Thursday 13 February 2020

Special Guest Blogger: Guy Fawkes

The plan was to blow up King James and his entire family at the State Opening of Parliament because he was Protestant and I was Catholic and the King really hated Catholics, he seemed to think that we were always plotting something.
The plan was to roll 36 barrels of gunpowder down the Thames, sneak it into a cellar of a rented house below Parliament and then wait for the House of Lords to open then I creep back in, light the fuse and run away, blowing up the King and all of the Parliamentarians.
Would have worked too if it wasn't for the numpty Francis Treshamis writing to his MP brother telling him to take the day off on the 5th as it was going to be blown sky high.
It is nice that i am remembered over 400 years later but Bonfire Night can be very dangerous and i
should know so here are a few important safety tips for November for the 5th bonfire night.
Firstly, be very careful when transporting 36 barrels of highly explosive gunpowder into a cellar below the Houses of Parliament and number Two, always make sure your gang does not include anyone with relatives in Parliament that you wouldn't want to seen blown up.
Three is when you go in to light the 36 barrels of gunpowder, do stand well back, preferably about three miles back and Four, don't get caught red-handed.
Finally Five, do be careful not to get hung drawn and quartered and your body parts distributed to the four corners of the kingdom.

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