I have to admit to being a little bit let down by the Scottsdale Gun Club because they seemed to have stopped holding their annual Christmas photo shoot of Santa and high powered guns.
Disappointingly, it seems the gun shop have decided that peace and goodwill to all men means not selling photo's of members and their families holding powerful weaponry while Santa looks on.
Santa didn't put in an appearance last year either but it shouldn't stop Americans from showing someone how much they love them by buying them a high-powered weapon of death that can blow a big hole in another person or themselves if they not careful.
Maybe in light of all the regular mass shootings in America, the Scottsdale Gun Club have decided it may not be in the best of taste to have jolly old Santa holding onto weapons which was used to murder tens of thousands of Americans this year so this Christmas how about instead of a semi-automatic weapon, as used by Americas most devastating mass killers, buy your relatives a pair of slippers or a pair of pyjamas.
This Christmas the Gun Club is holding a free 'Family Firearms Safety Course' which is designed for the family with children that are thinking about introducing firearms in the home.
It is a very quick course and consists of you being handed a slip of paper with the words 'INTRODUCING FIREARMS INTO YOUR HOME!!! ARE YOU FECKING MAD!!!'
This post is sponsored by the Loopy Gun Nuts of America Association - We put the fun into fundamentalist
Friday, 30 November 2018
Born Again Virginity For Sexual Sinners
Considering that he got the 14 year old girlfriend of another man pregnant, God is very much a do as i say and not as i do type of Deity when it comes to sexual relations which is why he, or rather his representatives, are lending a helping hand to reclaim Purity even if the virgin boat sailed long ago.
The people at Lifeway have a project called True Love Waits which is aimed at anyone whose cherry hasn't remained unpopped and feel a bit sinful about it but born again virginity awaits them through a ceremony whereby repentant sinners can reclaim their purity simply through declaring their love for God...and paying $169.89 for a book.
The Lifeway website states that over the years they have helped hundreds of thousands of people commit their sexual purity to God, while at the same time offering the promise of hope and restoration in Christ for all who have sinned sexually.
Apparently the movement is orchestrated by God to further spread the biblical message of sex and purity but the $169.89 is orchestrated by the owners of the Lifeway website to further spread the money of the chumps and gullible to their own bank accounts.
The people at Lifeway have a project called True Love Waits which is aimed at anyone whose cherry hasn't remained unpopped and feel a bit sinful about it but born again virginity awaits them through a ceremony whereby repentant sinners can reclaim their purity simply through declaring their love for God...and paying $169.89 for a book.
The Lifeway website states that over the years they have helped hundreds of thousands of people commit their sexual purity to God, while at the same time offering the promise of hope and restoration in Christ for all who have sinned sexually.
Apparently the movement is orchestrated by God to further spread the biblical message of sex and purity but the $169.89 is orchestrated by the owners of the Lifeway website to further spread the money of the chumps and gullible to their own bank accounts.
Thursday, 29 November 2018
No Returnsies
At some time around the mid 19th Century, British explorers discovered the Easter Islands and being mightily impressed by the big headed statues standing on the Island, decided to load a few of them onto their ship and bring them back to Blightly hoping nobody would see the massive head shaped holes on the Island.
Seems the Governor there has now noticed and is asking for them back but the British Museum has said they can 'loan' them but we want them back again because the people who stole them gave them to Queen Victoria so they are actually hers now but us British are not very good at giving back things which we have taken without the owners permission.
In recent years we have received requests to return the Rosetta Stone to Egypt, the Parthenon Marbles to Greece, Benin bronze sculptures to Nigeria and the Koh-i-noor diamond to India and told them all to go do one, no returnsies.
The argument is that if we start returning artifacts looted during the colonial era, we will open the door for all sorts of claim making and that could prove very uncomfortable as us Brits do hang on to a lot of things we forcibly removed from other lands and cultures and in some cases we left it there and just took the land.
