Newspaper editors know that there are a few stories that they can put on the front page which will increase circulation and one of those are extreme weather stories.
Weather sells newspapers and every time they have a front page story on extreme weather, their circulation goes up by around 10% hence the front page stories this weekend that sub-zero temperatures and violent snow storms are about to hit the UK as soon as October.
The reasons given for a shivering winter for us Brits is a combination of freak ocean cooling in the Atlantic caused by El Nino and the slowing Gulf Stream caused by melting ice caps.
The source of the dire weather warnings are a small private company called Exacta Weather but the MET Office, the main authority on all things meteorological, are not so sure that the mercury is going to plummet to -20C as Exacta announced, saying they expect the temperatures at the end of October to be around the average.
Exacta gave the same dire warnings last year, stating then we could expect one of the worst winters in history which turned out to be one of the mildest on record but unperturbed, they have dusted off last years predictions and put them out again, this time throwing the El Nino effect into the pot.
Personally, i would go with the data from the MET Office rather than the sensational headlines on the front of the tabloids which is there to sell newspapers and if it happens and we do all have to dig out the thermal underwear at the end of October, then it can say it was right and the Exacta Weather company will get a large boost while we will quickly forget that it got it completely wrong all those previous years.
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Tuesday, 15 September 2015
Friday, 11 September 2015
Guide To Australia For Refugees
In a surprising change of policy, Australia have announced that they will take 12,000 Syrian refugees over the next 12 months and to help the newcomers integrate into Aussie society, the Department of Immigration and Citizenship, have produced a booklet for those coming to the land down under.
Of course the guide runs through all the usual things such as facts and figures about the country, an explanation of national symbols and a history of the country but of it doesn't give the whole story so luckily i will fill in the gaps gleaned from years of watching Australian soaps and listening to Kylie Minogue records.
1 - The first thing that you will notice when you get to Australia is that their places were named by 5-year-olds so you may well end up at Nobby, Bong Bong, Wagga Wagga, Cocklebiddy, Coo Wee Rup, Humpty Doo, Iron Knob, Koolyanobbing, Mount Buggery, Wooloolmooloo or Tittybong.
2 - It is a misconception that every animal in Australia is trying to kill you, it's just most of them. In the sea are jellyfish, octopus and sharks while on land you have to dodge deadly spiders, crocodiles, dingoes, ants and giant centipedes. If none of them get you a kangaroo is only a short hop away. Talking of kangaroos...
3- Kangaroos are everywhere and although some of them may well go for help if you fall down a well or get kidnapped, most will just punch or kick you and then shove you in their pouch and dump you somewhere in the outback.
4 - Show an Australian a cooker and he will scratch his head in confusion but show him a BBQ and he will turn into a five star chef because Australians cook everything on the 'Barbie'. Everything seems to be meat and prawns and the shout of 'throw another prawn on the barbie' can be heard from gardens up and down the country. If you only learn one phrase, learn that one and you will be welcome into any Australian garden at tea-time.
5 - If there is one thing that Australians excel at more than barbecuing everything, it's sinking a few tinnies because Australians do like a drop of the amber nectar. If you come from a part of the Middle East where drinking alcohol is frowned upon then unfortunately the sight of men, women and children chugging cans of full strength lager is something you will have to get used to. If you ever need to have a discussion with an Australian then try to catch them before 8am because after that the breakfast beer kicks in and all you will get is a drunken rant about how they hate the flamin' Poms.
6 - The Australians call us British Pom's and they will whinge about us until all that alcohol renders them incapable. Don't let it bother you, they are just bitter because we beat them at sports all the time and because we dumped their ancestors in a land filled with animals that try to kill them all those years ago.
Please Note that the relatives we dumped there were all criminals so you may want to keep a tight hold of your purse.
7 - Australia's delicacy is something called Vegemite. No idea what it is.
8 - Australians and Fashion sense are not two words that have never been in the same sentence together unless 'have no' is placed between them because Australia is the land that even the fashion police have named a no-go area. Singlets, flip-flops, bikinis, budgie smugglers and hats with corks dangling from it are the height of sartorial elegance and are all the items of clothing you need in your wardrobe.
9 - Look at a map of Australia and you will notice that all the main cities are around the eastern edge and that's because all Australians live by the beach and go surfing when they are not at a barbie or being chased up a tree by a dingo.
10 - All Australians have a pet koala, it's like a law over there.
