As England play their World Cup semi-final against Croatia tomorrow evening, we have the luxury of watching just who may be waiting for us in the final and the topic of conversation today has been who we would rather meet, the French or the Belgians.
As it has been already pre-ordained by the football gods that the Trophy will be shoved into a luggage rack on a plane bound for Heathrow it is rather pointless but i have to cheer for someone tonight but who?
Neither have any Arsenal players so it can't be decided on that score although former Gunners favourite Thierry Henry is the assistant manager at Belgium so that's a plus in their column although that is offset by Marouane Fellaini who kicks opponents more than he does the ball.
If they can't be separated by players than i will have to consider the nation as a whole and while France is a thriving, beautiful country the French themselves are miserable sods while the Belgian people are much more welcoming, the country itself is to be polite, not thriving.
Going with my heart, and because they have a great National Anthem, i will plump for the French to nudge the Belgians out tonight and line up against us plucky Englanders on Sunday.
Tuesday, 10 July 2018
Monday, 9 July 2018
Coming Soon: May's Government Ending In Farce
Two Government cabinet members quit and more are in the offering amidst the beautiful scenes of the Conservative Party viciously tearing itself apart over Brexit.
That it is David 'smugface' Davis and Boris 'Watermelon Smiles' Johnson who have removed themselves just makes it even more sweeter, two men who the word incompetent could have been invented for.
As an already weak Theresa May is now left clinging to power by the bits of fingernails she has left, the next week or so could see a large scale change in British politics and most importantly the self-inflicted suicide which is Brexit.
Now is the time for Jeremey Corbyn and Labour to twist the knife and finish off what has been a disastrous Conservative Government and then cancel Brexit and introduce a massive dose of Socialism to Britain because heaven knows we need it.
How appropriate that Mrs Mays premiership should end in absolute, brilliant farce and we may be treated to a repeat of the scene from the last female Premier, that tearful gaze out of the back of the taxi as she is driven away, taken down by her own party.
That it is David 'smugface' Davis and Boris 'Watermelon Smiles' Johnson who have removed themselves just makes it even more sweeter, two men who the word incompetent could have been invented for.
As an already weak Theresa May is now left clinging to power by the bits of fingernails she has left, the next week or so could see a large scale change in British politics and most importantly the self-inflicted suicide which is Brexit.
Now is the time for Jeremey Corbyn and Labour to twist the knife and finish off what has been a disastrous Conservative Government and then cancel Brexit and introduce a massive dose of Socialism to Britain because heaven knows we need it.
How appropriate that Mrs Mays premiership should end in absolute, brilliant farce and we may be treated to a repeat of the scene from the last female Premier, that tearful gaze out of the back of the taxi as she is driven away, taken down by her own party.
Sunday, 8 July 2018
The Football's Coming Home Song
As the Rev and I stood on the balcony vaping last night, in the distance we could hear the call of England football fans drunkenly singing 'Football's coming home' echoing in the streets below.
'They only seem to know that bit' i mentioned to the Rev who refused to admit that he was miffed that he had to attend to a wedding that afternoon and missed the England game but i knew he was.
As the song was from 1996 and many of the people we could see falling over and trying to leap-frog the bins were either not born or were being treated for nappy rash at the time so they wouldn't have been aware of the original Three Lions songs by the Lightning Seeds and the comedians Frank Skinner and David Baddiel.
The 'Football's Coming Home' chorus which is the only bit anyone seems to sing was a reference to the fact that when the song was released, England was hosting Euro 96 but the line has evolved to refer to England’s hopes of bringing home the World Cup trophy to the spiritual home of football, England, where it was invented.
So where it originally meant Football's coming home as England was hosting a major tournament, now it means England is bringing home the World Cup Trophy because we gave it to the World in 1863, who then had the audacity to be better than us at it until 1966 and the 50 years after that.
'They only seem to know that bit' i mentioned to the Rev who refused to admit that he was miffed that he had to attend to a wedding that afternoon and missed the England game but i knew he was.
As the song was from 1996 and many of the people we could see falling over and trying to leap-frog the bins were either not born or were being treated for nappy rash at the time so they wouldn't have been aware of the original Three Lions songs by the Lightning Seeds and the comedians Frank Skinner and David Baddiel.
The 'Football's Coming Home' chorus which is the only bit anyone seems to sing was a reference to the fact that when the song was released, England was hosting Euro 96 but the line has evolved to refer to England’s hopes of bringing home the World Cup trophy to the spiritual home of football, England, where it was invented.
