Only Fools and Horses is usually the recipient when any awards for the greatest British Sit-Com are handed out and not surprisingly the Americans have decided to remake it in their own image.
Usually i just don't get why trans-atlantic remakes of British shows have to be made. Why not just show the original programme because it's not like Americans don't understand English but in the case of Fools & Horses, it may be wise to tweak the script because it's going to be a short, sharp introduction to British slang and like the French language, it will be Greek to them.
Undoubtedly it will be a nice little earner for the BBC who are by no means brassic but are brill at bringing home the bunce by selling their programmes.
Whether the septics sitting on their jacksies will find it pukka is another thing, they gave another British classic, Red Dwarf, the elbow but that could be down to the plonkers they hired to play the parts or the yanks just didn't get the Brit humour.
It would be cushty if they did leave the lingo alone because slang is such a part of our language that we don't even realise we are doing it sometimes, if people knew what the word 'berk' really meant, they wouldn't use it quite so often.
If i was in a restaurant, and i announced that before the ruby arrived, i was just going to nick off to the Khazi a bit lively for a fag, the Brits would understand me perfectly while any other British speaking nationality would either gawk at me as if i was some kind of 42 carat wally or pretend they have gone mutton and keep schtum. Of course if the ruby isn't kosher the khazi will be packed with diners suffering Ghandi's revenge and i'll have to go outside in the cold to fag up which would give me the right hump.
Anyway, it will be cosmic for us Brits, especially for those of us with Blogs if the Fools and Horses lingo did gain a wider audience because it would mean we wouldn't have to keep the language neutral so it can be understood by all and stone me that's not easy as i explained to the dipstick in the market who was trying to get me to part with my readies and wouldn't take me being potless as an answer.
Lovely jubbly if America does get to sample Fools & Horses and remember, in the immortal words of Del-Boy, he who dares win. Bonjour.
Monday, 30 January 2012
Sunday, 29 January 2012
Anyone Got A Light?
It seems that over the past decade the best business to be in is manufacturing the American Flag because it always seems that someone somewhere is setting fire to it for the benefit of a TV camera.
The latest pictures of Old Glory going up in flames are from California where a mob of Occupy protesters broke into the Town Hall and set their lighters about the American flag.
Now it might be argued that America is not the most popular country around the globe and the flag itself is not particularly ugly, the recently displaced Libyan plain green one took that award, but according to Flag Burning World, it is only the fifth favourite flag that is reached for when we want to show our dissatisfaction with world events.
The site has all the flags of the World and with one click of the mouse we can vent our anger and set ablaze the flag of our choice and with over 23 million flags burned so far, there is a lot of venting going on but just whose flag is the most crispy?
Not many people will be able to pinpoint Armenia on a map but over 751,000 people know where to find it's flag and set fire to it.
Second is Azerbaijan (696,070) and then Europe's most toasty flag is owned by Turkey (593,056) before the Israeli Star of David (241,000) and the Stars and Stripes (220,538) make up the top five.
The UK Flag is in the top half with 161,683, roughly 30,000 in front of the Australian flag despite my repeat clicking but the European nation that Internet users feel less inclined to fire up is Montenegro (82,940).
The people who make flags would do well to make less of the Barbados flag as it is the least burned flag (82,664), just ahead of Zimbabwe (82,842) which may have more to do with it being off the screen on the bottom right hand side rather than any love for Mr Mugabe.
Cuba (82,848) is close behind and then Honduras (82,850) and Cambodia (82,990) make up the most loved bottom five.
So next time on the news you see an American flag on the floor with flames licking around it and celebrating arsonists dancing around it, spare a thought for the Armenian flag because somewhere three of them are blazing away.
The latest pictures of Old Glory going up in flames are from California where a mob of Occupy protesters broke into the Town Hall and set their lighters about the American flag.
Now it might be argued that America is not the most popular country around the globe and the flag itself is not particularly ugly, the recently displaced Libyan plain green one took that award, but according to Flag Burning World, it is only the fifth favourite flag that is reached for when we want to show our dissatisfaction with world events.
The site has all the flags of the World and with one click of the mouse we can vent our anger and set ablaze the flag of our choice and with over 23 million flags burned so far, there is a lot of venting going on but just whose flag is the most crispy?
Not many people will be able to pinpoint Armenia on a map but over 751,000 people know where to find it's flag and set fire to it.
