Tuesday 7 November 2023

Today Is...Marie Curie Born

Born Maria Salomea Skłodowska-Curie in 1867, she was known simply as Marie Curie and was a Polish Physicist and Chemist who went on to conduct pioneering research on radioactivity and discovered radium and polonium.
If you were a strapping gent looking to improve your virility in the early 20th century then your options included shoving a radioactive pellet up your rectum which she recommended and she was a Nobel Prize winner so who wouldn't trust her advice?
She named the new elements Polonium, after Poland which was her native country and Radium after the Italian word for Ray as it would give off a beautiful shimmering glow.
Her discovery went far beyond remedies for floppy male bits, her new elements found there way into all sorts of consumer goods that went into other orifices such as radium water, toothpaste, make up, heat pads, beer, nail clippers, children's toys, starch, cigars, polish, headache tablets, razor blades, butter and of course radium coated condoms, for use after inserting the radium suppository obviously.
It was later found out that radium and polonium came with minor side effects such as leukemia, fragile bones, cancer and death which put a large dent in her burgeoning career, she even received a letter from Albert Einstein telling her to ignore the haters which was easy to do as she could literally see them coming a mile off and the ones who made use of the radioactive Suppositories had a particularly tell-tale walk.
Her husband, Pierre, said that she was looking more and more radiant each day and he wasn't wrong about that as she was dying from aplastic anaemia where her red blood cells were being killed off following a high exposure to radiation and now her body is buried in a coffin lined with an inch of lead as her remains are still so radioactive.
Most of her clothes, furniture, and laboratory notes are still dangerously radioactive and stored in lead-lined boxes and will be for the next 1600 years but they can never take away her discovery of radium, well not until the year 3620 anyway.

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