Wednesday, 23 May 2018

Mars Won't Be Earth Mk II

The dinosaurs ruled the Earth for tens of millions of years and as far as i am aware they never damaged it much so us humans have been in charge for only a tiny fraction of that time and we have made a complete pigs ear of things so until another comet comes along to wipe us all out and allow the dolphins to take over, the poor old Earth is stuck with us polluting it.
As the climate warms and things get worse we need to look for an escape route and all our eggs seem to be going into the basket marked 'Mars'.
SpaceX CEO Elon Musk is leading the charge and wants to get humans to Mars as soon as possible and is planning on massive, heavy-lift rockets to carry colonists in fleets of ships to the Red Planet.
A quick glance around the solar system shows us just how limited our options are so Mars is the best of a bad lot but our technology just isn't up to scratch just yet so we are bound to this little ball of rock with our polluted sky, sea and ground until we not only find a way to get to Mars but work out how to terraform it for our needs.
The problem is Mars really isn't anything like Earth with one third of our planet's gravity but also has unbreathable air and very little water which is a bit of a drawback to breathing and water drinking humans.  
Our options are therefore to have a go at colonising a very inhospitable Mars with all the inherent problems or keep looking for somewhere a bit more Earth-like but then you have the problem of looking outside of our Solar System and unless the scientists figure out a method for speed many times what we can currently achieve it is a very, very long term plan and that's just to find
Mars is a nice dream but i don't think its the solution to our problems of the increasing need for an Earth Mark II and we should be concentrating our efforts on looking elsewhere. 

Tuesday, 22 May 2018

England For The Cup

It may seem strange that a Tottenham player is saying that he thinks his team can win something but the Tottenham player is Harry Kane and the team in question is ENGLAND and the something just waiting to be plonked into the FA Trophy Cabinet is the World Cup.
I'm all for having a positive mental attitude and you wouldn't want the England captain to be saying we are crap and will be turfed out at the group stage so i'm happy to see Harry bigging us up.
Looking at the squads i can't see anybody but Germany lifting the trophy, especially not Uruguay who i picked put of the hat at work ten seconds before i asked for my £2 back.
I expect us to do the usual scrape through the group stage and then get knocked out which frees up us Englanders to go in search through the family tree for any tenuous link to another nation and discover long lost Brazilian, French or Argentinian great grandparents which is a bit wrong as i always say to Grandpa G√ľnter and Grandma Elfriede.

Sunday, 20 May 2018

God Is Okay With Gay's Now Apparently

I guess that the Pope at some time has read the Bible and stumbled across the bit where it says: 'If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death.' 
That's pretty conclusive, God doesn't take kindly to men having sexual relations with each other so for the Pope to now say that actually, God made them gay and loves them all is a very broad interpretation of the original KILL THEM ALL statement.
'That you are gay does not matter. God made you like this and loves you like this and I don’t care. The pope loves you like this.
You have to be happy with who you are' the leader of the Catholic Church told a gay man in a meeting regarding sexual abuse by members of the Catholic Church.
Could be a new direction for the Church, saying that homosexuality as a sexual orientation is designed and bestowed upon humans by God which is a lot more welcoming then SINNERS, KILL THEM ALL which could be interpreted as a tad negative.
It's going to take a massive effort from the religious folk to spin their way out of  'They are to be put to death' by telling us exactly what God actually meant and how it never really meant put them to death at all.  

Chelsea Blues

When the Russian thing happened in Salisbury a few months ago i joked that hopefully Chelsea Owner Roman Abramovich would be caught up in it and be forced to leave Chelsea and take his billions with him.
Turns out that it might not be a million miles from the truth as Abramovich is yet to have his UK visa renewed after it expired last month.
The Russian billionaire, a personal friend of Russian leader Vladimir Putin, did not attend Saturday's FA Cup final as he is currently in Russia where he has been since he was included on a US list of Russian officials and oligarchs close to the Kremlin that could serve as a basis for sanctions.
That Abramovich's visa application was submitted in March and has been sat on ever since by the UK Government means that Chelsea fans should make the most of the Europa League next year because if the Russian takes his billions away then the only chance they have of getting into Europe from now on is a package holiday to Magaluf.

Saturday, 19 May 2018

The Seven Categories Of Close Encounters

Outer space is big. Really, really, really big with the nearest star system being Alpha Centauri 4.3 light-years away or 25 trillion miles.
The New Horizons spacecraft, travelling at 36,373 mph, took just shy of a decade to reach Pluto so if New Horizons was aimed toward the Alpha Centauri system it would take this spacecraft about 78,000 years to get there.
The sheer distance and time to travel from one star system to another could explain why nobody has turned up from other planets, could be they are on their way but as they only left on the trip to Earth 39,000 years ago so they are only halfway here. 
Some people believe that they have already made the trip and have been a bit sloppy in quietly observing us and occasionally we catch them gawping at us.

A Close Encounters of the First kind is a visual sighting of an unidentified flying object and there have been plenty of them and there have been quite a few Close Encounters of the Second kind where a physical effect is witnesses such as interference in the functioning of a device or some physical trace like impressions in the ground such as crop circles.
A Close Encounter of the Third kind is where an animated creature is present including humanoids or robots but the Fourth kind takes things up a notch as it is when a human is abducted by a UFO or its occupants and may or may not include the use of anal probes.
A Close Encounters of the Fifth kind is communication with extraterrestrial intelligence and the Sixth kind is the death of a human at the hands of an alien and the final classification is the Seventh kind the creation of a human/alien hybrid, either by sexual reproduction or by artificial scientific methods.

The only issue we have to sort out now is if they turn up and ask to be taken to our leader, who we take them to because looking around at the leaders we have now, the aliens would be justified in zapping us into a black hole for wasting the 78,000 years it took them to get here in search for intelligent life.