Another argument those against repatriation frequently use is that indigenous people offered the cultural objects to the invading Brits although the fact that it was probably in exchange for not having a bayonet rammed through their skulls seems to be overlooked.
After 200 years of massacring, pillaging and plundering the World, handing back the things we 'acquired' should be the very least we can do to say sorry.
Seems the Governor there has now noticed and is asking for them back but the British Museum has said they can 'loan' them but we want them back again because the people who stole them gave them to Queen Victoria so they are actually hers now but us British are not very good at giving back things which we have taken without the owners permission.
In recent years we have received requests to return the Rosetta Stone to Egypt, the Parthenon Marbles to Greece, Benin bronze sculptures to Nigeria and the Koh-i-noor diamond to India and told them all to go do one, no returnsies.
The argument is that if we start returning artifacts looted during the colonial era, we will open the door for all sorts of claim making and that could prove very uncomfortable as us Brits do hang on to a lot of things we forcibly removed from other lands and cultures and in some cases we left it there and just took the land.
Another argument those against repatriation frequently use is that indigenous people offered the cultural objects to the invading Brits although the fact that it was probably in exchange for not having a bayonet rammed through their skulls seems to be overlooked.
After 200 years of massacring, pillaging and plundering the World, handing back the things we 'acquired' should be the very least we can do to say sorry.
A Socialist Government For Christmas
My ultra-Left Wing friend has a sticker in the window of his van that reads 'If you are not a Socialist by the time you are 25 you have no brain, if you are not a Socialist by the time you are 40 you have no heart' and if things go to plan we may all be Socialists by Christmas because Comrade Corbyn is riding to the rescue and he is carrying a copy of Das Kapital.
In a country of huge inequality with haves and have nots, a massive dollop of Socialism should rebalance things to haves and haves as Jeremy Corbyn redresses the awful policies of the Conservatives but first he has to get his hands to Number 10 and that could be before Santa drops down his chimney.
The Conservatives EU war has broken it and if the cards fall right, we could be singing the Red Flag and clinking our Che Guevara mugs together with glee due to the Fixed Term Parliaments Act of 2011 which the Conservatives introduced.
Thanks to the act, if a government loses a vote of confidence, that administration does indeed fall but then there is a two week grace period where another government can be formed before there's an early election.
So if as expected Theresa May loses her Brexit vote on the 11th December and as also expected, Labour then table a motion of no confidence, the Conservatives have first crack at trying to form a new government with a new leader but they have to be sharp about it as Jeremy Corbyn will have a strong claim to be summoned by the Queen to try and form an administration until the next election.
Won't happen you say? Already did in 1974 when the Queen had to call for Labour's Harold Wilson after the Conservative's Ted Heath failed to form a government after a no confidence vote.
Socialism could be back and very, very soon so as the song goes 'The people's flag is deepest red, It shrouded oft our martyred dead' and as it is sung to the tune of O' Christmas Tree, very timely indeed.
In a country of huge inequality with haves and have nots, a massive dollop of Socialism should rebalance things to haves and haves as Jeremy Corbyn redresses the awful policies of the Conservatives but first he has to get his hands to Number 10 and that could be before Santa drops down his chimney.
The Conservatives EU war has broken it and if the cards fall right, we could be singing the Red Flag and clinking our Che Guevara mugs together with glee due to the Fixed Term Parliaments Act of 2011 which the Conservatives introduced.
Thanks to the act, if a government loses a vote of confidence, that administration does indeed fall but then there is a two week grace period where another government can be formed before there's an early election.
So if as expected Theresa May loses her Brexit vote on the 11th December and as also expected, Labour then table a motion of no confidence, the Conservatives have first crack at trying to form a new government with a new leader but they have to be sharp about it as Jeremy Corbyn will have a strong claim to be summoned by the Queen to try and form an administration until the next election.
Won't happen you say? Already did in 1974 when the Queen had to call for Labour's Harold Wilson after the Conservative's Ted Heath failed to form a government after a no confidence vote.
