Special Guest Blogger: Saint Symeon the Stylite

It takes some doing to be deemed too fanatic a Christian that your own religion shun you but that's exactly what happened to me and how i ended up perched high up on pillars for the last 37 years of my life.
As a child in Syria, i heard some quotes attributed to Jesus and i liked the sound of them so as soon as i turned 16 i arrived on the doorstep of a local monastery and demanded they admit me which they did but i had a real hate-on for the pussified way they lived their lives and i considered their fasting and praying a bit too extravagant so i took too fasting for days on end and standing as long as i possibly could until i passed out and as that made them look bad they told me to leave the monastery.
Out on my own i decided to shun the luxuries of the early 5th century life by shutting myself in a little ramshackle hut for three years but the hut proved too expansive and extravagant for me so i packed up my loincloth and moved to a crevice in a rock in the desert.
Soon pilgrims arrived to bring me goat’s milk and flat bread and seeking my counsel and to say prayers while emptying my waste bucket which cut heavily into my own praying time so i clambered up onto a stone pillar with a little platform on top and sat there instead.
Still they came and asked me questions so i kept clambering onto higher and higher pillars until i found one 50ft high with a 3m platform but the pilgrims still came, and this time with ladders.
The goats milk and bread was gratefully received but despite me saying just leave the milk and sod off, they wanted to know things and occasionally a woman would appear on the top rung and women...ergh..cooties, so i let it known no women are allowed near my rock erection.
To keep from falling, i tied a rope around my leg, which gradually sank into my flesh and the sore got worse but i refused to remove the rope and refused to come down for treatment when i got an ulcer which became infected and led to my death but i inspired many other worshipers to follow my example and, for a while, seeing Christians living a top a pillar was a common sight in Syria although some forgot to bring a bucket and you really wouldn't want to be standing under those pillars when nature called and a bare backside appeared over the edge of the platform, from 50ft up the solids land with a very wet splat.