Sunday, 28 February 2016

Down With This Sort Of Thing

For a sitcom character who spent 99% of each episode asleep and only had a dialogue of 3 words, Father Ted's Father Jack was as memorable a character as television has ever had.
The actor who played him, Frank Kelly, has died and it was on the anniversary of the death of Dermot Morgan, who played Father Ted and who died of a heart attack on 28 February, 1998.
The foul-mouthed, hard-drinking Priest was most well known for his catchphrases, which included 'Drink!' and 'Girls!' and 'Feck!' had been suffering with Parkinson's disease and had previously battled bowel cancer and skin cancer.
Still repeated now, Father Ted was for me one of the greatest comedy series of all time but his first acting role was in The Italian Job in 1969, escorting Michael Caine’s character out of prison.
Appears that The Grim Reaper has chosen 2016 to steadily work his way through his list of celebrities.

The Hitler Song Was Right

If the song is to be believed Hitler only had one ball, Goering had two but very small, Himmler had something similar but Goebbels had no balls at all but according to new evidence Hitler also had a tiny penis.  
The unlucky Adolf had a genital deformity that made his penis remarkably small, according to historians citing previously unknown medical records.
The tyrant suffered from a condition called hypospadias which left him with a micropenis as well as
undescended testicles which would make him more of a Notsee than a Nazi.
Also explains why the Sauerkraut gave instructions in his will that his body be burned after his death, the last thing he would have wanted was for his reputation to be ruined by his lack of genitals.

Saturday, 27 February 2016

What A Berk

The golden rule in American politics is if you are to have an audience behind you in a photograph, you need at least one white face, a black one, an Asian one and a selection of man and woman with different hair colour if possible to show that you appeal to everyone so i was horrified to see Donald Trump bucking tradition again by only have a sea of white faces behind him as he spouted something racist about Mexicans, probably.
It is a game of American Election Bingo we play especially with Hilary Clinton who makes sure she crams in as many different coloured faces as possible when she is stood on a stage.
Even more shocking than Trump and his flagrant disregard for our Bingo Game is my 77 year old mothers new found liking for calling people a berk as she loudly announces whenever someone she doesn't like comes on the television.
'That Trump/Cameron/Osbourne/Piers Morgan is a bit of a berk' she will announce suddenly although i am not sure that she knows exactly what she is saying as 'Berk' is not quite the low level cuss she seems to think it is.
Rhyming slang is quite big here, plates of meat are feet and whistle and flute is a suit and such is widespread that you don't even need to say it in full so if someone says 'my plates ache' you know their feet ache and if they say 'I spilt beer on my whistle' you know they got beer on their suit.
So the full rhyming slang of 'Berk' is Berkshire Hunt which is shortened to Berk so while the sentiment that Piers Morgan may indeed be a Berkshire Hunt, i don't know if my mother should be saying it quite so loudly in company.
Even more disturbing is that deep down, i think she knows exactly what it means and is playing the 'i'm a pensioner' card to get away with it.

Friday, 26 February 2016

You Had Better Behave Men

Men are such simple folk i hate to see a woman breaking a mans heart, mostly because he only has one so she should break his bones as he has over 250 of them.
Of course i jest, the average human body only has 206 bones but men should be feeling a bit more insecure today as scientists announce that they have managed to create an artificial version of sperm which to be honest was the only reason we were keeping them around.
The breakthrough appears to be about helping men whose fertility is damaged by health problems that prevent them from producing sperm but some men feel that the real agenda is to wipe them out altogether so if they think it anyway, maybe we could do it if men don't learn to behave themselves.
Up until now men have not had a good reputation, they may have given us such useful inventions as the telephone and television but you have to weigh that up against them also giving us nuclear weapons, religion and baseball caps.
Pick a war and you will see a man starting it, make a list of history's 10 greatest tyrants and there will be 20 testicles or 19 if Hitler makes the list.
Of course we still need to keep men around but in a world with far too much testosterone maybe we could use it as a turning point to say we don't really need you but if you promise to behave yourselves we will tolerate you.     
Now open this bottle and then go park the car i have left in the road because the parking space was too small.

Thursday, 25 February 2016

It's A Sin

The Bible is the single authoritative text on morality and values in the Christian faith and Christians therefore take God's instructions seriously and toe the religious line to ensure that when their time is up they travel upwards and not go in the opposite direction.  
For many the Bible has taken a backseat as a moral guidebook but there are still Christians who try to live their life by the tenets of the Old and New Testaments, but even they go about their days often committing sins without knowing it so i feel it is my duty to warn you of things you Christians may be doing which will see St Peter turn you away from his pearly gates.