Socialism could be back and very, very soon so as the song goes 'The people's flag is deepest red, It shrouded oft our martyred dead' and as it is sung to the tune of O' Christmas Tree, very timely indeed.
Traditonal Christmas Dinner Changing
The good old Christmas Dinner traditionally includes Turkey with all the trimmings, Christmas Pudding, Mince Pies and enough alcohol to float a small ship but things are changing because the traditional Christmas meal is going out of fashion according to Tesco in their Christmas report.
The report says 5% of 18 to 34-year-old's will go vegan this Christmas and there will be fewer birds on the plate this Christmas with sales of large birds falling by 7%.
The one time must have on the Christmas plate was Pigs in Blankets but now the Sausages wrapped in Bacon are third (64%) behind carrots (71%) and the much maligned Brussels Sprout (66%).
One in five of Brits will choose 'no and low alcohol drinks' on Christmas Day and one in six (14%) drinking no alcohol at all rising to 18% among 18 to 34-year-old's, and falling to 11% amongst people aged over 55.
Finally, beside the plate will be the traditional cracker or rather 60% of plates because 40% don't bother with them anymore.
The report says 5% of 18 to 34-year-old's will go vegan this Christmas and there will be fewer birds on the plate this Christmas with sales of large birds falling by 7%.
The one time must have on the Christmas plate was Pigs in Blankets but now the Sausages wrapped in Bacon are third (64%) behind carrots (71%) and the much maligned Brussels Sprout (66%).
One in five of Brits will choose 'no and low alcohol drinks' on Christmas Day and one in six (14%) drinking no alcohol at all rising to 18% among 18 to 34-year-old's, and falling to 11% amongst people aged over 55.
Finally, beside the plate will be the traditional cracker or rather 60% of plates because 40% don't bother with them anymore.
Wednesday, 28 November 2018
Donald Trump And High Intelligence
The golden rule is if someone has to keep telling you how intelligent they are, then the odds are very good that they are not that intelligent at all so despite all the evidence showing he is as smart as a house brick, Donald Trump once again reminded us that he is 'highly intelligent'. Stop laughing at the back.
To be fair to the man with the birds nest hair, he has never taken an IQ test which is the standard way to estimate the level of someone's intelligence but the test is just one method for measuring intelligence, the standard and most widely accepted method is by looking at various types of abilities such as mathematical, verbal, logic and memory.
Maths: Radio host Howard Stern gave Donald Trump, his daughter Ivanka and his son Donald Jr. a little on-the-air math test, asking: 'What's 17 times 6? Trump's son struggled for an answer, as did Ivanka before Donald had a pop at 1,112, missing the correct answer, 102, by 1,010 so fair to say in maths, he isn't a genius .
Verbal: An analysis of the President's words uttered during interviews, speeches and press conferences found Mr Trump has the vocabulary of an eight to twelve year old and often repeats himself showing a particularly poor command of his first language.
Logic: A common fallacy from Trump is over-simplification: proposing overly simplistic solutions to wickedly complex problems, examples being how Mexico will pay for his wall and arguing that cold weather disproves global warming. He is also big on conspiracy theories using this logic to justify why the media speaks poorly about him (fake news) and the Obama Birther movement.
Memory: Whether it is remembering talking to other leaders about subjects which the other leaders say were not talked about or getting the name of towns wrong, Trump's memory is probably not 'One of the great memories of all-time' as he once boasted before forgetting he said it at all.
The final say on just how intelligent the President is should be left to the people who know him best and have to work alongside him, people like National security adviser H.R. McMaster who called Trump an 'idiot with the intelligence of a kindergartener' and Secretary of State Rex Tillerson who said he was 'a fucking moron'.
As he also claims he is a great and successful businessman despite the five bankruptcies against him, maybe we should take whatever he says in that eight year olds vocabulary with a barrel of salt.
