Trump Not Dead Yet

I have seen plenty of stories this weekend where i have read that Donald Trump is not so much at Deaths Door but is standing in the hallway commenting on the carpet but although he looks awful in the recent photo's (which only added to the conspiracy theory as it was from a week ago and not this weekend as the White House said), he never looked  a picture of health and anyway i am not convinced that the people making the comments are suitably medically qualified to say when someone is about to croak.
The evidence presented is that he has those strange bruises on his hands, his ankles are swollen, he seems to be even more incoherent than usual and he seemed to be unable to walk in a straight line so put altogether he is on his last (rather swollen) legs so i asked a medical expert for their opinion and as expected they were non committal but did say his lifestyle was not healthy, he was grossly overweight and there was something 'going on' but they could not say what.
So 'Something going on' was the expert medical opinion which isn't very clear but to muddy the water some more, he has recently began making references to his death,  saying that  he hoped helping end the war between Ukraine and Russia would help boost his chances of getting into heaven and so if the Medical Experts won't say if I should start writing a Famous Dead Bloggers entry for him ASAP, handily I know a Reverend very well so what is his thoughts on Trump either being handed a harp and sat on an Angelic cloud or having a pitchfork jabbed up his jacksy in the pits of hell?
To paraphrase him, if a lying sex pest who has defrauded millions and had several adulterous relationships like Trump can get in then Hell would be empty so that's a no then but those of us who have read Dante's Inferno know, Hell is a big place so which circle can the Orange one find himself in? In Dante Alighieri's Inferno, adulterers are punished in the Second Circle of Hell where they are buffeted back and forth by the terrible winds of a violent storm, without rest but don't reserve a Trump shaped space just there yet because the sin of gluttony, which can manifest as overeating and obesity, is punished in the Third Circle where an incessant, cold and heavy rain of hail, sleet, and snow creates a disgusting, foul-smelling mire and the three-headed hell-hound, Cerberus, regularly mauls the wretched souls which sounds more like it but wait, what about sex pests?
Dante's Inferno doesn't have a specific circle for 'sex pests' but sins related to sexual exploitation are punished in the eighth circle of hell which is also where  fraudsters and liars go so pretty certain that's where he will find himself being whipped by demons and probably where Jeffrey Epstein is so would nice for him to catch up with his good friend.   
So Trump is, as far as we can tell, still with us and as much i don't wish anyone dead, it is a truth that the World would be a better place without certain people in it.

Special Guest Blogger: Egyptian God Osiris

Mr Big of the Egyptian Underworld, that's me, in charge of the Dead End scenario and married to the beautiful Isis which is kinda cool considering i was a green-skinned deity with a pharaoh's beard, partially mummy-wrapped legs and wore a crown and carried around a crook and flail.
I was quite content to rule Vegetation and Fertility until I was knocked off by my evil brother Set, who chopped my body up in many pieces, locked my body in a chest and chucked it into the Nile.
Luckily, nothing is ever that simple when it comes to the Gods, and the chest was washed up on the shore, stuck in a giant tree, turned into a pillar and relocated to the palace of King Byblos where Isis, having searched high and low, eventually found it.
Poor Isis had to collecting bits and pieces of her dead husband until she had every last scrap and then got  Thoth and Anubis to help put the jigsaw puzzle of me back together.
Luckily there were no pieces missing. Except one pretty important bit, my penis .
Summoning all her Godly Reconstruction powers, which were pretty formidable, she managed to fashion another one made out of gold and thankfully fully functional so she breathed new life into me and she became pregnant with Horus hours later.
Thanks to my Underworld connections, I was promoted to Judge of the Dead where you could be thrown to the fiery pits and the soul-eating demon Ammit to be annihilated or reborn.
I know that religion has moved on since my time and now there is a real pick n mix available but i would like to think that at least some of them picked up the idea of a resurrection and being thrown into a fiery pit if you are a sinner.