Who The Internet Loves And Hates

As the world becomes more divided, it’s not easy for a person to work out who we should be applauding and who to throw the rotten fruit at but luckily we have google to find out the answer. Using the Words 'I Love...' and ‘I Hate…’  we can find out by looking at the number of hits to get a snapshot of who the Internet is loving and hating at the moment

Most loved/hated politician
It may come as a surprise to some but American President Donald Trump is the one feeling the love at the moment with 524,000,000 loving hits, then our very Theresa May holding his hand in second place with 114,000,000 hits and the cuddly Kim Jong-Un taking third place with 43,900,000 hits.

Showing what a divisive figure he is, Donald Trump is also the most hated politician on the internet with 92,400,000 hits, then the UK’s very own Theresa May with 33,200,000 and Russia’s Vladimir Putin in third with 7,830,000 hits.

Most loved/hated country

Everyone loves America, or at least 1,660,000,000 on the Internet do as they finish top with Canada coming in a close second with 1,160,000,000 hits and then Australiawith 1,070,000,000 results.

Oh well, before America celebrates too much it also tops the most hated country list also with 543,000,000 hits, then China 524,000,000 hits and Australia with 408,000,000 hits.

Most loved/hated decade

Whether it was the summer of love or all the drugs being smoked, the 1960s take the accolade as the top decade with 151,000,000 hits followed by the 1970s  with 147,000,000 and then the 1980’s.

Probably due to people remembering being made to wear flares and listen to DISCO music, the 1970s is also the most hated decade with 46,600,000 hits, then the 80s just missing out with 42,700,000 hits and the 60s in third with 23,400,000 hits.

Most loved/hated musical genre

Maybe there are just more headbangers on the internet because  the most loved musical genre was Rock with 1,630,000,000 hits, then a rhinestone studded shirt of Country and Western with 536,000,000 results and jazz with 485,000,000 hits making up the top three.

Hell yeah followed by a quick 'you suck' to Rock as the internet also hates it the most with 447,000,000 then the rhinestones fall off spectacularly for Country and Western the second most hated with 80,300,000 hits and then Rap with 66,600,000 hits.

So confusingly Donald Trump in America in the 60s playing rock music was as good as it gets while Donald Trump in America in the 70s playing rock music is the ultimate low.  

Dealing With The No Deal Brexit Crisis - Scientifically

As usual, when times get tough we look towards that long haired man tied to a cross for inspiration.
"Some things in life are bad" sang Eric Idle, "They can really make you mad, Other things just make you swear and curse, When you're chewing on life's gristle, Don't grumble, Give a whistle, And this'll help things turn out for the best."
Yes, the Government appear to be measuring us all up for a paddle-less Brexit boat to fit us all in for that trip to a certain creek but there are some things you can do to cheer yourself up. And all scientifically proven although admittedly they could result in premature death if indulged to excess.

If you feel down about your shares dropping like a banker from the 7th floor of the Lloyd's building, have a cigarette. Scientists have found that smoking helps prevent the onset of various forms of dementia. It also suppresses appetite so you will keep your marbles longer and stay slimmer. Probably not the best way to avoid obesity, but it's certainly easier than doing laps at the local pool.

Want to take your mind off the rising cost of a loaf of bread? Clamp your mobile to your ear and have a bash at that hard Sudoku in the Times. Studies at the Bristol Oncology Center have found that people exposed to mobile-phone radiation were 4% faster at certain mental tasks than others.

Fed up watching the gloomy faced anchorman explaining short selling yet again? Don't do anything drastic like go to bed early, channel surf. Researchers at Vandebilt University in Nashville found that you'll use up 20% more energy watching television than lying in bed. Find a channel showing an old Seinfeld episode and you will use up even more energy trying to throw the remote through the TV.

