I'm Geoff Capes. Yes, that Geoff Capes, the bloke who once lifted a small car like it was a bar of chocolate, won two World’s Strongest Man titles, and taught an entire nation that yes, fat blokes can run, well sort of.
Now, as I lie here reflecting on my legacy, I must say: it’s been a bumpy ride. Like a sack of spuds on a lorry. But a glorious one.
Let’s be honest, I wasn’t born strong. I was born large, weighing 12.4 pounds (5.6 kg) at birth. In my case, strength came as a welcome bonus to sheer mass. If the Olympics had a category for Men Who Take Up Two Seats on Trains, I’d have won gold, silver, and bronze just to be thorough but i had to make do with the two times Commonwealth champion, twice European indoor champion, competed at three Olympic Games and holding the British record for the shot putt.
Not many people know that before I started lifting cars, I was a proper athlete but then I got dropped so I moved on. Into strongman.
But back in the day, back when mullets were fashionable and trousers had elastic waists,I discovered something miraculous: I could lift things. Not just things. Heavy things. Cars, fridges, And people actually paid me to do it. Mad, that.
My finest hour? Winning World’s Strongest Man. Twice. In 1983 and 1985.
There was a time when I could carry an anvil uphill while being pelted with snowballs in Finland but at the end I struggled to carry my own body weight from the sofa to the fridge and i settled to a lifestyle of breeding budgerigars and goddamn it I was good at that to, becoming a European and World champion with my Recessive Pieds.
Being a hefty 27 stone does has an effect on the body and my heart said stuff lugging all this around and packed in but I gave Britain something to cheer for. Not in football. Good Lord, not in football. But in strength. I made people believe that a man with a paunch, a perm, and questionable fashion sense could still rise to the top.
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