Count Binface

Facing increasing scrutiny and tough questions over his finances, Nigel Farage has made the decision to resign and call a snap by election in Clacton, seemingly frustrated by all the unwelcome attention and bad press over that fat gift of £5m from a billionaire supporter that he failed to declare on becoming an MP.
Obviously hoping to avoid the two investigations, he has thrown his toys out of the very expensive pram (paid for by someone else) but  what he wasn't planning on was all of the main parties agreeing to not standing any candidates against him which not only makes him look a wally but leaves him facing just one opponent, a man who is named Count Binface (a name which also works for Farage without that 'o' in the name) and who could soon find himself parking his bottom on the House of Commons benches as a newly elected MP.
To make it even more hilarious, the House of Parliament have said that even if Farage is reelected, the investigations will only be paused and would restart once he is back in Parliament meaning it would all would have been for nothing and the probes and questions into the millions he received will just carry on afterwards.
As he is friendly with the almost certain pedophile in the White House, maybe he should ask him to give Keir Starmer a call to get them cancelled like he did with that red card at the World Cup although the answer would be two words and the second would be 'Off' so if things work out, we could see a man with a bin on his head sitting behind the Conservative Benches and Nigel Farage sitting in the new home which he refuses to say how he paid for and crying into his pint about how it all went wrong.   
Got to love British Politics sometimes.