Monday, 30 January 2012

Lovely Jubbly

Only Fools and Horses is usually the recipient when any awards for the greatest British Sit-Com are handed out and not surprisingly the Americans have decided to remake it in their own image.
Usually i just don't get why trans-atlantic remakes of British shows have to be made. Why not just show the original programme because it's not like Americans don't understand English but in the case of Fools & Horses, it may be wise to tweak the script because it's going to be a short, sharp introduction to British slang and like the French language, it will be Greek to them.
Undoubtedly it will be a nice little earner for the BBC who are by no means brassic but are brill at bringing home the bunce by selling their programmes.
Whether the septics sitting on their jacksies will find it pukka is another thing, they gave another British classic, Red Dwarf, the elbow but that could be down to the plonkers they hired to play the parts or the yanks just didn't get the Brit humour.
It would be cushty if they did leave the lingo alone because slang is such a part of our language that we don't even realise we are doing it sometimes, if people knew what the word 'berk' really meant, they wouldn't use it quite so often.
If i was in a restaurant, and i announced that before the ruby arrived, i was just going to nick off to the Khazi a bit lively for a fag, the Brits would understand me perfectly while any other British speaking nationality would either gawk at me as if i was some kind of 42 carat wally or pretend they have gone mutton and keep schtum. Of course if the ruby isn't kosher the khazi will be packed with diners suffering Ghandi's revenge and i'll have to go outside in the cold to fag up which would give me the right hump.
Anyway, it will be cosmic for us Brits, especially for those of us with Blogs if the Fools and Horses lingo did gain a wider audience because it would mean we wouldn't have to keep the language neutral so it can be understood by all and stone me that's not easy as i explained to the dipstick in the market who was trying to get me to part with my readies and wouldn't take me being potless as an answer.
Lovely jubbly if America does get to sample Fools & Horses and remember, in the immortal words of Del-Boy, he who dares win. Bonjour.

Sunday, 29 January 2012

Anyone Got A Light?

It seems that over the past decade the best business to be in is manufacturing the American Flag because it always seems that someone somewhere is setting fire to it for the benefit of a TV camera.
The latest pictures of Old Glory going up in flames are from California where a mob of Occupy protesters broke into the Town Hall and set their lighters about the American flag.
Now it might be argued that America is not the most popular country around the globe and the flag itself is not particularly ugly, the recently displaced Libyan plain green one took that award, but according to Flag Burning World, it is only the fifth favourite flag that is reached for when we want to show our dissatisfaction with world events.
The site has all the flags of the World and with one click of the mouse we can vent our anger and set ablaze the flag of our choice and with over 23 million flags burned so far, there is a lot of venting going on but just whose flag is the most crispy?
Not many people will be able to pinpoint Armenia on a map but over 751,000 people know where to find it's flag and set fire to it.
Second is Azerbaijan (696,070) and then Europe's most toasty flag is owned by Turkey (593,056) before the Israeli Star of David (241,000) and the Stars and Stripes (220,538) make up the top five.
The UK Flag is in the top half with 161,683, roughly 30,000 in front of the Australian flag despite my repeat clicking but the European nation that Internet users feel less inclined to fire up is Montenegro (82,940).
The people who make flags would do well to make less of the Barbados flag as it is the least burned flag (82,664), just ahead of Zimbabwe (82,842) which may have more to do with it being off the screen on the bottom right hand side rather than any love for Mr Mugabe.
Cuba (82,848) is close behind and then Honduras (82,850) and Cambodia (82,990) make up the most loved bottom five.
So next time on the news you see an American flag on the floor with flames licking around it and celebrating arsonists dancing around it, spare a thought for the Armenian flag because somewhere three of them are blazing away.

