2021 Father Time & The Grim Reaper

Old Father Time leant his scythe against the bench and wearily sat down and was removing his 2021 sash when the Grim Reaper walked up the pathway to join him.
'Hiya Time' he said cheerily as he sat down beside him, 'So how was 2021 for you?' he asked digging into the pocket of his cloak and taking out a battered packet of cigarettes.
'Usual stuff with the sex scandals, wars, murders and stupid World Leaders' sighed Time, 'How was your year? Reap anyone interesting?
Death lit a cigarette and blew out a plume of grey smoke before saying: 'Let's see, there was the usual hundred of thousands of war related deaths but celebrity wise, i got Una Stubbs, Sean Lock, Charlie Watts, Sarah Harding, Jimmy Greaves, George Segal, Lionel Blair, Nikki Grahame, Janice Long, Desmond Tutu, Prince Philip, Michael Nesmith, Dustin Diamond and Boycie from Fools and Horses'.
'Prince Philip?'
'Yep, he was pencilled in for the last few years but i kept forgetting him'
'Oh well, keeping you busy then'
'We got Covid-19 and nutters like that Brazilian loon and Boris Johnson so i'm not worried about running out of work anytime soon, so many Brits in one place though, you should hear the whinging' chuckled Death, 'So what's been going on in 2021?'
'You will be glad to hear that America still haven't done anything about their mad gun laws'.
'Good old America, if they are not blowing up somewhere else they are shooting each other, would warm my heart if i had one' said Death 'although i am worried about Putin and Biden having meetings, no WW3 for me now i'm thinking'.
'Indeed' nodded Father Time wistfully.
'Although Biden and the West have been a bit of a let down on the war front this year' said the Reaper, 'Afghanistan has stepped up to the plate, with the Taliban back i can always rely on a steady stream of dead Afghans and there is always my supply of Palestinians courtesy of Israel'.     
'The World have been obsessed with Coronovirus' said Time 'although there was that ship that got stuck in the Suez Canal and America decided they had enough of overthrowing other Governments and had a go at overthrowing their own'.
'Nice, shame about that fat orange guy losing over there, i had high hopes for him' nodded Death stubbing out his cigarette on the arm of the bench 'so how's 2022 shaping up? Global Warming still going ahead unheeded i notice, lucky me'
'Usual stuff i expect with even more sex scandals, wars, murders and stupid World Leaders' sighed Time reaching over to pick up the shiny, new 2022 sash and pulling it over his head.
'How's next year looking for you' he asked Death who smiled and opened his notepad and held it up to Time to read.
He glanced down the full list of names of the soon to be reaped and opened his eyes wide when he got to July.
'Really? he asked 'That many in one month?'    
'Yep, busy, busy, busy, oh well, no rest for the wicked, same time next year pal' and picking up his scythe, walked away whistling the tune of Don't Fear The Reaper.

FOAB 2021 Top 5 Posts

There have been 431 posts on this blog in 2021, mostly Special Guest Blogger posts as time constraints and travelling a stupid amount for work meant that i just didn't have the time to post as much about current affairs as i would have liked so this is a good time to look back and see which ones filled the top 5 slots and which ones can be left to whither on the Internet vine.  

Top post was by the Christian Priest Arius who explained how he met a very messy end when he upset the Church and second was the cat in a box guy Erwin Schrödinger.
Third was the Greek/Roman God Apollo and his complicated family life and how he refuses to be held responsible for boy bands and fourth Saint Louis of France telling us how he was really really bad at Crusades and the fifth most viewed post was the brilliant the entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum for Bouquet Veal and their 'It's Christmas' song.

As always, a massive thank you to anyone who has blundered across my little piece of the Web in the past year and may you have a great 2022 where i am sure i will be clogging up the internet with yet more left wing hippy views and dead celebrities.

