Special Guest Blogger: Saint Cyprian of Antioch

There are really three stages of maturity for a boy in the Western world. There's the stage when you really want to play with toys, the stage when you find out your toys are not as much fun as they used to be and the stage when you discover girls and you really, really want to do things with them but getting laid is never easy. That said, as a pagan sorcerer called a theurgist, i made it a little easier with the demons i controlled, the 3rd century way to get her shit-faced and sorry in the morning.
My road to redemption and Sainthood begins like all great stories with an attempted rape using demon minions when a man came to me and said that he had his lustful eye on a certain wench called Justina and could i use my black arts to cast a spell to get her to bump fuzzies with him and despite him having the face not even a mother could love, i took his money and accepted the challenge.
I sent a few of the minor demons her way and waited for the confirmation that the deed had been done but she batted them away so i sent a few more of my more reliable spells her way and again she stood firm and kept her legs firmly at half past 6 and after i dug deep and conjured up the most sexually explicit spell i could and she still refused to buckle, the customer came to see me to ask for his money back and i went to see her and demanded to know how she could ward off the dozens of hell spawned sexual assaults i sent her way and she showed me that by making the sign of the cross, she was able to repel the evil spirits.
I had assumed it was to do with the man being so ugly he would make a bulldog cry so i was surprised when she said it was God protecting her and as Christianity was becoming more popular and my business would be heading down the gurgler with the use of a simple hand gesture, i became a priest and became firm friends with Justina.
The problem with becoming a priest in the time of Emperor Diocletian was that he got a bit head-choppy with them and when he found out he had both of us seized, taken to Damascus to be tortured and beheaded on the bank of the river Gallus.
I did write a book of powerful spells for praying or invoking Saints and included a few of the, let's call them love spells, but i can't be held responsible for any results of using these spells or any resulting husbands or wives who you thought would be your one true love but turn out to be huge douches.