Special Guest Blogger: Pope Innocent VIII

Being in a position of power brings out the best in people, taking on responsibility can prompt thoughtfulness, dignity, and responsibility but sometimes you just pull ideas out of your backside and go with it which is mostly what i did during my time as Pope.
I only became Pope because gangs were rioting in the streets and the election of the unpopular Venetian Cardinal Barbo was going to make things worse so i got the nod as the least bad option and found myself in the big chair and decided to take on Witchcraft, the Turks and the Kingdom of Naples.
Naples was easy, i invited King Charles VIII of France to come to Italy with an army and take possession of Naples which they did although it did spark an eleven year war but by then i had moved onto tackling  the Turkish Ottoman Empire.
The Bayezid II ruled as Sultan of the Ottoman Empire but his brother Cem was forever trying to overthrow him and when he came to us and offered perpetual peace between the Ottoman Empire and Christendom if we backed him, the Sultan offered to pay us 120,000 crowns and 45,000 ducats a year if we kept him captive.
Bayezid II didn't promise peace with the Christians but all we did to keep the peace was threaten to free his brother if his sights turned to any Christian nation which worked just as well.
With Naples and the Turks sorted, i decided to tick witchcraft off my to-do list and got together some experts who said that witchcraft was to blame for all miscarriages, crimes, ruined fruits and vineyards, bad weather and any failed harvests so i issued a papal decree which made it illegal to impede the inquisitors investigating sorcery.
So with a war raging in Naples, the smell of burning witches filling the air and the Turks tamed, i was pretty happy with my achievements and then i fell ill with a high temperature and growing weaker by the day, which was a problem because this was the 'apply leeches to the affected area' era of medicine so the pulling ideas out of your arse didn't only apply to Papal decisions and the best doctors came up with the idea of feeding me milk from a young girls breast.
As much fun as that was, they decided it wasn't working and decided instead of milk i needed a young persons blood to drink so they rounded up three ten-year-old boys and brought them to the Vatican to serve as donors.
Amazingly that never worked either and it didn't do much for the boys either because they drew too much blood from them and killed them all so days later three ten year old boys and Pope were laying dead, me with a horrible aftertaste in my mouth.