Perverted Church Views On Conversion Therapy

If there is one group who are preoccupied with what people get up to in the privacy of the bedroom it is the religious crowd and it is they who tried to force the Government to allow conversion therapy and they were partially successful because the Government backtracked on their promise to ban it and then did a u-turn on their u-turn and announced that they will ban gay conversion therapy after all, but not trans conversion therapy.
Conversion therapy is a form of 'treatment' that aims to change a person's sexual orientation or suppress a person's gender identity based on the theory that being lesbian, gay, bi or trans is a mental illness that can be 'cured' by techniques which include chemical castration with hormonal treatment, aversion treatments such as electric shock, nausea-inducing drugs and masturbatory reconditioning.
When the conversion therapy ban was promised in the Queen's Speech last year, the government said "these abhorrent practices" can cause mental and physical harm and at last year's Tory conference, Boris Johnson claimed he was "completely committed" to extending LGBT rights.
The NHS and other professional bodies have warned all forms of conversion therapy are 'unethical and potentially harmful' but that doesn't seem to bother the Churchy types with the Christian Institute saying the initial reports that the government was to ditch the ban was 'welcome news', the Evangelical Alliance, which represents 3,500 churches, said the ban would restrict religious freedom and 2,500 church ministers and pastoral workers signed a letter to say that imposing a ban on conversation therapy was a clear breach of their legal right to manifest their religion.
Quite why the creepy religious lot are so obsessed with other peoples sex lives, if it was heterosexual's they watched so closely they would quite rightly be labelled as perverts but it appears they get a free ride if it is men or women but we know the religious view on most things are outdated but if anyone is abnormal, it is them with their keenness to force their awful and twisted views on to other people.

Happy Birthday To Me

As i had the good fortune to be born here on Earth with its breathable atmosphere, today marks the first day of my 53rd year that i have been on this planet but if i was born on Mercury my birthday cake would have 330 candles on it today.
If my passport said Venusian i would not only be a very hot and sweaty 79 but as average temperatures on Venus are 462C, i wouldn't have to worry about candles as they would have melted long before i got around to blowing them out.  
The Happy Birthday badge and banners would have a big 28 on it if i lived on Mars but if i grew up on Jupiter i would be 4 Jovian years old and would not receive the usual stares at the restaurant when i eat my ice-cream with my fingers and stick smarties up my nose.
Elsewhere in the Solar System i would be 1 on Saturn and even younger on Uranus and Neptune but the fates decreed that i was born and raised on Earth so it's listening to my family and friends singing Happy Birthday to me for the 53rd time.
As for the other members of the 01/04 Birthday Club, i will see you at the usual place Chris, Philip, Susan, David and Jimmy unless by some set of unfortunate events i find myself on one of the Gas Giants in the outer Solar System in which case i'm not old enough to drink Latte's so will raise a lemonade and hope you have a great day.

Find Out Your Age On Other Worlds

Special Guest Blogger: Abraham

I don't know if it's the lifestyle or the food but something i have noticed about you modern people is that you don't live as long as we did back in our day, i was 175 when i died and my wife and/or sister was 127 but then we had good genes, descending from Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Grandpappy Noah who was 950 when he curled up his toes.  
What we also had then was a far more chattier God, it was him who told me to travel to Canaan to claim it for his people when i was a sprightly 75 year old so me, wife and/or sister Sarah and my nephew Lot went there but it was a dump so we went to Egypt instead but the Pharaoh took a liking to my wife/sister Sarah but God put paid to that pervy little game by afflicting Pharaoh and his household with plagues so they kicked us out.
God you see, had promised us the land for his chosen people and also declared that Sarah would have a child and then also that all men would need to be circumcised so that was a painful couple of weeks, maybe i should have asked for a few weeks between these things as or at least until things were a little less tender.  
Not far from where we pitched up was the town of Sodom and Gomorrah, it was a cesspool of filth and degradation and Lot and his new wife would go there quite a bit and report back how awful it was and i knew God was planning something and i said give it a chance, it can't be that bad but it's hard to negotiate with a man who had nine generations earlier wiped out almost everyone on Earth and he smote it good.
There were no more worries about the neighbours i guess but unfortunately, Lot's wife was unable to resist watching the the destruction and was transformed into a pillar of salt. God knows why he did that, seriously, only he knew.
For a 90 year old, Sarah was a bit of a babe and King Abimelech of the Philistine's took a shine to her but God once again stepped in and said if he made a move for her he would kill him as she was married. He said he thought she was Abraham's sister which she was, but as i explained 'she is the daughter of my father, but not the daughter of my mother and she is also my wife'. Nothing complicated about that.
So Sarah became pregnant with a boy, Isaac, and after all that God then said to offer the boy as a sacrifice and just as i was about to slit his throat, the big galoot said 'Just kidding, i was testing your loyalty'.
As i had him all trussed up and was about to slit his throat, Christmases at our house would have been frosty to say the least but thankfully, Christmas hadn’t been invented yet.
Wife and/or Sister Sarah died aged 127, and after her death i was heartbroken so took another wife, a concubine named Keturah, by whom we had six more sons before i died at a relatively young 175 so i died young and left a beautiful corpse, oh, and God's chosen people obviously.