Happy New Year From The Future

It's just past 11am as i am writing this and New Zealand are already in the new year and the rest of the World will soon follow it but not everyone will be in the same year as some nations calendars will be showing some very different dates but as we in the West follow the Gregorian calendar, it will 2022 for us so we are in their future and we can pass on some advice.
It's the New Year in North Korea who use the Juche calendar so 새해 복 많이 받으십시오 and all the best for 110 and keep your heads down so the Roman Empire doesn't looks your way and if you are waking up in Nigeria the year on their Igbo calendar will be showing 1022 and you will hear of  something called Gunpowder being invented this year.
Burma will be waking up in 1383 and the shiny new Bengali calendar on the wall will show the Bengali people that it is 1428 which is the year of Joan of Arc which may not make the news over there but was quite big over here.  
As they follow the Solar Hirji calendar, the Persians will waking up in 1443 and some guy called John Hunyadi will be turning up in your neck of the woods and try to convert you all to Christianity in that loving and peaceful way of the Church by killing as many of you as possible. Spoiler Alert: It doesn't work.
Oh and if you get an invite from Vlad II Dracul who has just taken over in Wallachia, fake a headache.
It's عام سعيد and welcome to 1738 Egypt and 1943 on the Balinese Saka calendar in Indonesia and the good news is that you won't be ruled over by the Dutch anymore but you may want to brush up on your Nihongo because you will have a few thousand Japanese turning up very soon.
Ethiopia will welcome 2014 and the chance to see Germany win the World Cup and that Sia song Chandelier will be everywhere as will Islamic State unfortunately.
That is you all up to date because as we are years in the future it is only fair that we share upcoming events with you all unlike those Hindus in 2078, the Tibetans in 2147 and the Thai's in 2564 who haven't told us anything and even worse are the Israeli's who are in 5782 and haven't even told us how to make those flying skateboards from the Back to the Future films the grumpy buggers.

2021 Psychic Predictions Revisited

The problem with making psychic predictions is that smart arsed bloggers write them down and go back and judge them at the end of the year so let's see of the 10 predictions made by Psychic Nicolas Aujula for 2021, which hot the mark and which fell short.

We can put a small tick beside Meghan Markle doing an spilling secrets about the British Royal family, she did do the Oprah interview but no secrets were spilled but Kim Kardashian did split with Kanye West and Prince Harry became a father for the second time so for those we can say well done.

That said, of the other 7 predictions big red crosses besides Tom Cruise suffering heart problems, a male World leader assassinated, volcanic eruption changing the weather, Chancellor Rishi Sunak resigning, a huge fire raging through New York, a new Harry Potter book published and pig flu causing mass panic Worldwide.

Not a great result much to the joy of whichever male World Leader is still with us and the pig community but we can put it down to too much eggnog being consumed in the Spirit realm at the time and try again next year.

Psychic Predictions For 2022

As i sit here, 2021 is fading and 2022 is closing in fast and it is only natural to ponder what will the new year bring. Well, we can stop pondering because Moses may have had to go to Mount Sinai to hear spirit voices and Muhammad travelled to Mount Hira but in the case of psychic Nicolas Aujula, he is so good (in previous lives he was an Egyptian queen, a lion and lived in another galaxy) that the spirits come to his front room and as he charges £350 to £1950 for his services, he must be good so he has given us a peek at what the powers that be have been whispering into his ear of what will unfold in 2022.

Another global health issue – this time swine flu.
Terror attack in Paris  
Public figure assassinated in the US.
Boris Johnson still British PM at the end of the year
Poland to leave the EU,
A shocking scandal around testing on gerbils.
Japan and South Korea will be rocked by Richter 8 earthquake.
There will be a mass recall of chicken soup.
A major oil spill on the motorway in the UK will cause multiple fatalities.
Someone called Jackie will become a Global Superstar
An asteroid that is heading for earth is diverted by the military firing a missile at it

I have taken out the vague ones and just left the ones we can check so there we go then, ease up on the Chicken Soup, don't move into a high rise apartment in Japan and if you are called Jackie then start writing out your resignation letter.

