Psst. Come here. Lean closer because this is a bit hush hush.
You know that cosmetic surgery you have been saving up for. Well i know a way you can get it absolutely free. Just sign here, and here and report for military training at Fort Knox. Enjoy your new breasts and Baghdad.
Although it is not a secret as such, US military officials don't like to advertise the fact that one of the perks of joining Uncle Sam's military machine is free cosmetic surgery.
Anyone in any of the four branches of the military and members of their immediate families can get free face-lifts, nose jobs, breast enlargements, liposuction, or any other kind of cosmetic alteration although bizarrely if you want to go up a few bra sizes, you have to supply your own implants.
The Army’s rationale for performing the cosmetic operations is that it maintains the skills of the surgeons in doing reconstructive surgery on soldiers who have been wounded.
With the military struggling to entice young men and women into this choice of career, i am surprised that this is not more widely used as a recruiting tool although with private cosmetic surgery costing thousands, you can understand why they want to limit those who know about it to a minimum. The last thing they want is loud mouthed bloggers to publicise it.
So if you are in the military or are the immediate family of someone who is, pop along to a military training facility and ask about their range of face lifts, botox injections and nose job procedures.
You may have to spend the rest of your life piecing your life back together after the trauma of serving in Iraq or Afghanistan but at least now you can do it with perfectly straight teeth and without those crows feet.
Just don't forget to take along your implants if you are considering the boob job.
.jpg)
Saturday, 10 May 2008
Friday, 9 May 2008
They Built A What??
I wasn't really paying attention to the excited scientist babbling away on the TV.
The Worlds greatest experiment..yada yada yada...countdown to the big moment in a few weeks...blad di blah di blah...calm down guy or at least grab a test tube and go behind the screen for five minutes.
Then the brainiac suddenly caught my attention with his calm observation that "Although we can't say for sure what will happen, we are not expecting a black hole to envelop the globe though". What the f...!!
Apparently scientists have spent more than a decade building something called a Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland which is going smash atoms together to recreate the conditions just after the 'Big Bang' when the universe was created. I repeat...What the f...!!
As the L'oreal adverts say, here comes the science bit.
Atoms will race around inside a 17 mile tunnel at virtually the speed of light in an atmosphere colder than outer space and collide together to create temperatures 100,000 times hotter than the sun.
Despite admiting they don't know what will happen, scientists are laughing off claims that the experiment will create black holes to swallow up the planet or some sort of apocalyptic event that will destroy us all which is reassuring.
Still, might not hurt to bring any summer holidays forward a few months, just to be on the safe side.
Oh, and i would give Switzerland a wide berth this year.
The Worlds greatest experiment..yada yada yada...countdown to the big moment in a few weeks...blad di blah di blah...calm down guy or at least grab a test tube and go behind the screen for five minutes.
Then the brainiac suddenly caught my attention with his calm observation that "Although we can't say for sure what will happen, we are not expecting a black hole to envelop the globe though". What the f...!!
Apparently scientists have spent more than a decade building something called a Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland which is going smash atoms together to recreate the conditions just after the 'Big Bang' when the universe was created. I repeat...What the f...!!
As the L'oreal adverts say, here comes the science bit.
Atoms will race around inside a 17 mile tunnel at virtually the speed of light in an atmosphere colder than outer space and collide together to create temperatures 100,000 times hotter than the sun.
Despite admiting they don't know what will happen, scientists are laughing off claims that the experiment will create black holes to swallow up the planet or some sort of apocalyptic event that will destroy us all which is reassuring.
Still, might not hurt to bring any summer holidays forward a few months, just to be on the safe side.
Oh, and i would give Switzerland a wide berth this year.
Thursday, 8 May 2008
Is McCains Past His Best?
Hillary is not contemplating giving up so she is saying but the problem with a further prolonged Democrat election is that they are damaging each other much to the glee of the McCain camp who must be thanking their lucky stars this set of unexpected circumstances fell in their lap.
When a Democrat successor does finally emerge an issue i am sure will be used to beat McCain around the head with is his age which begs the observation, will the Republican senator being 72 by Election Day be his downfall?
