Special Guest Blogger: Egyptian God Osiris

Mr Big of the Egyptian Underworld, that's me, in charge of the Dead End scenario and married to the beautiful Isis which is kinda cool considering i was a green-skinned deity with a pharaoh's beard, partially mummy-wrapped legs and wore a crown and carried around a crook and flail.
I was quite content to rule Vegetation and Fertility until I was knocked off by my evil brother Set, who chopped my body up in many pieces, locked my body in a chest and chucked it into the Nile.
Luckily, nothing is ever that simple when it comes to the Gods, and the chest was washed up on the shore, stuck in a giant tree, turned into a pillar and relocated to the palace of King Byblos where Isis, having searched high and low, eventually found it.
Poor Isis had to collecting bits and pieces of her dead husband until she had every last scrap and then got  Thoth and Anubis to help put the jigsaw puzzle of me back together.
Luckily there were no pieces missing. Except one pretty important bit, my penis .
Summoning all her Godly Reconstruction powers, which were pretty formidable, she managed to fashion another one made out of gold and thankfully fully functional so she breathed new life into me and she became pregnant with Horus hours later.
Thanks to my Underworld connections, I was promoted to Judge of the Dead where you could be thrown to the fiery pits and the soul-eating demon Ammit to be annihilated or reborn.
I know that religion has moved on since my time and now there is a real pick n mix available but i would like to think that at least some of them picked up the idea of a resurrection and being thrown into a fiery pit if you are a sinner.