Thursday, 26 January 2012

Passing The Blame

Official figures show that the UK economy shrank by 0.2% in the last three months of 2011 and nobody is disguising that a double dip recession is not so much feared but fully expected.
So after 4 years of recession, who's to blame for the continual failure to move us out of it?
When the economy struggled to get above zero previously, the coalition blamed the weather and then the extra bank holiday we had for the Royal Wedding but no such absurdity has been reached for so far so why is the UK economy tanking?
The Labour party claims the blame lies entirely with government policy, cutting too fast and too deep but the Government say it isn't their fault and point at the problems in Europe which is making growth difficult for the UK.
The Europeans in turn are saying it is the global recession that is doing it for them so everyone is blaming each other and there seems to be a lot of people offering advice but nothing seems to be working.
Our Government has slashed with abandoned at the public sector, attacked the welfare system with an axe and poured tens of billions of our taxes into the banking system and still we are in the deep end and have been since 2008. Four years of trying to climb out of the hole and if anything, we are further in it then when we started.
The facts are prices have gone up for the essentials such as food, energy and petrol but wages have either stayed the same or been reduced.
It does not take a masters degree in economics to realise that if prices go up the public stop buying so much of the product which result in the businesses selling less which means they put their prices up to make up the shortfall and the public cut back even more and the vicious circle continues until the inevitable recession and the bankruptcies and the job losses which that brings and we fall even further into the hole.
Rather than the Government giving tens of billions to the banks, the obvious answer seems to be to put more money into the public pocket. A one off £1000 payment to every family would spur a flurry of spending in the local community which would not only boost the economy, stop shops closing and create jobs which keep people in work, but it will still end up in the banking system anyway.
We have tried one way and it blatantly isn't working so what have we to lose going to plan B and giving another idea a try?

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Taxing Times For Redknapp

To the tune of Fools & Horses:

no income tax, no vat,
got spanked last week by man city,
future's grim,
he's looking pale,
harry redknapp's off to jail........

It was Albert Einstein who said that 'the hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax' which is a sentiment that Harry Redknapp obviously agrees with as he found it all so complicated that he just didn't bother with it.
Now the taxman has the Tottenham manager in court on charges of receiving £190,000 payment into an off-shore account set up in the name of his dog. Harry says it was a bonus, everyone else is saying he just misspelled bung especially as he has admitted to being almost illiterate saying 'You talk to anybody at the football club. I don't write. I couldn't even fill a team sheet in' which explains why Pavlyuchenko can never get a game unless there is a grown up around to help Harry hold his crayon.
As much fun as it is watching the human droopy look-a-like being kicked around by HM Revenue & Customs for tax evasion, there is a dark, sinister side to all this television coverage. I accidentally turned on the high definition while he was being interviewed on Sky News and i haven't been able to sleep for 3 nights.
Arsenal fans are especially happy to see the Spurs man in court, as are the fans of Portsmouth who he left to manage rivals Southampton before coming back amidst much sycophantic pleas to be forgiven by Portsmouth fans before trying his hardest to jump ship to Newcastle and then Tottenham when he spent all the money and the administrators come knocking.
Apart from the chant at the top of the post, there has been a distinct lack of songs about Harry's predicament and football fans are normally quick to rip a fellow manager or player apart when they are in the news.
An overweight Robbie Fowler was subjected to 'I predict a diet' and chants of 'Two Andy Gorams, there's only two Andy Gorams' greeted the Rangers goalkeeper after he was diagnosed with schizophrenia.
Who does Harry Redknapp think he was concealing his finances to avoid paying tax to the British government? Tony Blair?

Monday, 23 January 2012

Now Tell Us Something We Don't Know

Sometimes researchers discover something that isn't so much earth-shattering as just bloody obvious. So much so that if they had just asked a woman, then we could have saved them tonnes of money and hundreds of hours of research.
Unfortunately in these matters, women are the equivalent of the new Leonard Cohen CD in that nobody listens to us either.
The latest revelation courtesy of Oxford University is that men cause all the conflicts in the World. Duh.
From football violence to world wars, the cause is the male of the species, or rather their instinct for violence that helped early men which was all very well and good back in the Caveman days but in modern times translates into wars and conflicts.
In contrast to men, the female instinct is to 'tend and befriend' and seek to resolve conflicts peacefully.
The Professor behind the study, Mark van Vugt from the Institute for Cognitive and Evolutionary Anthropology at Oxford University, observed that the same male penchant for violence is 'similar to behaviour in chimpanzees'.
So not only are men responsible for almost every war, conflict and dispute, they also act like monkeys too.
Isn’t science amazing, they found that the root of all evil isn't money or religion, it's the gender with the testicles who behave like monkey's.
Yet another reason why men should step aside and go play on the tyre swing and let women get on with running things.
No wars, no conflicts and a mandatory prison sentence for any man who missed the toilet while peeing.