Wear Gold Jewellery, expensive clothes or have braids in your hair? Hell awaits you as it states in 1 Timothy 2:9 'I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments'.

Who doesn't love a pair of ripped jeans? God apparently because as Leviticus 10:6 explains: 'And Moses said unto Aaron, and unto Eleazar and unto Ithamar, his sons, Uncover not your heads, neither rend your clothes; lest ye die, and lest wrath come upon all the people'.

God being the loving, forgiving type, you can gamble that he will overlook the occasional fashion blasphemy but what about that night when you got drunk and woke up with a dolphin tattoo on your ankle? SINNER!!!
Leviticus 19:28 says that: 'Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, not print any marks upon you'. That's your soul damned for eternity then.

So by now you have thrown out your ripped jeans and sent all your jewellery to Cash 4 Gold and the only thing left in your wardrobe is a selection of polyester blend skirts. Oh dear, Leviticus 19:19 reads: 'you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together. Neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee'. It’s 100% cotton or nothing people.

You may think that so far it all seems a bit anti-female, but the Bible is nothing if not misogynistic and sexist so ladies, once in Church keep quiet as ecplained in 1 Corinthians 14:34: 'Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak'. Know your place ladies and stop singing all things Bright & Beautiful on a Sunday morning.

You may think that designer stubble and long hair looks cool but unless you are at the start of a mission to grow a beard down to your navel or plan to shave it off as soon as you find a razor then God will tell you to go do one because he hates beards as much as he hates homosexuals. Leviticus 19:27 tells us that: 'You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads neither shalt thy mar the corners of thy beard'. That bowl cut you will need to rock will be worth it in the end.

So you take your shaved chin and circa 1963 John Lennon haircut down to the restaurant to cheer yourself up with a meal. The seafood menu looks appetising but put down those crabsticks unless you fancy eternity with a pitchfork up your backside. Leviticus 10-11 reads: 'All that have no fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcasses in abomination'.

By now you are probably thinking to play it safe, just stay at home and maybe throw the ball around outside with the kids, surely God can't have a downer on that. You'd think wouldn't you.
As Leviticus 11:7-8 explains: 'And the pig, because it parts the hoof and is cloven-footed but does not chew the cud, is unclean to you. You shall not eat any of their flesh, and you shall not touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you'.
You know that rugby ball or American football you have been throwing around is made of pig skin right. See that bit about not touching the pigs carcass. Yep, you're toast.

Of course if you obey all the above from now on you may sneak in with a plea that you didn't know but as soon as you become aware you threw out your hooped earrings, ripped Levi's and wool blend coat and never made another visit to Captain Ahabs Lobster Shack and banned all balls from your house but of course if you were a proper Christian you would have read the Bible enough to know you were throwing away eternity in paradise when you were enticed into buying that bling.

Money, Money, Money

You would have thought after the austerity fad that has swept the globe since the 2008 crash, we would finally have a handle on debt but a look at the list of countries debts shows that nations owe over £60 Trillion to each other and just one nation owes almost a third of that.
The United States is the worst offender and in the hole to the tune of $18,772,300,000,000 ($18.7 Trillion) or 103% of what the country brings in.
Second worst off is France which owes £5.7 Trillion then Germany £5.5 Trillion, Japan £2.8T, Italy £2.6T, Netherlands £2.5T, Spain £2.3T, China £1.6T, Switzerland £1.6T and the UK £1.5T.
Such is the state of the global finances that there are only 5 countries who have been able to avoid this economic insanity of debt and live within their means.
Macoa, the British Virgin Islands, Bruniei, Lichenstein and Palau are the only countries that bring in more than they spend.
With such huge levels of debt i can't see how countries are ever going to get out of the red and into the black, Iceland's debt is equal to £282,930 per head of population while each person in The Netherlands would need to find £226,503 each to clear the nations debts which is a lot of daffodils and tulips so i can't see these debts being cleared anytime soon.     
As for the UK, we each would need to find £23,240 each and that is after the Conservative Government have hacked and slashed whatever is hackable and slashable and still we need to find another £1.5 Trillion in savings so i don't know what the answer is but surely at some point nations will begin thinking how we do things at the moment isn't working and look for other ways of doing things.

Wednesday, 24 February 2016

Lenin or Lennon?

It seems that no music award show is complete without a tribute to David Bowie and the Lady Gaga tribute at the Grammys was to be polite, bloody awful and a bit weird although the one at tonights Brits was better, it still wasn't great.
I wasn't a massive Bowie fan but i did like 'Life on Mars' although nobody seems to have asked Bowie about the line in the second verse and whether it is 'Lenin' or 'Lennon' that's on sale again.
I have always assumed it is Lenin as the preceding line is 'Now the workers have struck for fame' ties in with the Russian leader and the workers parties under Communism.
Alternatively, John Lennon was into his solo career by 1973 when the Life on Mars song was released so it could easily be about the former Beatle and when you look up the lyrics on the internet most sites give this version.
Still not sure about what 'Mickey Mouse has grown up a cow' means though but then the 1970's were weird and Bowie was weirder than most.