For a man of his years, John McCain does look good and as yet there have been no gaffes or slips that can be used as a pointer to an aging mind but you can guarantee that the first one he does make will be leaped upon with relish.
The Liberal Democrats recently removed Menzies Campbell from the party leadership because the constant harping at his 69 years overshadowed anything he had to say and was especially bought into focus when he lined up alongside his comparativly youthful opposition.
McCain's age, it seems, joins Hillary's gender and Obamas colour as issues to be danced around but ageism is not such a taboo subject so the comedians, talk show hosts and media can be relied upon to keep it at the forefront of voters mind and could well be driven home if Obama wins as looks more and more likely, and the two of them do a stage debate that the politicians seem to enjoy doing over there.
Obama will be 47 this August and looks fresh, fit and youthful while McCain will look everyone of his 72 years alongside him and from another political era. His Vietnam adventures that his team look to drop into conversations only age him further.
Maybe his age won't be the deciding factor but it will be an issue and in Obama, the Democrats have a latte man to the Republicans hot cocoa man.
When a Democrat successor does finally emerge an issue i am sure will be used to beat McCain around the head with is his age which begs the observation, will the Republican senator being 72 by Election Day be his downfall?
For a man of his years, John McCain does look good and as yet there have been no gaffes or slips that can be used as a pointer to an aging mind but you can guarantee that the first one he does make will be leaped upon with relish.
The Liberal Democrats recently removed Menzies Campbell from the party leadership because the constant harping at his 69 years overshadowed anything he had to say and was especially bought into focus when he lined up alongside his comparativly youthful opposition.
McCain's age, it seems, joins Hillary's gender and Obamas colour as issues to be danced around but ageism is not such a taboo subject so the comedians, talk show hosts and media can be relied upon to keep it at the forefront of voters mind and could well be driven home if Obama wins as looks more and more likely, and the two of them do a stage debate that the politicians seem to enjoy doing over there.
Obama will be 47 this August and looks fresh, fit and youthful while McCain will look everyone of his 72 years alongside him and from another political era. His Vietnam adventures that his team look to drop into conversations only age him further.
Maybe his age won't be the deciding factor but it will be an issue and in Obama, the Democrats have a latte man to the Republicans hot cocoa man.
Wednesday, 7 May 2008
Left Or Right?
I have always managed to sort the left leaning males from the right leaning males by hairstyles. In my mind right wing men have short, gelled and smart hairstyles while lefty men usually have long or hair that goes in whatever direction the wind is blowing.
Of course this is just my own rule of thumb but in 2003 Psychologists at New York University conducted a review of 88 prior studies involving 22,000 participants and came up with traits that reveal our personality and political orientation.
If your front room is messy, cluttered, colourful and contains maps or flags, then you are on the left side of the political fence.
If its neat, clean, organized, brightly lit and contains paintings or pictures of buildings you are on the opposite side.
Lefts have more books, are impulsive, optimistic, more likely to listen to classical music or jazz, enjoy abstract art, like romantic comedies, write in a diary and play musical instruments. They are also more open, inquisitive, excitement-seeking, creative, and travel more.
The right are more likely to be religious, like country music, prefer radio chat shows, are orderly, decisive and more conscientiousness in their duty, and rule-following. The most common derogatory term used to describe them is stubborn or jobs-worth. They think the world is a dangerous place and have a greater fear of death.
The left are more likely to see grey areas and are able to see both sides of an argument which often see's them branded as indecisive.
If you are still unsure about your orientation and find you have a foot in either camp, the reports authors have devised a quick test to work out your orientation.
Fill in the blanks of these incomplete words: coff__, sk_ll, and _oney.
If you are more likely to vote for the long haired indecisive type with a messy living room, you see coffee, skill, and honey.
If you are more inclined to put your cross beside the short haired candidate with the Dolly Parton CD, you see coffin, skull, and money.
Of course this is just my own rule of thumb but in 2003 Psychologists at New York University conducted a review of 88 prior studies involving 22,000 participants and came up with traits that reveal our personality and political orientation.
