Vaccine Hopes Grow

It may be the news that we have all been waiting for but preliminary results from the Pfizer trial has found that the COVID-19 vaccine found to be 90% effective when tested on 43,538 participants from six countries.
Prof Jonathan Van-Tam, the deputy chief medical officer for England, has said that he is 'hopeful that some people could get vaccinated by Christmas' and that the UK government has ordered 40m doses of the Pfizer vaccine which is enough for about a third of the population, since you need two doses each.
There would be a wait of between 21 and 28 days between doses and it would be released in stages. People in care homes will come first, then the over-80s and NHS staff and the clinically vulnerable then the over-75s, followed by the over-70s and the over-65s.
The Government has tempered expectations by warning the study is still ongoing and even if the vaccine gets the red light, then it will still be the other side of Christmas before the vaccination program starts but maybe we can finally see some light at the end of this very long and dark tunnel.

Special Guest Blogger: Anna May Wong

20th Century Hollywood hated foreigners. The production companies hated them because they stop talented young American actors from getting roles, the media hated them because their names were awkward to spell and racists hate them because they are pathologically incapable of complex thought.
In the United States, anti-miscegenation laws prohibited interracial marriage and interracial sexual relations and i was the first Chinese-American movie star in Hollywood but the laws forbade an interracial couple from kissing on-screen and a lack of Asian-American male film stars meant that i was denied leading lady roles that would have been mine if i’d been white, or if Hollywood had been less prejudicial.
Asian people were considered a bunch of sinister opium addicts or downtrodden peasants with funny accents and buck teeth but i was pencilled in for the lead romantic role in The Good Earth. However, they suddenly remembered that it was the 1930s and everyone was super racist, and the average American wouldn't give a flying one if they cast a bunch of white people instead and as it meant that i would be playing the wife of a guy playing my chinese husband, Farmer Wang, who was actually a white man in make up and a Chinese looking woman with a white man, it was a no-no.
Showing race-mixing on-screen was tantamount to taking a whizz on a burning American flag so to to protect America's moral fiber, Hollywood hired a white actress in yellowface with a funny accent instead and to add insult to injury she won the the Best Actress Oscar that year.
After i finished recording The Flame of Love, doing a version in French, English and German, i decided i could battle my way into America's hearts but then thought sod it and wasn't prepared to take any of Confucius' crap and sailed off to Britain where the racism was a little less of the lynching and burning crosses on your lawn type where i had a romance with lyric writer Eric Maschwitz, his song 'These Foolish Things (Remind Me of You)' was about me after i left him to go to China to help in their war effort against the Japanese.
After the war i returned to America and did some TV and radio work before dying aged 56 from a heart attack so my life was a battle against racism which is sad, not as sad as a man bravely hiding his face under a hood and hating people just because their skin is a slightly different colour to theirs but close.

Special Guest Blogger: Fritz Joubert Duquesne

I hated the British...a lot. They all think they sound so smart with their little funny accents and their umbrellas and cups of piss weak tea.
I was a South African who fought in one of our many wars against the British but the sneaky bliksems captured me and put me in a concentration camp but i was a good looking guy with a cool accent so seduced the daughter of one of the guards to gain freedom.
I hit upon a madcap plan of making my way to the windswept shit-hole called England where i asked if i could join their Army and the nutters said 'pip pip old bean' or something like that and they gave me a rifle and stationed me back in South Africa.
Just waiting for an opportunity to take out as many of those stiff upper lips as possible, i returned to my parent's farm in South Africa and realized the British Army had killed my sister, sent my mother to a British concentration camp and the entire place was littered with Britishness therefore ensuring nothing would ever grow on the land again.
As revenge, i planned to completely destroy Cape Town, where Lord Kitchener, the man responsible for what happened to my family, was staying. I recruited 20 men to begin our tour of destruction, but was betrayed by the wife of one of my cohorts and wound up imprisoned again.
I managed to escape the death penalty by giving away secret South African codes but they were all bullcrap and i received life imprisonment instead while my 20 men were forced to eat British food and when that didn't kill them quick enough, they shot them.
After the war, the idiots made the mistake of releasing me so still holding a grudge over the whole slaughtered sister thing, i headed to Scotland, tracked down Herbert Kitchener, and sabotaged his boat, killing him.
I was caught and arrested but the British prisons are as weak as their rugby team and i escaped and when World War II came around, i helped the Nazis by spying on the British for them but they never arrested me again and i died aged 78, wiping my backside on the Union Flag so pip pip that British poephols.

