Anarchy, The Only Way To Be

If you travel up from France and take a right at Calais, you end up in Belgium or to give the country it's full name, 'that place that nobody can name 3 famous people that hail from it without resorting to Google'.
Belgium has always been a bit of a strange country, known as boring and flat, it gained it's independence from the Dutch after an uprising followed an opera which is not the most obvious of sparks but it literally was over for the Dutch when the fat lady sung.
Thanks to stubborn politicians refusing to agree on how to form a coalition, Belgium had been without a government since June 2010 and in a state of anarchy in the original meaning of no government.
No government!? Well then there has obviously been massive riots, chaos, lawlessness, buildings on fire, or any of the other apocalyptic scare scenarios of a state of anarchy, only there hasn't been.
Daily life continued almost the same as before with everything still functioning except with one notable exception.
Without a government, none of the stuff all the other governments around the World have been doing could go on so no cuts, redundancies or austerity packages. In the absence of anyone with a mandate to slash and burn, Belgian public sector spending is tootling along much as it always has and much to everyones surprise, the Belgian economy is experiencing slightly healthier growth than most of it's European neighbours.
In the second quarter of 2011, Belgium grew at a meagre 0.7% but that beats the 0.1% growth for Germany, 0.2% for Britain and the disastrous 0.0% for France.
The country appears to be benefiting from its accidental immunity to the austerity fever that’s sweeping Europe so from the economic point of view, a country with no government is doing better than those with a government.
Alas, the heady times of Anarchy have now come to an end as the Belgian politicians have finally sorted out their difference and from today a Belgian Prime Minister has his hands back on the rudder again but boring little Belgium has left us with an interesting thought that won't be promoted by any Government anytime soon.
During hard times, could the best form of Government be no Government at all? Johnny Rotten may have been onto something all those years ago.

Cheer Up, It's Nearly Christmas

It seems that every year the amount of people complaining about Christmas being an excuse to pump consumers into buying a lot of crap grows.
Miserable buggers are only one step short of the Scrooge refrain of boiling in their own pudding and burying them with a stake of holly through his heart anyone who has the words Merry Christmas' on their lips.
Bah Humbug to the lot of them because I'm with Andy Williams in declaring It's the most wonderful time of the year.
To a Christian it is about the birth of Jesus, to an atheist which to be honest is the vast majority of us, then Christmas is whatever you want it to be.
If you don't like the commercial side of it then no-one is forcing you to spend a fortune in the shops and if all you are going to do is moan throughout the whole period then you only going to be grumpy and a pain to be around anyway.
Christmas, to me anyway, is about the decorations, the carol singers, advent calendars, Christmas films, the school nativity play, holiday from work, Christmas pop records and the general feeling of goodwill that builds as the days in December get crossed off the calendar.
If you are one of those people who use Scrooge as a template for celebrating Christmas then as the nephew said to his uncle Ebeneezer, 'Christmas is as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.'
Now shove a mince pie in your miserable face and get some Christmas spirit

Career Change

I have been considering a career change for some time now and after some thought, i have decided to apply for the position of manager at Sunderland AFC.
Not that i am particularly a Sunderland fan but a couple of seasons playing football manager 2011 has shown i have a natural talent for running a football team as steering Reading from a mid-table Championship side to second place in the Premier League and successful negotiation of the group stages in the Champions League has shown. Flushed with this recent success, i have emailed Sunderland with my application as follows:

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re: The Sunderland manager vacancy

Please can i be considered for the current managerial vacancy at your football club.

I have successfully steered Reading from the Championship to 2nd in the Premier League and to the group stages of the European Champions League on Football Manager 11 and feel i could repeat this feat with Sunderland. Admittedly i did use the editor to move Messi and Xavi to my team but they were both injured a lot and did not really contribute.