Second is Azerbaijan (696,070) and then Europe's most toasty flag is owned by Turkey (593,056) before the Israeli Star of David (241,000) and the Stars and Stripes (220,538) make up the top five.
The UK Flag is in the top half with 161,683, roughly 30,000 in front of the Australian flag despite my repeat clicking but the European nation that Internet users feel less inclined to fire up is Montenegro (82,940).
The people who make flags would do well to make less of the Barbados flag as it is the least burned flag (82,664), just ahead of Zimbabwe (82,842) which may have more to do with it being off the screen on the bottom right hand side rather than any love for Mr Mugabe.
Cuba (82,848) is close behind and then Honduras (82,850) and Cambodia (82,990) make up the most loved bottom five.
So next time on the news you see an American flag on the floor with flames licking around it and celebrating arsonists dancing around it, spare a thought for the Armenian flag because somewhere three of them are blazing away.
Thursday, 26 January 2012
Passing The Blame
Official figures show that the UK economy shrank by 0.2% in the last three months of 2011 and nobody is disguising that a double dip recession is not so much feared but fully expected.
So after 4 years of recession, who's to blame for the continual failure to move us out of it?
When the economy struggled to get above zero previously, the coalition blamed the weather and then the extra bank holiday we had for the Royal Wedding but no such absurdity has been reached for so far so why is the UK economy tanking?
The Labour party claims the blame lies entirely with government policy, cutting too fast and too deep but the Government say it isn't their fault and point at the problems in Europe which is making growth difficult for the UK.
The Europeans in turn are saying it is the global recession that is doing it for them so everyone is blaming each other and there seems to be a lot of people offering advice but nothing seems to be working.
Our Government has slashed with abandoned at the public sector, attacked the welfare system with an axe and poured tens of billions of our taxes into the banking system and still we are in the deep end and have been since 2008. Four years of trying to climb out of the hole and if anything, we are further in it then when we started.
The facts are prices have gone up for the essentials such as food, energy and petrol but wages have either stayed the same or been reduced.
It does not take a masters degree in economics to realise that if prices go up the public stop buying so much of the product which result in the businesses selling less which means they put their prices up to make up the shortfall and the public cut back even more and the vicious circle continues until the inevitable recession and the bankruptcies and the job losses which that brings and we fall even further into the hole.
Rather than the Government giving tens of billions to the banks, the obvious answer seems to be to put more money into the public pocket. A one off £1000 payment to every family would spur a flurry of spending in the local community which would not only boost the economy, stop shops closing and create jobs which keep people in work, but it will still end up in the banking system anyway.
We have tried one way and it blatantly isn't working so what have we to lose going to plan B and giving another idea a try?
So after 4 years of recession, who's to blame for the continual failure to move us out of it?
When the economy struggled to get above zero previously, the coalition blamed the weather and then the extra bank holiday we had for the Royal Wedding but no such absurdity has been reached for so far so why is the UK economy tanking?
The Labour party claims the blame lies entirely with government policy, cutting too fast and too deep but the Government say it isn't their fault and point at the problems in Europe which is making growth difficult for the UK.
The Europeans in turn are saying it is the global recession that is doing it for them so everyone is blaming each other and there seems to be a lot of people offering advice but nothing seems to be working.
Our Government has slashed with abandoned at the public sector, attacked the welfare system with an axe and poured tens of billions of our taxes into the banking system and still we are in the deep end and have been since 2008. Four years of trying to climb out of the hole and if anything, we are further in it then when we started.
The facts are prices have gone up for the essentials such as food, energy and petrol but wages have either stayed the same or been reduced.
It does not take a masters degree in economics to realise that if prices go up the public stop buying so much of the product which result in the businesses selling less which means they put their prices up to make up the shortfall and the public cut back even more and the vicious circle continues until the inevitable recession and the bankruptcies and the job losses which that brings and we fall even further into the hole.
Rather than the Government giving tens of billions to the banks, the obvious answer seems to be to put more money into the public pocket. A one off £1000 payment to every family would spur a flurry of spending in the local community which would not only boost the economy, stop shops closing and create jobs which keep people in work, but it will still end up in the banking system anyway.
We have tried one way and it blatantly isn't working so what have we to lose going to plan B and giving another idea a try?
Wednesday, 25 January 2012
Taxing Times For Redknapp
To the tune of Fools & Horses:
no income tax, no vat,
got spanked last week by man city,
future's grim,
he's looking pale,
harry redknapp's off to jail........