Call Paris, Iran and WHO Mr. Biden

People say to me i must be happy that Joe Biden has won the American President and i always answer that i couldn't give a monkey's, i'm British so it doesn't bother me one jot who is now running the show in America.
What i am happy about is on a purely human level, someone as awful and repulsive as Donald Trump is no longer in charge so as long as Joe undoes much of Trump's legacy by returning to the Paris Accord, rejoining the Iran Deal and grovelling back to the World Health Organisation, he can do what he likes in America.
His biggest job after phoning Paris, is to deal with the Coronavirus currently ravaging his nation due to Donald Trump's inept and woeful response to the virus which has currently killed over 235,000 American's and such is the virus so ingrained in the USA, that isn't going to be a quick job.
I don't know much about Joe Biden, he seems a decent guy but he may turn out to be a warmongering buffoon like George W Bush but his greatest asset is that he isn't Donald Trump and that is probably what people were voting for because he doesn't seem the most inspiring person.
As Barack Obama received awards when he gained the keys to the White House front door based solely on the fact that he was not George W Bush, i expect much is the same for Biden so as long as he rejoins the three key things that Trump foolishly left and doesn't start any wars based on dodgy ideals, then good luck to him and i wish him well as much as i would wish well anyone who has become leader of their nation.
As for Trump, his leaving power is hopefully a start of the right wing collapse around the World because as history shows us, a right wing Government never ends well.

Special Guest Blogger: Edie Sedgewick

Normal people love celebrity culture because they like seeing dumb people screw up and make public asses of themselves.
Occasionally we find that celebrities are people too, and sometimes they'll surprise us by actually being way less awful than we'd suspect but not Andy Warhol, he was as awful as everyone thinks.
The white haired oddball once declared that in the future, everybody would be famous for 15 minutes and mine did bring me lasting fame but not for the right reasons.
My $80,000 trust fund was spent promoting Warhol’s art projects, Warhol hadn’t really been paying attention to who’d been picking up the bill, but my association with him and people like Bob Dylan bought me fame but Bob did warn me what would become of me if i didn't get away from Warhol but by then i had got myself a nice, shiny drug habit and a dose of kleptomania to pay for it. I became known for stealing from stores, family, and friends alike.
In my younger days i had spent time in various institutions due to mental health issues and after a night of cocaine, speed and heroin, i ended up back in one after running naked around New York.
I met my husband in there, Michael Brett Post, a postal worker with mental issues himself and a mental institution may not be the healthiest place to meet your future husband but it was only for a short time and the magnolia's in my wedding bouquet were also used to adorn my funeral casket just a few short months later after a party at fashion designer Michael Novarese's house.
At the party, i had my palm read, only for the palm reader to tell me i had an incredibly short life line but not as short as i expected because the next morning the coroner was scribbling 'accident/suicide from alcohol and barbiturates' on my death certificate.
In life, i got short-changed during my allotted time of fame but my light shone bright for that 15 minutes but i'm not bitter, now who's going to help me lift this TV and DVD Player from Lucy's place.