Friday, 20 January 2012

Arts Olympics

As if we can forget, London is hosting the Olympics later this year and two sports that won't be seen are baseball and softball which have both been dropped. The Olympic Committee have decided not to replace them so both the derivative of rounders become consigned to the bin of former Olympic sports along with many other events that have been discarded but once earned a shiny medal for the winners.
Events like the one won by John Hughes in 1932 who took top placing on the podium in the Town Planning discipline for his design of a recreation centre in Liverpool. Shamefully Town Planning was removed from the list of Olympic events in 1948, as was Architecture with Adolf Hoch's design for a ski jumping hill being the last recipient.
Other much missed Olympic events include Sculpture, painting (watercolours) and aeronautics.
The Europeans dominated all the music disciplines, one instrument, Orchestral and songs for choirs until it was sadly dropped in the 40's.
German Rudolf Georg Bindoing only managed a silver medal in 1928 for his dubiously entitled song 'Rider`s Instructions to his Lover' but countryman Paul Raur won the gold medal for literature four years later.
The 1928 Olympics saw the one and only appearance of Dramatic works but unusually no 1st or 3rd prizes were awarded, just silver to an Italian for his drama 'Icarus'.
The Olympic museum states that the art competitions were dropped from the Olympic program due to difficulty of determining the amateur status of the artists.
Considering that most of the athletes at the Olympics are far from amateur now, this could be a great time to reintroduce a drawing contest and Town Planning as Olympic events.

Thursday, 19 January 2012

Selling Responsible Capitalism

An oxymoron can be either when a moron wastes valuable oxygen by breathing, a moron from Oxford or phrase that has contradictory terms. In a rare perfect moment today, all three came together in perfect unison when David Cameron who just happens to be a moron from Oxford University and continues to waste valuable oxygen that could be breathed by someone who isn't an utter twonk, made a speech that the word oxymoron was invented for when he said he wanted to see 'responsible, popular capitalism'.
So after everything has fallen apart, our dear leader is trying to do a PR job on capitalism, to make it all warm and cuddly. Rainbows and lollipops for everyone so we all feel better about things while the people who make the big money carry on making the big money because if capitalism is to survive, people have to believe it is a system worth supporting and while the evidence around us is boarded up shops, massive unemployment and bankers continuing to receive million pound bonuses, it won't be an easy sell.
So how does Dave spin us this vision of capitalism that will change it's evil perception and have us all clambering to back it?
How about.....hmm, that won't work.......maybe if he put it this way...nope......he could point out...boy, they wouldn't go for that....there's, forget chance of that either......nobody would swallow that for a second....put the coffee pot on Dave, it's gonna be a long session!

