Special Guest Blogger: Hercules

Before you start with the flexes and the strongest man alive chatter, let me tell you, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Right now, for instance, I’m nursing a slightly tweaked rotator cuff from trying to open a particularly stubborn jar of olives. The irony is not lost on me, trust me.
You see, everyone knows the legend. The twelve impossible labors. The monsters, the mayhem, the sheer, unadulterated muscle. But what they don’t tell you is the sheer amount of divine bureaucracy involved, the perpetual backache, and the eternal struggle to find sandals that fit. Being a hero is less about glory and more about constantly being asked to do things no one else wants to, usually involving large, smelly beasts or ridiculously heavy objects.
You know how it is. Family drama. We all have it. Except when your family drama involves your dad being the King of the Gods  and your stepmom being the perpetually peeved Queen of the Gods so, my life started with a rather intense infant wrestling match with a pair of snakes Hera sent to my crib. I defeated them of course, but it was a sign of things to come,  a demigod's life is rarely peaceful, and often involves wrestling things that really don't want to be wrestled.
Fast forward a bit, and Hera’s grudge reached its peak. She inflicted me with a temporary madness. And in that haze, I did the unthinkable. I… well, I hurt my family and to atone, I was sentenced by the Oracle of Delphi to serve King Eurystheus of Tiryns. Twelve labors. Twelve impossible, ridiculously difficult, utterly absurd tasks designed to break me. Or, more likely, to provide Hera with endless entertainment.
Let's be frank, Eurystheus was less an inspiring leader and more a sniveling coward who probably changed his toga every time I showed up with another monster pelt, the  Nemean Lion,  the Lernaean Hydra, the Ceryneian Hind the golden-horned deer and  bringing Cerberus, the three-headed hound of Hades, up from the Underworld.
You'd think after all that I'd get a a lifetime supply of ambrosia and a spa day but nope, i got more quests.
I went on to slay more giants, rescue princesses from sea monsters and even participate in the Argonautic expedition, my life became a never-ending series of requests from gods and mortals alike. All I ever wanted was a quiet cottage, a good book, and maybe a pet that didn't have multiple heads or a venomous bite.
I stood up to impossible odds, faced my demons (and actual demons), and kept going when any sane person would have packed it in and started a goat farm.