11 - Asked to name an Australian actor and the name most famous is Russell Crowe who began his career in popular Australian Soap Neighbours and then its a bit of a head scratcher. They also try to claim Mel Gibson despite him being American so the well of Australian TV is not very deep. Less of a well and more of a puddle to be honest so you want to make sure the first thing you do is have satellite TV installed otherwise you will condemned to re-runs of Prisoner Cell Block H.
12 - There are not many musicians with an Australian accent around outside of Australia. There is a reason for that.
So enjoy your time in Australia, try not to get eaten by a wallaby and wear your hat with corks with pride.
Of course the guide runs through all the usual things such as facts and figures about the country, an explanation of national symbols and a history of the country but of it doesn't give the whole story so luckily i will fill in the gaps gleaned from years of watching Australian soaps and listening to Kylie Minogue records.
1 - The first thing that you will notice when you get to Australia is that their places were named by 5-year-olds so you may well end up at Nobby, Bong Bong, Wagga Wagga, Cocklebiddy, Coo Wee Rup, Humpty Doo, Iron Knob, Koolyanobbing, Mount Buggery, Wooloolmooloo or Tittybong.
2 - It is a misconception that every animal in Australia is trying to kill you, it's just most of them. In the sea are jellyfish, octopus and sharks while on land you have to dodge deadly spiders, crocodiles, dingoes, ants and giant centipedes. If none of them get you a kangaroo is only a short hop away. Talking of kangaroos...
3- Kangaroos are everywhere and although some of them may well go for help if you fall down a well or get kidnapped, most will just punch or kick you and then shove you in their pouch and dump you somewhere in the outback.
4 - Show an Australian a cooker and he will scratch his head in confusion but show him a BBQ and he will turn into a five star chef because Australians cook everything on the 'Barbie'. Everything seems to be meat and prawns and the shout of 'throw another prawn on the barbie' can be heard from gardens up and down the country. If you only learn one phrase, learn that one and you will be welcome into any Australian garden at tea-time.
5 - If there is one thing that Australians excel at more than barbecuing everything, it's sinking a few tinnies because Australians do like a drop of the amber nectar. If you come from a part of the Middle East where drinking alcohol is frowned upon then unfortunately the sight of men, women and children chugging cans of full strength lager is something you will have to get used to. If you ever need to have a discussion with an Australian then try to catch them before 8am because after that the breakfast beer kicks in and all you will get is a drunken rant about how they hate the flamin' Poms.
6 - The Australians call us British Pom's and they will whinge about us until all that alcohol renders them incapable. Don't let it bother you, they are just bitter because we beat them at sports all the time and because we dumped their ancestors in a land filled with animals that try to kill them all those years ago.
Please Note that the relatives we dumped there were all criminals so you may want to keep a tight hold of your purse.
7 - Australia's delicacy is something called Vegemite. No idea what it is.
8 - Australians and Fashion sense are not two words that have never been in the same sentence together unless 'have no' is placed between them because Australia is the land that even the fashion police have named a no-go area. Singlets, flip-flops, bikinis, budgie smugglers and hats with corks dangling from it are the height of sartorial elegance and are all the items of clothing you need in your wardrobe.
9 - Look at a map of Australia and you will notice that all the main cities are around the eastern edge and that's because all Australians live by the beach and go surfing when they are not at a barbie or being chased up a tree by a dingo.
10 - All Australians have a pet koala, it's like a law over there.
11 - Asked to name an Australian actor and the name most famous is Russell Crowe who began his career in popular Australian Soap Neighbours and then its a bit of a head scratcher. They also try to claim Mel Gibson despite him being American so the well of Australian TV is not very deep. Less of a well and more of a puddle to be honest so you want to make sure the first thing you do is have satellite TV installed otherwise you will condemned to re-runs of Prisoner Cell Block H.
12 - There are not many musicians with an Australian accent around outside of Australia. There is a reason for that.
So enjoy your time in Australia, try not to get eaten by a wallaby and wear your hat with corks with pride.
Where Was That Again?
The late night weather forecasts tends to tell us viewers just where the highest and lowest temperature were that day and on Friday it just happened to be warmest in was in Northern Wales, in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch to be exact.
How the weathermen and ladies must have loved it when the computer spat that one out.
Assisted Dying Bill Defeated
It isn't very often i find myself alongside the Conservatives and the Church but that's where i find myself in the argument over assisted dying and us unlikely trio are content that the bill that would have made it legal for the terminally ill to end their lives has been defeated in the House of Commons.
Under the proposals, a patient would have to be terminally ill with less than six months to live, mentally fit to make the decision and administer the fatal final dose themselves.
MPs voted 330 to 118 to reject the Bill and now face the cat-calls and condemnation of the many who were calling for the change.