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Queenies Present

Queen Elizabeth II will have been our monarch for 60 years this summer and the Government have been mulling over ideas of what to give the monarch to celebrate this feat, though they have kept one eye the austerity measures they have introduced because we have no money. Heaven forbid they are seen lavishing money on a family we already pay millions a year.
My idea of a £5 book token for Waterstones fell at the first hurdle but the education secretary, Michael Gove, has come up with a corker, a new royal yacht.
In a leaked letter, he explained that 'In spite, and perhaps because of the austere times, the celebration should go beyond those of previous jubilees and mark the greater achievement that the diamond anniversary represents. I feel strongly that the diamond jubilee gives us a tremendous opportunity to recognise in a very fitting way the Queen's highly significant contribution to the life of the nation and the Commonwealth. My suggestion would be a gift from the nation to her majesty; thinking about David Willetts's excellent suggestion of a royal yacht'.
The obvious, and correct, reaction to this news is to spit coffee out your nose while spluttering 'WHAT THE CHUFF!!!' at the thought of us plebs shelling out £60 million so the head of the richest family in the UK can swan off around the World on a luxury liner.
Lizzie has an estimated fortune of £349 million according to the Forbes rich list and it was only a few years ago that she was holding out her hand for the funds to fix Windsor Castle after a fire and the country rose up as one and told her to pay for it herself.
David Cameron, probably because he is not as simple as he looks, has said that no taxpayers money will be used to pay for the yacht and the £60 million will come form private funding. I assume that would be the same people who constantly whine about having to pay the 50p tax rate which goes to help us all but will not hesitate to put towards a yacht for the pampered pensioner and her workshy family.
Maybe a nicer gift would be for her to donate £60million from her fortune to her subjects, the ones who have kept her and her many stately homes, so we can keep open a few hospitals or build some schools. Considering she hasn't even given us as much as a park bench over the past 60 years, it's about time she dipped into her royal pocket.
Failing that i'd settle for Michael Goves and David Cameron's head on a pike outside Buckingham Palace.

Monday, 16 January 2012

Galaxy Song

Every now and then the BBC will turn up a programme so good that we forget just how much we resent paying the TV licence fee, almost.
One such show is tonight and for the next two nights with Stargazer, where the mystery's of the universe are shoved before our eyes and some clever dick with a white coat and pens in his top pocket explains it all.
That's what i love about this types of show, the sheer size and speed of everything in the universe that makes it hard to comprehend.
Astronomy is fascinating, but sometimes it isn't easy to get your head around and it doesn't help when scientists talk about something being light years away because many of us don't really have a concept of light years and even if you know that a light year is about 6 trillion miles, it still doesn't really register because it is just too large a number.
So how can we make sense of all this?
As usual, we turn to Monty Python to explain things and although some of their figures are not strictly 100% accurate, they are close enough.

Saturday, 14 January 2012

Why Saudi Arabia Dave?

Our very own Dave Cameron is in that hotbed of Democracy Saudi Arabia and agreeing to 'strengthen co-operation with Saudi Arabia and discuss the importance of the UK-Saudi bilateral relationship' Downing Street have said.
So why is David Cameron devoting so much time and energy to Saudi Arabia?
After all, a brief glance at our balance sheet shows that it is hardly one of our biggest trading partners, it comes in a lowly 24th, buying a tad over 1% of our exports, far less than places like Turkey or Poland.
The Saudi's don't make the list of the top 25 import sources and we get the vast majority of our oil from Norway and import more of the black stuff from Azerbaijan than Saudi and i have yet to hear of the Prime Minister dashing off to Baku for top level trade meetings.
So why the dash to Riyadh?
Saudi Arabia is the second largest buyer of UK arms, £15 billion annually, and this is important to the Saudi's because otherwise they couldn't support the regime next door in prosecuting doctors and nurses for treating those injured by the very same guns and armoured vehicles.
The Arab spring uprising that we chose to ignore because rather awkwardly, we are supplying the arms to allow them to do it.
There you go Azerbaijan, if you want the British PM to turn up on your doorstep promising to strengthen co-operation with you, or even want to violently put down an uprising, buy our guns.

Friday, 13 January 2012


Our father, who art in heaven, hello be my name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in....oh, hello, you caught me in the middle of my evening prayer. I will finish it later because, to be honest, i don't know the rest of it but i know bread comes into it somewhere but i really should learn the rest of it, particularly as i am a fully ordained minister now.
Yep, i am part of the God bothering crowd now and according to the blurb that came with my free online ordination, i can perform marriages, funerals, baptisms, ceremonial rites, and last rites. I can even start my own church but it is the last two things that being an ordained minister brings that i am most excited about.
Firstly, i can use the title Reverend, Minister, Healer or Educator but the most exciting part is i can absolve others of their sins!
How cool is that, i get to hand out forgiveness and the hail Mary's.
Want to get to heaven but have broken some of the commandments? Took the Lords name in vain while coveting your neighbours wife on the Sabbath? Come see rev Lucy and i'll get you upstairs with the big guy.
My certificate only lasts a year so be quick and get those confessions in early to avoid disappointment.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012