Just How Good Is Adele?

Every generation consider their era's music to be the best, my grandparents poo-pooed my parents  bands like the Beatles and my parents wrinkled their noses at my Gun's N Roses records so it's only fair that i in turn slag off the music of today which to my ears is dull, dull, dull.        
One act that i particularly don't feel the love for is Adele who seems to walk away from every music awards ceremony with an armful of trophies which must mean that i'm obviously wrong and she is a musical genius but let's not be so quick to adorn her with the pop princess crown just yet.
My main problem with Adele is that she has hit a rich seam with the tear jerking ballad and wow is she hammering that particular genre.
Hello, Rolling in the Deep, Someone like you, Chasing Pavements and even the James Bond theme Skyfall were all slow, plodding tunes all about the same failed love affair which obviously people like and buy in their droves but it's not so much for me.     
I'm can almost guarantee that Adele will end the Brit Awards tonight with yet another armful of statues and platitudes ringing in her ears but i must admit to being perplexed how she continues to sweep all before her with basically the same tune re-written with different lyrics about how her heart has been broken.

Sunday, 21 February 2016

Trump Not The Most Scary Republican

The race to be the American President continues along its Big Brother style process with the latest evictee being Jeb Bush who faces a ribbing from his father and brother at the next family gathering and the ignominy of  being the least liked Bush member in a family where one of them lied to take his country into a war and oversaw the death of over a million people which is still resonating today.
So now that Jeb has packed up that gun with his name on it and gone back to Florida the field is thinned and the smart money seems to be a process which will end with Donald Trump crowned top Republican banana and gaining the nomination to take on either Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders.
But the Trumpton guy is nuttier than a squirrels pantry you may say but according to people who pay more attention to these things than me, Trump is almost normal compared to the man who is currently second, Ted Cruz who John McCain called a 'wacko bird'.
A quick check on Wikipedia shows his father is Cuban, his mother Spanish and he isn't even American but born in Calgary which is in Canada unless my Atlas is wrong so not sure of he is even legible, maybe Donald Trump should be asking him for his birth certificate. 
His wikipedia page lists his political positions as pro-gun, anti abortion, opposes same sex marriage,
disagrees with scientific opinion on climate change and favours the death penalty.
Throw in that he is scarily religious and i fail to see the difference between him and any other right wing American Presidential hopeful unless i am missing something.
Equally the same people who say the Republican line up is a farce are also saying that whoever gets the nomination will be beaten by Hillary Clinton anyway who they expect to win the Democrat race and have her backside warming the big seat in the Oval Office come November.

Saturday, 20 February 2016

EU In or Out Referendum

My usual default position is anything David Cameron thinks is a good thing i am against so it is quite awkward that i find myself on the same side of the fence as the Conservative Party leader as we both think it is in the countries interest to remain in the EU.
I wasn't previously concerned about the In/Out referendum on 23rd June as the polls continually showed the 'NO' vote in the minority and was relaxed that my fellow Brits would do the sensible thing and stick with the EU, but suddenly things don't seem quite so clear-cut.
The warnings that food prices will rise, three million jobs will be at risk, EU membership is worth £3,000 per household, the economy will suffer, national security will be at stake and we will lose free healthcare on holiday don't seem to hold sway anymore as the No are hammering the immigration line, saying that it is all about 'control immigration' and taxes going to Poles and Romanians claiming benefits and mentioning camps of immigrants at Calais just waiting to invade our shores and suck up Job Seekers Allowance.  
The only argument that i have heard so far that has stopped 'NO' people mid moan is how the Premier League would be decimated as European players would not qualify for work permits if Britain quit the EU and treated them as overseas footballers and two thirds of them presently playing would not meet the criteria currently used for non-Europeans to get a work visa.
All 20 Premier League clubs have at least one player who would be affected if these rules were used on the current squads. Sunderland would be left with no goalkeepers, while Swansea would be reduced to just one attacking player. Newcastle would lose six midfielders.
Aston Villa, Newcastle United and Swansea City would lose nine players each so rather than just concentrate on the economic benefits, would be useful to throw having to wave goodbye to footballers into the equation.

Friday, 19 February 2016

Hello Goodbye

Paul McCartney was turned away from a celebrity party because he was not VIP enough.
Apparently the security got all 'you're not on the list and you're not coming in' because they didn't recognise the 73 year old former Beatle.
I would like to think they did recognise him and refused him entry as payback for the Frog Chorus and Mull of Kintyre.

