Portugal, Ireland, Italy, Greece and Spain have become known as the PIIGS and are all on the verge of going bankrupt. Being countries of the Eurozone, they are threatening to drag the other 11 European countries who use the Euro over the precipice with them and are looking towards Germany and France to dig deep into their pockets and bail them out. Needless to say, the Germans are choking on their saurkraut at the thought so as usual its down to me to come up with a solution and i have the perfect answer where the Greek fat ladies can sit back down.
Let's go back to 1867 and find a financially challenged Russia hocking around 586,412 square miles of its land to the highest bidder, which turned out to be the Americans. A cheque for $7.2m and America had another star to add to it's flag and a lost opportunity to condemn Sarah Palin to the Russian Parliament 140 years later.
Using this as a precedent, the solution is for the five bankrupt countries to call in the Estate Agents and put up the For Sale signs.
France is ideally placed to snap up Spain and Portugal and hoist the tri-colour along the entire West side of Europe.
Ireland could become part of Britain and Italy would be absorbed into Germany. Not sure what would happen to Greece unless America fancy having a state on the mediterainian coast.
It would play havoc with the Eurovision song contest but everyones a winner. Some countries get to expand without going down the usual route of killing each other with a war to do it (looking at you Germany) and the five bankrupt countries become part of a wealthier countries thriving economy.
Of course the Spanish and Portugese would have to become French, the Italians German and the Irish British but the Iberians would gain a decent national anthem, the Italians would get reliable cars and the citizens of the Emerald Isles a chance to get rid of that association with icky green.
As the originator of the idea, i get 10% of any sale so we just have to agree a price now, exchange the contracts and then gazump all of you by selling the whole lot to China. Cha-ching.