Boris Johnson Is Still A What They Said

Many people have inspired songs to be written about them and Boris Johnson has joined that elite group who have been immortalised in verse.
The song all about Boris Johnson sits at number 5 in the UK Chart but in case you haven't noticed, Boris isn't popular in the UK which gave BBC Radio One a dilemma when it was doing the Official Top 40 Chart run-down because the song is called 'Boris Johnson Is Still A Fuc*king C*nt' (my asterisk) by punk group The Kunts.
Scott Mills decided that there was no possible way that he could play the hit, read the name of the song or mention the group name so said: 'At number five this week is a song about Boris Johnson that has so many bad words in it i can’t possibly play it on daytime Radio 1'.
Ladbaby, who scooped the number one slot said that The Kunts and their song was vulgar and their own hit was for food bank charities so deserved to be number one' which The Kunts responded by saying that they had made a large donation to MIND and Cardiac Risk in the Young after the success of their song and 'We may be vulgar in the language we use to get our point across but we would not be so vulgar as to use food banks to hawk records, increase our profile or sign lucrative sponsorship deals'. Touche Mr K.
The song is the tune of Gary Glitters 'Rock N Roll Part 2' and is a minute and half of just repeating the name of the song over and over but thankfully convicted sex offender Mr Glitter will not get any royalties from it because he sold all of his rights to music years ago to cover legal costs.
Maybe the Song For Europe people should approach The Kunts to perform our entry for Eurovision next year but as a responsible adult i cannot possibly condone a song where the leader of my country is called a Fu*king C*nt, especially when everyone knows he is actually a Fu*king Pr*ck.

NASA Invites Religious Folk For A Chat

I have never stopped a stranger in the street to try and convert them to Atheism but that doesn't stop religious folk bouncing up to me with their Bibles to try and convert me which pretty much always ends up with me patiently explaining why their man in the clouds is a bunch of hooey.
Not that it does any good, they just continue to ignorantly chunder on at me about whatever it is they believe in a one way conversation, uninterested in any debate which may open a chink of light in their closed mind but NASA has not waited for a overly cheerful loony to come to them, they have gone to them and invited Religious Scholars their views on their beliefs about divinity and creation if life was found on other planets.
Science has always challenged the Religious dogma from the Earth being at the Centre of the Universe to Evolution and the religious have had to adjust the to survive and at some point in the future we will discover life on other planets, or it will discover us, and that may be the step too far and finally the scales fall from so many eyes for those of the opinion that God's sole intent was to create people in his image here on Earth.
The invited include Christian Priests, Jewish Rabbi's, and Islamic Imam's who have accepted and stated that 'teaching would not be affected by the discovery of alien life'.
Science has done its best to show religion for what it is but the discovery of life in the other reaches of the Universe should be yet another body blow to religion on it's way to becoming something that future generations will look back on as a curiosity but i expect the religious leaders would 'find' the answer written in their holy texts somewhere amongst the Unicorns, dragons and horses with the heads of lions, creatures that are half-rooster and half-snake and fire breathing sea creature with multiple heads.

Boris Letting The Bodies Pile High

Not one to make the same mistake twice when he can make it three times, Boris Johnson and his Government have decided that despite being pilloried for locking down late previously, they have decided to ignore the medical advisors in his team and not lock down at all this time.
They seemed to have latched on to the report that the Omicron Variant is more transmissible but milder than previous variants and is happy to let it rip through the nation which it is, today's number of daily Covid cases in the UK has hit the highest of the pandemic, 183,037, but it isn't just in the UK that is setting grim records, over the last few days Italy, Portugal, USA, France, Greece, Poland, Denmark, Australia, Cyprus and Iceland have all reported record daily Covid cases since the beginning of the pandemic.
The gamble from the Government seems to be that as the Omicron variant is milder, this will translate into less hospitalisations and deaths but as almost 3,000 more NHS beds have been taken by Coronavirus patients over the past week, the gamble is beginning to look a very wrong one especially as it takes 2 to 3 weeks for the figure to drip through and another further couple of weeks for the related deaths number so we will know by mid-to late January we will have a clearer picture of just how brilliant, or reckless, the PM's decision was.
The much lauded review on the 28th December came and went with no change to the current restrictions, which is close to no restrictions, so New Year Eve parties have been waved through to go ahead meaning another surge of infections to increase our already deplorable infection figures.
The Government seem to be desperate to not cancel Christmas and New Year Parties and are relying not so much on Medical Experts but crossing their fingers and hoping the full hospital beds and death toll doesn't rise too much but the current numbers rocketing up are from the pre-Christmas period,
when we get those figures late January it will be too late to lock-down then, the damage would have been done.
Boris's advice today was for us all to be sensible and take Lateral Flow Tests before doing anything which would be good if there wasn't a national shortage at Chemists and even the Government Website not having any to send out which is a bit of a flaw in his plan.
He may deny ever saying 'Let the bodies pile high', but it seems to be that is exactly what he is going to get.

