Tuesday, 30 June 2015

Sleeping Tips For Hot Summer Nights

It was hot Monday, even more sweltering today and tomorrow is forecast to be stonkingly hot at 32C but while that is unusual for Britain other countries around the World seem to cope with even higher temperatures so how do they keep cool?  
With nightime temperatures remaining in the low 20s, it's not going to be easy getting a decent nights sleep but luckily there is the internet and a plethora of people in hot countries willing to pass on advice on how they cope with hot summer nights.
A fan can be used if you can handle the constant drone of the fan motor or you could throw open the windows but expect to wake up with an insect party going on around your head in the morning.
Something i was told a long time ago was to put your pillow in the fridge an hour before you go to bed (or just the pillowcase if the fridge isn't big enough) and other helpful tips is to not strip off but wear loose-fitting cotton or silk nightclothes as natural fibres wick away moisture from your skin.
Leaving blinds down or curtains closed during the day will keep the sun out and not heat up the bedroom and running your wrists and hands or feet under the cold tap for a few minutes will bring down the bodies temperature as will hugging a hot water bottle filled with cold water.
In Japan they put the mattress on the floor as that is where the coolest air is as the warm air is lighter and will rise leaving all the cold stuff lower down.
Another tip is to wring out a flannel with cold water and sleep with it on exposed skin and going to bed with damp socks on while sleeping on your side exposes more body surface and gives off more heat.
Thanks Internet.

Sunday, 28 June 2015

First Robot Wedding

It’s been quite a week for the institution of marriage with first the U.S. Supreme Court bringing American marriage laws into the 21st Century and legalizing same-sex marriage while Japan continue to inhabit an altogether
other century with the first robot wedding.
Well wishers gathered in Tokyo this weekend to witness robots named Frois and Yukirin tie the knot in a ceremony administered by a robot named Pepper.
Congratulations to the happy couple but i only hope that any children look like their mother.

Saturday, 27 June 2015

Stuck For Present Ideas?

Stuck for a present for that someone who has everything?
How about a Missile Site Military Base available on Ebay at a reduced price of $503,500 (approx £319,354).
I bet they haven't got one of those!
The price tag is what the current owner wants for the Nike DY-10 Control Site in Abilene, Texas, after no takers at the original $595,000 asking price.
The base has two barracks buildings, officer quarters, tennis and basketball courts, several unidentified concrete buildings and 12 acres of land.
I decided not to put in a bid as the delivery notes said 'May not ship to United Kingdom' but i am sure that there are several people elsewhere interested with a bidding war going on between a Mr K. Un who has bid 500 North Korean Won and Mr V. Putin in Moscow who has made a bid of 250 Ruble's but is eyeing the 'buy now' button.

Friday, 26 June 2015

Welcoming Religionists To The Green Side

Religion for once is attempting to inspire a worthy mission with the Pope speaking out to the billions of his followers that Climate Change is real and happening and we face a choice of whether or not us humans wish to keep inhabiting this planet.
The Pope has warned of: 'an unprecedented destruction of ecosystems' and 'serious consequences for all of us if humanity fails to act on climate change' in his encyclical on the environment, published by the Vatican.
Barely out of the dark ages and in some respects still firmly entrenched in it, at least the Church has realised that everything else pales into insignificance if the planet is ravaged by devastating severe weather and catastrophic warming climates and the central message seems to be seeping in with several senior Catholic figures who in turn will bring the Popes message to the billion of Catholics around the globe who continue to cling to the belief that the Pope has the ear of the man who made the Universe. 
Fair enough, especially if it means more people will now heed the warning and stop wrecking the planet although the problem has always been the big corporations filling the sky, land and sea with their pollutants.
It's all more pressure so i say there is still much the Church can do, it's views on homosexuals, abortions and contraception are absurd but if it wants to say to the believers that if you still want to get to heaven on the Day of Judgement they need to recycle, then any means to an end and welcome to the green side of the argument.
Light a candle, grab your rosary beads and let's discuss why talking snakes don't exist over a cup of lemon tea.

Thursday, 25 June 2015

A Golden Age For Child Poverty

If you look hard there was a little-noticed line in the Conservative party’s general election manifesto that said the government would 'work to eliminate child poverty' so the DWP report announced today that the number of children in poverty has gone up by 200,000 over the last year to 2.3 million could be a bit embarrassing.
With the £12 trillion of cuts still yet to come, expected to heavily hit in work benefits such as tax credits and housing benefit, the Conservatives have come up with a solution to the problem, they will change the way child poverty is measured.
David Cameron's official spokeswoman said the Prime Minister: "Remains committed to doing more work to eliminate child poverty and that is precisely why the government wants to look at having an approach that is focused more on tackling the root causes of poverty than treating the symptoms'.
The root being ignored is the low wages paid by employers which force people to receive top ups such as tax credits and help with rent but rather than increase the minimum wage and put the burden onto the employers, the Conservatives plan is to reduce the benefits that you have to be in work to receive.
Now the Government is looking to slash the tax credits available to employees and leave the taxpayers to subsidise the employers who makes billions in profits, we can expect to look back on the days when only 2.3 million children were in poverty as a golden time although with the government fudging the figures, we just won't know it.

