Sportsmen are generally thought of as not being the sharpest knives in the drawer but Miami Dolphins player Channing Crowder utterances make a block of butter seem like a razor's edge in comparison to him.
Maybe he has been on the receiving end of a few too many tackles or perhaps he should have his chin strap loosened slightly because when you admit to not knowing people speak English in London, something has gone wrong.
"I couldn't find London on a map if they didn't have the names of the countries," he said.
"I swear to God. I don't know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I learned that."
Pushing even more of his feet into his mouth he added: "I know London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That's the closest thing I know to London. He's black, so I'm sure he's not from London. I'm sure that's a coincidental name."
David Beckham is said to be ecstatic because finally he has found someone he can stand next to and actually call a dumbass.
Sunday, 28 October 2007
Friday, 26 October 2007
Shame On You Mr Brown
The journey is underway down George Bush's well worn path to yet another war as the US President ups the stakes in the brewing conflict with Iran.
Bypassing the United Nations once again, the US administration have taken it upon themselves to impose further sanctions on Iran for its nuclear program and the first leader to come out in support of the policy is our very own Gordon Brown.
Fantastically oblivious to the two wars still raging that we began while he was standing behind Tony Blair, Brown is happy to drag us back onto centre stage and position us firmly in-line to wage war with Iran in the near future.
The main aggressors of US, Israel and UK, claim that Iran's nuclear program is a cover for the development of an atomic bomb. Iran insists it only wants to produce electricity. The United Nations' nuclear watchdog, the International Atomic Energy Agency, says it has found no evidence to support the trio's allegations.
Of course we have been here before with trumped-up fears (mushroom clouds over American cities, 45 minutes away from a chemical attack) and frauds (WMD's, yellowcake) to get our backing for attacking Iraq.
The amount of caveats and innuendoes in George Bush's speech this week are proof enough that he knows that the provocative accusations are built on very shaky ground.
"Our intelligence community assess that Iran could develop an intercontinental ballistic missile capable of reaching the United States and all of Europe before 2015 if it chooses to do so, and the international community does not take steps to prevent it, it is possible Iran could have this capability. And we need to take it seriously now."
Maybe such terms as "could develop", "if it chooses", "it is possible" in one sentence is enough to get our Prime Minister dashing to stand beside George Bush and replace Tony Blair as the Presidents poodle, but as the saying goes, 'fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.'
So shame on all of us if we allow him to do it again with Iran. Meet the New Prime Minister, exactly the same as the old Prime Minister and just as willing to spin us into another devastating war based not on the facts of the IAEA but on the could's and possiblies of the same people who lied and cheated to turn Iraq into the horror show we see today.
Reuters
Bypassing the United Nations once again, the US administration have taken it upon themselves to impose further sanctions on Iran for its nuclear program and the first leader to come out in support of the policy is our very own Gordon Brown.
Fantastically oblivious to the two wars still raging that we began while he was standing behind Tony Blair, Brown is happy to drag us back onto centre stage and position us firmly in-line to wage war with Iran in the near future.
The main aggressors of US, Israel and UK, claim that Iran's nuclear program is a cover for the development of an atomic bomb. Iran insists it only wants to produce electricity. The United Nations' nuclear watchdog, the International Atomic Energy Agency, says it has found no evidence to support the trio's allegations.
Of course we have been here before with trumped-up fears (mushroom clouds over American cities, 45 minutes away from a chemical attack) and frauds (WMD's, yellowcake) to get our backing for attacking Iraq.
The amount of caveats and innuendoes in George Bush's speech this week are proof enough that he knows that the provocative accusations are built on very shaky ground.
"Our intelligence community assess that Iran could develop an intercontinental ballistic missile capable of reaching the United States and all of Europe before 2015 if it chooses to do so, and the international community does not take steps to prevent it, it is possible Iran could have this capability. And we need to take it seriously now."
Maybe such terms as "could develop", "if it chooses", "it is possible" in one sentence is enough to get our Prime Minister dashing to stand beside George Bush and replace Tony Blair as the Presidents poodle, but as the saying goes, 'fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.'