If your front room is messy, cluttered, colourful and contains maps or flags, then you are on the left side of the political fence.
If its neat, clean, organized, brightly lit and contains paintings or pictures of buildings you are on the opposite side.
Lefts have more books, are impulsive, optimistic, more likely to listen to classical music or jazz, enjoy abstract art, like romantic comedies, write in a diary and play musical instruments. They are also more open, inquisitive, excitement-seeking, creative, and travel more.
The right are more likely to be religious, like country music, prefer radio chat shows, are orderly, decisive and more conscientiousness in their duty, and rule-following. The most common derogatory term used to describe them is stubborn or jobs-worth. They think the world is a dangerous place and have a greater fear of death.
The left are more likely to see grey areas and are able to see both sides of an argument which often see's them branded as indecisive.
If you are still unsure about your orientation and find you have a foot in either camp, the reports authors have devised a quick test to work out your orientation.
Fill in the blanks of these incomplete words: coff__, sk_ll, and _oney.
If you are more likely to vote for the long haired indecisive type with a messy living room, you see coffee, skill, and honey.
If you are more inclined to put your cross beside the short haired candidate with the Dolly Parton CD, you see coffin, skull, and money.
Hmm, I Recognise That One.
I haven't done this for ages but thanks to UK Gold and there lack of any programmes after 1995, here is a bunch of actors and actresses from old TV shows. None of these were the star of the shows but they were all major characters. Usual rules apply, a million pound courtesy of Cody's bank account for anyone guessing all 7.
Monday, 5 May 2008
Genesis to Revelations
atheist n· unbeliever in God or deities: somebody who does not believe in God or deities
"Do you really believe that man descended from monkeys?" mocked the woman sat opposite me.
"Yes, and you really believe that man was made from dust?" i replied. Apparently she did and to think she was laughing at me!
I like to think that as long as those that do believe don't try and shove their religion down my throat, i won't shove my atheism down their throat. Of course that doesn't mean i won't argue the toss about it although i know that i am on very shaky ground because i have never actually read the bible.
I live opposite a man of the Church and we often get into theological discussions and i usually rely entirely on him for anything bible related but the foundations of any religious argument i put up is set on sand because i am always relying on other people or their interpretations of what the bible says.
To right this wrong i have borrowed a dog-eared copy of a Bible from the local Church and plan to work through it although the first thing i notice is that it is a tad over 350 pages long, has no pictures and the writing is really small on each page.
Whether i can put aside my sneering nature and read it as many others do and believe each word that it is telling me i will have to see but the first few pages contain such pearls as Adam lived to the ripe old age of 930 so it won't be easy.
It doesn't bode well for the rest of it but i will give it a go.
"Do you really believe that man descended from monkeys?" mocked the woman sat opposite me.
"Yes, and you really believe that man was made from dust?" i replied. Apparently she did and to think she was laughing at me!
I like to think that as long as those that do believe don't try and shove their religion down my throat, i won't shove my atheism down their throat. Of course that doesn't mean i won't argue the toss about it although i know that i am on very shaky ground because i have never actually read the bible.
I live opposite a man of the Church and we often get into theological discussions and i usually rely entirely on him for anything bible related but the foundations of any religious argument i put up is set on sand because i am always relying on other people or their interpretations of what the bible says.
To right this wrong i have borrowed a dog-eared copy of a Bible from the local Church and plan to work through it although the first thing i notice is that it is a tad over 350 pages long, has no pictures and the writing is really small on each page.
Whether i can put aside my sneering nature and read it as many others do and believe each word that it is telling me i will have to see but the first few pages contain such pearls as Adam lived to the ripe old age of 930 so it won't be easy.
It doesn't bode well for the rest of it but i will give it a go.
Fritzl: Mad or Bad
Nobody could fail to feel revulsion while reading about Joefs Fritzl and how he held his daughter captive in a cellar for 24 years and fathered seven children with her.
To most of us it seems a forgone conclusion that he now faces a long stretch in prison for the inhumane treatment of his family but psychiatrists are investigating his state of mind to see whether he is fit to answer to his crimes in a criminal court.
