Saturday, 22 September 2018

Singing Drummers

Drummers get a bad rap as not only are they usually at the back of the stage but they have to spend the whole concert looking at the wiggling backsides of their band mates but some drummers have decided they can sing and thrown their sticks away and moved front and centre.
Most famous would be Phil Collins who took over the microphone when lead singer Peter Gabriel flounced out of the band although he was hesitant at first as he didn't like singing and after a few singles we didn't like him singing much either.
Don Henley stayed behind the drums and sang although he said that playing the drums and singing hurt his back as he had to twist his body into strange positions to do both at the same time which is probably why you don't see it too often.  
When John Lennon was asked if Ringo Starr was the best drummer in the World he replied that Ringo was not even the best drummer in the Beatles which is possibly why he stepped out from behind his drum set to sing a few later Beatles songs and probably why after the Beatles he made a career out of talking the words for a kids show about trains.
Karen Carpenter began her musical career as a drummer as did The Monkees Mickey Dolenz sort of, he was an actor pretending to play drums so he had to learn how to play them for realism and before he knew it the Monkees were huge and he was the drummer and later vocalist.

You're Not Fooling Anybody

The BBC regularly shows old Top of The Pops but it has the problem that as they were presented by Disc Jockey's who were later revealed to be dirty old perverts or worse then there are some shows they can't re-show.
I saw one such show recently from 1993 which was presented by Gary Davis who never went on to sexually abuse anyone so was safe to broadcast but had the song by The Shamen called 'Ebeneezer Goode' with it's chorus which repeats 'E's are Good, E's are Good'.
As the early 90s was the high water mark for taking Ecstasy (or E's), it wasn't subtle and the BBC did later ban it but incredibly the band continued to deny it was a song about ecstasy.
Another song obviously about drugs but poo pooed by the band at the time was Golden Brown by the Stranglers but although they denied it at first, they later came clean and said it was about Heroin which surprised nobody as that's what we all assumed anyway.
The Beatles said Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds was all about a picture by John's son who had drawn his friend from school called Lucy surrounded by stars and that's about as credible as Paul saying he doesn't dye his hair.
Musical Youth's 'Pass the Dutchie' was said to be about passing around a cooking pot but turned out to be about pot alright but not the cooking type and how can Puff The Magic Dragon by Peter, Paul and Mary not be about drugs, it's lyrics contain almost every drug reference possible although the band's defence is 'who would be mean enough to write a children's song with a covert drug message?'
The answer is Peter, Paul and Mary are mean enough obviously.

Friday, 21 September 2018

Making America Irrelevant Again

Tuesday sees the UN General Assembly when the good, bad and ugly of the World turn up in New York and each take turn making a rambling speech pointing out the bad points of whatever country they currently have a beef with.
Representing America will be Donald Trump and although he promised to Make America Great Again, the nation is probably the most isolated i have ever known it with even the previous allies who followed them blindly over the abyss into Afghanistan, Libya and Iraq now keen to distance themselves from America.
Trump's America is finding itself increasingly isolated on Iran, Trade, Israel, Climate Change, Palestine and the International Criminal Court and other world leaders would just as soon avoid crossing paths with the President or doing their best to avoid any potential fallout.
Two years of bullying, threats and treating allies with disdain has strained traditional friendships and even nudged some onto the same side as traditional foe's such as Russia and China on issues like the Iran nuclear deal and the Paris Accord, areas where America finds itself isolated and will only find a stony silence if it tries to drum up support for it's policies.
Trump will likely attack Iran, even issue more threats but it is hard to imagine anybody worth mentioning backing him up, especially as the global main players are on Iran's side in the issue and who will slap down any attempt by America to maneuver them into yet another regime change conflict.
Trump may be about to find out that he may shout the loudest but nobody is listening to him and rather than making America great, he has made it increasingly irrelevant on the international scene.

