Friday, 12 February 2010

Solving The Piigs Crisis

Portugal, Ireland, Italy, Greece and Spain have become known as the PIIGS and are all on the verge of going bankrupt. Being countries of the Eurozone, they are threatening to drag the other 11 European countries who use the Euro over the precipice with them and are looking towards Germany and France to dig deep into their pockets and bail them out. Needless to say, the Germans are choking on their saurkraut at the thought so as usual its down to me to come up with a solution and i have the perfect answer where the Greek fat ladies can sit back down.
Let's go back to 1867 and find a financially challenged Russia hocking around 586,412 square miles of its land to the highest bidder, which turned out to be the Americans. A cheque for $7.2m and America had another star to add to it's flag and a lost opportunity to condemn Sarah Palin to the Russian Parliament 140 years later.
Using this as a precedent, the solution is for the five bankrupt countries to call in the Estate Agents and put up the For Sale signs.
France is ideally placed to snap up Spain and Portugal and hoist the tri-colour along the entire West side of Europe.
Ireland could become part of Britain and Italy would be absorbed into Germany. Not sure what would happen to Greece unless America fancy having a state on the mediterainian coast.
It would play havoc with the Eurovision song contest but everyones a winner. Some countries get to expand without going down the usual route of killing each other with a war to do it (looking at you Germany) and the five bankrupt countries become part of a wealthier countries thriving economy.
Of course the Spanish and Portugese would have to become French, the Italians German and the Irish British but the Iberians would gain a decent national anthem, the Italians would get reliable cars and the citizens of the Emerald Isles a chance to get rid of that association with icky green.
As the originator of the idea, i get 10% of any sale so we just have to agree a price now, exchange the contracts and then gazump all of you by selling the whole lot to China. Cha-ching.


Nog said...

Thank God for the Germans! And is it just me, or do y'all Brits still have it out for them poor old Krauts? Other than having the strongest economy in Europe, what wrongs have the Huns committed since '45 to deserve such hate?

Actually, I was kind of wondering how the French, Germans, and British are taking it. For the French and the Germans, it seems as though they're being held hostage. I get the impression that their choice is to cover for their neighbor's poor choices in government, or see their currency go down the drain.

For Britain on the other hand, what's all this worrying about Ireland? They jumped ship, so let them go their own way.

And a lot of the fear stories I'm hearing don't seem quite real. Is Greece really in that deep of a hole? Is Portugal going broke? Where did all of these problems come from? TANSTAAFL, I guess. If you want 100 Euros in government spending you're going to have to pay at least 100 Euros in taxes sooner or later. Although it seems easier and more politically expedient to pretend otherwise.


Lucy said...

There were quiet rumblings for a while that these 5 were struggling and then suddenly, bam, it's a full blown crisis. From what i have been hearing on the news, it is Greece that is the most worse off.
As France and Germany are the powerhouses in the Eurozone, they are the ones with a difficult choice. Bail out Greece and the other 4 will expect the same treatment, let Greece fail and it drags down the entire Euro project.
It's a tricky one and us Brits are feeling quite smug about it all as we are outside of it all.

Cheezy said...

There's a lot to be said for your own government having control over monetary policy, that's for sure. It's saved our bacon over the past 18 months or so... It's all just about enough to make you consider voting UKIP at the upcoming election... (just joking of course!)

Viagra Online said...

Hey Hanz, I'm from the US and I don't really know what you mean by "PIIGS". I honestly hope it's not a word game, because if it is, it's really offensive.