Special Guest Blogger: Ivan Pavlov

I never intended to be a psychologist. In my day, psychology was seen as a bunch of people sitting in velvet chairs talking about their dreams of flying sausages. I was a physiologist. I cared about the guts! The juices! The magnificent, sloshing machinery of the gastric system!
I spent years studying the digestive glands of dogs. I wanted to know how the stomach knows food is coming. I was the King of Saliva. I was the Sultan of Secretions. I had perfected the art of the gastric fistula which is a fancy way of saying I put a little window in a dog’s stomach so I could watch the soup happen in real-time or severing the dog's esophagus and created a hole in the neck, meaning food would fall out instead of reaching the stomach.
But then, the dogs started being difficult. In a perfect world, a dog should only salivate when you put a nice, juicy piece of dried meat on its tongue. That is basic biology. It’s honest. It’s predictable.
But my dogs, bless their furry, misguided hearts, started cheating. They began drooling the moment my laboratory assistants walked into the room. The assistants weren't food. (Well, maybe to a very hungry wolf, but not to my lab pups.) I realised that the dogs weren't reacting to the meat,  they were reacting to the white lab coats. I called this psychic secretion.
It sounds like something a Victorian medium would sell you for five rubles, but it was actually the birth of Classical Conditioning.
I realized these dogs had learned a association and as any obsessive compulsive Russian scientist will tell you, when you find a variable you didn't account for, you don't ignore it, you lock yourself in a cold room for thirty years and study it until everyone involved is slightly traumatized.
Everyone thinks I walked around like a frantic butler, ringing a dinner bell while shouting, 'Dinner is served, Comrade Fido!' but In reality, I used a variety of stimuli. I used metronomes. I used harmoniums. I used whistles. I even used electric shocks (look, it was the early 1900s).
The metronome was my favorite. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. The dog hears the ticking, the dog gets the meat powder, the dog produces 4.5 milliliters of high-quality drool. It was beautiful. It was rhythmic. It was predictable and I was the conductor of a Glandular Orchestra.
Ironically I did win the Nobel Prize which should remind people I DIDN'T USE A BELL!
What I did in the early 20th Century has connections to you today. Look at you. You’re sitting there reading this. Maybe you’re on a bus, or at home on the sofa or pretending to work.
Suddenly, your phone goes Ding!
Your heart rate spikes. Your thumb twitches. A little squirt of dopamine hits your brain. You didn't choose to feel that way. You didn't sit down and think, 'Ah, the auditory frequency of a push notification indicates a 74% probability of social validation, therefore I shall feel excitement.'
No. You just did it.
You are conditioned. You are my greatest legacy. I did it with meat powder and metronomes but Silicon Valley does it with Ding and when your Pavlovian responses kick in every time you hear the New Email, text or notification, tip your hat to old Ivan, the man who turned drool into data.

Repairing The World Again

While the Earth roasts there are some real dingbats around trying to deny what they are seeing with their own eyes but they are in the minority and as we showed in the 1990's, we saved ourselves once and we can do it again.
Chlorofluorocarbons (CFC's) are human-made chemical compounds containing carbon, chlorine, and fluorine which were once widely used in aerosol sprays, refrigeration, and air conditioning until scientists worked out they were destroying the Earth's Ozone layer which shields us fragile humans from the Sun's harmful radiation and the Worlds Governments got together to phase them out.
The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA)  projects that the ozone layer is responding by healing and by 2066 will be restored to it full, life saving glory.  
Unfortunately the CFCs were replaced them with hydrofluorocarbons (HFCs) which don’t harm the ozone layer, but they are extremely powerful greenhouse gases with some trapping thousands of times more heat than CO2 but then Humanity always did have a knack for solving problems by creating even bigger ones but once again the Globe got together and decided to phase out HFC's in the same way that they did with CFC's.
By acting, humanity avoided a future of extreme UV exposure leading to widespread skin cancers despite the chemical industry who dismissed it and launched a PR campaign in defense of the compound which echoes today with the Fossil Fuel industry who try to deny that their products are responsible for the man made climate change causing us such problems today.
So if we are capable of a concerted global effort to tackle a problem no single country could ever hope to fix alone, why not now with Climate Change?
The science is clear to everyone and we are perfectly capable of repairing what we broke in the first place and as we have no second home or anywhere to escape to, we have no choice, we HAVE to fix it again.