Tuesday, 23 June 2015

Canada v England

During it's heyday, Great Britain sprung many offspring such as Australia, America and Canada.
Australia has always been our child that we are wary of wanting to show to polite company, lest it would belch loudly and try to set light to it's own farts at the lunch table.
America has always been the sort of country that us parents would receive phone calls from the school inviting us up for a meeting as it has been stealing the other countries lunch money and has been trying to look up the skirts of the girls.
Canada though has always been the perfect child for us Brits, well behaved, well mannered and the sort of country that would excuse themselves from the table to do a spot of vacuuming and washing up.
This gives us Brits a bit of a quandary because England have been matched against our favourite child in the Women's World Cup Quarter Final. If it was Australia or America it wouldn't be an issue, it would be smash them and then let's do that L thing with our index finger and thumb to the forehead and mock them for being rubbish but Canada is different.
I suppose it will be cheer for England and then give a British pat on the back and chin up old girl, you did well and better luck next time and all that.
Of our less liked children, the USA have China and Australia face the winner of Japan v Netherlands, Japan then, although it all seems academic because Germany will win the thing and we we all go home empty handing trying to avoid the Australians and that slightly acrid smell of singed arse hair that emanates from them for some reason.

Monday, 22 June 2015

Why Are We Celebrating Armed Forces?

This Saturday is Armed Forces Day and David Cameron is urging us all to show our support to 'those which help protect our values and keep us safe'.    
Of course after a succession of unpopular and pointless wars, the military has had to undergo a bit of a public relations initiative and the message seems to be the army, navy and air-force are doing all they do all over 'to keep us safe'.
My question would be who exactly are they keeping us safe from?
Certainly Saddam Hussein in Iraq wasn't a danger to us, neither was the Taliban in Afghanistan and we were best buddies with Colonel Gadaffi in Libya just before we decided we didn't actually like him much and helped remove him but in no way, shape or form was he a danger to our safety.
The last three wars were not fought to keep us safe then and the danger now seems to be ISIS but we are not at war with them as they violently and with murderous intent step into the vacuum we created by removing the aforementioned leaders.
Russia seem to be the latest big bad but their are not lines of Russian Tanks lining up ready to roll across Europe and stop only once they reach this side of the Channel.
So again, who are the military keeping us safe from exactly because from where i have been sitting for the past decade it seems that our military have been used less for defending us and more for attacking countries whose leaders we don't like and in the majority of cases, happen to be soaked in oil so why would we want to support that?
How about a day where we support those people who save or improve lives instead of  those who destroy and take them.
A Nurses Day i could support but celebrating our military who the politicians have used to bring mayhem to large swathes of the globe? Nah, i will take a pass thanks. 

Saturday, 20 June 2015

Queen Bee to Replace Queen Liz

The one reason cited most by pro-Royalists for keeping Queen Elizabeth and her brood is that they bring in a lot of tourist pounds which of course isn't much of an argument.
It is not as if people will stop coming to our green and pleasant land saying: 'We were considering England but as nice as it is, it just isn't the same without a monarchy so we're going to spend two weeks in Magaluf instead'.
It is reported that the Royals add £500m in tourism to the countries coffers but even that laughable figure must be reduced by the £300m they cost us to keep them, their royal residences and the security bill to keep them safe as they trot off around the globe waving at people.
Now Researchers at the University of Reading have estimated the overall value of bees to the economy and come up with a figure of £651m due to how heavily food crops rely on bees to grow, and how much the sale of these crops contribute to the UK economy.
The solution is therefore to kick out the Queen and her growing family of civil list money grabbers and stick a bee on the throne.
The bee wouldn't cost anything except the cost of a hive and it wouldn't need the £8m that we hand to the Queen each year for the privilege of sitting in a huge house in unimaginable luxury and being given £8m each year.
Next week, my plan to replace the Conservative Government with potatoes.

Friday, 19 June 2015

Nice One Mrs & Mrs Kerr

The choosing of a name is a personal thing, sometimes the parents decide to name their offspring after a member of the family or an inspirational figure from history or even they go for the option of using the moniker of someone in the current spotlight.
Occasionally the parents give the matter no thought at all and disregard that their offspring will hear a lifetime of snickering whenever they are introduced.
That's why we have people like the Canadian baseball player Stubby Clapp, Randy Lerner sat in the big chair at Aston Villa and to this list of humorous names we can add the Jamaican currently keeping goal at the COPA America, DuWayne Kerr.
Mr Kerr's parents either have a great sense of humour or..., let's just say they have a great sense of humour but as funny as it is, it has not made it's way in to my list of side splitting names.
A special mention here to former footballer Stefan Kuntz and downhill skier Andreas Wank but they don't even get close to the Associate Professor of Natural Sciences at Singapore University, Shit Fun Chew, or the former US ambassador to Denmark, Dick Swett.
Still holding the top spot at number one is the man at the Organisation of Security and Cooperation in Europe who is named Tiny Kox.
Mr and Mrs Kox, we salute you .

Thursday, 18 June 2015

Bad Time For Mo

Interesting times to be Mo Farah as drug allegations creep even closer to him on news that he missed two drug tests before the London 2012 Olympics.
There has already been whispers that as his trainer and training partner have been exposed as breaking anti-doping rules, that Farah, who has not been accused of anything illegal, at best must have been aware what was happening and at worst partaken in the practise.
It doesn't help that his excuse for missing the second was that he failed to hear his doorbell has been dismissed by anti-doping officials who confirmed they would have tried repeatedly to rouse him during the hour in question by knocking on his door every 10-15 minutes.
Meanwhile Nicole Sapstead, the UK Anti-Doping chief executive, said that it was not common for athletes to miss two tests in a single 12-month period and a third missed test would have counted as the equivalent of a failed drugs test and could have led to Farah receiving a possible four-year ban.  
It may take more than the team of crisis management experts that Mo is consulting with to save his reputation after this.