Special Guest Blogger: Chinese God Pan Gu

If your idea of religion is giving up a Sunday morning lie in to kneel on a hard floor in a draughty
Church singing about rowing a boat ashore and listening to someone in a frock bang on for an hour about talking bushes then you are in for a shock because that God is just one of thousands that have come and gone and each comes with its own creation of Earth story so sit back and listen to how i, the Chinese God Pan Gu, did it.  
In the beginning, the Universe was like a huge black egg floating in the void of Space (you don't need to know who laid the egg, just accept it was egg-like) and inside the egg was me and i had been sleeping inside it for 18,000 years and decided now was as good a time as any to grab a handily
placed axe i kept inside the egg for just such occasions and bash open the shell and watch on as the Universe formed around me and very pretty it was too.
The egg white floated serenely upwards and became the Heavens while the much heavier yolk sunk downwards and became the Earth but it was lacking something to keep the two apart while it was still tacky so being as tall fellow, i stood between the two and held them apart while things settled down.
The flaw in my plan was i had no idea how long things would take to stick so i could let go so to make sure the sky and earth was properly set, i held on for another 18,000 years and in that time i grew and pushed the sky further up and the earth further down until i was certain that there was no danger of it ever collapsing and let go.
Holding up the sky is a tiresome act and my heavy breathing became the wind, my sweat the rain and my voice the thunder and the fleas that infested my shaggy fur coat dropped to Earth and became the human race so there you have it, nobody ate any apple's and there was no talking snakes, just an egg and a Chinese God with very, very tired arms.