Guns Don't Kill People, Doors Kill People

Mass killing of students in another American School ✔
Male white shooter ✔
Legally owned guns used ✔
No change to mad gun laws ✔
Idiotic solution to stop school shootings put forward ✔

After yet another mass shooting in an American school, Texas Governor Greg Abbott said what is always said after the last shooting, and the one before that and the one before that etc, repeating the well worn phrase that: 'it’s time we take action to step up and make sure this tragedy is never repeated ever again'.
While some took that to mean tougher gun laws and making guns less easier to buy, Texas Lieutenant Governor, Dan Patrick, already knows what needs to be done and puts the blames on the hazardous number of entrances and exits to schools.
I don't know why the notion that people killing kids with deadly weapons is down to schools having too many doors was not suggested before, probably because the slogan 'guns don't kill people, doors kill people' is as barn shakingly ludicrous as the laws that allow Americans to buy guns with their groceries.
Obviously the rest of the World's schools don't have students massacring each other and leaving dead kids clogging up the hallways because they don't have multiple doors, maybe they should consider bricking up the windows as well.
You do feel for the American school-kids because while they are being mowed down before their lives even start, the people making the decisions are imbecilic morons like Dan Patrick.
Good luck America school aged children, heaven knows you will need it.

Friday, 18 May 2018

Burying Bad News

Lesson 1: Always look for the news buried when a story is dominating the headlines.

After fifteen successive defeats at the House of Lords over the Governments Brexit plans, on the eve of the Royal Wedding Theresa May nominated nine new Tory peers as she tries to bolster her party’s fragile position in the House of Lords. 
The nominations tilt the balance of the chamber slightly in favour of May, taking her party’s total of peers from 244 to 253.
Expect another try by the Government to get its Brexit Bill through the House of Lords shortly.

Thursday, 17 May 2018

Royal Weddings Not Like They Used To Be

For some, this Saturday will be spent preparing for street parties, wearing the union jack as a cape and hoping that the weather stays fine but i will be doing everything humanly possible to avoid the Royal Wedding this weekend but it has to be marked somehow so i will post about a Royal Wedding, the one between Prince Prince Amadeo of Italy and Italian noblewoman Maria Vittoria dal Pozzo in 1867.

The happy day didn't start too well when the Maria’s mistress of the wardrobe took her own life by hanging herself just before the ceremony.
On the way to the wedding the officer leading the procession fell from his horse after suffering sunstroke and when they arrived at the Palace the gates were locked and the search for the gatekeeper ended with him being found lying in a pool of blood.
The delayed wedding finally went ahead but in a glorious piece of inept handling of his ceremonial weapon, the best man accidentally shot himself in the head during the ceremony.
Eventually the bride and groom were escorted by a procession of carriages to the railway station where the royal newlyweds were to board a train for their honeymoon but the officer who had drawn up the marriage contract suffered a stroke and the nervous stationmaster fell under the wheels of the approaching bridal locomotive.
Finally the King decided that after everything that had happened, it would be an accident waiting to happen to let his son and new daughter-in-law to board the train so ordered everyone back to the safety of the Palace but in keeping with the day, riding alongside the bridal carriage, the count of Castiglione fell from his horse underneath the carriage’s wheels and died when the weight of the wheels drove a medal pinned to his chest through his heart.
In the best tradition of Royals Wedding, they all lived happily ever after or at least until Maria contracted Tuberculosis and died nine years later aged just 29.
Good luck to Megan and Harry but you might want to rethink that ceremonial weapon for William.

Wednesday, 16 May 2018

Trump Own Goal On Iran Sanctions

The economic expert on Sky News, when asked about how Europe could skirt American sanctions, shrugged that if the EU simply switched payments for oil and gas to Euros rather than dollars, it would not only get around the sanctions but also greatly damage the US economy in a massive own-goal for the Trump administration.
I don't know or understand the in's and out's of it all but the EU foreign policy chief, Federica Mogherini, said that the foreign ministers of the UK, France, Germany, and Iran had agreed to work out practical solutions in response to Washington’s move and have come up with switch payments to the Euro for its oil purchases from Iran, eliminating US dollar transactions and avoiding the Trump administration sanctions.
Oil is pegged to the US dollar on international markets, making it difficult for Iran’s partners to make payments for crude and for Tehran to receive them. With the dollar playing the leading role on international financial markets, re-imposing sanctions would mean cutting Iran off from the global financial system.
At the same time, dozens of contracts signed between European businesses and the Islamic Republic could be at risk of cancellation if Brussels obeys Washington’s sanctions. This would damage Iran’s economy and European firms would lose a huge market in the Middle East. Switching to alternative settlement currencies allows both sides to continue trading despite US sanctions and nullifies the threats from the White House.  
Everybody wins, except Trump's America so that's okay then as he continues down his track of Making America Not So Great Again.

N Korea Right Not To Trust America

I did wonder here  if North Korea and especially Kim Jung Un had been paying attention to the recent past and what happened to leaders who make a deal to get rid of their nastiest weapons.
Seems they have been because the North Koreans are threatening to pull out of talks after being: 'totally disappointed by recent reckless remarks from the US'.
It pointed the finger squarely at US National Security Adviser John Bolton who they described as repugnant after Bolton said that North Korea could follow: 'a Libya model of verifiable denuclearisation'.
As the Libya model included Libya's Colonel Gaddafi giving up his nuclear programme only for him to be killed by Western-backed rebels a few years later you can see why they are concerned.
As Iran is the latest recipient of American Indian giving when it comes to promises for disarmament and Saddam Hussein in Iraq was toppled when he stopped being useful and had rid himself of the WMD's, North Korea would be well served to remember this and trust Donald Trump as far as you could throw the clinically obese President.