"My personal opinion is that Josef Fritzl is mentally ill and therefore certifiably insane. I believe that my client doesn't belong in prison but rather in a closed psychiatric clinic," said the lawyer and so begins the debate over was he responsible for his own actions.
What he subjected his daughter to was so shockingly evil that you could easily conclude that it could not be done by a sane person. He must therefore be insane. Problem is that it then leads to the proposition that the more awful and horrific the crime, the more likely it is that the perpetrator is insane, and we do not put insane people through the normal trial procedures.
You could also make the argument that for him to set about achieving what he did for 24 years, he must have been in full control of his faculties otherwise he would have been discovered years ago.
The diminished responsibility argument doesn't seem to sit too well with the public who feel that the offender escapes being punished for their crimes under the full weight of the law and justice has not been done.
We will have to put our faith in the psychiatrists who ultimately make the decision whether he was bad or mad.
To most of us it seems a forgone conclusion that he now faces a long stretch in prison for the inhumane treatment of his family but psychiatrists are investigating his state of mind to see whether he is fit to answer to his crimes in a criminal court.
"My personal opinion is that Josef Fritzl is mentally ill and therefore certifiably insane. I believe that my client doesn't belong in prison but rather in a closed psychiatric clinic," said the lawyer and so begins the debate over was he responsible for his own actions.
What he subjected his daughter to was so shockingly evil that you could easily conclude that it could not be done by a sane person. He must therefore be insane. Problem is that it then leads to the proposition that the more awful and horrific the crime, the more likely it is that the perpetrator is insane, and we do not put insane people through the normal trial procedures.
You could also make the argument that for him to set about achieving what he did for 24 years, he must have been in full control of his faculties otherwise he would have been discovered years ago.
The diminished responsibility argument doesn't seem to sit too well with the public who feel that the offender escapes being punished for their crimes under the full weight of the law and justice has not been done.
We will have to put our faith in the psychiatrists who ultimately make the decision whether he was bad or mad.
Sunday, 4 May 2008
Gordon In The Brown Stuff
Mummy, who is that man slumped crying in the corner?
Why, That's Gordon Brown dear, he runs the country.
He looks sad. Why is he crying Mummy?
Well, you see dear, he waited 10 years to take over from his old boss and you remember that bad word that i called your Uncle John?
The one that began with T and sounds like BossBot?
Yes, well it turns out that everyone thinks Gordon is an even bigger one than his old boss.
But why Mummy?
Lots of reasons sweetie.
Mummy, is it because he is implicit in the debacles in Iraq and Afghanistan, cut the 10% rate which means the rich pay less tax while those on lower incomes pay more, the high price of petrol and the impending 2% tax rise pencilled in for Autumn, the credit crunch, Northern Rock, the swathe of public service strikes threatening the country and a perceived lack of any leadership qualities whatsoever?
Yes dear.
And because he looks grumpy and miserable all the time?
I imagine some people don't like that honey.
So mummy, does that mean Mr Cameron from the Conservatives is going to move into Mr Browns house soon?
I'm afraid so dear. After Labour lost so badly in the local elections it seems the country is sending a strong message that the Labour Party is a dying duck just waiting to be put out of its misery.
Is that nice Mr Cameron going to better than that nasty Mr Brown mummy?
Probably not sweetie, the Conservative Party are even worse but people are just fed up with Labour and their wars, lies and spin.
Gordon is still crying Mummy. Can i go and kick him?
Sure you can darling, then maybe we will stop at McDonald's on the way home. No darling, don't kick him there, aim for between the legs. That's it. Good shot.
Why, That's Gordon Brown dear, he runs the country.
He looks sad. Why is he crying Mummy?
Well, you see dear, he waited 10 years to take over from his old boss and you remember that bad word that i called your Uncle John?
The one that began with T and sounds like BossBot?
Yes, well it turns out that everyone thinks Gordon is an even bigger one than his old boss.
But why Mummy?
Lots of reasons sweetie.