Special Guest Blogger: Greek God Hephaestus

As the son of Zeus and Hera i should have been made but i was born with weak limbs and an ugly face and my disappointed mother took one look at me, said 'Ewww' and rather unsympathetically tipped me over the edge of Mount Olympus into the sea.
Luckily not all the Goddesses were unfeeling bitches and Eurynome and Thetis, took pity on me and taught me to make things from metal and i had a real knack for it and i graduated from ashtray's and coat hangers to greater and grander things to become a master blacksmith creating clockwork tables, armor of invincibility and robotic statues.
I set up my own forge under the sea with an anvil and twenty bellows and my skill soon caught the attention of the Gods, Zeus especially liked my thunderbolts for which he placed on regular order and i began making all the weapons of the gods in Olympus which came in very handy during the war with the Titans.
Along with my Cyclopes assistants, Brontes, Steropes and Arges, i crafted much of the magnificent equipment of the gods, Hermes' winged helmet and sandals, the Aegis breastplate, Aphrodite's famed girdle, Agamemnon's staff of office, Achilles' armour, Diomedes' cuirass, Heracles' bronze clappers, Helios' chariot, the shoulder of Pelops and Eros's bow and arrows, all my work.
Peace came and with it new demands as i could make just about anything except make my wife Aphrodite happy, she did cheat on me a lot but i did have a small revenge when i caught her and Ares in a net of and dragged them both to Olympus and put them on display for a bit but the real revenge was kept for my mum for rejecting me.
I was asked to make thrones for all the Gods and i made mum a special magical golden throne, which, when she sat on it, grabbed her and wouldn't allow her to stand up again.
The other gods begged me to let her go, but i refused and she would probably still be there now if Dionysus, the god of wine, didn't get me drunk and forced me to Olympus to release her.
Prometheus stole the fire that he gave to man from my forge and Zeus asked me to create a large jar to hold all the blessings and evils the God's bestowed upon humanity which he gave to Prometheus' brother Epimetheus and created a wife for him, Pandora.
So that didn't turn out so well for mankind what with all the sickness, death and many other evils she released but i can't be blamed for that, i only made the jar but i was not inherently 'good' or 'evil' because all the Gods are imperfect in some way, our personalty and characters refecting society and human nature itself. Oh except Hera, she was a straight up absolute bitch.

Special Guest Blogger: Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

I have noticed many of the Roman Emperors writing here were as crazy as a box of frogs but not all of us were a grape short of an orgy, i was guided by the principles of philosophy as practiced by the best of the Greek Philosophers and i became one of only five great Roman Emperors and as there were about 70 of us, it shows just how crap the other 65 were. 
I was born into an established Roman family, but not the royal lineage so as a young man i enjoyed all the usual teenage things such as wrestling and hunting but i did have a passion for learning and when i wasn't grabbing someone in a headlock, i would spend time reading philosopher Epictetus which got me noticed by Emperor Hadrian.
You know someone once said: 'The person who has not taken pleasure in a book must be intolerably stupid' and boy was Rome run by many leaders who had obviously never taken pleasure in a book apart from ones that comes with crayons so when the childless Hadrian was nearing death he had to pick a successor and he chose a Senator called Antoninus Pius on the condition that he adopted me so once Antonious's time came, i would be properly prepared and i worked alongside my adopted father while learning the ways of government and continued my philosophical studies.
In 161 Antoninus died and i became the Emperor of the Roman Empire, the most powerful position in the world at the time, and immediately i had to deal with wars with Barbarian tribes, the rise of Christianity as well as the plague bought back from our troops in Syria.
There was an early challenge for my position after hearing a rumor that i was deathly ill, Avidius Cassius claimed the title of emperor for himself so i traveled to the East to slap him around but before i got there he had been murdered by his own soldiers so my wife and i decided to make the most of it and toured the eastern provinces with my wife but that didn't turn out quite so well as she died of the plague on the trip.
There is a reason the adage that power corrupts has been repeated throughout history as it unfortunately tends to be true but i tried to rule with wisdom and virtue and would write reminders to myself to avoid temptation and not be a dick but it was  very stressful dealing with daily life as a leader of one of the most powerful empires in human history but i would remind myself that my role was all about self-restraint, duty, self-discipline, personal ethics, humility and respect for others.
My diary writings would give myself advice on how to make good on the responsibilities and obligations of my position such as 'Focus on what you can do, and not what you can't and 'There is nothing you can do about the past or future, you can only influence the present'.
I named my son as my successor when i grew ill and one of my last entries before dying was 'when the longest and the shortest-lived of us come to die, their loss is precisely equal' so if when you die people say 'you know what, they were a nice person' and not 'you know what, they were a massive halfwit' then i would suggest it represents a successful time while you were here.