Wednesday, 17 February 2016

Cheering Up Dawkins

The Church of England sent a mischievous tweet this week sending prayers for Richard Dawkins after his stroke and i am sure they it was a genuine tweet offering prayer for a public person who was unwell, but i bet they enjoyed sending it.
The Church of England does need to get its kicks somehow because it is struggling to attract new worshippers and are predicting that its decline in numbers was likely to continue for the next 30 years.
Such is the difficulties the CoE has launched a programme to modernise the church and increasing by 50% the number of priests being trained, to 600 recruits a year. It also involves shifting funds away from struggling rural parishes with small and elderly congregations to urban churches which are seen as having potential for growth.
The average Church Sunday attendance is 760,000, a drop of 12% in the past decade and the archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, said: 'The culture is becoming anti-Christian' and that it was 'easy to paint a very gloomy picture'
Another idea is to develop 'network churches' that meet in cafes, pubs and other places outside of consecrated buildings.
With less than 1% of the country buying into the whole Church of England thing, i do wonder how much longer it can argue that it is still relevant in the UK and just face the facts that religion is no longer relevant in the 21st Century and pack up is bags and shut the big doors for the last time. 
If nothing else it would cheer up Richard Dawkins no end.

Tuesday, 16 February 2016

MAD Keeping Us Safe

Growing up in the 70s and 80s i was a cold war kid and my over-riding memory was the school drill where in case of a nuclear attack we were to dive under our desks in the hope that a couple of inches of wood above our heads would save us when the mushroom cloud went up.
Up to 1991 when the Soviet Union ceased to be, the Soviets and the West had enough nuclear devices aimed at each other to wipe us all off the planet several times over but thanks to Mutually Assured Destruction (MAD), nobody really expected the cold war to turn hot because as the acronym implied, it assured both countries destruction if it did.  
There was a brief period when Ronald Reagan came along and you thought that bloke could just be crazy enough but he turned out to be even crazier than we thought, making important decisions based upon advice from his astrologer so it was only by the grace of his 7th house not disappearing up Uranus that we escaped unscathed.
Now we seem to be drifting back into another Cold War period with the Russians and Americans bickering over who is blowing up hospitals in Syria and who is invading who and therefore the greater danger.
The United States has 4,500 nuclear warheads and Russia 4,700 so still enough to send us all to a fiery death but the rules of MAD are still there and keeps us safe or at least until we get another Ronald Reagan figure in control.
In the West Vladimir Putin is portrayed as the loose cannon and our leaders point to Ukraine and Syria as evidence while the Russians point the West towards Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya and Syria as evidence that the West is at fault.
With America due to elect a new President in 2016 and Russia in 2018, we may be able to avoid another fully fledged Cold War with new leaders but as both countries need a bogey man to frighten their populations into backing the massive military expenditure, to keep us safe, this could just be the start.  
Just hope we get another song as good as Frankie Goes To Hollywood's 'Two Tribes' out of it if we do.

Cutting Hughes Some Slack

Jesse Hughes of Eagles Of Death Metal has been getting it in the neck for his views that there should be universal access to guns.
As everyone seems to be pointing out, he's in Europe and the NRA gun worshipping rhetoric won't work here but i do have some sympathy for him. 
He's lived through something absolutely horrendous and the emotions are obviously close to the surface and it must take something to go back and perform in the place of such horrors. 
No reasonably minded person thinks what he is saying is a good idea, it's a barnstormingly crazy idea but as it's coming from someone obviously still deeply traumatised, kinder to just let it go.

Sunday, 14 February 2016

Nuclear red Herring

Perfect timing that just as the Government are trying to tell us how important it is that we maintain our nuclear weapons, Russia is the new big bad.
Britain needs a wolf at the door to keep at bay to justify its expenditure on weapons and last time they were up for renewal in the 80's it was Russia and the Warsaw Block we were deterring until the USSR ceased to be and we lost our reason for spending massive money on a weapon we won't ever use.
We have wheeled through China, Iran, Saddam's Iraq and now it's back to Russia again as the reason we have to spend £133 billion on a nuclear deterrent, to keep us safe.
What David Cameron fails to explain is exactly who are our nuclear submarines keeping us safe from and why is a weapons system more important to the country than spending the money on more hospitals, prisons or schools?
If we have £133 billion knocking around to spend on nuclear missiles, especially against a background of austerity cuts and a record number of food banks dishing out vital supplies, then why are we wasting it on a way of killing millions of people?
To almost quote Dwight Eisenhower, every rocket is a theft from those who hunger and are not fed and those who are cold and homeless.
The cost of the nuclear submarines are 2,660 schools (£50 million each), two electric power plants (£550 million each),  two fully equipped hospitals (£500 million each), 53,200,000,000 miles of road (£2.5m per mile) or 601,809 3 bedroom houses with garage (£221,000 each).
The justification that we need a nuclear deterrent is a red herring, we don't need one but we do need plenty of other things as we did in the 80s when we were last told we needed to spend billions on something we may possibly need in the future to ensure our survival.  
Meanwhile, other countries without nuclear weapons spent their money on improving the lives of their citizens, and all of the Western countries there in the 80s are still there and none have been vapourised through a lack of a nuclear device.