Music For The Conservatives

It's the political Party conference season and the organisers have the same thorny issue of who's music are they allowed to use?
To avoid the fate of D:Ream and their 'Things Can Only Get Better' song forever being associated with the now toxic Tony Blair and his New Labour movement, bands are falling over themselves to stop political parties tying their songs to whichever lies they are telling to their own members.
Florence and the Machine, Calvin Harris, Primal Scream, Keane and the Dandy Warhols have already slapped a ban on any of their songs being used by the Conservatives and as most musical artists are left wing, it is more of a problem for the right-wing Conservatives than the Labour Party.
Donald Trump had the same issue when nobody would let their songs be used for his inauguration, not wanting to be tainted by him even before we knew what a moron he was going to be, Trump used 'It's the End of the World As We Know It' and needless to say, Michael Stipe didn't feel fine and told him to go do to himself what he did to Stormy Daniels in that Nevada Hotel Room.
As the venues have a music license i don't know if they can actually stop their songs being played at the conferences but it's a bit embarrassing to have a pop star slagging you off and drawing attention to how much they hate you after you have chosen them to represent you.
To avoid such problems maybe the Conservatives should go for bands and singers who are more right leaning, like Spandau Ballet, Eric Clapton, Geri Halliwell and Phil Collins, i'm sure they got a song which represents Conservative Values, Collins 'In The Air tonight' sums up Theresa May's Brexit policy perfectly and i'm sure Spandau Ballet wouldn't object to either their 'Only When You Leave' or 'How Many Lies' being used. 
'Kill The Poor' by Dead Kennedy's and 'Lies' by Fleetwood Mac are probably not on the play list but everyone likes The Beatles and they have the perfect song for the Conservative Party, Taxman.

If you drive a car, I'll tax the street.
If you try to sit, I'll tax your seat.
If you get too cold, I'll tax the heat.
If you take a walk, I'll tax your feet  

Sums up the Conservatives economic policy perfectly.

Wednesday, 19 September 2018

Pop Star Put Downs

Lily Allen was always a bit of a loose cannon and her put down of toilet attendant punching Cheryl Cole (as she was known then) after Cole said she looked like: 'a chick with a dick' was a whithering "taking your clothes off, doing sexy dancing and marrying a rich footballer must be very gratifying, your mother must be so proud'.
Another great put down was Paul Weller when asked if he would do a duet with James BLunt was he would 'rather eat my own shit' so that was a no then.
The Gallagher brothers are always entertaining, Noel said Liam only had two faults, 'everything he says and everything he does' and the brilliant 'a man with a fork, in a world of soup'.
Smashing Pumpkins lead singer Billy Corgan got into a spat with Courtney Love and said she should 'go somewhere nice and live off your husband’s money' which is up there with Frank Zappa's response to Al Gore's wife about parental advisory labels on albums by the perfectly reasonable response of 'May your shit come to life and kiss you on the face'.
Ozzy Osbourne said Gary Moore didn't make it into Black Sabbath as he 'had a had a face like a welders bunch' and Rolling Stones drummer Charlie Watts responded to Mick Jagger calling him his drummer bu punching him on the nose and explaining that 'i'm not your drummer, you're my f**king singer'
When questioned if Ringo was the best drummer in the world, John Lennon responded that he wasn't even the best drummer in The Beatles while Keith Richards response to Bob Dylan that he could have written Satisfaction but Richards could never have written 'Desolation Row' responded that 'I wouldn't have wanted to'.
Personal favourite is Boy George on Elton John: 'All that money dear, and she's still got hair like a f**king dinnerlady'.

Tuesday, 18 September 2018

Right Wing Wish List Post Brexit

A blueprint for a trade deal between the UK and the US post-Brexit has been posted online by the right-wing European Research Group of Conservative MPs so let's see what they want to replace the deals we currently have with the European Union.
First up it wants to remove tariffs and EU regulations so we can accept GM foods, chlorine-washed chicken, hormones in meat, pesticides and chemicals in cosmetics.
The free trade deal also proposes opening up the National Health Service, education and legal services to foreign competition and privatisation and the freedom of movement between the UK and USA for workers.
So if you like your chicken full of chlorine, chemicals in your make up, paying for NHS treatment and your jobs taken by Americans rather than Europeans then you should get behind the Boris Johnson's and Jacob Rees-Mogg's of the Government.
Everyone else with a working brain-cell better pray that Theresa May isn't replaced by any of these fringe whack-a-doodle Tories who see this aberration as a good thing for our country.