Special Guest Blogger: Deborah Kerr

I started out playing prim and proper school teachers, nuns, and princesses but i longed for roles that would allow me to let my hair down which is how i found myself dressed only in a bikini and cavorting in the waves with a hunky Burt Lancaster getting sand in places where sand really doesn't belong.
I was so shy as a teenager that it ruined my initial career choice as a ballet dancer as i was unable to dance in front of a crowd so when my Aunt suggested acting as a way to overcome it i was skeptical but turned out using someone else's words and movements was far easier and i got pretty good and got spotted by an agent who got me a small role in the spy film Contraband although it was so small that it got cut from the final edit.
My next opportunity was an adaptation of the stage play Love on the Dole and i quickly followed that with a series of other British films which got me taken on by MGM Studio's and a role in Black Narcissus and then things really took off and i made the role of the uptight, reserved British woman my own which was nice but i wanted to be sexy, not prim and proper so i applied for the role in From Here to Eternity.
The producers weren't convinced that i was right for the part and went for Joan Crawford but the egomaniac demanded that she would only work with her own cameraman so they had another rethink about me and took a chance and offered me the role.
In the original script, in that famous beach scene with Burt Lancaster, we were standing up but we decided to take the scene horizontal and rolling around in the waves and getting sand in all the wrong places but it did get me a best actress nomination from the Academy as well as a nasty rash from the damp sand.
Next up was a film remake of the King and I musical but the problem was i had Van Gogh's ear for music and sang like a donkey wearing a bucket over it's head so they dubbed my voice with a professional singer.
With sex scene's and musical ticked off my list, i next went for Bond Girl and despite being 45, i was cast in Casino Royale but by the late 60s,  the film industry was moving towards roles which demanded actresses running around with their clothes off so i only made one more movie, The Gypsy Moth with my wave romper, Burt Lancaster, and then retired.
I did some TV and stage work up until my diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease but i am happy that i am partly responsible for inspiring all those buttock shapes in the sand on the shoreline in the morning.

Special Guest Blogger: Hugh Depenser the Younger

My Family did that weird thing where they give the kids all the same Christian name so there was my dad Hugh Despenser the Elder, i was the Younger and my son was the even younger but the story starts with my father working for King Edward I as a royal counsellor so i grew up in the royal Household.
Being in the Kings eyeline, he decided i would make a suitable husband for his eldest granddaughter Eleanor and as she came with money, titles and land i obviously i agreed.
Not long afterwards, Edward I died and Edward II took over and he was a very different man to his father, for one, despite being married to Queen Isabella of France, he was having a homosexual relationship with a young nobleman called Piers Gaveston until a group of disgruntled barons killed him, sick of the king’s endless favouritism towards him.
That left a big gap in the shape of the Kings favourite and i wormed my way in, was made royal chamberlain and in just a few years i went from a landless knight to one of the wealthiest magnates in the kingdom as the King showered even more land on me, including Wallingford Castle despite him previously giving it to his wife, Queen Isabella of France, which didn't go down well with her or the Barons, one inparticular called Roger Mortimer.
The Queen and Edward's marriage broke down and rumours began circulating that the King and i were in a gay relationship ourselves and the Queen and the Barons, led by Mortimer, plotted a revolt and sacked and vandalised all my land and forced me into exile.
The King and the army put down the uprising and i returned to England, had Mortimer's locked in the Tower of London and took over all of his land making me the richest man in England.
While all this was going on Queen Isabella was in France still seething about the castle and then i suggested to the King that he remove her children from her care to really tick her off and her seething turned into something much worse.
To cut a long story short, Roger Mortimer escaped the Tower, teamed up with Isabella in France and they both turned up in England with an army who overthrew Edward and i was captured and put on trial.
Found guilty of treason and sodomy, i was sentenced to death but not just any old death, first they wrote biblical passages against sodomy on my naked body which they dragged through the town before hanging me but before i died they cut me down and tied me to a ladder and sliced off my genitals and burned them in front of me before pulling out my entrails and finally cutting out my heart and throwing into a fire.
Not surprisingly i was dead by now so the subsequent beheading and being quartered into four pieces never bothered me but as a proud Englishman, my head can be held up high, and it doesn't get much higher than where it ended up, on top of the gates of London.