Friday, 12 February 2016


If i ran a clinic that specialised in penis enlargement operations the most obvious place to open a clinic would be next to a gun range.
This time of year is especially difficult for men who say things like 'Guns don’t kill people' and 'Without my gun the King of England could just come into my house' because they are obviously crackers and have a very good chance of being single.   
So what is a single gun nut with a tiny willy going to do this St Valentines Day when love is all around? Shoot cute things obviously.  
A Texan gun range is offering a special promotion where Cletus, Bobby Joe and Billy Bob can turn up in their pick up truck and take out all that pent up aggression about women avoiding them like Australians avoid alcohol free beer by shooting at teddy bears.
After last years successful campaign, the Boyert Shooting Range is running another promotion which allows distraught lovers to shoot either their own teddy bears or choose a new bear to blast.
'I’m a single guy and it gives me a chance to let loose a little bit' slurred one man who saw his already nil chances of finding love plummet by going on television to announce he will spend Valentines Day blasting teddy bears and condemning himself to spending every February 14th wondering why nobody wants him.
When the only thing smaller than your chances of finding love is your genitalia, go shoot some teddy bears.

Wednesday, 10 February 2016

European Socialists

The Bernie Sanders Socialist bandwagon continues to gather pace and people are starting to talk seriously about President Sanders, the thinking being that Bernie will win the Democrat nomination, Trump will win the Republican and being as Trump is a racist nutter who would sink America into the sea within a week of being handed power, Sanders will win and usher in a new Socialist utopia across the Atlantic.
As Bernie is a self declared fan of European Socialism, and considering i am not only a European but also a Socialist, i am doubly well placed to let Americans now what they can expect under the four or possibly eight years of a Sanders administration.

1. The Song. Socialism has it's own song and it's sung to the tune of the Christmas Carol 'O' Christmas Tree' and is all about peace, human rights and human gains while hauling down the rich man. It's not quite Stairway o Heaven but it's catchy. 
2. Red. For some reason everything Socialist is red, the flag, the badges, the posters, the ties. Every Bernie Sanders badge i have seen has been blue but that's a Democrat thing because the Republicans are red and it may get confusing if he changed it now.
3. Famous Socialists. If you look at the great and the good through history, you can bet your Che Guevera mug that they were a Socialist. The list includes George Orwell, Betrand Russell, Charlie Chaplin, John Steinbeck, Pablo Picasso, Martin Luther King, Mark Twain, Malcolm X, Oscar Wilde, Joe Strummer, Nelson Mandela and Albert Einstein and if the brainiest man who has ever lived decides that Socialism is the way to go you know you have backed the right horse, or German physicist.
4. Scandinavia. To an outsider, Scandinavia can seem like a group of small, difficult-to-tell-apart Nordic countries but the Scandinavian countries are, in fact, some of the richest, most successful societies on Earth, with exceptionally high levels of education, health care, and safety and to a man run by Socialists. Vote Sanders and and you to could be Sweden or Norway only with less fish and blonde haired people knocking around. 
5. Socialism is already working. Someone assaulting you? The police arrive, and without payment, resolve the situation. America is invaded by Iceland? The military show up and chase them away for free. Your house on fire? The fire department comes and puts the fire out without payment. Your child can't write yet? The school will educate them for free. Got seven bin liners full of rubbish? The rubbish collectors will take it away and charge you nothing. Need to drive to Florida to get some oranges for your Vitamin C Deficiency? Travel there on the roads maintained for free.

It's a no brainer really, under Socialism you get a neat song, everything coloured red, get to live in a Scandinavian knock off, while driving around with the hood down, feeling the wind in your hair and listening to The Clash. What's not to like about being a European Socialist?