It was Albert Einstein who said that 'the hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax' which is a sentiment that Harry Redknapp obviously agrees with as he found it all so complicated that he just didn't bother with it.
Now the taxman has the Tottenham manager in court on charges of receiving £190,000 payment into an off-shore account set up in the name of his dog. Harry says it was a bonus, everyone else is saying he just misspelled bung especially as he has admitted to being almost illiterate saying 'You talk to anybody at the football club. I don't write. I couldn't even fill a team sheet in' which explains why Pavlyuchenko can never get a game unless there is a grown up around to help Harry hold his crayon.
As much fun as it is watching the human droopy look-a-like being kicked around by HM Revenue & Customs for tax evasion, there is a dark, sinister side to all this television coverage. I accidentally turned on the high definition while he was being interviewed on Sky News and i haven't been able to sleep for 3 nights.
Arsenal fans are especially happy to see the Spurs man in court, as are the fans of Portsmouth who he left to manage rivals Southampton before coming back amidst much sycophantic pleas to be forgiven by Portsmouth fans before trying his hardest to jump ship to Newcastle and then Tottenham when he spent all the money and the administrators come knocking.
Apart from the chant at the top of the post, there has been a distinct lack of songs about Harry's predicament and football fans are normally quick to rip a fellow manager or player apart when they are in the news.
An overweight Robbie Fowler was subjected to 'I predict a diet' and chants of 'Two Andy Gorams, there's only two Andy Gorams' greeted the Rangers goalkeeper after he was diagnosed with schizophrenia.
Who does Harry Redknapp think he was concealing his finances to avoid paying tax to the British government? Tony Blair?
no income tax, no vat,
got spanked last week by man city,
future's grim,
he's looking pale,
harry redknapp's off to jail........
It was Albert Einstein who said that 'the hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax' which is a sentiment that Harry Redknapp obviously agrees with as he found it all so complicated that he just didn't bother with it.
Now the taxman has the Tottenham manager in court on charges of receiving £190,000 payment into an off-shore account set up in the name of his dog. Harry says it was a bonus, everyone else is saying he just misspelled bung especially as he has admitted to being almost illiterate saying 'You talk to anybody at the football club. I don't write. I couldn't even fill a team sheet in' which explains why Pavlyuchenko can never get a game unless there is a grown up around to help Harry hold his crayon.
As much fun as it is watching the human droopy look-a-like being kicked around by HM Revenue & Customs for tax evasion, there is a dark, sinister side to all this television coverage. I accidentally turned on the high definition while he was being interviewed on Sky News and i haven't been able to sleep for 3 nights.
Arsenal fans are especially happy to see the Spurs man in court, as are the fans of Portsmouth who he left to manage rivals Southampton before coming back amidst much sycophantic pleas to be forgiven by Portsmouth fans before trying his hardest to jump ship to Newcastle and then Tottenham when he spent all the money and the administrators come knocking.
Apart from the chant at the top of the post, there has been a distinct lack of songs about Harry's predicament and football fans are normally quick to rip a fellow manager or player apart when they are in the news.
An overweight Robbie Fowler was subjected to 'I predict a diet' and chants of 'Two Andy Gorams, there's only two Andy Gorams' greeted the Rangers goalkeeper after he was diagnosed with schizophrenia.
Who does Harry Redknapp think he was concealing his finances to avoid paying tax to the British government? Tony Blair?
Monday, 23 January 2012
Now Tell Us Something We Don't Know
Sometimes researchers discover something that isn't so much earth-shattering as just bloody obvious. So much so that if they had just asked a woman, then we could have saved them tonnes of money and hundreds of hours of research.
Unfortunately in these matters, women are the equivalent of the new Leonard Cohen CD in that nobody listens to us either.
The latest revelation courtesy of Oxford University is that men cause all the conflicts in the World. Duh.
From football violence to world wars, the cause is the male of the species, or rather their instinct for violence that helped early men which was all very well and good back in the Caveman days but in modern times translates into wars and conflicts.
In contrast to men, the female instinct is to 'tend and befriend' and seek to resolve conflicts peacefully.
The Professor behind the study, Mark van Vugt from the Institute for Cognitive and Evolutionary Anthropology at Oxford University, observed that the same male penchant for violence is 'similar to behaviour in chimpanzees'.
So not only are men responsible for almost every war, conflict and dispute, they also act like monkeys too.
Isn’t science amazing, they found that the root of all evil isn't money or religion, it's the gender with the testicles who behave like monkey's.