While i fully understand the argument regarding not leaving a fellow human in needless suffering and what right has anyone got to dictate to someone else what they can do and can't do with their lives, my problem with the whole idea of assisting someone to kill themselves has always been that it would open far too many avenues for abuse and chronic misjudgements.
As much as my heart goes out to anyone suffering and their families who will undoubtedly disagree with everything i have said here, it stops a greater evil further down the road.
The massive grey area for me is vulnerable people being pressured to commit suicide and it is too big an area to ignore.
It would without doubt be misused, their have already been cases of unscrupulous relatives killing, or attempting to kill, elderly relatives to get their greedy hands on an inheritance and we should be concerned for people who would be made to feel or believe that they are becoming a burden on their family.
Despite the condition that the patient had to administer the deadly medicine themselves, there is also the danger where those who are struggling to look after a sick or disabled spouse who can claim they agreed to voluntary euthanasia afterwards or those who do not have the capacity to articulate their feelings but have the decision, and the dose administered, by a well meaning relative or doctor.
Whatever conditions you set, they will be stretched and we would end up with court cases of was-it-murder or was-it-assisted-suicide. It's too easy to have the edges blurred and what we have now, in my opinion, is the best worst option as horrendous as that is for the patients and families.
I think the MP's got this one right as it is a potential minefield we really don't need to wander into.
Under the proposals, a patient would have to be terminally ill with less than six months to live, mentally fit to make the decision and administer the fatal final dose themselves.
MPs voted 330 to 118 to reject the Bill and now face the cat-calls and condemnation of the many who were calling for the change.
While i fully understand the argument regarding not leaving a fellow human in needless suffering and what right has anyone got to dictate to someone else what they can do and can't do with their lives, my problem with the whole idea of assisting someone to kill themselves has always been that it would open far too many avenues for abuse and chronic misjudgements.
As much as my heart goes out to anyone suffering and their families who will undoubtedly disagree with everything i have said here, it stops a greater evil further down the road.
The massive grey area for me is vulnerable people being pressured to commit suicide and it is too big an area to ignore.
It would without doubt be misused, their have already been cases of unscrupulous relatives killing, or attempting to kill, elderly relatives to get their greedy hands on an inheritance and we should be concerned for people who would be made to feel or believe that they are becoming a burden on their family.
Despite the condition that the patient had to administer the deadly medicine themselves, there is also the danger where those who are struggling to look after a sick or disabled spouse who can claim they agreed to voluntary euthanasia afterwards or those who do not have the capacity to articulate their feelings but have the decision, and the dose administered, by a well meaning relative or doctor.
Whatever conditions you set, they will be stretched and we would end up with court cases of was-it-murder or was-it-assisted-suicide. It's too easy to have the edges blurred and what we have now, in my opinion, is the best worst option as horrendous as that is for the patients and families.
I think the MP's got this one right as it is a potential minefield we really don't need to wander into.
Thursday, 10 September 2015
Thanks America
Over the years America has sent quite a few awful things across the Atlantic on onto our shore.
Madonna, Seinfeld and Barney to name just a few but it appears that the Yanks are about to fling
something else our way also, Tropical Storm Henri.
Henri is currently off the coast of North America but is moving northeastwards over the weekend and
is set to bring the UK some very wet and wild weather.
The MET Office have said: 'The remnants of Tropical Storm Henri will move towards Europe next week, reaching the UK by the middle of the week. This area of low pressure will contain tropical air and could produce a lot of rain, but it's exact state and movement is still very uncertain'.
Depending on the position of the jet stream it could dive South and dump it's immense rainfall over France and Germany however, if the jet stream doesn't snake around and stays where it is, then the UK is in for a soaking and anyone living near a river had better dig out those sandbags again.
Personally, it means i have to get that dodgy windscreen wiper sorted out this weekend which means a trip to Halfords when i could be laying on the sofa stuffing my face with chocolate and watching repeats of QI on Dave so thanks for ruining my weekend America.
Madonna, Seinfeld and Barney to name just a few but it appears that the Yanks are about to fling
something else our way also, Tropical Storm Henri.
Henri is currently off the coast of North America but is moving northeastwards over the weekend and
is set to bring the UK some very wet and wild weather.
The MET Office have said: 'The remnants of Tropical Storm Henri will move towards Europe next week, reaching the UK by the middle of the week. This area of low pressure will contain tropical air and could produce a lot of rain, but it's exact state and movement is still very uncertain'.
Depending on the position of the jet stream it could dive South and dump it's immense rainfall over France and Germany however, if the jet stream doesn't snake around and stays where it is, then the UK is in for a soaking and anyone living near a river had better dig out those sandbags again.