Hacked off because you can't sell anymore bodily organs to fill your car with Petrol? Slam your favourite CD into the CD player and turn the volume up to 10 because researchers at the University of Manchester have discovered that loud music activates a primitive acoustic sense in the ear which stimulates the same areas of our brains that makes us think we might be about to get some bedroom gymnastics. Of course it will make you go deaf and annoy the neighbours but you will get that twinkle in your eye. I would avoid James Blunt Cd's though, the only thing twinkling will be your CD player as it bounces off the pavement below.

Trust the findings from the Institute for Preventive Medicine in Copenhagen to help when you watch your car being towed away by the repo department. Danish researchers have found that drinking alcohol reduces the tendency of blockages to form in blood vessels, helps protect against dementia, increase bone mineral density in women and even lowers blood pressure.

Finding it tougher to make the housekeeping stretch with each trip to the Supermarket? Empty your trolley of all those low fat yoghurt's and take a detour down the chocolate aisle because researchers from Holland's National Institute of Public Health and Environment, have found that chocolate contains a chemical that could prevent cancer and heart disease. Boiled potatoes or a heart disease preventing Mars bar, hmmm, tough one.

Tired of trying to understand what the red squiggles on the charts of the Dow Jones or FTSE index means? Reach for the Java because Dr Jonathan Geiger of the University of North Dakota has found that the Caffeine in Coffee lowers the risk of Alzheimer's and strokes.

So if anyone asks, you are not laying on the sofa with a cigarette in the ashtray, coffee in one hand, Bacardi breezer in the other whilst listening to System Of A Down at full volume and stuffing Snickers into your mouth. You are following a Scientifically proven method to deal with Brexit.

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Wanna Do A Deal America?

It is hard to ignore America. That great wedge of land beneath Canada and above Mexico has spread its tentacles all around the globe and no more than to Britain where we have a history of borrowing some aspects of the American lifestyle. As, due to Brexit, we are soon to be in negotiations with Uncle Sam over all manner of things, I have put forward a few suggestions of things we could thrash out for things we both have that would benefit the other.

The first thing i would ask for is the US National Anthem. Great tune which soars to a passionate crescendo of pride filled gusto. Ours is so bland and tuneless even a rockets red flare up the backside wouldn't be enough to breath life into it. For this we would give you changeable weather. Yes we are obsessed with it here but that's because it is so unpredictable that we literally can have 3 days of weather in 1. It is what ex-pats miss the most apparently because the weather in most of America is so reliably unchanging.

Next on the table is your sportsmen. I don't know if you have noticed but our sporting fraternity isn't bad but we could do better. We have terrible tennis players, awful athletes, god awful golfers and shite swimmers. We will take any on offer, we are not proud.
Your sportsmen in exchange for the British Communications Regulator (OFCOM) who ensure that the television news channels keep to a Broadcasting code of accuracy, impartiality and fairness in television and radio programmes. I have seen Fox news. You need OFCOM.

Something we need that you have is exciting politics and politicians. Watch our House of Commons, most of them are either asleep or have lost the will to even pretend they are not bored to death. No Obama-esque orations or Clinton style passion. Heck, i would even settle for some Hillary type pointing and manic grinning over Theresa May and her strangely eerie smile. No Trump though, you can't foister him off on us.
For this we offer you the letter U. The amount of times i have been accused of having the spelling skills of a monkey by you Americans. It's our language, we had it first so would it kill you to stick some U's into words? We would throw in an -ise to sweeten the deal so you can get shot of that -ize.

With the exception of a few bands you could count on two fingers, British music is in a bad way. You have more decent bands than you could shake a Amy Winehouse spliff at so throw a few of them this way and we give you the ability to not applaud every ten seconds. It drives me crazy trying to listen to someone over there and the speaker is constantly interrupted by applause and whooping.

Judges that hand out creative sentences like the man who called a police officer a pig and was ordered to stand on a street corner next to a pig with a sign saying the pig was not a police officer. You can have our game of football, or soccer as you insist on calling it. American football just looks like a load of men who jump on each other and then get substituted by another group of men who do the same thing over and over again. Seriously lacks the poetry and skill of a good old fashioned soccer match.