Trump Saving The World

Is the FIFA Peace Prize winner Donald Trump going to accidentally save the World?
Not with the hilarious botched reflecting pool or his racism but with his continuing war on Iran which has done us all a favour and pushed up oil prices and nudged the World towards clean energy faster than we might have otherwise.
Yes we know all about how he has claimed victory against Iran for the 73rd time and says he will keep winning this war until someone tells Iran and they admit defeat but meanwhile all over the world, Governments are switching faster and more thoroughly to clean energy and away from dirty and polluting fossil fuels.
The war has been a fossil fuel own goal and some/all/or none of this is thanks to Donald J Trump who recently said Climate Change is a the greatest con job perpetrated on the world and was invented by and for China to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive although he did apply for planning permission to build large sea defences at his golf courses in Scotland and Ireland, citing on his application that the defences were necessary: 'Because of global warming and rising sea levels'.
It turns out the unintended consequence of the confused Americans who voted for Trump and more foreign wars and making things more expensive in America (oh, that's right they didn't vote for that) is the beginning of the end of the fossil fuel industry.
We all knew that Trump was an idiot (which isn't even the almost certainly a pedophile's worse trait) and literally everything he touches goes wrong but his buddies in the coal, oil and gas industry must be a bit annoyed right about now but thanks Donny, you and your supporters being unable to reach the benchmark for being stupid enough to be moron's has really paid dividends this time.

Special Guest Blogger: Franz Beckenbauer

When I was a little boy in Munich, the only thing I could do better than kicking a leather ball around the backyard was pretend-playing the role of the referee complete with yellow cards, exaggerated whistles, and an occasional 'offside' shouted at my poor mother as she tried to serve us dinner.
Little did I know that those early theatrics would become the foundation for a career that spanned playing, coaching, chairmanship, and enough public appearances to make a Kardashian blush.
I was born a few months after the war had finally decided that enough was enough. My parents, both of whom survived the rubble of post-war Munich by playing Schach (chess) and occasionally smuggling small pieces of chocolate, gave me the name Franz.
At age six I discovered football as my father, a former amateur player for TSV 1860 München, noticed my enthusiasm and signed me up at the local club, SC 04 Schwabing. The first lesson was simple, Don’t trip over the ball. The second lesson was more philosophical: If you do trip, at least do it with style.
In 1964 I had just broken into the first team of Bayern Munich (then a modest club playing in the second division). My teammates started calling me Der Kaiser because of my elegant playing style and the way I liked to stand with my arms spread wide before a free kick, a pose that made me look like a monarch addressing his subjects.
The name stuck and it gave me a brand that even the most sophisticated marketing agencies in Berlin would have envied.
The first major trophy I lifted was the European Cup with Bayern in 1972, after beating the mighty Ajax 2-0. I remember the moment the ball hit the net and it felt like the entire continent had paused for a collective Wooo-hoo!
If you think the Kaiser sounds like a fancy nickname, you’re missing the point as I captained West Germany to their first World Cup win in 1974. It was an extraordinary tournament and we defeated the Netherlands, the team famed for Total Football, in the final, 2-1. The match turned into a tactical chess game, which I, being a chess aficionado, enjoyed immensely.
A particular moment that still makes me grin happens when I think of the famous 1974 Final photograph, where I’m running with the ball in my arms, Gerd Müller trailing behind, and the crowd cheering as if we had just handed them free Saurkraut. I later discovered that the photo was used for a promotional campaign for a brand of German mustard.
In 1976, West Germany reached the European Championship final, only to lose to Czechoslovakia on a penalty shoot-out.
Twice named European Footballer of the Year, I appeared 103 times for West Germany, playing in three FIFA World Cups and two European Championships and I ended my playign career in the North American Soccer League with the New York Cosmos, playing alongside Pelé.  with the Cosmos for four seasons up to 1980, and the team won the Soccer Bowl on three occasions (1977, 1978, 1980).
Fast forward to 2006, when Germany played host to the World Cup.
I was the team president by then and, as you might guess, I was also the official face of the “Football for All” campaign.
However, a political scandal from that time involving a political donation (a small sum of 6.7 million euros) erupted in 2016 caused the media to spin a tale that I had been bribing the German Football Association. In true German fashion, the press called it Der Skandal however, the trial was suspended due to the Covic pandemic and closed in 2020 without a verdict because the statute of limitations expired. Thank you International Pandemic!
If you read any modern football textbook, you’ll see a chapter titled The Art of the Sweeper-Libero. That’s me, in a nutshell. I reinvented the role of a defender who both defends and launches attacks, turning a simple hacking the ball clear job into a creative masterpiece.