Yet another reason why men should step aside and go play on the tyre swing and let women get on with running things.
No wars, no conflicts and a mandatory prison sentence for any man who missed the toilet while peeing.
Unfortunately in these matters, women are the equivalent of the new Leonard Cohen CD in that nobody listens to us either.
The latest revelation courtesy of Oxford University is that men cause all the conflicts in the World. Duh.
From football violence to world wars, the cause is the male of the species, or rather their instinct for violence that helped early men which was all very well and good back in the Caveman days but in modern times translates into wars and conflicts.
In contrast to men, the female instinct is to 'tend and befriend' and seek to resolve conflicts peacefully.
The Professor behind the study, Mark van Vugt from the Institute for Cognitive and Evolutionary Anthropology at Oxford University, observed that the same male penchant for violence is 'similar to behaviour in chimpanzees'.
So not only are men responsible for almost every war, conflict and dispute, they also act like monkeys too.
Isn’t science amazing, they found that the root of all evil isn't money or religion, it's the gender with the testicles who behave like monkey's.
Yet another reason why men should step aside and go play on the tyre swing and let women get on with running things.
No wars, no conflicts and a mandatory prison sentence for any man who missed the toilet while peeing.
Friday, 20 January 2012
Arts Olympics
As if we can forget, London is hosting the Olympics later this year and two sports that won't be seen are baseball and softball which have both been dropped. The Olympic Committee have decided not to replace them so both the derivative of rounders become consigned to the bin of former Olympic sports along with many other events that have been discarded but once earned a shiny medal for the winners.
Events like the one won by John Hughes in 1932 who took top placing on the podium in the Town Planning discipline for his design of a recreation centre in Liverpool. Shamefully Town Planning was removed from the list of Olympic events in 1948, as was Architecture with Adolf Hoch's design for a ski jumping hill being the last recipient.
Other much missed Olympic events include Sculpture, painting (watercolours) and aeronautics.
The Europeans dominated all the music disciplines, one instrument, Orchestral and songs for choirs until it was sadly dropped in the 40's.
German Rudolf Georg Bindoing only managed a silver medal in 1928 for his dubiously entitled song 'Rider`s Instructions to his Lover' but countryman Paul Raur won the gold medal for literature four years later.
The 1928 Olympics saw the one and only appearance of Dramatic works but unusually no 1st or 3rd prizes were awarded, just silver to an Italian for his drama 'Icarus'.
The Olympic museum states that the art competitions were dropped from the Olympic program due to difficulty of determining the amateur status of the artists.
Considering that most of the athletes at the Olympics are far from amateur now, this could be a great time to reintroduce a drawing contest and Town Planning as Olympic events.
Events like the one won by John Hughes in 1932 who took top placing on the podium in the Town Planning discipline for his design of a recreation centre in Liverpool. Shamefully Town Planning was removed from the list of Olympic events in 1948, as was Architecture with Adolf Hoch's design for a ski jumping hill being the last recipient.
Other much missed Olympic events include Sculpture, painting (watercolours) and aeronautics.
The Europeans dominated all the music disciplines, one instrument, Orchestral and songs for choirs until it was sadly dropped in the 40's.
German Rudolf Georg Bindoing only managed a silver medal in 1928 for his dubiously entitled song 'Rider`s Instructions to his Lover' but countryman Paul Raur won the gold medal for literature four years later.
The 1928 Olympics saw the one and only appearance of Dramatic works but unusually no 1st or 3rd prizes were awarded, just silver to an Italian for his drama 'Icarus'.
The Olympic museum states that the art competitions were dropped from the Olympic program due to difficulty of determining the amateur status of the artists.
Considering that most of the athletes at the Olympics are far from amateur now, this could be a great time to reintroduce a drawing contest and Town Planning as Olympic events.
Thursday, 19 January 2012
Selling Responsible Capitalism
An oxymoron can be either when a moron wastes valuable oxygen by breathing, a moron from Oxford or phrase that has contradictory terms. In a rare perfect moment today, all three came together in perfect unison when David Cameron who just happens to be a moron from Oxford University and continues to waste valuable oxygen that could be breathed by someone who isn't an utter twonk, made a speech that the word oxymoron was invented for when he said he wanted to see 'responsible, popular capitalism'.