So where it originally meant Football's coming home as England was hosting a major tournament, now it means England is bringing home the World Cup Trophy because we gave it to the World in 1863, who then had the audacity to be better than us at it until 1966 and the 50 years after that.
Saturday, 7 July 2018
Sacrificing Virgins To Win The World Cup
Such a shame that it is Sweden that England beat today, i have a lot of time for the Swedes and would have been cheering for them had it been anyone but England that they were playing in the World Cup Quarter Final today.
Oh well, Que Sera Sera as Doris Day once said and it's onward and upwards for England as we progress to the sharp end of the competition with only Croatia now standing between us and a date in the Final against the French or Belgians.
Many people, me included, decided a while ago that whichever God or Godess was responsible for deciding football matches, they were smiling on England but who should we be sacrificing animals and offering our virgins to just to make sure?
In Greek mythology Nike is responsible for athletes but in Roman mythology it is Victoria while in Norse it is Ullr we should be offering our thanks to but before we sharpen our knives and start building pyres and looking for virgins, the Christians with their one God have their own person responsible for football, Saint Luigi Scrosoppi.
In the early 19th Century, Luigi built orphanages and used sport as a way to breed the values of fairness, perseverance, diligence and determination amongst the orphans.
As Christians are not so much into the sacrificing animals or setting fire to virgins we could just offer up some prayers that Ivan Rakitić and Luka Modrić come down with a stomach bug Wednesday morning but as all the religions are basically the same, we could hit all bases in one go by sacrificing Manchester United fans therefore meeting the criteria of offering dumb animals and virgins
to the Greek, Norse and Roman Gods and as a fan of proper football, earning the approval of St. Scrosoppi.
The English FA should start making a space in the trophy cabinet because by George, i think we've got it covered.
Oh well, Que Sera Sera as Doris Day once said and it's onward and upwards for England as we progress to the sharp end of the competition with only Croatia now standing between us and a date in the Final against the French or Belgians.
Many people, me included, decided a while ago that whichever God or Godess was responsible for deciding football matches, they were smiling on England but who should we be sacrificing animals and offering our virgins to just to make sure?
In Greek mythology Nike is responsible for athletes but in Roman mythology it is Victoria while in Norse it is Ullr we should be offering our thanks to but before we sharpen our knives and start building pyres and looking for virgins, the Christians with their one God have their own person responsible for football, Saint Luigi Scrosoppi.
In the early 19th Century, Luigi built orphanages and used sport as a way to breed the values of fairness, perseverance, diligence and determination amongst the orphans.
As Christians are not so much into the sacrificing animals or setting fire to virgins we could just offer up some prayers that Ivan Rakitić and Luka Modrić come down with a stomach bug Wednesday morning but as all the religions are basically the same, we could hit all bases in one go by sacrificing Manchester United fans therefore meeting the criteria of offering dumb animals and virgins
to the Greek, Norse and Roman Gods and as a fan of proper football, earning the approval of St. Scrosoppi.
The English FA should start making a space in the trophy cabinet because by George, i think we've got it covered.
Applauding The Thailand Rescuers
In a world dominated by conflict, threats and utter madness, relief has come in the shape of a Thailand football team trapped in a cave.
Thankfully they have not only been found alive but an international effort has swung into effect to bring them out with amongst the Thai rescuers are Chinese, Brits, Australians and Americans which is how things should be.
In an International crisis, with no politicians involved, the brilliant rescuers just up and went to help save lives which is one of the rare times that we all just join together to help people in need regardless of nationality.
Why we can't do more of this helping each other instead of spending hundreds of billions developing weapons to kill everyone on the planet is the nonsensical thinking of humans.
Yes we come together and applaud the bravery of the rescuers risking their own lives to save 12 kids stuck in a cave in Thailand but it all seems inconsistent when far more than 12 kids are being killed hourly in wars and conflicts elsewhere where the pathetic self-serving politicians are making the decisions.
Thankfully they have not only been found alive but an international effort has swung into effect to bring them out with amongst the Thai rescuers are Chinese, Brits, Australians and Americans which is how things should be.
In an International crisis, with no politicians involved, the brilliant rescuers just up and went to help save lives which is one of the rare times that we all just join together to help people in need regardless of nationality.
Why we can't do more of this helping each other instead of spending hundreds of billions developing weapons to kill everyone on the planet is the nonsensical thinking of humans.
Yes we come together and applaud the bravery of the rescuers risking their own lives to save 12 kids stuck in a cave in Thailand but it all seems inconsistent when far more than 12 kids are being killed hourly in wars and conflicts elsewhere where the pathetic self-serving politicians are making the decisions.