Finally, David Boreanaz, George Clooney, Brad Pitt. We have no good looking male actors. We have Hugh Grant. Not very fair but i think you will be more than pleased to accept a selection of British swearwords for the trio. I know you don't have 'T*s**r' and its stronger cousin 'W*a*k*r' but how about ar*e, bo**ocks, bugg*r, sod and git? Tempted?

That's that then, mull it over and let us know what you are interested in.

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England, Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland, UK, Britain And Great Britain

Donald Trump's grasp of most things is, to be polite, limited but geography is especially lacking in the orange one, due to his little fingers not being able to turn the page on the atlas or something but he has surpassed even himself while talking about his recent visit to the UK at a rally to his fellow deplorables in Pennsylvania.
Addressing his fellow racists and fruitcakes he begins an anecdote by saying: 'I have great respect for the UK, United Kingdom. Great respect. People call it Britain, they call it Great Britain, they used to call it England'.
Hmmm...
That would be England the country being confused with Great Britain which includes Scotland and Wales and then he threw in the UK which includes all the above along with Northern Ireland. It really isn't that hard but maybe he was talking pre-1707 before we were all unified.
Anyway, fake news as England has never been called Britain or Great Britain it's always been called, surprise surprise, England but now those of us in England, Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland, the UK, Britain and Great Britain can all agree what a colossal moron the idiotic man is all at the same time.

90 Days Of Summer: Day 64

If i had a pound for everytime i have said it's too hot this summer then i could afford to hire an igloo at the North Pole until September but as nobody has been handing out quids to me, i have to stay here and suffer it with everyone else.
Just when we thought it was safe to go outside again, the sun decides to crank up the temperature and scorch us all as the heatwave is back and this time it's even bigger and better than before. 
Temperatures in Britain this weekend are expected to reach around 34°C and even Northern Finland have recorded temperatures of 32°C while parts of Spain and Portugal could potentially reach 50C according to experts and people are being warned to stay out of the sun.
PlayStation UK has been handing out tips on Twitter including wear sunscreen, drink lots of water and stay indoors and play video games in your underwear but that's what most gamers do anyway regardless of the weather outside.
My go-to solution is to sigh and mumble incoherently about being hot every couple of minutes but as yet this has not helped so i'm going for plan B which is to employ psychology and play some Christmas songs.
If an hour of listening to songs about snow and winter wonderlands doesn't work then my last ditch solution is to wait until my husband is holding a cold glass of water and then call him a rude name and hopes he throws it in my face.

Picking Your Football Team

After a World Cup, the viewing figures for football matches always go up and the Premier League is soon to kick off so newcomers to the world of football have the problem of which team to support.
The Premier League sides breaks down into 3 loose divisions, the Big 6 who will divide up the winners pots come May, the relegation fodder who will spend the season trying to avoid looking at the league table and the teams who float around between them both not doing very much.  
While it is true that every team offers something unique, in reality you don't want to get stuck with a team that will get kicked out of the Premier League never to be seen on TV again so Wolves, Watford, Southampton, Fulham, Cardiff, Brighton, Huddersfield, Bournemouth and Crystal Palace can be left on the shelf unless you are some sort of masochist and enjoy the fans of other teams reminding you of that latest 5-0 hammering your team received.

The mid-division teams include Burnley, Everton, Leicester, Newcastle and West Ham who are in the division purely to beat the relegation fodder while in turn get beaten by the teams at the sharp end of the league which leaves six teams who you can realistically support and not face ridicule week after week so after disregarding the chaff, we are left with the wheat, and the first is Tottenham Hotspur.

Tottenham Hotspur:
League Titles (2), FA Cups (8), League Cups (4), UEFA Cup Winners' Cup (1), UEFA Cup (2)
Famous Fans: Adele, Alan Sugar, Bruce Forsyth, Jessie J, J. K. Rowling, Paul Whitehouse, Salman Rushdie, Stephen Mangan.