So shame on all of us if we allow him to do it again with Iran. Meet the New Prime Minister, exactly the same as the old Prime Minister and just as willing to spin us into another devastating war based not on the facts of the IAEA but on the could's and possiblies of the same people who lied and cheated to turn Iraq into the horror show we see today.
Reuters
Thursday, 25 October 2007
Miami Or New York?
The last time anyone rushed a tight end at Wembley was backstage at a George Michael concert but this weekend the usual sound of footballers gelling their hair and fiddling with Alice Bands is being replaced by whatever sounds American Footballers make. Pass me another handful of cream doughnuts judging by the size of some of them.
90,000 grid-iron fans will take their seats at Wembley this Sunday to watch Miami Dolphins take on the New York Giants as the Americans bring their national sport to our shores.
I don't know how it has gone down in America, but fans of the Dolphins and Giants would have every right to be aggrieved that they have to splash out hundreds of dollars and fly across the Atlantic to watch their local team play or watch it on TV at some ungodly hour.
Putting to one side the obvious marketing reasons for the trip over here, it seems to have quite a following for a sport that has almost no exposure in our media and is generally dismissed as rugby for cissies by the rugby playing fraternity who are in turn generally dismissed as drunken upper class idiots by the rest of us.
As it is Liverpool's turn to get beaten by my team this Sunday evening i will be watching that on TV instead but having carefully considered both the Giants and the Dolphins, taking into account form, balance of the teams and reams of stats i will plump for the Miami Dolphins. They have a better badge after all.
Go Dolphins.
90,000 grid-iron fans will take their seats at Wembley this Sunday to watch Miami Dolphins take on the New York Giants as the Americans bring their national sport to our shores.
I don't know how it has gone down in America, but fans of the Dolphins and Giants would have every right to be aggrieved that they have to splash out hundreds of dollars and fly across the Atlantic to watch their local team play or watch it on TV at some ungodly hour.
Putting to one side the obvious marketing reasons for the trip over here, it seems to have quite a following for a sport that has almost no exposure in our media and is generally dismissed as rugby for cissies by the rugby playing fraternity who are in turn generally dismissed as drunken upper class idiots by the rest of us.
As it is Liverpool's turn to get beaten by my team this Sunday evening i will be watching that on TV instead but having carefully considered both the Giants and the Dolphins, taking into account form, balance of the teams and reams of stats i will plump for the Miami Dolphins. They have a better badge after all.
Go Dolphins.
Wednesday, 24 October 2007
You Say Pajamas...I Say Pyjamas
When i first began using Microsoft Word, the default setting was American English and my text would be criss-crossed with angry red squiggles until i stopped swearing long enough to change the setting to UK English. So why is American English and UK English so different?
A big thank you to a fine English Language graduate for the below explanation.
Apparently is is all down to a chap called Noah Webster and his 1828 American Dictionary.Webster was an advocate of simplified spelling and the popularity of his dictionary dictated many of the spellings in U.S. usage.
The major changes included changing "our" to "or" (flavour/flavor), "re" to "er" (theatre/theater), "ce" to "se" (device/devise), "ogue" to "og" (catalogue/catalog) and "ise" to "ize" (realise/realize), plus an assortment of things like the use, or not, of hyphens, the double "l" replaced by a single 'l' on some occasions and vice versa on other occasions and the silent 'e' dropped from some US spellings (ageing/aging).
When you throw in the issue that some words are spelt completely differently (cheque, draught, liquorice, pyjamas, yoghurt) it is any wonder we can understand each other at all.
So there you go, it isn't a spelling mistake, it's just the English spelling and i am sticking with that excuse.
A big thank you to a fine English Language graduate for the below explanation.
Apparently is is all down to a chap called Noah Webster and his 1828 American Dictionary.Webster was an advocate of simplified spelling and the popularity of his dictionary dictated many of the spellings in U.S. usage.
The major changes included changing "our" to "or" (flavour/flavor), "re" to "er" (theatre/theater), "ce" to "se" (device/devise), "ogue" to "og" (catalogue/catalog) and "ise" to "ize" (realise/realize), plus an assortment of things like the use, or not, of hyphens, the double "l" replaced by a single 'l' on some occasions and vice versa on other occasions and the silent 'e' dropped from some US spellings (ageing/aging).