Prodding Iran

After a decade of military failure in Afghanistan and Iraq, destabilisation of Pakistan and Yemen and slaughter from the skies in Libya, you might hope the US and its friends would have had their fill of invasion and intervention in the Muslim world.
Apparently not because America's best and most out of control friend, Israel, has been stepping up the stealth war against Iran and have been continuing a campaign of assassinations of Iranian scientists, today's assassination being the fifth in the past 2 years.
Iran has pointed the finger at the US and Israel for the murders although Washington deny any involvement, Israel have declined to comment but comes after Israel recently warned Iran 'would undergo more things which take place in an unnatural manner.'
Today's assassination came courtesy of a magnetic bomb attached to the scientists car, a tried and trusted method as it was the same use of magnetic bombs delivered by motorcyclists used in killing the other scientists who worked within the Iranian nuclear facilities.
The latest murder comes at a time of high tension between Iran and the West with the US declaring it will prohibit the global financing of the Iranian oil trade and Iran reacting by threatening to close the strait of Hormuz and cutting off a fifth of the world's oil supply.
Just like with Iraq, we are seeing a ratcheting up of the pressure on Iran and the softening up of public opinion as the threat of another war looms larger despite the case against Iran being so fantastically thin.
There is no evidence that Iran is engaged in a nuclear weapons programme as the US, UK and Israel claim so definitively and the IAEA have once again failed to produce a smoking gun, despite the best efforts of its new director general, Yukiya Amano, who was exposed by Wikileak's as being described by American diplomats as being 'one of us when it comes to Iran'.
The sense of de je vu fills the air. Can it really happen again? Israel, as they have proved in Palestine time and time again, care very little about the civilian deaths they cause, but can America and Britain really be gung ho for a repeat of Iraq or Afghanistan where over a million people were killed for no benefit whatsoever outside of the military suppliers and oil industry?
The propaganda campaign against Iran has now gone so far that even outright murder of Iranian civilians, illegal under international law, is no longer condemned.
The latest Israeli attack is another attempt to provoke Iran until it retaliates which in turn will give warmongering America and its sycophantic British poodle and the vile, murderous Israeli Government the ultimate excuse to send in the troops so if Iran is not building nuclear weapons, it clearly needs to so it can protect its citizens from being wiped off the face of the earth by the usual nations who seem to not be able to satisfy their war lust.

Tuesday, 10 January 2012

Waving Scotland Goodbye

Kingdoms are run by kings, empires by emperors and now Scotland is hoping to be a country which means, ironically enough, it will be run by Alex Salmon who is looking to wrench the cold and wet bit at the top of Britain away from the rich bit down the bottom.
I'm all for Scotland going it alone, i will be waving it goodbye as it removes the Union Flag and hoists the Saint Andrew's Cross in its place, hopefully just as they realise that they might have made a bit of a boo boo.
As an independent country, we would have a perfect excuse to send back all the Scottish languishing down here taking all our jobs, claiming benefits etc etc.
Rod Stewart, you can have him back and the Krankies. Andy Gray can pack his tartan suit case and Billy Connelly, Ewan McGregor, Alan Hansen and Annie Lennox can all clamber back onto your side as well. David Tennant can stay if he likes though.
We can also say goodbye to having to listen to the Scottish football scores because we really care that East Stirlingshire beat Berwick Rangers and it solves our problem of having to shoehorn in 4 Scottish players into our British Olympic football team.
No more of those god awful Scots Guards bagpipe tunes so yep, it's a win win for us except for now having to store our own Weapons of mass destruction somewhere, hang on, we still have Northern Ireland so problem solved. Cya Scotland.

Monday, 9 January 2012

He's Saying What We All Think

Obama on Chavez: 'We’re concerned about the government’s actions, which have restricted the universal rights of the Venezuelan people, threatened basic democratic values, and failed to contribute to the security in the region'.

