Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Queenies Present

Queen Elizabeth II will have been our monarch for 60 years this summer and the Government have been mulling over ideas of what to give the monarch to celebrate this feat, though they have kept one eye the austerity measures they have introduced because we have no money. Heaven forbid they are seen lavishing money on a family we already pay millions a year.
My idea of a £5 book token for Waterstones fell at the first hurdle but the education secretary, Michael Gove, has come up with a corker, a new royal yacht.
In a leaked letter, he explained that 'In spite, and perhaps because of the austere times, the celebration should go beyond those of previous jubilees and mark the greater achievement that the diamond anniversary represents. I feel strongly that the diamond jubilee gives us a tremendous opportunity to recognise in a very fitting way the Queen's highly significant contribution to the life of the nation and the Commonwealth. My suggestion would be a gift from the nation to her majesty; thinking about David Willetts's excellent suggestion of a royal yacht'.
The obvious, and correct, reaction to this news is to spit coffee out your nose while spluttering 'WHAT THE CHUFF!!!' at the thought of us plebs shelling out £60 million so the head of the richest family in the UK can swan off around the World on a luxury liner.
Lizzie has an estimated fortune of £349 million according to the Forbes rich list and it was only a few years ago that she was holding out her hand for the funds to fix Windsor Castle after a fire and the country rose up as one and told her to pay for it herself.
David Cameron, probably because he is not as simple as he looks, has said that no taxpayers money will be used to pay for the yacht and the £60 million will come form private funding. I assume that would be the same people who constantly whine about having to pay the 50p tax rate which goes to help us all but will not hesitate to put towards a yacht for the pampered pensioner and her workshy family.
Maybe a nicer gift would be for her to donate £60million from her fortune to her subjects, the ones who have kept her and her many stately homes, so we can keep open a few hospitals or build some schools. Considering she hasn't even given us as much as a park bench over the past 60 years, it's about time she dipped into her royal pocket.
Failing that i'd settle for Michael Goves and David Cameron's head on a pike outside Buckingham Palace.


david g said...

I guess my first thought was to suggest putting the Queen's head on a Pike to accompany Cameron's in a gesture that would finally signal the end of the Monarchy.

Then I thought that, while we're doing a bit of a cleanup, they should be joined by Obama's piked head along with the heads of all the Presidential Candidates.

It still didn't seem right so I envisaged the piked heads of Sarkozy and Merkel joining the others. No, still not right.

Please remove the Queen's head. After all the fetes and flower shows she's opened and putting up with Philip all those years, being beheaded doesn't seem right, somehow. Banish her to one of her castles with her dogs. She'll be happy as Larry!

There, that seems about right now.

Happy Birthday, Queenie! The world is a better place.

Cheezy said...

"she hasn't even given us as much as a park bench over the past 60 years"

I'm pretty sure that bit isn't true, but I'm totally with you about Michael Gove being a ridiculous social-climbing Tory-boy with an almost comic sense of political timing.

Cheezy said...

There's more hilarious stuff about Gove (trying to spend our money on his hair-brained schemes) in today's Guardian:

"A plan by the education secretary, Michael Gove, to send a copy of the King James Bible to every school in the country – each including a personal inscription from him – has run into trouble after government sources reported he has been told to find private funding for the project.

Sources said David Cameron told Gove that while he supported the idea, the education secretary should avoid using taxpayers' money for it. But Gove has yet to find a private philanthropic sponsor for the enterprise, and some Whitehall sources said he has been told he cannot distribute the book until he does so, leaving thousands of copies in a warehouse abroad."

So he couldn't find a private sponsor for his god-bothering antics... Ha!... Now that makes me proud to be British!

Lucy said...

Buck Palace is a big place David, we could fit many more heads on pikes outside there alongside Cameron, royals, Obama, Sarkozy and Merkel. Would make a great tourist attraction as well and a suggestion box attached to the gates would keep the pikes well stocked with fresh faces. Well, heads.

If she has given us anything, it has sneaked under my radar Cheezy. I did read about Goves Bible idea and how he was told it would have to come from private funding, it made me smile also. The man is obviously not getting the idea of this austerity malarky.

Anonymous said...

i don't like obama as a president, but if somebody tries to put his head on a pike i'll overlook my politics and break out my guns to defend him. i think most americans would.

now, if you want to jack up your own people, be my guest.


Lucy said...

You Americans and your guns.

Anonymous said...

it cost a lot to kick out the deadbeats back in 1776. seems foolish to empower a new set of deadbeats by letting our guard down...