The Harry Kane effect will be evident here, drawing many newcomers to Tottenham and if you are the sort of person who never finishes things or loses interest halfway through then Tottenham, or Spurs, should be your team as they are the one team you can rely on to buckle under the pressure and fall spectacularly from grace which is brilliant fun to watch as long as you are not a Spurs fan.
As a Tottenham fan you will have to legally hate Arsenal fans.
If they were a cartoon character they would be Wile E Coyote who does all he can and just when it looks as though he will succeed, invariably ends up in free-fall down the side of a cliff holding a sign that says 'Help'.

Chelsea:
League Titles (6), FA Cup (8), League Cup (5), UEFA Cup (1), UEFA Cup Winners' Cup (2)
Famous Fans: Michael Caine, Simon Pegg, Renee Zellwegger, Johhny Vaughan, David Baddiel, Jeremy Clarkson, Damon Albarn, Bryan Adams,  Geri Halliwell, John Major, Gordon Ramsey.

Owned by a Russian multi-billionaire friend of Vladimir Putin, Chelsea are the team to beat but considering they are chock full of the best players Russian rubles can buy such as Eden Hazard, boy can they be boring to watch but they have a new manager so that may change. They can either be brilliant or hopeless which is why people like to watch them.
As a Chelsea fan you will have to legally hate fans of QPR and Fulham.
If they were a cartoon character they would be Mr Burns from the Simpsons, rich and successful but not very well liked.

Manchester United:
League Titles (20), FA Cup (12), League Cup (5), European Cup (3), European Cup Winners' Cup (1), UEFA Europa League (1)
Famous Fans: Usain Bolt, Ulrika Jonsson, Steve Coogan, Olly Murs, Tinchy Stryder, Snoop Dogg, Orlando Bloom, Harry Styles, Brad Pitt, Channing Tatum, Rihanna.

The choice of the glory hunter, the team for anyone who wants to walk around saying their team are champions of everything and they did right up until they won zip and the country was deafened by the sound of Man Utd replica tops being thrown into the bin.
Managed by a man with an ego so big that the players train by running around it, everyone's second favourite team is whoever is playing Manchester United that day. Were brilliant, then went rubbish but on the way back so probably a good time to be a Manchester United fan because the fans of every other team have already taken their revenge and revelled in their short demise.
As a Man Utd fan you will have to legally hate fans of Man City.
If they were a cartoon character they would be Tom from Tom & Jerry, makes everyone else laugh when it all goes horribly wrong and he ends up looking ridiculous with his head stuck through a fence and a bowl of milk on his head.

Manchester City:
League Titles (5), FA Cup (5), League Cup (5), European Cup Winners' Cup (1)
Famous Fans: Liam Gallagher, Noel Gallagher, Jason Orange, Andrew Flintoff, Ricky Hatton, Alan Carr, Jason Manford, Michelle Keegan, Princess Beatrice of York.

Since one side of Manchester slipped away, the other has stepped up with the help of the Abu Dhabi United Group who have spent well over £1 billion transforming the squad into one that could dominate the Premier League. Man City are the current champions and have some of the most exciting players to watch but despite the billion pound blown on players, have not yet attracted the same amount of vitriol as Man Utd or Chelsea for 'buying' the titles they have won but that will come so this may be the last chance to get in and claim supportership before the inevitable taunt of 'glory hunter' is thrown at anyone with a Manchester City shirt.
As a Man City fan you will have to legally hate fans of Man Utd.
If they were a cartoon character they would be Bart Simpson, been around a while but is just starting to wear out his welcome.

Liverpool:
League Titles (18), FA Cup (7), League Cups (8), European Cup (5), UEFA Cup (3)
Famous Fans: Gary Barlow, Dr Dre, Daniel Craig, Samuel L. Jackson, Liam Neeson, Angelina Jolie, Ricky Tomlinson, Elvis Costello, Lana Del Rey, Craig Charles, Ronan Keating, Russell Howard

The team who once lit up Europe but have since spent the last 2 decades saying they are coming back to do it all again but are only now actually looking like ever getting there. Past glories keep older Liverpool fans warm at night but for the newcomer, the recent Liverpool was like being told you are being taken out for a meal and ending up at McDonalds, it's technically still a restaurant but not really
what you were expecting but with Jurgen Klopp at the helm and a large transfer budget, the Liverpool of old could finally be on their way back.
As a Liverpool fan you will have to legally hate fans of Everton.
If they were a cartoon character they would be Mickey Mouse, once ruled over everything but peaked a while ago.

