Our father, who art in heaven, hello be my name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in....oh, hello, you caught me in the middle of my evening prayer. I will finish it later because, to be honest, i don't know the rest of it but i know bread comes into it somewhere but i really should learn the rest of it, particularly as i am a fully ordained minister now.Yep, i am part of the God bothering crowd now and according to the blurb that came with my free online ordination, i can perform marriages, funerals, baptisms, ceremonial rites, and last rites. I can even start my own church but it is the last two things that being an ordained minister brings that i am most excited about.
Firstly, i can use the title Reverend, Minister, Healer or Educator but the most exciting part is i can absolve others of their sins!
How cool is that, i get to hand out forgiveness and the hail Mary's.
Want to get to heaven but have broken some of the commandments? Took the Lords name in vain while coveting your neighbours wife on the Sabbath? Come see rev Lucy and i'll get you upstairs with the big guy.
My certificate only lasts a year so be quick and get those confessions in early to avoid disappointment.
Amen
7 comments:
RevLucy,
forgive me for not giving David a lot more shit.
q
A trio of hail mary's and your slate is clean q.
hey, i was raised baptist and now i'm methodist. i don't even know what is a hail mary...
q
I'm sorry you've joined the Religious Ratbags, Lucy. I had great hopes for you!
Next you'll be moving to the warmongering U.S. where many of the world's Religious Ratbags congregate.
It's rather bizarre, to claim to be a Christian Nation and then kill people all over the world!
Considering what i know about religion is what i have gleaned from Father Ted q, i think hail mary's is just saying hail mary however many times you are told to say it. Seems a bit easy so i may throw in a 10 mile jog while listening to Barry Manilow. Now that is deserving of absolution.
Keep it under your hat David but i am still the same old non-believer, just a non-believer who clicked a button disbelievingly and got a certificate.
watch out lucy or every time you say anything david will respond with america sucks and murders, oops too late that is all he does already...
q
Congratulations Rev. Lucy.
For my part, on my last birthday I was ordained as a High Dudeist Priest in the Church of the Latter Day Dude.
"Come join the slowest-growing religion in the world – Dudeism. An ancient philosophy that preaches non-preachiness, practices as little as possible, and above all, uh... lost my train of thought there. Anyway, if you’d like to find peace on earth and goodwill, man, we’ll help you get started. Right after a little nap."
Post a Comment