Mummy, is it because he is implicit in the debacles in Iraq and Afghanistan, cut the 10% rate which means the rich pay less tax while those on lower incomes pay more, the high price of petrol and the impending 2% tax rise pencilled in for Autumn, the credit crunch, Northern Rock, the swathe of public service strikes threatening the country and a perceived lack of any leadership qualities whatsoever?
Yes dear.
And because he looks grumpy and miserable all the time?
I imagine some people don't like that honey.
So mummy, does that mean Mr Cameron from the Conservatives is going to move into Mr Browns house soon?
I'm afraid so dear. After Labour lost so badly in the local elections it seems the country is sending a strong message that the Labour Party is a dying duck just waiting to be put out of its misery.
Is that nice Mr Cameron going to better than that nasty Mr Brown mummy?
Probably not sweetie, the Conservative Party are even worse but people are just fed up with Labour and their wars, lies and spin.
Gordon is still crying Mummy. Can i go and kick him?
Sure you can darling, then maybe we will stop at McDonald's on the way home. No darling, don't kick him there, aim for between the legs. That's it. Good shot.
Technical Difficulties
So let's go live to Lucy, are you there Lucy?
"F***** piece of *****"
Lucy doesn't seem to be ready yet so let's give her a few minutes and, oh, its OK, she's ready. So Lucy, can you hear me?
"I'm going to throw you out of the F****** window you lousy ***** computer..."
Lucy, hello, Lucy?
"Nothing but problems, F******* hopeless **** **** *****"
Lucy, we are live. Hello, Lucy?
"F*** ******n ****** b**** ***** and ***** **g"
Well I'm sorry about that, we seem to be having some technical difficulties so while we try and sort them out, here's Julia with the weather.
Thanks James, all across the country, it's going to F****** rain.
"F***** piece of *****"
Lucy doesn't seem to be ready yet so let's give her a few minutes and, oh, its OK, she's ready. So Lucy, can you hear me?
"I'm going to throw you out of the F****** window you lousy ***** computer..."
Lucy, hello, Lucy?
"Nothing but problems, F******* hopeless **** **** *****"
Lucy, we are live. Hello, Lucy?
"F*** ******n ****** b**** ***** and ***** **g"
Well I'm sorry about that, we seem to be having some technical difficulties so while we try and sort them out, here's Julia with the weather.
Thanks James, all across the country, it's going to F****** rain.
Friday, 2 May 2008
Recent Keywords
What with the name of my blog, i get a few people ending up here who are searching for treatment of bruises and abrasions. To my knowledge the only thing you can do with a bruise is watch it go purple and slowly fade to yellow so i am not actually much help on that front but it is not just my shaky medical advice that draws people to here. A quick look on my Statcounter page shows that some search engines are showing people here for a strange array of reasons.
My recent keyword activity includes users writing some strange things in and being told there request will be answered here.
Some make sense as they are topics that have issued forth from my keyboard such as 'Michael Moore donate money', 'bobo experiment' and 'coffee & chocolate'.
Some are a bit more head scratching like in 'compare napolean and hitler', 'derogatory names for northerners' and 'small bald spot, woman' although my guess would be that at some point, in some post, i have written those combination of words.
The last category is just weird and include 'compliments i can pay my wife','how to get short hair for men', 'how to accumulate excessive wealth' and the amusing 'ich bein welsh'.
Not so much worried what the searcher of the phrase 'lucyp nude on brighton beach' was looking for. More concerned about whether they found it.
My recent keyword activity includes users writing some strange things in and being told there request will be answered here.
Some make sense as they are topics that have issued forth from my keyboard such as 'Michael Moore donate money', 'bobo experiment' and 'coffee & chocolate'.
Some are a bit more head scratching like in 'compare napolean and hitler', 'derogatory names for northerners' and 'small bald spot, woman' although my guess would be that at some point, in some post, i have written those combination of words.
The last category is just weird and include 'compliments i can pay my wife','how to get short hair for men', 'how to accumulate excessive wealth' and the amusing 'ich bein welsh'.
Not so much worried what the searcher of the phrase 'lucyp nude on brighton beach' was looking for. More concerned about whether they found it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)