey (BGS) said that 'any process that injects pressurised water into rocks at depth will cause the rock to fracture can result in earthquake activity' and that's even before we get to cases of where the local water tables are poisoned and in cases in the USA where fracking is much more widespread, gas leaking into the drinking supply causing tap water to ignite.
The Government justified their decision to continue fracking by saying if successful, it would lead to tens of thousands of jobs, make a very significant contribution to the exchequer and reduce emissions'.
All very significant and worth remembering by Lancastrians when their tap water is set alight and their houses are shaken to bits.

Teenage Kicks - The Undertones

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 6 we have Teenage Kicks by The Undertones (1978).

With a riff so sharp you could grate cheese on it, us Brits should hang our collective heads in shame that one of the greatest records ever made, only crept to number 31 in the music charts.
The guitar shifting up and down just the three chords through the verses is so catchy it's almost so simple to be an insult to all other songs but that's what makes punk so brilliantly effective, you didn't need to have the fretboard skills of Slash or Jimi Hendrix to create a masterpiece.
Radio 1 DJ John Peel was such a fan of this song that he said he had the opening lyrics inscribed on his gravestone and although the song is one of the most enduring from the Punk era, John O'Neill, Undertones guitarist and writer of the song explained that he had three chords and tried to write a Buzzcocks style song with them and the rest is the best number 31 we have ever had in the British Charts.

British Businessman With Injunction Named In Parliament

And the British Business alleged to have bullied, racially and sexually abused his staff and then paid over half a million pounds to try and cover it up is....Philip Green.
Lord Peter Hain identified him in the Lords saying it was his duty to name him given the "serious and repeated" nature of the allegations.
Take a bow Mr Green because no longer will you be remembered just for the BHS stitch up where you paid yourself a dividend of £1.3bn, mainly financed by increasing BHS debts to £1bn which sucked the retailer under and left 11,000 workers out of a job and reduced the pensions of many ex-workers as now you will be remembered for this also, so well done. 
As the chairman of Arcadia Group, a retail empire that includes Topshop, Topman, Wallis, Evans, Miss Selfridge and Dorothy Perkins he faced a boycott of his stores before over sweatshop conditions, tax avoidance and paying under the minimum wage so now he has been named as an alleged repeated sex offender and racist, i don't think his spreadsheet will make good reading at the end of the financial year.
So couldn't happen to a nicer man and you can almost hear the Honours Forfeiture Committee grinding into action because Sir Philip Green will soon become plain old Mr Green and once the court is through with him, if convicted, he will be Prisoner Green we hope.

Anarchy In The UK - Sex Pistols

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 6 we have Anarchy In The UK by The Sex Pistols (1976).

From the first snarl of Johnny's 'right now' through to his growling 'Destroy' three and a half minutes later, the song just hits every button as the ultimate punk song.
It's angry, loud and Rotton spits the words with disdain while Steve Jones pounding guitar with the double strum on the end of each line of lyrics and the original bass player Glen Matlock kick starting the whole punk era with this little ditty about bringing Anarchy to the UK.
I was too young for the original punk explosion but what The Sex Pistols did in 12 months, one album and a handful of singles changed music forever and very much for the better as punk has never truly gone away since the Sex Pistols spat, shocked and swore their way to an impressive legacy.