So after everything has fallen apart, our dear leader is trying to do a PR job on capitalism, to make it all warm and cuddly. Rainbows and lollipops for everyone so we all feel better about things while the people who make the big money carry on making the big money because if capitalism is to survive, people have to believe it is a system worth supporting and while the evidence around us is boarded up shops, massive unemployment and bankers continuing to receive million pound bonuses, it won't be an easy sell.
So how does Dave spin us this vision of capitalism that will change it's evil perception and have us all clambering to back it?
How about.....hmm, that won't work.......maybe if he put it this way...nope......he could point out...boy, they wouldn't go for that....there's always....no, forget that.....no chance of that either......nobody would swallow that for a second....put the coffee pot on Dave, it's gonna be a long session!
So after everything has fallen apart, our dear leader is trying to do a PR job on capitalism, to make it all warm and cuddly. Rainbows and lollipops for everyone so we all feel better about things while the people who make the big money carry on making the big money because if capitalism is to survive, people have to believe it is a system worth supporting and while the evidence around us is boarded up shops, massive unemployment and bankers continuing to receive million pound bonuses, it won't be an easy sell.
So how does Dave spin us this vision of capitalism that will change it's evil perception and have us all clambering to back it?
How about.....hmm, that won't work.......maybe if he put it this way...nope......he could point out...boy, they wouldn't go for that....there's always....no, forget that.....no chance of that either......nobody would swallow that for a second....put the coffee pot on Dave, it's gonna be a long session!
Tuesday, 17 January 2012
Queenies Present
Queen Elizabeth II will have been our monarch for 60 years this summer and the Government have been mulling over ideas of what to give the monarch to celebrate this feat, though they have kept one eye the austerity measures they have introduced because we have no money. Heaven forbid they are seen lavishing money on a family we already pay millions a year.
My idea of a £5 book token for Waterstones fell at the first hurdle but the education secretary, Michael Gove, has come up with a corker, a new royal yacht.
In a leaked letter, he explained that 'In spite, and perhaps because of the austere times, the celebration should go beyond those of previous jubilees and mark the greater achievement that the diamond anniversary represents. I feel strongly that the diamond jubilee gives us a tremendous opportunity to recognise in a very fitting way the Queen's highly significant contribution to the life of the nation and the Commonwealth. My suggestion would be a gift from the nation to her majesty; thinking about David Willetts's excellent suggestion of a royal yacht'.
The obvious, and correct, reaction to this news is to spit coffee out your nose while spluttering 'WHAT THE CHUFF!!!' at the thought of us plebs shelling out £60 million so the head of the richest family in the UK can swan off around the World on a luxury liner.
Lizzie has an estimated fortune of £349 million according to the Forbes rich list and it was only a few years ago that she was holding out her hand for the funds to fix Windsor Castle after a fire and the country rose up as one and told her to pay for it herself.
David Cameron, probably because he is not as simple as he looks, has said that no taxpayers money will be used to pay for the yacht and the £60 million will come form private funding. I assume that would be the same people who constantly whine about having to pay the 50p tax rate which goes to help us all but will not hesitate to put towards a yacht for the pampered pensioner and her workshy family.
Maybe a nicer gift would be for her to donate £60million from her fortune to her subjects, the ones who have kept her and her many stately homes, so we can keep open a few hospitals or build some schools. Considering she hasn't even given us as much as a park bench over the past 60 years, it's about time she dipped into her royal pocket.
Failing that i'd settle for Michael Goves and David Cameron's head on a pike outside Buckingham Palace.
My idea of a £5 book token for Waterstones fell at the first hurdle but the education secretary, Michael Gove, has come up with a corker, a new royal yacht.
In a leaked letter, he explained that 'In spite, and perhaps because of the austere times, the celebration should go beyond those of previous jubilees and mark the greater achievement that the diamond anniversary represents. I feel strongly that the diamond jubilee gives us a tremendous opportunity to recognise in a very fitting way the Queen's highly significant contribution to the life of the nation and the Commonwealth. My suggestion would be a gift from the nation to her majesty; thinking about David Willetts's excellent suggestion of a royal yacht'.
The obvious, and correct, reaction to this news is to spit coffee out your nose while spluttering 'WHAT THE CHUFF!!!' at the thought of us plebs shelling out £60 million so the head of the richest family in the UK can swan off around the World on a luxury liner.
Lizzie has an estimated fortune of £349 million according to the Forbes rich list and it was only a few years ago that she was holding out her hand for the funds to fix Windsor Castle after a fire and the country rose up as one and told her to pay for it herself.