When you throw in the issue that some words are spelt completely differently (cheque, draught, liquorice, pyjamas, yoghurt) it is any wonder we can understand each other at all.
So there you go, it isn't a spelling mistake, it's just the English spelling and i am sticking with that excuse.
Only The Nicest People For Our Queen
Buckingham Palace has 53 bedrooms and 78 bathrooms and the Queen gets lonely rattling around inside with only her dotty husband and a few corgi's for company so every now and then the Government organise a bit of a knees up for the old dear and call it a State Visit.
The last one was in March when she had those awfully nice Ghanese Presidential types over to stay so to stop her from going stir crazy and taking potshots at the staff, they have organised another one for the end of the month.
So how to decide which head of state is going to be dining on fish and chips at the Royal household with Liz and Phil at our expense?
Obviously the leader would have to reign over a country renowned for its oppression of women, practising strict Sharia religious law and banning all other religions, torturing prisoners and handing down death sentences to homosexuals.
If they hold regular public executions it would strengthen their chances as would a recommendation from Amnesty International of a total disregard for any Human Rights. Hmm, lets take a look at that list of dignitaries again. There we are, a perfect fit.
Welcome King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, the kind of evil tyrant we can abide.
One's that we do multi-billion pound arms deals with.
The last one was in March when she had those awfully nice Ghanese Presidential types over to stay so to stop her from going stir crazy and taking potshots at the staff, they have organised another one for the end of the month.
So how to decide which head of state is going to be dining on fish and chips at the Royal household with Liz and Phil at our expense?
Obviously the leader would have to reign over a country renowned for its oppression of women, practising strict Sharia religious law and banning all other religions, torturing prisoners and handing down death sentences to homosexuals.
If they hold regular public executions it would strengthen their chances as would a recommendation from Amnesty International of a total disregard for any Human Rights. Hmm, lets take a look at that list of dignitaries again. There we are, a perfect fit.
Welcome King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, the kind of evil tyrant we can abide.
One's that we do multi-billion pound arms deals with.
Tuesday, 23 October 2007
Dr Watson Stris Up Eugenics Debate
Scientist James Watson has become embroiled in a row over his claims that black people were 'less intelligent than white people' and that this was borne out by people who have to deal with black employees. Widespread condemnation for his comments from his peers saw his speaking tour cancelled and his trip lasting as long as it took him to get off one plane and jump back onto another back to the States.
Although he did not say as much, the highly uncomfortable Eugenics debate temporarily poked its head out of the sealed cupboard it had been stuffed into.
Dr Watson was in no way actively promoting eugenics, but his use of the same language used by many throughout history to justify the control of breeding started up a short but fierce debate in the newspapers.
Probably the most famous eugenicist was Adolf Hitler but the unsettling truth is that many of the great and good were not averse to a spot of eugenic thinking themselves.
Alexander Graham Bell supported the compulsory sterilization of people deemed to be "defective variety of the human race".
George Bernard Shaw wrote that we ought to be allowed to tackle the Jewish question by admitting eugenic experiments weeding out any strains they think undesirable.
HG Wells called upon those involved in the eugenic world to 'not be squeamish’ about inflicting death on the unfit. Wells list included persons with mental disorders, bodily deformations and alcoholics.
Virginia Woolf described a walk on which she met “a long line of imbeciles”. She wrote that 'it was perfectly horrible. They should certainly be killed.'
Winston Churchill lobbied for compulsory sterilization of the mentally handicapped: "I feel that the source from which the stream of madness is fed should be cut off and sealed up before another year has passed."
I find the whole idea of eugenics abhorrent but if anyone disagrees with me, they will find themselves in some good company.
Although he did not say as much, the highly uncomfortable Eugenics debate temporarily poked its head out of the sealed cupboard it had been stuffed into.
Dr Watson was in no way actively promoting eugenics, but his use of the same language used by many throughout history to justify the control of breeding started up a short but fierce debate in the newspapers.
Probably the most famous eugenicist was Adolf Hitler but the unsettling truth is that many of the great and good were not averse to a spot of eugenic thinking themselves.
Alexander Graham Bell supported the compulsory sterilization of people deemed to be "defective variety of the human race".
George Bernard Shaw wrote that we ought to be allowed to tackle the Jewish question by admitting eugenic experiments weeding out any strains they think undesirable.