Personally, it means i have to get that dodgy windscreen wiper sorted out this weekend which means a trip to Halfords when i could be laying on the sofa stuffing my face with chocolate and watching repeats of QI on Dave so thanks for ruining my weekend America.
Tuesday, 8 September 2015
What Can Possibly Go Wrong?
French scientists have announced they found a new prehistoric virus in the frozen Siberian wastelands, and are planning to bring it back to life.
It may sounds like the voice over at the start of a horror film but this is true, they really have found a previously defunct virus from 30,000 years ago and are planning to 'wake it up'.
They have promised though to make sure that the virus won’t harm anyone so that's okay then, can't see how anything can possibly go wrong.
It may sounds like the voice over at the start of a horror film but this is true, they really have found a previously defunct virus from 30,000 years ago and are planning to 'wake it up'.
They have promised though to make sure that the virus won’t harm anyone so that's okay then, can't see how anything can possibly go wrong.
Sunday, 6 September 2015
Reminding The Government Over Syria
It seems that in the two years since the vote to invade Syria was rejected, the Government seem to have gone hazy on the details.
It would appear, according to the Government officials on TV today, that Labour messed up the chance to deal with Syria two years ago and that is why we have millions of displaced Syrians escaping to Europe today.
Allow me to remind them that two years ago the vote was to invade the country to remove the President, Bashar al Assad, thereby helping the rag-tag bunch who were taking up arms to remove him.
President al Assad said that the people he was fighting, and the people that the West were backing with arms and funding, were terrorists and released the videos of them eating the hearts of their enemies and using chemical weapons as evidence.
Britain's security and intelligence chiefs at MI6 concurred that: 'Al-Queada elements and jihadists in Syria currently represent the most worrying emerging terrorist threat to the UK and the west. There is a risk of extremist elements in Syria taking advantage of the permissive environment to develop external attack plans, including against western targets'.
The Labour Party refused to back the Governments invasion plans which gave the Americans the willies and they also slinked off and the imminent invasion never happened.
What did happen of course was the rag-tag groups were made up of Al-Queada who rebranded themselves Islamic State, took the weapons we gave them and invaded Iraq and slaughtered anyone who wasn't the right flavour of Muslim.
Spin forward a couple of years and Islamic State have large swathes of the Middle East and North Africa under their murderous control and Syrians, Libyans and Iraqi's are fleeing from the IS held areas towards Europe in huge numbers.
Which all means that if the vote had gone the way the Government had wanted it two years ago, we would have been on the same side as Islamic State and against al Assad's troops but now the Government is wanting to fight Islamic State and be allied to al Assad which is very much different to how it is being put today.
Fact is we have very much changed which side we are on and far from messing up the chance to help the Syrian's two years ago, we would have been handing them over to the very murderers we now want to go to war with.
Someone really should remind the Government before they accidentally bounce us into another war in the Middle East or at the very least make up their minds who the enemy is.
It would appear, according to the Government officials on TV today, that Labour messed up the chance to deal with Syria two years ago and that is why we have millions of displaced Syrians escaping to Europe today.
Allow me to remind them that two years ago the vote was to invade the country to remove the President, Bashar al Assad, thereby helping the rag-tag bunch who were taking up arms to remove him.
President al Assad said that the people he was fighting, and the people that the West were backing with arms and funding, were terrorists and released the videos of them eating the hearts of their enemies and using chemical weapons as evidence.
Britain's security and intelligence chiefs at MI6 concurred that: 'Al-Queada elements and jihadists in Syria currently represent the most worrying emerging terrorist threat to the UK and the west. There is a risk of extremist elements in Syria taking advantage of the permissive environment to develop external attack plans, including against western targets'.
The Labour Party refused to back the Governments invasion plans which gave the Americans the willies and they also slinked off and the imminent invasion never happened.
What did happen of course was the rag-tag groups were made up of Al-Queada who rebranded themselves Islamic State, took the weapons we gave them and invaded Iraq and slaughtered anyone who wasn't the right flavour of Muslim.
Spin forward a couple of years and Islamic State have large swathes of the Middle East and North Africa under their murderous control and Syrians, Libyans and Iraqi's are fleeing from the IS held areas towards Europe in huge numbers.
Which all means that if the vote had gone the way the Government had wanted it two years ago, we would have been on the same side as Islamic State and against al Assad's troops but now the Government is wanting to fight Islamic State and be allied to al Assad which is very much different to how it is being put today.