Answering The Christmas Songs

Hearing Andy Williams say it's the hap-happiest time of the year sounds the starting gun for the festivities and between Andy's holiday greetings and all those gay happy meetings, it's the same old thing from the musical community.
Every year, i ask Mariah what's she wants for Chrismas and she says not a lot, she isn't even wishing for snow but all she wants is me and i say Jesus Christ Mariah, we go through this every year. You can have a selection box or a Matalans voucher and Cliff, if you come near me with that mistletoe and wine again i'm going to kick you straight in the crotch.
George, for the millionth time, it wasn't your heart you gave me last year it was a naff jumper and the very next day i did give it away but even the charity shop were doubtful they could sell it and i know it's cold outside Tom, did you not hear Dean Martin say the weather outside was frightful but it is November but even you would never be cold enough to pull on that awful jumper.
Steeleye Span, what have i told you about speaking English, nobody knows what gaudete, gaudete, Christus est natus means and i think they do they know it's Christmas Bob because it's that time of the year when you turn up and tell them there's a world outside their window and it's a world of dread and fear, you should be more like Bing, he wants to make the yuletide gay and i just might be if i have many more of Mr Ive's cups of cheer, holly jolly Christmas indeed but it wouldn't be the first time and for your information Ronettes, i'm not your mommy and it wasn't Santa Claus you saw me kissing, it was Claude from the IT department and i was very, very drunk.
As i'm at it, until you explain how i can rock around the Christmas tree in the new old fashioned way, you can dance around it on your own Brenda and Bony M, of course Jesus Christ was born on Christmas Day, whatever day he was born on it would be Christmas Day and John, for the love of God  don't keep pointing out to me it's Christmas and asking what have i done. Only just hung the decorations, all the cooking, bought and wrapped all the presents, wrote out the cards and put up the tree so what have YOU done then John?
I am also very aware that you was born on Christmas Day St Etienne, you keep reminding me so yes, i know but it doesn't mean that you will be getting two presents and as much as i love you David Essex and hearing your Winter's Tale, you are right, why should the world take notice of one more love that's failed, we don't so shut up about it and you also Greg, so what if you are a grown man who believe's in Father Christmas, i know for a fact you put your loose teeth under the pillow for the tooth fairy until you was 21 so it's no surprise.
Leona, as nice as it is to know how many more sleeps it is to Christmas, it's still actually 48 from today so give it a rest for another 43 days luv and i think you will find Crystals, that i have been a very good girl this year so no amount of crying and pouting will stop Santa Claus coming to town but i'm not sure about you Shane Mcgowan, but still you probably won't be sober enough to notice whether he does or not so Happy Christmas anyway you scumbag, maggot, cheap lousy faggot.

Hey Donald...You're Fired!

As any mother will tell you, toddlers throw temper tantrums for many reasons, they may be tired or maybe they just want attention and much the same goes for American Presidents because the World's biggest baby is currently throwing everything out of his pram because American's have decided they prefer Joe Biden to him and boy is he not taking it very well that it's not his turn any more.
Probably one of the grown up's in the room should stop him embarrassing himself further by going on TV and chuntering out all sorts of unfounded allegations, taking away his phone would be a good start and even some of the people who spent the last four years in places only a doctor doing a colonoscopy should be, people like Piers Morgan, even they are saying he should be put in time out on the naughty step as the last votes are slip through Donald's little, tiny, clammy fingers.
It always amazed me that any self-respecting woman, anyone of colour or anyone without the means to pay for their healthcare could turn a blind eye to his sex offenses, racism and removal of the Affordable Care Act and vote for him and that's even making allowances for the peculiar strand of Christian fundamentalist for whom Armageddon can’t come soon enough but apparently almost 70 million did and some of them are protesting in that great American tradition of their bat-shit crazy gun laws by taking their fire-arms with them.
The remaining few months until the actual handover of power in January should be entertaining, the big orange buffoon will be flailing around and stamping his little feet until the day he has to hand over the keys and probably so will the many many bible-thumping, mullet-haired, gun toting lunatics who voted for him, and also their husbands.

Disclaimer: My apologies to any young children who feel insulted by my comparing them to Donald Trump