HG Wells called upon those involved in the eugenic world to 'not be squeamish’ about inflicting death on the unfit. Wells list included persons with mental disorders, bodily deformations and alcoholics.
Virginia Woolf described a walk on which she met “a long line of imbeciles”. She wrote that 'it was perfectly horrible. They should certainly be killed.'
Winston Churchill lobbied for compulsory sterilization of the mentally handicapped: "I feel that the source from which the stream of madness is fed should be cut off and sealed up before another year has passed."
I find the whole idea of eugenics abhorrent but if anyone disagrees with me, they will find themselves in some good company.
Saturday, 20 October 2007
Concurrent Postings
Big thank you to Cody for his suggestion that we do a concurrent posting on the different views held on the support, or lack of, for Israel in America & Europe.
It was a great learning experience for me due to the mostly patient and eloquent explanations from the commenters, so thank you to everyone for your involvement. Your contributions are as always, greatly appreciated.
I know the comments on Cody's posting spiralled off into another area thanks to some indefensible things being mentioned but the person involved has been rightly pulled up short so it has been dealt with.
That matter notwithstanding, this partnership seemed to go so well, we have decided to do a few more USA v Europe posts concerning things that have us scratching our heads about each other.
Hopefully we can touch on some fun, controversial and just plain silly subjects. I would especially like to find out how the hell you yanks managed to mangle the English language at some point (it's spelt doughnut, not donut) but until then thank you for making the initial joint posts a joy to take part in.
It was a great learning experience for me due to the mostly patient and eloquent explanations from the commenters, so thank you to everyone for your involvement. Your contributions are as always, greatly appreciated.
I know the comments on Cody's posting spiralled off into another area thanks to some indefensible things being mentioned but the person involved has been rightly pulled up short so it has been dealt with.
That matter notwithstanding, this partnership seemed to go so well, we have decided to do a few more USA v Europe posts concerning things that have us scratching our heads about each other.
Hopefully we can touch on some fun, controversial and just plain silly subjects. I would especially like to find out how the hell you yanks managed to mangle the English language at some point (it's spelt doughnut, not donut) but until then thank you for making the initial joint posts a joy to take part in.
Stick It To 'Em England
Something us English do well is suddenly become interested in something when we are doing well at it.
I include myself in this terrible fickleness because i am planning to be within sight of a television screen tonight to watch our boys take on the Springboks in the final of the Rugby World Cup.
Where once were just posh fat men jumping on each other while clutching a (or each others) funny shaped balls, now our finely honed athletes are bravely giving there all for their fellow countrymen.
Personally, the rugby World Cup only came within my radar when we somehow made it into the Quarter Final and the imminent clash with the sheep worrying Aussies loomed over the horizon.
All i know about rugby is man gets oval shaped ball, man gets hit by larger man. Continue until a big man manages to fall over behind the posts. Simple really.
So i will be there staring at a screen and willing on the fat men dressed in white because we are doing well and us English are great at getting behind our sporting heroes.
Of course, if after 10 mins we are behind and getting our arses spanked by the South Africans we will all switch over en masse to Strictly Come Dancing.
We are fickle like that.
I include myself in this terrible fickleness because i am planning to be within sight of a television screen tonight to watch our boys take on the Springboks in the final of the Rugby World Cup.
Where once were just posh fat men jumping on each other while clutching a (or each others) funny shaped balls, now our finely honed athletes are bravely giving there all for their fellow countrymen.
Personally, the rugby World Cup only came within my radar when we somehow made it into the Quarter Final and the imminent clash with the sheep worrying Aussies loomed over the horizon.
All i know about rugby is man gets oval shaped ball, man gets hit by larger man. Continue until a big man manages to fall over behind the posts. Simple really.
So i will be there staring at a screen and willing on the fat men dressed in white because we are doing well and us English are great at getting behind our sporting heroes.
Of course, if after 10 mins we are behind and getting our arses spanked by the South Africans we will all switch over en masse to Strictly Come Dancing.
We are fickle like that.
Thursday, 18 October 2007
Cuzz?
George Washington is famous for chopping down a cherry tree with his hatchet but i can only imagine Barack Obama is hunting down the biggest chainsaw he can find to hack at his family tree now that a dirty little secret has been found dangling off one of the branches.
