Queen Elizabeth II will have been our monarch for 60 years this summer and the Government have been mulling over ideas of what to give the monarch to celebrate this feat, though they have kept one eye the austerity measures they have introduced because we have no money. Heaven forbid they are seen lavishing money on a family we already pay millions a year.
My idea of a £5 book token for Waterstones fell at the first hurdle but the education secretary, Michael Gove, has come up with a corker, a new royal yacht.
In a leaked letter, he explained that 'In spite, and perhaps because of the austere times, the celebration should go beyond those of previous jubilees and mark the greater achievement that the diamond anniversary represents. I feel strongly that the diamond jubilee gives us a tremendous opportunity to recognise in a very fitting way the Queen's highly significant contribution to the life of the nation and the Commonwealth. My suggestion would be a gift from the nation to her majesty; thinking about David Willetts's excellent suggestion of a royal yacht'.
The obvious, and correct, reaction to this news is to spit coffee out your nose while spluttering 'WHAT THE CHUFF!!!' at the thought of us plebs shelling out £60 million so the head of the richest family in the UK can swan off around the World on a luxury liner.
Lizzie has an estimated fortune of £349 million according to the Forbes rich list and it was only a few years ago that she was holding out her hand for the funds to fix Windsor Castle after a fire and the country rose up as one and told her to pay for it herself.
David Cameron, probably because he is not as simple as he looks, has said that no taxpayers money will be used to pay for the yacht and the £60 million will come form private funding. I assume that would be the same people who constantly whine about having to pay the 50p tax rate which goes to help us all but will not hesitate to put towards a yacht for the pampered pensioner and her workshy family.
Maybe a nicer gift would be for her to donate £60million from her fortune to her subjects, the ones who have kept her and her many stately homes, so we can keep open a few hospitals or build some schools. Considering she hasn't even given us as much as a park bench over the past 60 years, it's about time she dipped into her royal pocket.
Failing that i'd settle for Michael Goves and David Cameron's head on a pike outside Buckingham Palace.