Special Guest Blogger: Mata Hari

What is a gentleman?  He is kind, polite, and stands by his word. He is well-dressed, and treats a lady with respect but the best gentlemen pay a woman the ultimate compliment by shoving money in her panties and my life was full of gentlemen but i was many things to many different people including a wife, exotic dancer, prostitute, mistress, spy and then tied up surrounded by 12 men but that didn't end with me sitting on an inflatable cushion for a couple of day afterwards like usual.
I had a comfortable upbringing, my father owned a successful hat shop and invested his money into the oil industry and as the old saying goes, there’s money in hats and oil but at the age of 18, i fled my boring life in the Netherlands for the Dutch East Indies to become an officer’s wife but he was a raging alcoholic, but i did develop an interest in Indonesian dance which turned out to be quite a good investment for the future.
Newly divorced, i returned to Europe and considered training to be a nursery teacher but on realising that men enjoyed looking at naked women, reinvented myself as an exotic dancing Hindu Princess who ended her act clad only in a bejeweled bra and headdress and it took the continent by storm.
I got to know some, and sleep with, some very high profile people including the Crown Prince of Germany and the Dutch Prime Minister and i really landed on my feet, and back, and knees, well, you get the idea but although i started the craze for burlesque dancing, there were younger and prettier girls now doing it so i hung up my headdresses and flimsy dance costumes and went full time, high class Courtesan and i was seen with Royalty, business and industrialists and things were sweet until the Germans got uppity and started WW1.
By then i was in a relationship with a Russian pilot serving with the French military, Captain Vadim Maslov, but he was shot down over Germany and as i was Dutch, i was allowed into Germany to see him but the French had a cunning plan that i visit old flame Crown Prince of Germany and i would seduce him and get crucial information about Germany’s strategies.
When i contacted the German's they made me an even better offer if i spied for them against the French so i spied on both but i got caught and arrested as a double agent and for causing the death of 50,000 soldiers and sentenced to be shot.
Refusing the customary blindfold, i walked to the yard, blew the firing squad a kiss but unlike the films, no man in a tuxedo came to rescue me at the last second and my body was donated to a hospital, where it was kept preserved.
Apparently someone stole my head and let's not think too long about why someone might only take the head of an exotic dancer and leave everything else.

Special Guest Blogger: Doris Day

When I was just a little girl i asked my mother what will i be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? What i was was America’s Sweetheart but i could have been America's first lady as i dated Ronald Reagan, there's something about Republican men but i was a God fearing right wing Conservative but in a turn up, i was a nice, decent right winger people actually liked.
It was a car accident that launched me, i was a dancer but the accident damaged my leg and as God shut that door he opened another one because as i was recovering i would sing along to the radio and my parents thought i had a good voice so they got me singing lessons and i was good enough to start in small venues but my name Doris Kappelhoff wouldn't fit on the tiny venues marquees so i went for the shortest surname i could think of and i became Doris Day.
The next door God opened for me was the one to a recording studio and i made a record 'Sentimental Journey' which propelled me to fame and another of God's doors, this one to the film studio and i made 'Romance on the High Seas' and a career of clean cut roles and rom-coms and the nickname of 'The World’s Oldest Virgin' but although i may have been deeply religious my pregnancy wasn't an immaculate conception, some things God opens is legs and i gave birth to Terry who would play a major role in something very unchristian later.  
Terry grew up to become a music producer who was being badgered by Charles Manson for a record deal but when my boy turned him down i told him to move out of their Cielo Drive home, where Manson had visited and he rented it to Roman Polanski and his pregnant wife, Sharon Tate and even God couldn't keep that door shut that dreadful night.
Something i did detest was animal cruelty and doctors, being a Christian Scientists who believed that sickness is an illusion that can be corrected by prayer alone, but there is a reason when people are ill they go to a hospital and not the local Church however and i had a change of faith when i thought i had cancer but the lump turned out to be benign.
As for being a decent right winger, i was lifelong friends with Rock Hudson and stood by him when he was diagnosed with HIV/AIDS, inviting him onto my Christian Network religious show which went down about as well as a foreskin in Tel Aviv with the staunchly anti-homosexual religious flock.
I died of pneumonia aged 97 although i thought i was 95 after finding out there was a misprint on my birth certificate i only found out about just before i died, que sera sera as i once said.

And The Winner Is...

America can feel the hand of history on it's shoulders, the hands on the pussies belong to Donald Trump obviously but the ones on their shoulders is definitely histories.
Strangely both sides are declaring victory, Trump also claimed electoral fraud which is as predictable as the Chinese now using the chaos to point out what a farce America is.
The Chinese are keen to see a Trump win so he can 'take the U.S. further downhill' as the Chinese state media said whilst showing images of shops that had been boarded up in anticipation of election-related violence and his woeful response to the pandemic, implying that the China is a more responsible nation.
Despite the pollsters being very, very wrong once again, it is expected that Biden will still triumph as they get down to the mail in ballots which seem to be dominated by Biden votes, hence why Trump is so keen to stop the counting so the gun-toting Republicans may have to delay firing celebratory rounds into the sky (or at each other, this is the land of crazy gun laws afterall) for now but the fact that 60 million Americans looked at the self-confessed sex offender Trump, the racist rhetoric, the lies and the 235,000 dead American Coronavirus victims and thought, 'he's the guy for me' means that even if Biden does win as expected, America is not in a good place.