Chavez to Obama: 'You know what, Obama? I feel sorry for you. Just ask the black communities of your country what you mean to them. You are the greatest disappointment of recent years. Go ask the poor people of your country. You are a great disappointment to them'.

The chubby South American has got you there Barack and as Mr Chavez delivers free heating oil each winter for 500,000 poor Americans living in low-income neighborhoods and shelters throughout your country, you should be a bit nicer to him as he is picking up your slack!

Saturday, 7 January 2012

Implant Profiteering

I don't like to keep venting my spleen about how the the economic system that dictates our daily lives seems to be rotten to the core, i want to be writing posts poking fun at Australia or wagging my finger at Americans for actually wanting a country full of gun owners but when it's a constant stream of multinational corporations getting away with tax dodging to the tune of billions or bankers awarding themselves billions in bonuses as people all over the world plunge into poverty and unemployment it's hard to resist.
As i have said countless times here, the system is terminally flawed so that the only conclusion is the capitalist system is no longer serving the human species well and we need a better way of organising ourselves where the interests of more people become relevant and greed is of lower importance.
Before you sigh and say the communist hippy is off on one of her unsubstantiated anti-capitalism rants again, the implant furore makes my point for me.

French firm Poly Implant Prothesis have admitted filling their implants with industrial silicone to cuts costs and then hid what they were doing from inspectors.
Jean-Claude Mas, founder of PIP, told police: 'From 1997 onwards we hid the products used to make the PIP gel. I wasn't allowed to buy these products because they were not authorised. We organised everything to escape being monitored'.
The PIP gel cost £4 a litre while the authorised American gel Nusil was £35 a litre although the implants cost remained the same.
When the deceit was uncovered and Mas was asked about the women who claimed to have suffered health problems after being fitted with the sub-standard implants, he replied: 'The victims are only suing to get money … I have nothing to say to them'.
Investigations have found there is a possible association with leaking PIP implants and a rare form of cancer which have affected 11 French women who had these implants fitted and an investigation has been launched in France into charges of manslaughter and unintentional injury against PIP who are already facing charges of aggravated deception.
The French government have announced they would foot the bill for tens of thousands of breast implant removals, amid cancer fears while the British Government have said that women who are concerned about breast implants made by PIP will be able to have them removed for free by the NHS if they were put in by the NHS due to reconstruction surgery but if the implants were due to cosmetic surgery, the women will have to return to the private clinic where they had the initial operation to arrange for them to be removed or replaced.
The reply from the private clinics? A number of private clinics are resisting removing the implants for free, saying they will go under if they have to fund surgery, while others are charging women thousands of pounds to have the substandard implants taken out or replaced.

Proof once again that profit making is king and any health concerns, from the cynical gross negligence of PIP to the exploitative opportunism of the private clinics, is a secondary concern.
As for the Conservative idea of privatisation of the NHS, this should kill that stone dead because it is proof that the NHS may not be perfect, but it is a hell of a lot better than the money grabbing private sector where the ability to pay is the only factor in deciding if you get any treatment.

Thursday, 5 January 2012

Overrated People

The BBC are going all out to cause an argument by offering up a dozen of the most overrated people in history and it's quite an impressive list.
They may be among the most famous figures from history, but the likes of Henry V, Charles Darwin, Oscar Wilde, Napoleon, Malcom X and Winston Churchill just don't hack it so far as the historians who were consulted are concerned.
I'm sure the last two will strike the most debate but history is littered with people who i have always thought received plaudits far in excess of that they deserved and would have made my personal overrated list.
People like Vincent Van Gogh who sold just one painting to a relative while alive and it is obvious to see why. Another painter that i never understood why everyone thought so highly of was Picasso.
Further back in history, just why is Columbus so highly regarded? He thought he was in India and why is Oliver Cromwell regarded in such high esteem that he is worthy of a statue in Westminster? He was such a tyrant that he banned pretty much everything including Christmas, sport and make-up.
Elizabeth II is one of our most loved Monarchs but apart from a bit of waving, what else does she contribute? Princess Diana was the 'Peoples Princess' but was off bonking rugby players, surgeons and assorted ginger haired army officers while complaining about Charles making eyes at his former girlfriend.
Thomas Edison is credited with many new discoveries but mostly stole them from other people as did Marconi who it is widely considered invented the wireless radio but just nicked the idea from Tesla and used his friends in high places to void Tesla's original patent and history remembers the sneaky Italian as the radio inventor.
Joan of Arc is a hero in France but all she did was pick up a sword, get caught and set on fire by the English.
There are many modern day people who have me scratching my head over just what other people see in them.
Never could stand Bono or Phil Collins and what is so good about Mick Jagger? Or Jim Carey?
Obama still has some fans although they are dwindling fast but my all time overrated person has to be Jerry Seinfeld, as funny as Winston Churchill was sober.