Tuesday, 9 February 2016


There were a record 4,279 less Americans in the World at the end of 2015 as that's the number who renounced their nationality and potentially forfeited the chance to ever return Stateside.
According to the US Treasury, a record number of individuals renounced their US citizenship or long-term residency in 2015 which was an increase of 20% on the previous year which itself was a record-breaking year.
The main reason cited is the Foreign Account Tax Compliance Act (Fatca), a law designed to target overseas accounts held by Americans who must file a tax return, no matter where they live in the World, and often pay US taxes on top of the tax they already pay in their country of residence.
As Fatca places a burden on foreign banks to identify US citizens among their customers to US tax authorities and with penalties for failing to do so can be as high as 30% of all a bank's dealings with the USA so as a result, Americans abroad are being denied access to basic banking facilities as banks would rather refuse US citizens' custom than run the risk of hefty penalties.
For Americans abroad, the only option is to pay the $2350 it costs to hand in their passport and renounce their citizenship and then be able to open a bank account.
There are 9 million Americans living outside of America and come November and  Donald Trump lands in the White House then 2016 could become another record breaking year for Americans wishing to abandon their country.

Not So Bright And Beautiful

I don't get to watch Songs of Praise much but when i do they always seem to be singing 'All Things Bright and Beautiful', a cheerful song which praises God for all the nice things that he has given us because the Lord made everything apparently.
The big man gets the thanks for things such as the flowers, birds, mountains, rivers, fruit and trees which i think we can all agree come under the bright and beautiful banner but if God made all things then as well as the nice things in life he must also take the blame for the bad things such as the diseases and parasites that blight humans. 
To even things up i have come up with alternative version, 'All Things Not So Bright  and Beautiful' because if you are going to take the plaudits for making everything, as well as the good things, you must take the blame for the crap things you have made also.

All things bad and terrible,
all ailments great and small,
all things poor and awful:
the Lord God made them all.

1. The Zika Virus Infection,
Each little tic that bites
God made their glowing colours
And the scabies mite

2. Hepatitis D coinfection
Cancer and TB to,
Chicken pox and measles
Ringworm And Avian Flu

3. Downs Syndrome and Asthma
Melanoma from the Sun
Gonorrhoea and Shingles
God made them every one

4. God gave us eye infections
Whooping cough and sickle cell
Give thanks to God Almighty
When your not feeling well

Monday, 8 February 2016

Another One Bites The Moon Dust

It is a sad fact that the first man to walk on the moon was 1969 and the last was in 1972 and we haven't been back since.
Edgar Mitchell was the 6th man on the moon and his death means that of the 12 humans who have set foot on another solar body, five have died and the remainder are all in the eighties so there could soon not be anybody alive who has walked on anything but the Earth.   
Unfortunately, once the moon was landed upon the space program cooled and the next giant step of a moon base or man on Mars, never materialised and due to financial constraints, is unlikely to be revived in our lifetime.
'There are not compelling publicly-held reasons for doing it' a NASA spokesman explained, 'Without a rationale that everybody understands and can buy into, it's a very hard sell to get the resources to do it'.
The question, 40 years later, seems to have become less 'when are we going back' and more 'why should we go back'.
There is no shortage of people suggesting we have better things to spend our money on here on Earth but exploring is what us humans do we, we go looking for places to investigate and attempt to establish a foothold.
How can anyone look up at the night sky, see the beautiful moon and stars and wonder are we alone, what else is there in the inky blackness of space and if we have the technology and know how to do it, why are we not doing more to add to the very limited knowledge we have about our nearest neighbour.

Booby Sands

Sinn Fein, the political wing of the IRA, have long been making tits of themselves and now they have confirmed it by making a hilarious typo on their campaign leaflet.  
Mary Lou McDonald, the deputy leader of the party wanted to be quoted invoking the spirit of one of the figureheads of the Irish Republican movement, Bobby Sands, the IRA hunger striker who starved himself to death in the Maze Prison in Northern Ireland in 1981 however, somewhere along the way Bobby became Booby and nobody noticed until the leaflets were printed and were distributed.
The leaflets have know been withdrawn so i assume Sinn Fein are now keeping abreast of the situation and hope that it is soon forgotten and fades from peoples mammaries before the election.

Sunday, 7 February 2016

Arsenal v Leicester Dilemma

I face a bit of a tricky dilemma next weekend because my team Arsenal are playing the top of the league team Leicester.
Arsenal still have an outside chance of winning the title but in my hearts of hearts it's pretty unlikely
while Leicester are six points clear at the top with 13 games to go.  
To put it into context Leicester were almost relegated out the top division last season and had odds of 5000-1 in August to top the league this season and when you see the bookies are offering 500-1 for Northern Ireland to win this years Euro's then it shows what a magnificent feat they have achieved this season.
My problem is that i obviously want Arsenal to win the league but if they don't, i'd would want Leicester to but if Arsenal beat Leicester this coming Sunday then it would not only dent Leicesters chances but open the door for Tottenham and Manchester City who are presently second and third.
A Leicester win would pretty much finish any chances Arsenal have of adding to the Emirates Stadium trophy cabinet and a draw would put it on life support.
While Arsenal can still win it i will be willing a gunners victory and with 36 more points after this game to play for it could still all change but i do wish it wasn't Leicester that Arsenal have to beat this weekend.
Of course we are all looking forward to Tottenham choking and ending up in the usual UEFA Cup place they always grab at the end of the season but ideal would be an Arsenal win and then Leicester, Spurs and Manchester City all drop points and it's the Gunners holding aloft the big cup in May but if they don't then the romantic in me wants it to be Leicester.