Thank you for your consideration

Lucy
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I know i face stiff competition from Mark Hughes and Martin O'Neil and the fact that i cheated by making use of the Editor beforehand which may go against me but Hughes going mad and paying £20m for the hapless Brazilian striker Jo should discount him and Martin O'Neil's £120 million spending spree during his time at Aston Villa should suitably put the willies up the club owners in these austere times.
Up the Black Cats and while they are considering my application, i will be in training for my second choice career move as God with some Civilization 4.

Reply from Sunderland AFC

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Dear Lucy

Thank you for your recent letter regarding the vacant managerial role at Sunderland.

I’m sure you will understand that the calibre of candidates for the role has been very high and we will therefore unfortunately be unable to progress your application further.

Thank you for your interest in Sunderland AFC and may we take this opportunity to wish you every success in your career in the future.

Yours sincerely,

Sunderland AFC
--

Public Servants Are Not The Bad Guys

Approximately 2 million public servants didn't turn up for work today and the Government has been attempting to turn the private sector against them in a divide and rule movement.
They tried this before with some success when they moved the argument away from bankers bonuses and got the public condemning those on benefits and disability benefit instead.
Now they are attempting to pit the private sector against the public sector with the cry of 'Look, they have better pensions then you, the bastards!'
The Governments argument is that the public servants strike to resist the 20% reduction in their pensions is unjustified because those people who don't work in the public sector have even worse ones.
Rather than work to drag up the worst pensions to the level of the decent public servants ones, they are looking to bust the decent ones down to the worst level.
Things are really bad but what they would really like is things to be bad for everyone, yes everyone suffering equally, that's the ticket and logical if you are a Conservative Prime Minister.
The nurses, policemen, firemen and teachers are not the bad guys here, it's a right wing Government using the excuse of a a weak economy to fulfil their political ideological dreams.

British Embassy Ransacked

Hundreds of Iranians have stormed the UK embassy in Tehran, chanting 'down with England' and 'down with America' and 'down with Israel' which is outrageous. America and Israel are much more evil than us, they should be down with first.
My two personal highlights were the protester who was filmed running away with a picture of Queen Elizabeth II freshly nicked from our Embassy and the looter who was spotted scampering away clutching a large picture of Pulp Fiction.
Now i can see how a picture of the Queen might be hung in the British Embassy, but Vince and Jules?
The British government has confirmed a serious incursion at the UK embassy in Tehran and asked the Iranian government to make every effort to end the crisis immediately. Surprisingly the Iranian Foreign Ministry didn't tell us to go do one over our tightening of economic sanctions, but replied that it regrets the attack on the British embassy and is committed to ensuring diplomats safety.
There were the usual scenes of men dancing around Union Flag's that had been set on fire and even a man sat on the wall waving a satellite dish which is either a protest against western media pumping anti-government propaganda into Iran from outside the country, or he had just nicked it off the side wall. Either way they won't be watching The Simpsons in the Embassy tonight.
Just as a pointer to the Iranians for future ransackings of our property, it is the British Embassy, not the English Embassy. I'd hate to think that Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland are getting away with the hatred and i would like to repeat my earlier point that in any order of evilness and countries that should be downed, Israel is first, then America and then us. We are just America's poodle so leave us and our Pulp Fiction pictures alone.

X-Factor Advert Breaks

While watching a two-hour special of Mythbusters, i noticed that the actual running time of the show, once it had the adverts taken out, was 1 hour 26 minutes meaning over a quarter of the show was advertisements.
I don't know who runs the television rules in America but here we have Ofcom and they have been getting bashed for the amount of advertisement breaks in the X-Factor programme.
For commercial television, which has seen a heavy reduction in advertising income recently, a blockbuster show like X-Factor offers mouthwatering opportunities. Aside from the traditional advertising spots, there is the chance to sell sponsorship bumpers which top and tail the commercial breaks.
Ofcom have denied that it has increased the amount of advertising time available for ITV from the standard 12 minutes per hour which is true, sort of.
The situation becomes complicated because the bumpers at the start and end of the break are counted as programming minuteage rather than as part of the ad break. Similarly, trailers for other ITV programmes are outside of the 12 minutes also.
So no, strictly there are not more advertisement breaks in X Factor, it still has the standard 12 minutes, but the advertisement breaks are longer because the Talk Talk adverts bookending the adverts and the ITV trailers mixed in with the adverts for toilet paper and margarine don't count so they can have 6 breaks 2 minutes long with all the trailers and bumpers slotted in to bloat the break time.
In the eyes of the Ofcom regulations, ITV and X-Factor are within the rules but to the viewing public, for whom the adverts start when Dermot O'Leary announces they will be right back and lasts until he welcomes us back, the adverts are actually more in number and last longer with the actual programme shaved a few minutes shorter.