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

Film To Avoid

If there is one film to avoid this year, it is this one - The Iron Lady - coming to cinemas January 6th. Certificate 18 - contains scenes of a Conservative government that some people may find distressing

The numpty Tories among us will be wetting themselves in anticipation of a film about General Pinochet's best buddy but the rest of us with act with dignity and decorum and just satisfy ourselves with vandalising the movie posters.
Besides, she was such a figure of hate that even the distance of time has failed to soften her image but at least it gives us a chance to dig out all those old Maggie Thatcher jokes that have lain dormant since 1991.

The Pope and Margaret Thatcher are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Prime Minister and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, Maggie says to the Pope, 'did you know that, with just one little wave of my hand, I can make every Conservative in the crowd go wild?'
He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Conservative in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides.
The Pope, not wanting to be out done by such a level of arrogance, considers what he could do.
'That was impressive, but did you know that, with just one little wave of my hand, I can make every person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice.'
Thatcher seriously doubts this and says so. 'One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me.'
So the Pope punched her.

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Choices For The America Voters

American kids grow up hearing that anyone can become President and 43 people have done it so far so as the Presidential race begins proper in Iowa tonight, just what do the American kids of today have to do to get the keys to the White House tomorrow?
Most obvious is be male and white as all have been men and 42 of the 43 different men have been white.
Holding a law degree is an advantage as out of the 43 presidents, 25 have been lawyers and make use of the razor as America has only had five presidents with facial hair and the last one was 99 years ago.
Mostly, what you need is money and lots and lots of it.
All of the candidates aiming for the White House in 2012 are extremely wealthy, not one of them has less than a couple of million dollars loitering in their personal bank accounts which puts them all in the 1% that the 99% have been protesting against recently.
The chances are that Obama will stay in the seat and his personal fortune of $10m means he can continue to understand the pressures of the 4 million Americans who earn below, or equal to, the minimum wage who struggle to pay their bills each month.
The favourite among the Republicans is Mitt Romney who has a personal wealth of $250m which of course won't deter him from feeling the hurt of the 45 million Americans living in poverty.
A surprise second choice is Dr Ron Paul who is worth $5m and as a doctor, who better to understand the worry of the 50 million Americans who cannot afford Health Insurance.
Rick Santorum may be worth $2m and live in luxurious Penn Hills, Pennsylvania but his real concern is probably the 672,000 homeless Americans.
The 13.5 million unemployed Americans can be assured that if elected, they will be in the thoughts of Newt Gingrich who has amassed a fortune of $30.1 million although he hasn't actually ever been unemployed or had to pawn his jewelery to pay for food.
Likewise Jon Huntsman who is worth $71m but you know despite having no experience of the depressing situation of having his house repossessed unlike the 1 million + Americans in 2010, he will be doing all he can to alleviate your pain.
Less likely to be top of the tree come the end of the year are Michele Bachmann with an estimated wealth of $2.15m or Rick Perry who has a healthy $3 million in his bank account but rest assured Americans, that whichever of these incredibly wealthy people you vote for, they will be doing the very best they can for you because who better than a member of the multi-millionaire 1% to empathise when you lose your house, savings, job or fall ill.