Friday, 6 July 2018
Welcome To Britain Mr Trump
As Donald Trump is sure to be made welcome with tens of thousands lining the streets, the Government had decided the best way to stop him being left in no doubt how much of a dickhead we think he is, they are making sure that he is kept well out of the firing line from everybody.
The itinerary for the orange one and his ridiculous wife is an overnight stay at the US Ambassador's House in Regent Park and the rest of the time spent outside of London in Windsor, Buckinghamshire, Oxford and Scotland and well away from the rotten tomatoes.
Trump could therefore miss the giant inflatable orange baby figure that London Mayor Sadiq Khan has granted permission to fly over Westminster during the Presidents visit.
Despite the Government trying to keep him away from the demonstrations and giving him the impression that he may be a tad unpopular over here, mass protests are planned for each stage of the visit so wherever him and his teeny tiny hands end up, there will be people waiting to give him a Great British welcome until he leaves to go on a meeting with Russia's President, Vladimir Putin and if previous trips to Moscow are anything to go by, a bunch of prostitutes with full bladders.
Wednesday, 4 July 2018
Trump The Gratest Precedent Ever
Donald Trump: 'After having written many best selling books, and somewhat priding myself on my ability to write, it should be noted that the Fake News constantly likes to pour over my tweets looking for a mistake. I capitalize certain words only for emphasis, not b/c they should be capitalized!'
'somewhat priding myself on my ability to write' followed in the same tweet by 'pour over my tweets'
Yep dumbo, you are quite right to pride yourself on your ability to write, shame you never learnt to spell though.
The thicko President once said that he has 'the best words' although as it turns out, many of those words are misspelt.
Previous tweets include his goals during a trip to Israel was to 'promote the possibility of lasting peach' and describing the Chinese seizure of a US Navy drone as an 'unpresidented act'.
He once claimed that President Barack Obama had 'gone to tapp my phones' and said that 'No dream is too big, no challenge is to great' which means he wasn't sure whether to use 'to' or 'too' so went with both and hoped nobody would notice.
A tweet regarding a terrorist attacker in Denmark became a tweet about an 'attaker' in 'Denmakr' and another welcoming the British Prime Minister Theresa May became about 'Teresa May' who just happens to be the name of a British porn star, although to be fair we all know that Trumps enjoys the company of Porn Stars so that one may not have been an error.
He once referred to the 'Secretary of Educatuon' and Colombian President Juan Manuel Santos became the President of 'Columbia' but as his very first tweet on becoming President was that he was 'honered to serve the great American People', we shouldn't expect much else from someone who once said that his IQ was very high and then explained people would vote for him, the third fattest President ever, because 'he was so good looking'.
The guy really is too stupid to realise just how stupid he really is but we should make the most of it because pretty soon America may get a decent President and America will return to sanity again, or as close as it has ever gets to sanity anyway.
'somewhat priding myself on my ability to write' followed in the same tweet by 'pour over my tweets'
Yep dumbo, you are quite right to pride yourself on your ability to write, shame you never learnt to spell though.
The thicko President once said that he has 'the best words' although as it turns out, many of those words are misspelt.
Previous tweets include his goals during a trip to Israel was to 'promote the possibility of lasting peach' and describing the Chinese seizure of a US Navy drone as an 'unpresidented act'.
He once claimed that President Barack Obama had 'gone to tapp my phones' and said that 'No dream is too big, no challenge is to great' which means he wasn't sure whether to use 'to' or 'too' so went with both and hoped nobody would notice.
A tweet regarding a terrorist attacker in Denmark became a tweet about an 'attaker' in 'Denmakr' and another welcoming the British Prime Minister Theresa May became about 'Teresa May' who just happens to be the name of a British porn star, although to be fair we all know that Trumps enjoys the company of Porn Stars so that one may not have been an error.
He once referred to the 'Secretary of Educatuon' and Colombian President Juan Manuel Santos became the President of 'Columbia' but as his very first tweet on becoming President was that he was 'honered to serve the great American People', we shouldn't expect much else from someone who once said that his IQ was very high and then explained people would vote for him, the third fattest President ever, because 'he was so good looking'.
The guy really is too stupid to realise just how stupid he really is but we should make the most of it because pretty soon America may get a decent President and America will return to sanity again, or as close as it has ever gets to sanity anyway.
Tuesday, 3 July 2018
It's Not Easy Being An England Fan
Bloody hell it's hard work watching England play football, conceding a goal in the last minute of ordinary time and then winning a penalty shootout to set up a quarter final with Sweden on Saturday.