Arsenal:
League Titles (13), FA Cup (13), League Cup (2), UEFA Cup Winners' Cup (1),
Famous Fans: Queen Elizabeth II, Prince Harry, Benedict Cumberbatch, Zac Efron, Idris Elba, Keanu Reeves, David Schwimmer, Bradley Walsh, Mick Jagger, John Lydon, Alan Davies, Bradley Wiggins, Lewis Hamilton,  Mo Farah, Jeremy Corbyn

Generally regarded as the thinking mans team and when they are good they are very very good but when they aren't good, oh dear. They have a new manager this season but under Arsene Wenger they played a beautiful game with skill and speed but if you pick Arsenal as your team you will have to learn the basic shout that all Arsenal fans master of 'Stop fannying about with it and shoot the bloody thing' as the 75th pass makes it way across the opponents 18 yard box. All means that for all the beautiful football, they will end up outside of the top 4 yet again but they will look damned good doing it.
As an Arsenal fan you will have to legally hate fans of Tottenham.
If they were a cartoon character they would be Jessica Rabbit, beautiful to look at and involved in the action all the way through but never one of the main players.

There are a couple of teams who may press the top six and could be worth taking a punt on including:

Burnley:
One of the few teams who have broken away from the previous group and look as though they could disrupt the normal order of things but they have been punching above their weight and have the distraction of European football this season so potentially could be firmly dragged back into the former group before they have chance to add to the one FA Cup they won in 1914.
As a Burnley fan you will have to legally hate Blackburn Rovers fans.
If they were a cartoon character they would be Barney Rubble, there as much as everyone else but everyone is watching what the bigger and better Fred is doing.

Everton:
This club has a very good honours list which includes 9 League Titles, 5 FA Cups and a European Cup Winners' Cup but are probably most famous for being a club from Liverpool but not being Liverpool. A safe team to support because while you won't be walloped by the big fish very often, you won't ever celebrate winning anything either.
As an Everton fan you will have to legally hate fans of Liverpool.
If they were a cartoon character they would be Velma from Scooby Doo, in the midst of the action but nobody would miss her if she wasn't.

So there's your teams but pick carefully because once chosen, you pretty much have to stick with them forever as swapping teams is highly frowned upon in the football world.

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Tommy Robinson Free For Now

One of the many problems with the right wing is that they don't have many heroes on their side of the fence so they tend to congregate around some less than savoury characters which is why they have been clamouring over Stephen Yaxley-Lennon or Tommy Robinson as he calls himself now.
Yaxley-Lennon has been freed from prison on bail after winning an appeal against a contempt of court conviction although most of his supporters seemed to think he was imprisoned for some sort of 'free speech' infringement.
In truth, the sun bed shop owner was warned about live videoing a criminal trial, was warned to stop, then given a suspended sentence and when he still carried on, was jailed for 13 months so no free speech issues there.
The EDL leader admitted the charge and deleted the offending material but it isn't the first time Yaxley-Lennon has had a close up view of a prison cell.
He had previously been handed a suspended sentence for contempt of court after live-streaming at another case in Canterbury in 2017. Among other arrests, he was also previously detained for 'incitement' after a protest in 2013, and was jailed for 18 months for mortgage fraud in 2014.
He has a previous conviction for assaulting an off duty policeman, serving a 12-month sentence that time and in 2011 was convicted of using 'threatening, abusive or insulting behaviour' at a football riot and was handed a 12-month community rehabilitation order with 150 hours unpaid work and a three-year ban from attending football matches.
He was arrested again after an EDL demonstration for breach of bail conditions and was later convicted of common assault after headbutting a fellow EDL member at a rally for which he enjoyed a 12 month suspended prison sentence.
He was also sentenced to 3 days prison and a £3,000 fine for protesting on the rooftop of the FIFA headquarters in Zürich.
Yaxley-Lennon may be a free man today but as the court of appeal ordered that he should be retried on the contempt of court charge due to 'procedural deficiencies', he will probably be back in soon anyway.
Talking sense to the racist right wing is no use as they are too busy trying to work out the front and back of their Union Jack underpants but the fact they are rallying around the cause for a violent football hooligan and fraudster should tell you all you need to know about them.