David Cameron, probably because he is not as simple as he looks, has said that no taxpayers money will be used to pay for the yacht and the £60 million will come form private funding. I assume that would be the same people who constantly whine about having to pay the 50p tax rate which goes to help us all but will not hesitate to put towards a yacht for the pampered pensioner and her workshy family.
Maybe a nicer gift would be for her to donate £60million from her fortune to her subjects, the ones who have kept her and her many stately homes, so we can keep open a few hospitals or build some schools. Considering she hasn't even given us as much as a park bench over the past 60 years, it's about time she dipped into her royal pocket.
Failing that i'd settle for Michael Goves and David Cameron's head on a pike outside Buckingham Palace.
Monday, 16 January 2012
Galaxy Song
Every now and then the BBC will turn up a programme so good that we forget just how much we resent paying the TV licence fee, almost.
One such show is tonight and for the next two nights with Stargazer, where the mystery's of the universe are shoved before our eyes and some clever dick with a white coat and pens in his top pocket explains it all.
That's what i love about this types of show, the sheer size and speed of everything in the universe that makes it hard to comprehend.
Astronomy is fascinating, but sometimes it isn't easy to get your head around and it doesn't help when scientists talk about something being light years away because many of us don't really have a concept of light years and even if you know that a light year is about 6 trillion miles, it still doesn't really register because it is just too large a number.
So how can we make sense of all this?
As usual, we turn to Monty Python to explain things and although some of their figures are not strictly 100% accurate, they are close enough.
One such show is tonight and for the next two nights with Stargazer, where the mystery's of the universe are shoved before our eyes and some clever dick with a white coat and pens in his top pocket explains it all.
That's what i love about this types of show, the sheer size and speed of everything in the universe that makes it hard to comprehend.
Astronomy is fascinating, but sometimes it isn't easy to get your head around and it doesn't help when scientists talk about something being light years away because many of us don't really have a concept of light years and even if you know that a light year is about 6 trillion miles, it still doesn't really register because it is just too large a number.
So how can we make sense of all this?
As usual, we turn to Monty Python to explain things and although some of their figures are not strictly 100% accurate, they are close enough.
Saturday, 14 January 2012
Why Saudi Arabia Dave?
Our very own Dave Cameron is in that hotbed of Democracy Saudi Arabia and agreeing to 'strengthen co-operation with Saudi Arabia and discuss the importance of the UK-Saudi bilateral relationship' Downing Street have said.
So why is David Cameron devoting so much time and energy to Saudi Arabia?
After all, a brief glance at our balance sheet shows that it is hardly one of our biggest trading partners, it comes in a lowly 24th, buying a tad over 1% of our exports, far less than places like Turkey or Poland.
The Saudi's don't make the list of the top 25 import sources and we get the vast majority of our oil from Norway and import more of the black stuff from Azerbaijan than Saudi and i have yet to hear of the Prime Minister dashing off to Baku for top level trade meetings.
So why the dash to Riyadh?
Saudi Arabia is the second largest buyer of UK arms, £15 billion annually, and this is important to the Saudi's because otherwise they couldn't support the regime next door in prosecuting doctors and nurses for treating those injured by the very same guns and armoured vehicles.
The Arab spring uprising that we chose to ignore because rather awkwardly, we are supplying the arms to allow them to do it.
There you go Azerbaijan, if you want the British PM to turn up on your doorstep promising to strengthen co-operation with you, or even want to violently put down an uprising, buy our guns.
So why is David Cameron devoting so much time and energy to Saudi Arabia?
After all, a brief glance at our balance sheet shows that it is hardly one of our biggest trading partners, it comes in a lowly 24th, buying a tad over 1% of our exports, far less than places like Turkey or Poland.
The Saudi's don't make the list of the top 25 import sources and we get the vast majority of our oil from Norway and import more of the black stuff from Azerbaijan than Saudi and i have yet to hear of the Prime Minister dashing off to Baku for top level trade meetings.
So why the dash to Riyadh?
Saudi Arabia is the second largest buyer of UK arms, £15 billion annually, and this is important to the Saudi's because otherwise they couldn't support the regime next door in prosecuting doctors and nurses for treating those injured by the very same guns and armoured vehicles.
The Arab spring uprising that we chose to ignore because rather awkwardly, we are supplying the arms to allow them to do it.
There you go Azerbaijan, if you want the British PM to turn up on your doorstep promising to strengthen co-operation with you, or even want to violently put down an uprising, buy our guns.
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