Special Guest Blogger: Nicolas Chauvin

You would think that having your name turned into a common word that is still in use hundreds of years after your death would be cool but i really wish that everyone would just stop saying my name.
I was a French army soldier and was the number one fan boy of the tremendous and heroic Napoleon Bonaparte and was his go to guy whenever a battle was raging which is why i ended up minus three fingers, a shoulder fracture and a horridly disfiguring facial wound but whenever Napoleon called, i would say something grovelly like i only need two fingers to shove my sword up the British nether regions and would ride off wondering what body part i may not come back with this time.
Such was my devotion to my Emperor that people started to say i was taking the whole patriotism thing way too far but all the time Napoleon was in charge i was in favour, problem was when he wasn't my name became ridiculed and derided and through the pen of songwriters and vaudeville comedians, it became a synonym for anyone who was overly patriotic to the point of stupidity.
At our final defeat in Brussels it is said that my battalion was surrounded, i supposedly shouted we may die but we will not surrender but that's rubbish, my final words were actually 'Merde!'
Somewhere in the 1960's, the word 'chauvinist' was adopted by feminists looking for a better way to describe men who are irrationally convinced of their own superiority, because sometimes 'Moron' just doesn't cut it and the new meaning soon overshadowed the old one and my name became suffixed with 'Pig' as in 'Chauvinist Pig' for which i only need one finger to show exactly what i think of that.