How To Solve The World Economic Crisis

UK owe to US 578 bn and UK due from US 834 bn
UK owe to France 209 bn and UK due from France 227 bn
UK owe to Spain 316 bn and UK due from Spain 74 bn
UK owe to Ireland 113 bn and UK due from Ireland 104 bn
UK owe to Japan 122 bn and UK due from Japan 101 bn
UK owe to Germany 379 bn and UK due from Germany 141 bn

Football teams have a tried and tested method of moving huge amounts of money between themselves in the transfer market. Put simply, Team A buys Smith from Team B for 10m paying 2m a year for 5 years. After 3 years, they sell Smith to Team C for 15m. Team A have already paid Team B 6m so they request Team C to pay them 11m and for Team C take over the 2m payments per year to team B, therefore paying off their remaining 4m. All three teams pay and receive what they are due and the books balance.

In the economic world, everybody owes, and is owed, money by each other. For example the UK owe France 209 bn, but then France owe us 227 bn. Why can't Cameron phone Sarkozy and suggest he take off the 209 bn we owe them from the 227 bn they owe us and then you just pay us the remaining 18 bn.

Then he can telephone Obama and say you owe us 834 bn, we owe you 578 bn, so let's just cancel out each others debt and you then just owe us 256 bn.

If all the countries of the World got on the phone to each other and worked out who owes who in this way then most of the countries deficits could be slashed. If we then juggled things around like in the football transfer scenario above so after cancelling each others debts, any outstanding balance is paid to another on behalf of someone else, we would clear up this whole mess or at the very least, drastically reduce the amount of debt held by each other.

Seems very simple to me which probably means there is a huge hole in my thinking but with a growing number of countries on the verge of going bankrupt, creditor nations are facing receiving next to nothing anyway so at least this way they will get what they are due.

It seems crazy that we are demanding someone like Japan pays us the 122 bn they owe us while Japan are demanding that we pay them the 101 bn we owe them with all the massive interest payment involved to both countries when we can just agree to them owing us the 21 bn difference instead.

Court Finds Bush & Blair Guilty

Since they both moved into political retirement, Bush has kept out of the limelight and stayed in Texas while Blair had a go at remaining in the spotlight before quickly realising amid a deluge of insults and shoes that he had better keep his head down also.
While there are relatively few places that the unpopular pair could go on holiday and not be abused, if they had any plans to soak up the rays in Malaysia they had better think again because a court in Kuala Lumpar has declared them war criminals.
Though the verdict of the court carries no legal weight, the court held a trial and the decision was that:
'The Tribunal came to the unanimous conclusion that a prima facie case exists that President George Bush and Prime Minister Tony Blair committed a crime against peace by their decision to invade and conquer Iraq and overthrow Saddam Hussein'.
The judge continued that 'Nothing in the United Nations Charter permits the actions undertaken by President Bush and Prime Minister Blair. The idea that the United States or United Kingdom was threatened by Iraq is preposterous.
The invasion of Iraq was an unlawful act of aggression and is an international crime. They acted with deceit therefore they are guilty as charged'.
The Court then recommended filing reports with the International Criminal Court against the two accused and that they both be included in the Kuala Lumpur War Crimes Commission’s register of war criminals.
Luckily for the unloved duo, the Court has no power to enforce their decision but it is proof that their crimes have not been forgotten or forgiven and the pressure on them is ongoing.
Next up for trial is Donald Rumsfeld, the US Secretary of Defence during the Iraq War and the most smug faced person on the planet.