Canadians At Eurovision

Countries from across the globe meet each year to compete in the Eurovision Song Contest and next year we are likely to see a new country take to the stage.
With the almost certain Pedophile in the nation below them being a dick, the Canadians have been fluttering their eyelashes at Europe for a while and after they became a full member of the European Broadcasting Union (EBU), they are now eligible to participate in the singing competition.
Canada does have some history in the Eurovision with Celine Dion competing for Switzerland back in 1988 and winning it but Canada is not the first non-European country to take part in Eurovision, Israel have been showing up since 1973 although hopefully not much longer and Australia has been competing in the contest since 2015 when they were initially handed a glittery invite as a one-off guest to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the contest but have returned ever since due to popularity.
The truth is that it may be called 'Eurovision' but it has nothing to do with politics or geography, it is down to being a member of the the European Broadcasting Union (EBU) and if they desire there are some East Asian and North African nations who could join the party although most decline the invite although they don't know what they are missing because it is brilliant fun, as Canada will find out next May.

Farage Resigns

I guess after announcing his resignation as a Member of Parliament this morning and triggering a by-election, Nigel Farage is thinking he has dodged the two investigations into him over undeclared 'gifts' from backers, but boy has he not read the rules if he does.
There are currently two parliament standards investigation into him first failing to declare benefits-in-kind from convicted criminal George Cottrell and another into failing to declare a £5m gift he received from the Thailand-based crypto-billionaire Christopher Harborne which Farage declares: 'Was nothing wrong'.
It is expected the Parliament Committee will find it plenty wrong and suspend him and if the suspension is over 10 days, then a by-election is triggered but if the Poundland Trump thinks him stepping down will make the probes irrelevant, he has judges it wrong.
The Parliamentary guidance states: 'If parliament is dissolved or the member otherwise ceases to be a member while an investigation is in progress, the commissioner will suspend their investigation until the member is re-elected' which means that the investigations would be suspended during the period of any by-election, but would be re-started if he was re-elected.
If the commissioner decides Farage did break the rules, he could recommend a penalty and Farage could face a recall petition in his constituency meaning he could face a second by-election shortly afterwards.
Hopefully he will realise this and walk away completely to avoid scrutiny of his dodgy dealings and Britain will be relieved of one of the biggest stains of recent years in our Politics.

USA Out And World Cheers

After the Balogun red card reversal madness, I assume the only places that wanted the USA to win last nights game against Belgium were in America itself and in the living room of FIFA President Giovanni Infantino but as it turned out the Europeans put them over their knee and gave them a good spanking 4-1 so it all worked out in the end.
I did chuckle at the Belgium FA social media post which featured celebrating Belgians and the words 'Overturn This'  but everyone and his dog is taking aim at the Footballing top banana for bowing to the pressure of the Americans who now join the ranks of 'Who?' along with the other co-hosts Canada and Mexico who England knocked out in one of the best games of the World Cup so far.
With 5 UEFA nations (France, Norway, England, Spain, Belgium) already in the Quarter Finals along with 1 CAF (Morocco), the two SAFC nations (Argentina and Colombia) play this evening against Egypt and Switzerland to try and make up the last eight with France quite rightly the bookies favourites to be lifting the trophy and it is hard to see anyone beating them and have been head and shoulders above everyone else over the past few weeks.
England play Norway on Saturday and we can only hope that Erling Haaland has an off day and if we do get past the Norwegians, we are in line to face Argentina and if Messi gets a red card in their Quarter Final, Javier Milei doesn't get on the blower to Infantino. 

