I fervently believed that God was also a fanatically Catholic who savoured the smell of burning heretics and had a real beef with Elizabeth, the Queen of England after what her father did to Catholicism but nobody told me that God had changed sides in our war with the British.
I assumed God was vexed by the shenanigans of the Protestant Queen and told my military commanders: 'You are engaged in God’s service and in mine, which is the same thing' and that was to be put to the test in 1588 when the Almighty and I launched an invasion to rid the world of the English Jezebel and re-establishing Catholicism over there.
'I am so convinced that God our Savior must embrace it as His own cause, that I cannot be dissuaded' i said when i waved off my Holy Armada against the English.
I chose the Duke of Medina Sidonia to lead the attack but he tried to pull out saying he didn't feel worthy to lead such an important mission (and he suffered from seasickness) but i assured him that God would guide and help him so off he popped along with 130 ships and 30,000 soldiers and sailors all pointing their ships towards the southern coast of England.
I even made sure the ships had plenty of priests aboard just to give God a little nudge if he needed it during the skirmishes but they turned out to be no use at all as the English battered our ships due to, ironically, an act of God when a great wind whipped up and drove the Spanish Armada farther toward the North Sea and as it attempted to make its way home around Scotland and down the western coast of Ireland, savage storms destroyed much of the remaining fleet.
My reputation never recovered and many European princes and religious leaders turned against Spain but worst of all and the greatest insult was God favoured the English over me...THE BLOODY ENGLISH!!
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