Stormy Daniels: Full Disclosure

'Trump’s penis is smaller than average but not freakishly small. He knows he has an unusual penis. It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool.
I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart.'
I can never play Super Mario Brothers ever again.

Sunday, 16 September 2018

Unaffected By Katie Hopkins Plight

You wouldn't want to see anybody get sacked and go bankrupt apart from possibly Katie Hopkins but by a massive stroke of luck that's exactly who has filed for an insolvency agreement.
That comment about 'poor people in debt had no-one to blame but themselves' is sure to get another airing as she joins the poor people after being found guilty of libelling food writer Jack Monroe on Twitter and being ordered to pay substantial damages.
In her time, the big mouth, right wing mouth-piece has been sacked by radio station LBC after channelling her inner Nazi to proclaim that the UK must find a 'final solution' to terrorism and dropped by the Daily Mail for claiming that parts of Britain were in the grip of a 'Muslim mafia' and that there was 'institutionalised discrimination against whites'.
The Sun Newspaper of all places rejected her views that migrants were 'cockroaches' and the sight of dead refugees floating in water left her unaffected.
Given the Hopkins’s track record for making offensive statements, there is unsurprisingly little sympathy for her current financial predicament but one less right-wing view is always gratefully received.

Saturday, 15 September 2018

Best Theme Tunes

It may basically be mood music but some Theme Tunes have become as famous as the shows that they are opening. 
John Logie Baird said that his newly invented television would revolutionise the world of entertainment but as the world of entertainment up until then had consisted of Charlie Chaplin waving his cane in an amusing manner and walking like he had hemorrhoids, it wasn't much of a boast.
Television has given us some amazingly good theme tunes such as Red Dwarf, 3rd Rock from the Sun, Rawhide, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, A Team, Dr Who, Dogtanian, The Aadams Family and Blackadder.
Jamie & The Magic Torch is a favourite, far too good to be wasted on a cartoon about a boy with a Torch which opens a portal to Cuckoo Land.
I had always assumed that Buffy's intro music by Nerf Herder would be the best theme tune ever but a recently acquired CD of music from TV shows has made me reconsider and wonder if possibly the theme tune to 60's show The Munsters is the best title music out there.
The secret to a good theme tune is that as the programme starts you still have it whirring around in your head which was a bonus for shows such as The Fall Guy and Airwolf which generally slumped seconds after the music finished or in the case of the former, as soon as the announcer had finished the sentence "And now the Fall Guy".
Bloody awful and Majors sang the theme tune with the line 'I die for a livin’ in the movies and TV'. Yep, you sure did.

Friday, 14 September 2018

Dancing In The Moonlight

I've never understood why Michael Jackson called his backwards walking dance move the moonwalk because it looking nothing like the way astronauts walked on the moon but although there are probably more songs about the Sun, the Moon is the second most written about Solar System object unless there is a hatful of songs about the Van Allan Belt i have missed all these years.
Sinatra want to fly to it, the Police were walking on it and REM don't believe they put a Man on it but our closest celestial neighbour has inspired musicians throughout history.
As i own a small bit of the moon, the Vestine crater on the right hand edge between 1 and 2 o'clock, i have been looking to see if  any bands owe me copyright money but no luck so far although if NASA plan to build a lunar base anytime soon then i know of a prime piece of lunar real estate in a desirable location with great views of the Earth that we could negotiate. 
Bowie sang about Mars, Venus has a few but they are more about the Roman Goddess of love, Train sang about Drops of Jupiter but of the other gas giants, barely a mention although the Vengaboys did released a song called 'Rocket To Uranus' but with a chorus of 'let's have a party on Uranus' and 'Uranus is so pretty' i don't think it was really about the seventh planet from the Sun.
Expanding out further, songs about Stars would probably challenge the number of songs about our Sun but there is something beautiful, romantic and a bit sinister about the Moon and anyway, if a pop star finds something that rhymes with the Vestine Crater then i'm moonwalking backwards all the way to the bank. Kerching!!