Whatever Happend To...

While moving around some of the right wing sites on the internet, you do tend see quite a bit of amusing rhetoric regarding the protests in America. I was reading one recently that urged it's readers to arm themselves and fill their pantries in preparation of the oncoming Anarchist Socialist revolution. Wonderfully insane and i mentioned recently how Communism, Socialism and Marxism are all jumbled together in the minds of the enlightened right wingers who warn of the coming Soviet take over.
Stalin and Lenin are the usual historical bogey men the brickbats are thrown out but for some reason, the third of the revolting trio seems to escaped unscathed.
Apart from a mention by The Stranglers in their song 'No More Heroes', poor old Leon Trotsky hardly ever gets a mention, it's always those other two hogging the hate which is even more stranger when you consider Trotsky was the one who advocated permanent revolution which would have spread Communism worldwide. The other two lightweights were content to hold what they had.
If it wasn't for the occasional joke about ice picks, Trotsky would just never be mentioned and he was as much part of the Russian Revolution as Joseph and Vladimir.
He got one of the main roles in George Orwell's Animal Farm as Snowball who was later forced out of the farm by Napoleon after overthrowing Farmer Jones and yet he is spared the wrath of nutty right wingers who warn that people protesting against banks will lead to a re-run of the Great Purges from Maine to that place down the bottom full of oranges, old people and voting machines that don't work properly.
I say Trotsky should be treated with as much laughingly bad hyperbole as Stalin and Lenin by right wingers who want to scare their readers and i'm sure Barack Obama would agree, and he's a card carry Communist. Apparently.

Brutal Oppression In America

As in the Arab Spring back in March, the Egyptian protesters today were holding up gas canisters with 'Made in USA' stamped on them. The cameras cut away to Egyptian riot police launching another brutal baton charge to disperse the crowd, dismantling their tents and tearing down their banners.
If you had left the room and came back a minute later, you would still be seeing riot police brutally assaulting protesters and you would assume this was the same story, but it wasn't, these uniformed thugs were American police.
Among the victims of what was charitably described as 'heavy handed policing', a pregnant 19-year-old girl was pepper-sprayed as was Dorli Rainey, an 84-year-old woman. The reaction from the Police Department was a dismissive statement that Pepper Spray is 'no more dangerous to someone who is 10 or someone who is 80.'
The most disturbing scene was the policeman, Lt John Pike, calmly pepper spraying a line of unarmed students who were taking part in a peaceful campaign in California. Not only did he spray them at point blank range once, but then he walked back along the line to dish out another dose.
The police are there to protect and serve, but who exactly are they protecting and serving? Not the protesters obviously, but to use pepper spray, baton charges, tear gas, rubber bullets and sound canon against unarmed civilians posing no threat is just wrong in every way.
Over 1500 citizens so far have been arrested with journalists being threatened, beaten and arrested, 26 at the last count, for reporting on the police action. If this was anywhere else we would rightly be condoning it and branding the leadership a brutal regime, but there are people defending this action.
It cannot be simply written off as an over reaction of the police to something non-life threatening, non-deadly or a few bad apples which is a useful cover-all in the UK when police are caught out.
This is showing that in America, those that seek to protest against what they disagree with, will be put down with brutal force. If the protesters take up arms, as they did in Egypt, Iran, Libya and now in Syria, the Obama reaction would be exactly the same as Mubarak, Ahmadinejad, Gadaffi and Assad. Widespread slaughter because if they do this to unarmed civilians, and heaven knows how there has not been any fatalities yet, they will hit harder with lethal force if the protesters come armed next time.
In America of all places, it seems that if citizens peacefully seek to voice their grievances with the government, they will be threatened, ridiculed, bullied, attacked, assaulted and then arrested.
If this is how America deals with it's own version of citizens protesting, brutal oppression, then it has even less right to lecture any other country on how they should be behaving.