Special Guest Blogger: Gene Hackman

I grew up in a tiny town in San Bernardino, California. My father owned a printing press, which explains why I can still read a newspaper without a tablet (though I had to squint). My mother, a devoutly religious woman, wanted me to become a minister. I told her I could preach something else, the art of lying convincingly for a living. She didn’t have a choice.
My first break came when I stumbled into a community theater in San Diego, pretending to audition for a place-holder role. The director liked my gruff voice and gave me a part as a convict who never spoke. That’s how I discovered that silence could be more powerful than a thousand screaming monologues and it also saved me from having to memorize a lot of lines early on.
From there, I bounced around TV shows such as The Mod Squad and Ironside until a chance meeting with a producer who’d seen my French Connection performance and which led to a lifelong partnership with every major studio that could afford my demanding schedule.
Winning an Oscar in ’71 for The French Connection was like finding a parking spot right in front of a crowded theater which was an unexpected delight that made the whole night feel worth it.
In 2003, after finishing Behind Enemy Lines, I announced I was retiring. The industry asked Why and I answered, because I’ve seen enough explosions, car chases, and bad coffee on set to last me a lifetime.
The truth was my brain was already taking short-term memory loss personally and a few months later, I received the diagnosis that I’d been pretending to ignore for years - Alzheimer’s disease.
My mind began to misplace not just names and dates, but entire scenes—I’d forget whether I was playing a cop or a villain, whether I’d ever met a director named “Scorsese,” or whether I had actually been an actor at all. I started to act my own life, improvising for an audience that was increasingly invisible.
Retirement, however, didn’t mean I vanished completely but I was humbled by the fact that people still watched The French Connection and Unforgiven and that my name appears on lists of greatest male actors of the 20th century.
My wife passed away in early 2025 and losing her felt like the world had turned the lights down a notch and then flicked the switch off as  by now I was just a grumpy old man in a rocking chair, sipping black coffee, and muttering, 'What was I supposed to be doing again?'
Without my wife and sole carer laying dead in one part of the house and me with a brain that was by now telling me i was a Unicorn, a week later i was also found dead.

Can't Fat Shame A Fat Shamer

I have long been a supporter of Donald Trump's efforts to rise from the Third Fattest President ever to the second and i have to admit that his efforts are going well because in recent pictures, lets just say that Melania has certainly been busy letting out the seams on his already XXXL suits.
With his Medical record putting his weight at 239 lbs (17 stone or 108kg), if we suspend belief and go with that, he is still medically obese which is a good starting point to get to the required 280 lbs (20 stone or 127kg) to replace Grover Cleveland in the silver place but some people may think this is fat shaming the President but that is a weak argument because there are plenty of other things to shame him about, such as him being almost certainly a pedophile, a convicted sex pest, liar, fraudster, fascist and having the intelligence and business acumen of a role of sellotape so his morbidly obese weight is way down the list of things to throw at him.  
That said, i don't want to be accused of fat shaming so i just use some of the words the massively rotund fatso said about other people in what Psychologists call narcissistic projection.
That goes that Trump is a crook so he calls other people crooks, he’s a liar so he calls other people liars, he’s a complete ignoramus so he calls other people stupid, you get the idea so his obsession with other people’s weight is another manifestation because he's a very overweight man who calls other people overweight.
So he has 'got a bit large' (aimed at Kim Kardashian) and has a 'fat, ugly face' (said about Rosie McDonnell) due to his overeating and lack of exercise he has got 'bloated, fat, disgusting' (this was his description of the Americans Federal workforce) and resembles 'Miss Piggy' that would be former Miss Universe Alicia Machado' and has a 'fat arse' (Jennifer Lopez) and as he told one of his own supporters  
at a rally, 'That guy’s got a serious weight problem. Go home, start exercising!'
There you have it then, you can't fat shame a  fat shamer so keep going Donald because as the recent photographs show, having those family dinners for four even when  there aren't three other people with you is certainly working.

Here Comes The Ai

Artificial intelligence systems can now convince you they are human apparently as two large language models have passed the Turing test, which determines if a machine can 'show the same intelligence as a human being'.
According to men with pens in their top pockets this is a significant and troubling development in AI as they can now raise their own questions of what’s real and what isn’t.
Researchers tested four Ai Systems to see if they could distinguish if the answerer at the other end was human or a machine and if the individual cannot tell them apart, the machine is considered to have passed the test and all four passed and were able to effectively imitate people in short interactions.
The AI exhibited the same tone, directness, humor and fallibility as humans and displayed convincing social behavioral traits, which has major implications for how we think of AI' stated the researchers.
AI models passing for humans is a concerning development because the models seem to be really good at it which raises the risk of counterfeit people and we need to be more alert and i know that that in 2007 Google launched the Learning Unit Correspondence Program (LUCP) to see if Ai could create Blog posts which could be trained to read newspaper articles, pay attention to how those words relate to one another and then predict what words it thinks will come next and build that into a Blog post but I never heard anymore about that so not sure what happened to it.