Before you could say 'a full blood transfusion please', the wife of Dick Cheney could have derailed the Obama roadshow by revealing that her husband and Obama are related. Oh, and part French.
In what must of been one of those glorious 'Oh Bugger' moments in the Barack household, Lyn Cheney revealed that Dick and Obama are eighth cousins and descendants from a garlic muncher who emigrated from France in the 17th Century.
Of course you cannot choose your family but it certainly shows that the Cheney blood is running through the Illinois Senator's veins when Obama mentioned recently that he would have no qualms about dropping a few bombs on Pakistan. Cousin Dick would of been very proud of that one.
The Obama campaign staff tried to make light of the relationship by joking about every family having a black sheep but they will wait nervously to see if the Senators aspirations are hit by this bombshell. A bombshell sent courtesy of a Cheney so nothing new there then.
Before you could say 'a full blood transfusion please', the wife of Dick Cheney could have derailed the Obama roadshow by revealing that her husband and Obama are related. Oh, and part French.
In what must of been one of those glorious 'Oh Bugger' moments in the Barack household, Lyn Cheney revealed that Dick and Obama are eighth cousins and descendants from a garlic muncher who emigrated from France in the 17th Century.
Of course you cannot choose your family but it certainly shows that the Cheney blood is running through the Illinois Senator's veins when Obama mentioned recently that he would have no qualms about dropping a few bombs on Pakistan. Cousin Dick would of been very proud of that one.
The Obama campaign staff tried to make light of the relationship by joking about every family having a black sheep but they will wait nervously to see if the Senators aspirations are hit by this bombshell. A bombshell sent courtesy of a Cheney so nothing new there then.
Wednesday, 17 October 2007
What Kid Could Want More For Xmas?
Remember back in your childhood when action figures were cool? Barbie & Sindy had accessories and cars and a horse, action man had an eagle eye and guns and that cute camouflage suit.
Recent action figures have included Dr Who, Spiderman and Buffy who come with a range of dialogue so you can not only defeat the daleks on the back of the sofa but hear the witty banter from the shows.
Yep, action figures are cool to anyone under 10 but all that is about to change because between the Supermans, Bratz and Barbie's is a newcomer to the overcrowded market.
Boasting a great turn of phrase including the memorable John 3:16 and the
unforgettable Mark 12:30, is Jesus.
Looking more like one of the Bee Gee's than the son of god, the plastic toy is about to land in an ASDA Wal-Marts near us soon and just in time for Christmas.
The American firm that believe our kids are ready to put aside the neat toys for their crap ones, also offer a talking Mary and Daniel (complete with lion) are launching 'Biblical Dolls' in Britain after much success in its home country.
I predict that persuading our nations children that they want a foot tall plastic Jesus which recites bible phrases will be as successful as persuading them they want to kiss the auntie with the bad breath and the five o'clock shadow, but there is hope yet if you follow my advice.
You can either give him an eagle eye or give him a cape and some super powers because an action figure whose action is handing out fish and bread just ain't gonna cut it.
Recent action figures have included Dr Who, Spiderman and Buffy who come with a range of dialogue so you can not only defeat the daleks on the back of the sofa but hear the witty banter from the shows.
Yep, action figures are cool to anyone under 10 but all that is about to change because between the Supermans, Bratz and Barbie's is a newcomer to the overcrowded market.
Boasting a great turn of phrase including the memorable John 3:16 and the
unforgettable Mark 12:30, is Jesus.
Looking more like one of the Bee Gee's than the son of god, the plastic toy is about to land in an ASDA Wal-Marts near us soon and just in time for Christmas.
The American firm that believe our kids are ready to put aside the neat toys for their crap ones, also offer a talking Mary and Daniel (complete with lion) are launching 'Biblical Dolls' in Britain after much success in its home country.
I predict that persuading our nations children that they want a foot tall plastic Jesus which recites bible phrases will be as successful as persuading them they want to kiss the auntie with the bad breath and the five o'clock shadow, but there is hope yet if you follow my advice.
You can either give him an eagle eye or give him a cape and some super powers because an action figure whose action is handing out fish and bread just ain't gonna cut it.
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