As England and penalty shootouts go together like fish and bicycles, it really does feel that whichever of the Gods who decide these things has already given England the thumbs up and is doing their bit to make sure we win the whole shebang.
So we can now do it all over again against Sweden at the weekend but we should start clearing out the spare room and set an extra place at the table because football has just texted to let us know it’s coming home.
As England and penalty shootouts go together like fish and bicycles, it really does feel that whichever of the Gods who decide these things has already given England the thumbs up and is doing their bit to make sure we win the whole shebang.
So we can now do it all over again against Sweden at the weekend but we should start clearing out the spare room and set an extra place at the table because football has just texted to let us know it’s coming home.
Monday, 2 July 2018
Where Are The Consequences For Trump's Sexual Assaults?
Donald Trump has always denied sexually assaulting women or kissing them without consent even after he admitted doing just that but after a large group of women came forward to say he had done it to them, things seemed to have gone quiet.
Amongst the allegations of unwanted sexual contact are grabbing women's breasts, buttocks and genitals and putting his hands up skirts as well as forcibly kissing others on the lips and offering payment for sex to other women.
Numerous others have said that he made a habit of barging into their dressing rooms while they were naked.
The White House have denied the allegations and said that all the women who have accused him of being a sexual predator are lying, and Trump himself suggested that the women who have come forward accusing him were not attractive enough for him to sexually assault them.
That a large number of women have come forward with very similar stories that have been confirmed by Trump out of his own mouth when he bragged he 'can do anything' to women, including 'just start kissing them' and 'grab 'em by the pussy' which should be enough for a criminal trial but somehow the consummate liar who initially denied having sex and then paying a porn star hush money is not even being investigated.
While the media attention around Harvey Weinstein has kept the film director in the headlines, it seems to have eluded the self-confessed sexual behaviour of Trump who seems to have escaped any consequences for his heinous actions.
Amongst the allegations of unwanted sexual contact are grabbing women's breasts, buttocks and genitals and putting his hands up skirts as well as forcibly kissing others on the lips and offering payment for sex to other women.
Numerous others have said that he made a habit of barging into their dressing rooms while they were naked.
The White House have denied the allegations and said that all the women who have accused him of being a sexual predator are lying, and Trump himself suggested that the women who have come forward accusing him were not attractive enough for him to sexually assault them.
That a large number of women have come forward with very similar stories that have been confirmed by Trump out of his own mouth when he bragged he 'can do anything' to women, including 'just start kissing them' and 'grab 'em by the pussy' which should be enough for a criminal trial but somehow the consummate liar who initially denied having sex and then paying a porn star hush money is not even being investigated.
While the media attention around Harvey Weinstein has kept the film director in the headlines, it seems to have eluded the self-confessed sexual behaviour of Trump who seems to have escaped any consequences for his heinous actions.
90 Days Of Summer: Day 32
With the MET Office warning of the heatwave and 30C temperatures carrying on for the rest of this week at least, everybody is asking the same question: 'When it is legally too hot to work?'
The official answer from the Government website is that there is no law in the UK that determines a temperature when the boss tells you to pack up for the day and go get an ice-cream but the wiggle room is that 'employers must lawfully ensure that the temperature is deemed reasonable in all workplaces' which is open to interpretation.
The Health and Safety Executive says employers must take into account six basic factors when deciding whether to keep people in the workplace.
These are air temperature, radiant temperatures, air velocity, humidity, the clothing employees are expected to wear, and their expected work rate.
The Trades Union Congress (TUC) has called for a maximum workplace temperature of 30C for non-manual work and 27C for manual work, meaning you would be automatically sent home if the workplace temperature exceeded it but until then you are just going to have to make sure you take your fan with you whenever you go to the water tower because you just know that when you get back there will be an empty space where it used to be.
The official answer from the Government website is that there is no law in the UK that determines a temperature when the boss tells you to pack up for the day and go get an ice-cream but the wiggle room is that 'employers must lawfully ensure that the temperature is deemed reasonable in all workplaces' which is open to interpretation.
The Health and Safety Executive says employers must take into account six basic factors when deciding whether to keep people in the workplace.
These are air temperature, radiant temperatures, air velocity, humidity, the clothing employees are expected to wear, and their expected work rate.
The Trades Union Congress (TUC) has called for a maximum workplace temperature of 30C for non-manual work and 27C for manual work, meaning you would be automatically sent home if the workplace temperature exceeded it but until then you are just going to have to make sure you take your fan with you whenever you go to the water tower because you just know that when you get back there will be an empty space where it used to be.
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