Not Climate Change Say Climate Change Victims

Standing infront of your house while it burns down with the rest of the forest around you is not a good look for denying climate change but some of the now homeless citizens of the California town of Redding tried to pull it off this morning.
US congressman Doug LaMalfa said that he 'didn’t buy human-made climate change' and that there was 'a lot of bad science behind what people are calling global warming' when challenged by a reporter his thought that scientists connected the blaze engulfing everything in it's path over his shoulder with climate change.
Of course some people are just slower on the uptake and it will take more than the 99% of climate scientists agreeing and the library worth of evidence to sway them and by a lucky fluke, in 2016, a team from the Yale Program on Climate Change Communication questioned Redding residents on climate change and found that only 35% of Redding residents believed that global warming would harm them personally, 5% lower than the national average, and 12% less than the average Californian.
No surprise then that you could swing a flaming stick and hit a climate change denier in Redding which is exactly what the camera team did and found a group of them who blamed it on being 'fire season', 'more people living out further and further in the woods', 'efforts to limit logging' but certainly not climate change leading to drier vegetation and tinderbox conditions.
One climate change denying resident just shrugged and said: 'The good Lord has to fix it' although i think the fire service and not polluting the planet in the first place may be more beneficial.

Tea Drinkers Dilemma

People take their tea many different ways, my usual method is to make it and set it down to let it cool slightly before forgetting i have a cup of tea and having to make another one.
I know people who insist on their tea being made a certain way, some want their milk first while others want it added last but unless they are in the room watching me, they get it whichever way i throw the ingredients into the cup.
Such is the debate over it that YouGov commissioned a poll to find out the best way to make tea and 80% of people who had far too much time on their hands to answer surveys about how to make tea agreed that it should be hot water before the milk.
They also found out that the majority of Brits prefer their tea to be pale beige but that confuses me because how do the 80% know what colour the brew will be until the milk has been added?
Other tidbits that they found included that 58% of Brits drink tea on a daily basis, with 11% drinking more than five cups a day, while 22% don't drink tea at all.
Conclusive evidence then that 80% of people really shouldn't come around my place for a cuppa because chances are it won't be made the way you like it and colour-wise it could range from anything from darkest black to anemic white and all shades between.

The Del Boy School Of Brexit

I have always thought that Brexit of any flavour wouldn't happen, that at some point the Government would decide that it would just too much of an economic hit for us to take and would abandon it, hopefully taking enough flak from the 52 percenters to get them removed from Government for a generation.
As the March 2019 deadline approaches i am starting to think that i did not take into account the sheer incompetence of the Conservative Government who have surpassed even the very low bar that i had set for them in disastrous and bungling policies.
There are no deals we could cook up which could be any better than our current arrangements but this hasn't sunk int the heads of the remainers who still delude themselves that we will be somehow better off going our own way from the largest single market in the World.
I say we should cast aside this sorry episode of national humiliation, Brexit was always only a ridiculous pipe-dream anyway, but Theresa May is in such a weak position that she can't so on we go towards the brink with the result of a no-deal and us crashing out to chaos, job losses, civil unrest, the break up of the U.K. and consequences that still have yet to show themselves.
The call for another referendum and a public vote is growing now that we know the facts of what Brexit actually means and maybe this is the strategy, to scare the public into supporting a new vote on Brexit, with the option of abandoning it altogether but that is giving credit to a Government who until now have been following the Del Boy model of how not to run a country.