Sunday, 1 January 2012

Depleting Our Non-Renewable Resources

In the latter stages of the Twentieth Century, the Environmentalist message that we are destroying our planet with man made emissions raised public awareness so that we have now reduced the amount of emissions we pour into the atmosphere.
There are some who disagree that we are responsible, the oil companies for example, but maybe it is too little too late as the globe continues to warm but while we have been concentrating on renewable forms of energy such as solar and wind, we have been merrily depleting our non-renewable natural resources and the problem with non-renewable resources, as the name implies, once they are gone they are gone for good.
We know about the dwindling supplies of oil and gas and how the easy to reach sites are running dry which means having to drill wells many miles under the sea-floor to access what's left but there are plenty of other natural resources that we take for granted that are close to exhaustion.
So just how much of these resources that are used in the manufacture of everyday items have we got left left to work with?
All the figures are based on known and estimated reserves and assume current consumption stays the same. Of course, more reserves may be discovered in the future but the figures do not take into account the rising world population which is projected to rise rapidly.

Silver: 13-29 years worth
Indium: 13-18 years worth
Palladium: 15-20 years worth
Gold: 17 -45 years worth
Tin: 17-40 years worth
Zinc: 17 - 46 years worth
Lead: 20-42 years worth
Copper: 31 -67 years worth
Uranium: 32 - 59 years worth
Nickel: 40 -90 years worth
Platinum: 56 - 360 years worth
Natural Gas: 60-70 years worth
Iron: 70-80 years worth
Cobalt: 100- 112 years worth
Tantalum 116 -120 years worth
Aluminum: 150-1000 years worth
Coal: 100-150 years worth
Phosphorus 300-400 years worth
Lithium 400-600 years worth

This is not to say that we will be completely out of indium which goes into making our flat screen televsions or palladium used in our cars catalytic converters within a couple of decades, but as we presently have no new source for it, when there is no more to be mined, we will have to make do with whatever resources we can scrape together through recycling or find new ways of creating essential things like batteries, wiring, dental crowns and plumbing.
What with the devastated environment and the depleted resources, it does make you wonder what future generations are going to make of what we have left for them to inherit.

US Energy Information Administration
U.S. Geological Survey
Scientific American
New Scientist
Science et Vie
Environmental Thinker

2012 Psychic Predictions

When someone declares that they are the Psychic that all other American Psychics go to for help, then you know that LaMont Hamilton has to be good so he is the obvious choice to see what we can expect to happen in 2012.
His biography on the World Psychic Website tells us that LaMont is respected all over the world as a top Clairvoyant/Psychic and he has been having psychic experiences since he was 8 years old and considering that he charges $65 for email consultations and $55 for a half hour phone reading, and he offers his services to any United States Federal/State/Military Agency that would like to employ his services to Protect the interest of the United States of America or its Constitutional Citizens, i have high hopes for him.
So on to the predictions:

#1: Accident seen around US President Obama as he trips or falls in the early months of 2012.
#2: Iranian revolution seen in 2012 where Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, or Mahmoud Ahmadinejad removed from power.
#3: Japan embroiled in dispute with China where military action will be threatened against Japan or a partial Naval blockade will occur.
#4: Threats or a rumor of an assassination attempt against Nicolas Sarkozy in a foreign land will be reported.
#5: Russia will encounter two setbacks in its space program in 2012 due to accidents or explosions with their launch vehicles.
#6: South Africa will prosper after the discovery of a major new gold/diamond mine.
#7: President Barack Obama will face conservative Republican, Mitt Romney as the US Presidential choice after the 2012 primary elections.
#8: Iran will see a nuclear related explosion to one of its 2 reactors this year due to an accident or sabotage.
#9: A conflict or battle in outer space will occur this year between 2 countries, most likely involving Russia or Iran.
#10: French President Nicolas Sarkozy & wife Carla will have a new son.

We will come back in 12 months to see how many Mr Hamilton has got right and whether any US States Federal/State/Military Agencies that have handed over money to him for his services have been rolled over.