Saturday, 6 February 2016

Dangerous Creations Blog

How ironic that the Dangerous Creations blog, which Daniel spent so much time on dispelling the myth of God and all things Holy has gone and been replaced by links to creationist sites.
The Dangerous Creation blog was always very left wing whose views crossed so much with mine and Daniel the author was never slow to rub up anyone who held an an opposite view to him, the arguments he became embroiled in on this blog are testament to that.
When i came to this blog in 2007 Dangerous Creations was one of the first blogs on my blogroll and it is quite sad to see yet another long term blogger who has decided to end their participation but as anyone who has blogged for any length of time will tell you, it can become quite a commitment to keep up.
So i raise a glass of something fizzy to Daniel and Dangerous Creations who was one of the original bloggers and i hope that whatever he is doing now in the Land Down Under, he is enjoying it.
In honour of the Australian who did so much to anger Americans and gave me an outlet to wind up our Aussie cousins, i dedicate the following post: Whinging Pom Eggs

Library Day

Today marks National Libraries Day, one of the most important institutions that we have and according to the Chartered Institute of Public Finance and Accountancy (CIPFA) 240 million books were borrowed from the 3,450 libraries left in Britain.
The most borrowed authors of 2014-15 were James Patterson, Juliia Donaldson and Daisy Meadows. Roald Dahl was the most borrowed 'classic author' with Enid Blyton and Agatha Christie making up the top three.
The title that was most checked out by the British public was the 'Personal' by thriller writer Lee Child, 'Never Go Back' also by Lee Child and the crime mystery 'Abattoir Blues' by Peter Robinson.
The most borrowed audio-book was Lesley Pearse's 'Without a Trace' read by Emma Powell.
I seemed to have spent a good portion of last year plowing through the Stephanie Plum books by Janet Evanovich, a great accidental discovery about a female bounty hunter who mixes it in a world of supernatural characters and as there are 22 novels, 2015 was certainly a Stephanie Plum year although i also managed to squeeze in a handful of Ben Elton books and re-read 'Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep', a book so far removed from the 'Blade Runner' film it spawned that to say the usual 'loosely based on the novel' isn't loose enough.

Friday, 5 February 2016

Assange Arbitrarily Detained

British arrogance is renown but as the saying goes if you lay with dogs then you get fleas and Sweden seems to have caught something nasty from the Brits because the usually laid back Scandinavians are embroiled in the nasty smell over Julian Assange.
The United Nation have found that WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange is being 'arbitrarily detained' in the Ecuadorian embassy for the past 3 and a half years but the British and Swede's shake their heads and call the United Nations 'ridiculous' and say 'no he hasn't'.
To make it worse the Brits and Swedes are acting on behalf of the United States as Assange had shown the World the awful things the American military were doing in Iraq and Afghanistan and rather than go after the people doing the murdering, they went after the messenger and Britain as always was happy to be the lapdog and drag Sweden into out murky World.
The findings that state Assange’s 'deprivation of liberty' must end should mean it's time for him to walk free and to be compensated for the lengthy period he has been holed up in the Embassy but tonight he remains in his embassy room and Britain and Sweden remaining adamant that the report changes nothing. 
The CIA's 'Rendition Airlines' and that cell beside Bradley/Chelsea Manning will just have to wait and Sweden should choose it's friends more carefully.

I Wanna Be Elected

The best thing about other countries elections are that they won't effect us so we can be as blasé as we like about them so it is fun watching the Americans tie themselves up in knots about who will take the keys to the White House front door.
Will it be the racist with the mad hair or the wife of the man who famously managed to soil the interns blue dress while not having sexual relations with that woman.
It could yet be the Socialist who wants to turn America into Europe or even the Canadian who end up with their feet under the Oval Room table.
One person who seems to be shamefully overlooked is the brother of the man who is widely regarded as the dumbest US President since that one who kept falling over steps and was described as being: 'so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time'.    
George W Bush's little brother, Jeb, has hardly registered on the radar and apparently so low key has been his campaign that he had to remind his supporters to clap after a particularly dull speech on National Security. 
We could yet see someone break out of the pack who isn't any of the above but it doesn't look as though the next Middle Eastern country to have American bombs dropped on it will have the pleasure of it being done by a Bush, that particular hat-trick seems very distant at this moment.