Betwixtmas Aka The Feast Of Leftover

There seems to be 3 acts to Christmas with the first beginning in November with the excitement building and people getting into the festive mood and then comes stage two which is the big day itself.
This week we find ourselves in Stage 3 which apparently is called 'Betwixtmas' where, with most people on annual leave until January, we have nothing to do but wait for New Year’s Eve and the time of resolutions and renewed gym memberships before life returns to normal.
My mum always called it the Feast of Leftover because most fridges are bursting with turkey which will go into sandwiches, soups, stews and absolutely anything else it can be crammed into but Turkey isn't the only thing on the menu because there will also be an abundance of chocolate to get through from selection boxes, tree decorations and the big bars of Aero, Whole Nut and Bourneville which were so lovingly gift wrapped.
It will be days until anyone has anything approaching a normal meal, featuring vegetables, and the same goes for still sporting pyjamas and a dressing gown until well after mid-day and drinking sherry and eating Christmas pudding for breakfast.
It's not just a time of leftovers in the home as the shops will be selling off all their Christmas Decorations, trees, cards and gift sets at knock down prices which you can buy and then put in a safe place so in eleven months times you won't be able to find them and have to buy more.
So don't feel bad if you spend the week laying on the sofa, searching through the TIVO to see what was recorded over the Festive period and deleting four versions of 'A Christmas Carol' with Alistair Syms, Patrick Stewart, the muppets and Bill Murray while stirring a tin of Quality Street in the hope that there may be a Purple One left among the sticky wrappers.
However you chose to celebrate this slow-paced time of the year, be it with turkey jam, surrounded by cut-price mini Christmas Trees, pickled onions or by just plain old pickling your liver, enjoy it because come January 4th, the real world comes rushing back at you.

Desmond Tutu

In my mind, Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu were a double act of apartheid resistance with Mandela the political power and Tutu the public face and while Mandela spent 27 years in prison, Tutu's position in the Church meant he was an uncomfortable opponent to the country's white supremacist Government but as untouchable as a black man in South Africa could be.
It is right that following his death from prostate cancer yesterday he is receiving the plaudits for his work but it wasn't his religious work that i applaud him for, it was his commitment to calling out inequality, corruption and human rights abuses wherever he found them, regardless of whether it was friend or foe committing them.
Despite his religious beliefs, he railed against homophobia in the Church, saying that he would rather go to the other place than go to sit beside a homophobic God and castigated Israel for 'inflicting such suffering on the Palestinians'.
Despite suffering decades of racism in South Africa, post-apartheid he made a point of telling blacks and whites that they should not see colour and see South Africa as a rainbow nation, and when Mandela and the African National Congress swept into power, he criticised their violent behaviour during the fight against Apartheid, including Mandela and his wife, and castigated the leadership of not doing enough to alleviate poverty with too much wealth and power concentrated in the hands of a new black political elite.
He went after Robert Mugabe, Britain and America for their high black prison populations, Burma's Aung San Suu Kyi for the ethnic cleansing of the Muslim minority and anyone who didn't support: 'a society that's compassionate, that really makes people feel they mattered. Where people don't go to bed hungry'.
A man of principle and a voice acting as a much needed moral compass in the current times when they are woefully lacking.