Fact is we have very much changed which side we are on and far from messing up the chance to help the Syrian's two years ago, we would have been handing them over to the very murderers we now want to go to war with.
Someone really should remind the Government before they accidentally bounce us into another war in the Middle East or at the very least make up their minds who the enemy is.
Thursday, 3 September 2015
Refugee Crisis In Europe
After months of callous indifference from the Prime Minister towards the refugees escaping the war-zones in the Middle East and North Africa, David Cameron seems to be developing a conscience and all it took was a dead toddler washed up on the shore in Turkey.
The Prime Minister had explained that we are doing our bit by creating stability in the areas they’re fleeing from which seems a bit rich considering the places they are fleeing from are Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Libya which are all places we created the instability in the first place.
Europe is the nearest port in this particular storm for those fleeing terrorists in the war-zones and Europe is bearing the weight of hundreds of thousands of refugees but it wasn't just Europe who kicked down the walls and let ISIS and Al-Queada in to murder the population at will, the USA and Australia were just as culpable but i have yet to hear of them stepping in to take refugees.
Suddenly the mood has changed and the immigrants who were being berated last week for coming here to take our jobs and claim free houses and benefits have our sympathy and the Government view of 'not our problem' is being rightly criticised.
The people responsible for what we did in 2001 in Afghanistan, 2003 in Iraq, 2010 in Libya and since 2011 in Syria have been desperate to cut the link and separate what we did then and what is happening now but they can't because the those fleeing are fleeing from what George W Bush and Tony Blair started and Obama and Cameron continued.
The Prime Minister had explained that we are doing our bit by creating stability in the areas they’re fleeing from which seems a bit rich considering the places they are fleeing from are Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Libya which are all places we created the instability in the first place.
Europe is the nearest port in this particular storm for those fleeing terrorists in the war-zones and Europe is bearing the weight of hundreds of thousands of refugees but it wasn't just Europe who kicked down the walls and let ISIS and Al-Queada in to murder the population at will, the USA and Australia were just as culpable but i have yet to hear of them stepping in to take refugees.
Suddenly the mood has changed and the immigrants who were being berated last week for coming here to take our jobs and claim free houses and benefits have our sympathy and the Government view of 'not our problem' is being rightly criticised.
The people responsible for what we did in 2001 in Afghanistan, 2003 in Iraq, 2010 in Libya and since 2011 in Syria have been desperate to cut the link and separate what we did then and what is happening now but they can't because the those fleeing are fleeing from what George W Bush and Tony Blair started and Obama and Cameron continued.
Tuesday, 1 September 2015
Why Red Coats?
The military are not known for their brains but i have never understood why the British Army had a penchant for wearing lobster red outfits.
I originally thought that red was chosen as it didn't make blood stains obvious or it was an arrogance thing meant to scare the enemy as if once they saw the mass of red looming over a hill and coming in their direction they would pack up their weapons and wave a white flag.
My idea would be to wear a less conspicuous colour like green or brown so you at least didn't stand out but apparently the point was to stand out so you didn't get a butt full of buckshot from your own side.
The British Military Museum said that in the days of the musket and black powder, battle field visibility was quickly obscured by clouds of smoke and bright colours provided a means of distinguishing friend from foe.
Still brings me back to my original point that if you stood out to your own side, you also stood out to the other people shooting at you.
I'm still none the wiser then why red was considered to be the colour to wage war in but at least someone had the sense to realise it was a stupid idea and change it.
I originally thought that red was chosen as it didn't make blood stains obvious or it was an arrogance thing meant to scare the enemy as if once they saw the mass of red looming over a hill and coming in their direction they would pack up their weapons and wave a white flag.
My idea would be to wear a less conspicuous colour like green or brown so you at least didn't stand out but apparently the point was to stand out so you didn't get a butt full of buckshot from your own side.
The British Military Museum said that in the days of the musket and black powder, battle field visibility was quickly obscured by clouds of smoke and bright colours provided a means of distinguishing friend from foe.
Still brings me back to my original point that if you stood out to your own side, you also stood out to the other people shooting at you.
I'm still none the wiser then why red was considered to be the colour to wage war in but at least someone had the sense to realise it was a stupid idea and change it.
Triple Hurricanes
According to the UN's World Meteorological Organisation, surface water temperatures in eastern-central parts of the Pacific Ocean are 2C higher than usual which is fuelling the hurricanes and the finger of blame is being aimed at Climate Change and El Niño.
The current El Niño event over the tropical Pacific is on track to be one of the strongest in more than
60 years, experts have claimed and forecasters are warning the weather phenomenon may yet gather strength.
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