Special Guest Blogger: Greek/Roman God Apollo

Anyone who is familiar with the Greek or Roman Gods knows that our family tree gets very complicated very quickly and when the Romans changed the names of the Greek Gods it got even more-so but luckily i was one of the few whose name stayed the same although my responsibility changed with the crossover.
In the original Greek Mythology i was the God of Light, and it was my job to pull the Sun across the sky in my golden chariot every day but when i wasn't creating the day (the original sun god was the titan Helios, but everyone forgot about him), i was also the God of poetry, truth, art, oracles, medicine, knowledge and plague but two of my best inventions were archery and music.
As the son of Zeus and the Titan Leto, my twin sister, Artemis, and i were Olympians and both expert archers and as immortals, we would zing each other with arrows when we annoyed each other and were both pretty quick tempered, after the god Hermes stole some of my cows, i was about to make a colander of his head when in desperation he created the lyre for me, the very first stringed instrument from which all other stringed musical instruments came from.
At the many drinking parties held on Olympus, i would perform some bodacious lyre solos but as always, there are others who think they can play better so i was forever being challenged to contests though, being a God, i could never stand to lose as King Midas found out when i gave him donkey ears for not choosing me as the winner of a contest against Pan (him of the stupid pipes fame) and also the satyr Marsyas who i flayed alive for being a bit too good and nobody likes a show-off.
Probably the Sun dragging thing was the most important of my jobs but although i have dropped out of favour i have had a big hand in the music business, you might recognise a few tunes i dashed out over the last few millennia but there are a few i regrettably have to put my hand up to also.
That 'Big Yellow Taxi' song is one, Jodi may have been a woman brainier than Kurt Cobain’s living room wall but she refused to remove the line 'they paved paradise to put up a parking lot’ despite me telling her that would actually alleviate the awful traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise where i lived and i didn't really think through The Weather Girls 'Its Raining Men' song where they sounded happy about the prospect of male forms thudding down onto the pavement filling the streets with twitching, shattered human corpses and soaking everyone with blood, brain matter and piss.
Something i absolutely will not take the blame for is boys bands, seriously, who buys that crap? Everyone knows pop music should be sung by hot little teenage girls in tight clothes foaming each other at a car wash in the video, tell me that's not entertainment at it's finest!
I may have fallen out of favour and been replaced by one God who does everything us Romans and Greeks Gods did but millennia after i blinked out it was my name on the side of the mission to the Moon, because you're goddamn right it was, it's the least you puny humans could do for me giving you the goddamned Sun everyday and persuading Oasis to call it a day. You are welcome.