Thursday, 4 February 2016

Our Pet Asteroid

Look up to the sky in March and you may just see another flaming ball of matter as well as the Sun because an asteroid is scheduled to fly by but NASA can’t quite tell how far away it will be with estimates ranging from 9 million miles to 11,000 miles, approximately 95% closer than the moon.
Astronomers have only just been able to track its path and they will narrow down the trajectory the closer it gets.
The asteroid, called 2013 TX68, is 100 feet (30 meters) in diameter but astronomers studying the space rock are almost certain that it is not on a collision course with our ball of rock so i am hoping that it is closer to the 11,000 miles than the 9 million.
In 2020 the Asteroid Redirect Mission (ARM) plans to grab an asteroid, tow it along and place it in orbit about the moon so shame we did not have the technology already in place because we could have a asteroid literally fall into our lap save us having to go find one.

Wednesday, 3 February 2016

Show Us The Biblical Evidence

Christina Wilkinson, head at St Andrew's CE Primary School in Oswaldtwistle, Lancashire, took to social media to air her views about the earth's beginning and posted that 'evolution is not a fact' and that that is 'more evidence that the Bible is true'.
As expected she was then mercilessly mocked and has since taken down the post and replaced it with a less contentious one that explains that the school teach the full national curriculum in school and that 'our pupils receive a fully rounded education'.
Not if she is teaching them you may say but i would be interested to hear what evidence she has that the Bible is true.
Has she finally found the elusive talking snake or even the unicorn the Bible talks about or maybe the ark that was large enough to accommodate either two or seven of every animal in the World?
Possibly we can finally explain how God created light on the first day but didn't magic up the Sun until Day 4 or exactly how the stars will 'fall from the sky' when Jesus returns or that the Earth is at the centre of everything and the Sun has been actually going around the Earth all this time.    
Considering that the Bible is full of stories stolen from other earlier religions surely if there is any evidence then it rather disproves Christianity in favour of the religions that it replaced.
Maybe Mrs Wilkinson should stick to showing her primary school kids how to stay inside the lines when colouring in and leave the big stuff to the other teachers.

Monday, 1 February 2016

Yee Haw'ing For Donald Trump

Adele has joined fellow musicians Neil Young, REM and Aerosmith who have asked presidential hopeful Donald Trump to stop using their songs in his bid for the White House.
The strange haired racist one has been using Adele's 'Rolling in the Deep' and 'Skyfall' in his campaign but the British singer has told him that he does not have permission for her music to be used.
Steven Tyler has already told Trump to leave his tunes out of the CD Player as it: 'gives the false impression that he is connected with, or endorses, Mr Trump’s presidential bid' which of course nobody in the public eye would, or so you would think.
Hulk Hogan and Lou “The Incredible Hulk” Ferrigno have nailed their colours to the Trump mast as have a couple of little known country music singers who probably mean more to an American audience who for some reason like all that 'my dog died and my pick up truck has a flat tyre' kinda thing. Kid Rock has also announced himself as a Trumpton.
Everyone's favourite Socialist Bernie Sanders has Red Hot Chilli Peppers and Vampire Weekend in his corner along with what looks like a 90s reunion tour with Dinosaur Jr, The Dead Kennedys, Belinda Carlisle, Faith No More, the Foo Fighters, Babes in Toyland and Sonic Youth.
Simon and Garfunkel have also given permission for their song 'America' to be used on the Sanders campaign ad.
In the Hillary Clinton corner is Kanye West, Beyoncé, Pharrell Williams, Katie Perry, Christina Aguilera, Burt Bacharach, Tony Bennett, Jon Bon Jovi, Mariah Carey, Cher, Kelly Clarkson, Ellie Goulding, Ice-T, Ja Rule, Quincy Jones, Lady Gaga, Jennifer Lopez, Ricky Martin, Janelle Monae, Snoop Dogg, 50 Cent, Barbra Streisand, James Taylor, Usher, and Stevie Wonder which ought to do it when it comes to choice of Hillary's campaign song.
The right wing has always been short on musical talent, the left, like the devil, always had the best tunes so it shouldn't be any surprise that the Trump campaign is only attracting singers who are  wearing boots and a cowboy hat and but as Kid Rocks biography shows he once had a song titled 'Cold and Empty', the Trump campaign may have found a song that sums him up perfectly.
That is of course unless they find a Country and Western singer who has a song called 'Hitler Loving Racist' they could use instead.