To be fair to the man with the birds nest hair, he has never taken an IQ test which is the standard way to estimate the level of someone's intelligence but the test is just one method for measuring intelligence, the standard and most widely accepted method is by looking at various types of abilities such as mathematical, verbal, logic and memory.
Maths: Radio host Howard Stern gave Donald Trump, his daughter Ivanka and his son Donald Jr. a little on-the-air math test, asking: 'What's 17 times 6? Trump's son struggled for an answer, as did Ivanka before Donald had a pop at 1,112, missing the correct answer, 102, by 1,010 so fair to say in maths, he isn't a genius .
Verbal: An analysis of the President's words uttered during interviews, speeches and press conferences found Mr Trump has the vocabulary of an eight to twelve year old and often repeats himself showing a particularly poor command of his first language.
Logic: A common fallacy from Trump is over-simplification: proposing overly simplistic solutions to wickedly complex problems, examples being how Mexico will pay for his wall and arguing that cold weather disproves global warming. He is also big on conspiracy theories using this logic to justify why the media speaks poorly about him (fake news) and the Obama Birther movement.
Memory: Whether it is remembering talking to other leaders about subjects which the other leaders say were not talked about or getting the name of towns wrong, Trump's memory is probably not 'One of the great memories of all-time' as he once boasted before forgetting he said it at all.
The final say on just how intelligent the President is should be left to the people who know him best and have to work alongside him, people like National security adviser H.R. McMaster who called Trump an 'idiot with the intelligence of a kindergartener' and Secretary of State Rex Tillerson who said he was 'a fucking moron'.
As he also claims he is a great and successful businessman despite the five bankruptcies against him, maybe we should take whatever he says in that eight year olds vocabulary with a barrel of salt.
Tuesday, 27 November 2018
UN Name The Climate Change Bad Boys
The UN Climate Conference starts in Poland 2 December and the IPCC have put out a report advising that efforts to tackle climate change are off track and we have seen the first rise in CO2 emissions in four years.
Rather than keeping global temperatures below 1.5C as agreed in Paris, we are heading towards a temperature rise of 3.2C which isn't good unless you plan to live in the sea.
'There is still a tremendous gap between words and deeds, between the targets agreed by governments worldwide to stabilise our climate and the measures to achieve these goals' said Dr Gunnar Luderer, from the Potsdam Institute for Climate Impact Research and one of the authors of the study and in a unexpected move, the UN named the nations who are not not pulling their weight.
The study says that countries including Argentina, Australia, Canada, the EU (including the UK), South Korea, Saudi Arabia, South Africa and the US are all falling short of achieving their nationally determined contributions for 2030.
In a equal world those named nations would be hammered by the warming environment even more than they already are but Mother Nature is anything but fair and she shares out her floods, storms and droughts to whoever is in the way regardless of how environmentally friendly they are.
Rather than keeping global temperatures below 1.5C as agreed in Paris, we are heading towards a temperature rise of 3.2C which isn't good unless you plan to live in the sea.
'There is still a tremendous gap between words and deeds, between the targets agreed by governments worldwide to stabilise our climate and the measures to achieve these goals' said Dr Gunnar Luderer, from the Potsdam Institute for Climate Impact Research and one of the authors of the study and in a unexpected move, the UN named the nations who are not not pulling their weight.
The study says that countries including Argentina, Australia, Canada, the EU (including the UK), South Korea, Saudi Arabia, South Africa and the US are all falling short of achieving their nationally determined contributions for 2030.
In a equal world those named nations would be hammered by the warming environment even more than they already are but Mother Nature is anything but fair and she shares out her floods, storms and droughts to whoever is in the way regardless of how environmentally friendly they are.
My Anti-Ageing Cream Smells Funny
Move over Estee Lauders Revitalising Cream because there is a new anti-ageing cream in town and this one leaves your face as smooth as a baby's, well, foreskin because the next big thing is a serum derived from South Korean babies’ circumcised penises.