Hey America, Shut That Guy Up

The clocks went forward an hour this morning but it was like they had gone back 20 years when i woke up to hear an American President calling for regime change in another nation.
Before you could say 'WTF!! Someone shut that fool up', the White House were out to try and contain the damage by clarifying that when Joe Biden said: 'For God's sake, this man cannot remain in power', he didn't actually mean he wanted Putin replaced as leader of Russia, that's regime change and the new America doesn't do that sort of thing anymore.
'The President of Russia is elected by Russians' sniffed a Russian spokesman and the US Secretary of State Antony Blinken explained that: 'We do not have a strategy of regime change in Russia, or anywhere else for that matter' but the present had already been handed over and unwrapped by Putin who will now push the agenda that America cannot be trusted and they are also in the business of removing world leaders they don't like and are looking to add Russia to Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya and Syria.
To be fair to America, it hasn't actually invaded another country to overthrow it's Governments for a while now so that particular craving seems to be in remission for now.
The UK, who has their own dullard leader who has a full time person going around behind them saying: 'What the PM actually means is...' immediately leapt clear of Biden's words as did the EU who called the language 'antagonistic' that 'risked exacerbating existing tensions'.
A collective 'can you keep that guy away from a microphone please' from the rest of the World then and remember, this guy is seen as a better President than the last one, and he was a moron of biblical proportions.

Taylor Hawkins

Sad news that the Foo Fighters Taylor Hawkins has died aged only 50, found dead in his Colombian hotel room while on tour in South America.
According to a preliminary toxicology test, the drummer died after a cardiac arrest and had at least 10 substances in his body including marijuana, opioids, tricyclic antidepressants and benzodiazepines.
Yep, that would do it.

Special Guest Blogger: Greek God Cronus

I was the 12th child of Uranus and Gaia and the leader of the Titans but i wasn't that close to my father although i was one time after he hid some of my siblings in Tartarus.
Uranus was terrified of the great ugly kids pregnant Gaia was producing and had them banished to the bowels of the Earth so Mum asked her remaining children to castrate Uranus and it was me who stepped up with my bloody great scyth and seconds later, after a well-aimed swipe, dad's genitals were bobbing around in the sea, his detached meat and two veg did create the goddess Aphrodite though.
The period in which i ruled was called the Golden Age, as the people of the time had no need for laws or rules, everyone just did the right thing, and immorality was absent, they even held a festival for me called Kronia in all the towns with banquets and games.
After freeing my siblings, and with Uranus now out of the way, i became Top God and decided to re-imprison them again, claim Uranus' throne, and marry my own sister, Rhea but Mum said that just as i had overthrown my father, one of my own children will overthrow me.
As any paranoid lunatic would do, i decided to eat my own children, Hestia, Demeter, Hera, Hades, and Poseidon however, Rhea and Gaia hid baby Zeus, giving me a rock wrapped in baby clothes to eat instead.
Zeus grew up, forced me to disgorge his brothers and sisters and threw me into Tartarus which is where i stayed until those nice Romans decided to get me out, brush me down and give me the name Saturn and changed the name of the fifth Planet from the Greek Cronus to Saturn.
They even revived my festival, moved it to December and called it Saturnalia and the people decorated their homes, sang, gave each other gifts, drank to excess and introduced each other to their genitals but the nerdy Christians later took my Saturnalia, kept the home decorating, gifts, drinking to excess and introducing each other to their genitals bits and called it Christmas.