What the history books tend to overlook is that this event would probably have ended much differently if the angry patriots hadn't been raging drunk on the night in question.
I never really liked the English and hated the way they talked, I mean, do these guys realise how wussy they sound? They all think they sound so smart with their little funny accents and words like fortnight and penultimate..JUST SPEAK ENGLISH, YA LIMEY MORONS!!
The night began at a meeting led by me at the Old South Church, when a group of us gathered at the house of newspaper publisher and tea-hater Benjamin Edes to discuss what to do about the British ships, i stood up and said 'lets storm them and throw the tea into the sea' but there was a murmur and a distinct lack of interest so i sat down and had a few glasses of the red wine, rum and whisky punch or as i called it, Freedom Juice.
Hours and a few bowl's of punch later, we moved into the phase of the night when the Freedom juice was really flowing and drunk logic was starting to sound good so i stood up, wobbled a bit and announced that we should dress up as Indians, stumble down to Boston Harbor, and show the British how irrational they were being by wrecking their shit.
I also suggested we put on our wives dresses and go moon the neighbours but by then the patriots had all belched their agreement and we stumbled out the door and towards the Boston Harbour with our efforts only occasionally halted for bouts of puking.
We boarded the ships and spent hours tossing the tea crates into the harbor before falling back home giggling and dancing and then waking up six hours later a lot more sober and wondering what we did last night and why did our clothes smell faintly of tea?
The rest is history and we kicked the Brits asses all the way back to limeyland and America went on to become the land of the free, and the home of the brave and all it took was a bunch of drunks dressed like Indians having a massive piss-up.
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