Nothing weird with that at all, it's perfectly normal to want to have the liquidised foreskins of multiple babies rubbed all over your face and if it's good enough for the shiny faced Kate Beckinsale and Sandra Bullock, then it's good enough for the rest of us.
Apparently it helps to generate collagen and elastin, which can help to boost the radiance of your face but before you go knocking on the door of the nice South Korean couple up the road with the young son, the treatment involves microneedling which is a beautician repeatedly stabbing you in the face thousands of times to help the baby foreskins sink into your skin in return for £500.
Short of grabbing a handful needles and harvesting baby foreskins from the South Korean Community to wipe across you face in an attempt to look younger, we will just have to wait until Boots make a knock off version or if you really can't wait, dig out the liquidiser and have a word with the local Rabbi at the Synagogue, they should have some laying around, oy vey.
Nothing weird with that at all, it's perfectly normal to want to have the liquidised foreskins of multiple babies rubbed all over your face and if it's good enough for the shiny faced Kate Beckinsale and Sandra Bullock, then it's good enough for the rest of us.
Apparently it helps to generate collagen and elastin, which can help to boost the radiance of your face but before you go knocking on the door of the nice South Korean couple up the road with the young son, the treatment involves microneedling which is a beautician repeatedly stabbing you in the face thousands of times to help the baby foreskins sink into your skin in return for £500.
Short of grabbing a handful needles and harvesting baby foreskins from the South Korean Community to wipe across you face in an attempt to look younger, we will just have to wait until Boots make a knock off version or if you really can't wait, dig out the liquidiser and have a word with the local Rabbi at the Synagogue, they should have some laying around, oy vey.
Numbers Against Theresa May
With the House of Commons Brexit vote on December 11th, by the 12th we will have either a deal, no-deal, general election, second referendum or a new Prime Minister but for the next two weeks Theresa May is going to have to do some heavy lifting to get her way with her Brexit deal because very few people seem to like it.
With an already wafer thin majority and Arlene Foster's Northern Irish DUP already saying it won't be supporting the deal, she gazing around forlornly for the 318 votes she needs to get her deal through.
Of her 317 Conservatives Members of Parliament, 57 have already said they will not support the current deal and a further eight have backed the People's Vote campaign calling for a second referendum so with the 10 DUP members she is 75 down straight away.
She could gaze lovingly at the Labour Party in her hunt for votes but they are hoping she fails so they can force a General Election so she may pick up some from Labour Hard Line Brexiters otherwise there isn't much point looking there.
The SNP and the Liberal Democrats are very pro-EU so she probably won't be picking up much support there nor will there be a helping hand from the six MPs from Plaid Cymru and the Greens, who will not support the deal.
If my maths is anywhere close (probably not but let's go with it anyway), the Prime Minister can depend on approximately 250-ish Yes's so she will have to persuade around 70-ish MP's to back her which is unlikely so things could get very interesting especially for the removal men who should keep 12th December free.
With an already wafer thin majority and Arlene Foster's Northern Irish DUP already saying it won't be supporting the deal, she gazing around forlornly for the 318 votes she needs to get her deal through.
Of her 317 Conservatives Members of Parliament, 57 have already said they will not support the current deal and a further eight have backed the People's Vote campaign calling for a second referendum so with the 10 DUP members she is 75 down straight away.
She could gaze lovingly at the Labour Party in her hunt for votes but they are hoping she fails so they can force a General Election so she may pick up some from Labour Hard Line Brexiters otherwise there isn't much point looking there.
The SNP and the Liberal Democrats are very pro-EU so she probably won't be picking up much support there nor will there be a helping hand from the six MPs from Plaid Cymru and the Greens, who will not support the deal.
If my maths is anywhere close (probably not but let's go with it anyway), the Prime Minister can depend on approximately 250-ish Yes's so she will have to persuade around 70-ish MP's to back her which is unlikely so things could get very interesting especially for the removal men who should keep 12th December free.
Monday, 26 November 2018
Let's Call The US UK Trade Deal Off
The last time someone came back from a meeting in Europe and announced a great deal we were at war with them within a year but Theresa May may not have been waving a bit of paper but she did say she had got us a great deal although on the other side of the Atlantic President Trump put down his cheeseburger long enough to say that the as it stands, the deal means the UK wouldn't be able to trade with the USA.
Labour MP Tulip Siddiq, described Mr Trump's remarks as a "major blow" for the prime minister, saying '"Even Donald Trump, not the sharpest tool in the box, knows this deal is a bad deal' but i wouldn't be so quick Tulip as no deal with the USA means we won't have to take their dodgy food.
What has been a long standing disagreement, the standards of food in the USA is lower than in Europe which is why the majority of their meat has been banned in the EU since 1996 but any agreement would mean the UK accepting the imports of products such as hormone-treated US beef, chlorine-washed chickens and genetically modified cereals.
Last year, Wilbur Ross, the US commerce secretary, insisted the UK would have to accept American food standards if it was to secure a trade deal but a poll by the consumer association Which, three quarters of the British population is opposed to it.
Recently published analysis by the British food and farming pressure group Sustain, found that the incidence of food poisoning in the US could be 10 times higher than in the UK. The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that about 15% of the US population suffers from a foodborne illness every year with 3,000 deaths, compared to 1.5% in the UK and 500 deaths.
Of the annual average 3,000 American deaths, 380 are attributed to salmonella poisoning, but in England and Wales, no deaths were recorded from salmonella between 2005 and 2015.
Campylobacter, a pathogen found mainly in chicken, has an infection rate of 6,289 per 100k of population in the US, with the frequency while in England and Wales, the rate was 96.22 per 100k population.
An average of 1,591 cases of listeriosis, caught from eating soft cheeses, unpasteurised milk and chilled ready-to-eat foods are reported in the US every year. In England and Wales, the average is just 177.
So as things stand we won't have a deal which has us accepting American food products but if this changes it sounds like the NHS will need every penny of the tens of millions promised by Boris' Bus to cope with the increased incidence of food poisoning which clearly isn't finger lickin' good.
Labour MP Tulip Siddiq, described Mr Trump's remarks as a "major blow" for the prime minister, saying '"Even Donald Trump, not the sharpest tool in the box, knows this deal is a bad deal' but i wouldn't be so quick Tulip as no deal with the USA means we won't have to take their dodgy food.
What has been a long standing disagreement, the standards of food in the USA is lower than in Europe which is why the majority of their meat has been banned in the EU since 1996 but any agreement would mean the UK accepting the imports of products such as hormone-treated US beef, chlorine-washed chickens and genetically modified cereals.
Last year, Wilbur Ross, the US commerce secretary, insisted the UK would have to accept American food standards if it was to secure a trade deal but a poll by the consumer association Which, three quarters of the British population is opposed to it.
Recently published analysis by the British food and farming pressure group Sustain, found that the incidence of food poisoning in the US could be 10 times higher than in the UK. The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that about 15% of the US population suffers from a foodborne illness every year with 3,000 deaths, compared to 1.5% in the UK and 500 deaths.
Of the annual average 3,000 American deaths, 380 are attributed to salmonella poisoning, but in England and Wales, no deaths were recorded from salmonella between 2005 and 2015.
Campylobacter, a pathogen found mainly in chicken, has an infection rate of 6,289 per 100k of population in the US, with the frequency while in England and Wales, the rate was 96.22 per 100k population.
An average of 1,591 cases of listeriosis, caught from eating soft cheeses, unpasteurised milk and chilled ready-to-eat foods are reported in the US every year. In England and Wales, the average is just 177.
So as things stand we won't have a deal which has us accepting American food products but if this changes it sounds like the NHS will need every penny of the tens of millions promised by Boris' Bus to cope with the increased incidence of food poisoning which clearly isn't finger lickin' good.
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