Special Guest Blogger: Greek Demigod Arcas

Ah, the sweet serenity of eternity. What a delightful way to spend forever. If you’re reading this, I assume you’ve heard of me, Arcas, the slightly confused mortal who accidentally tried to club his mother (who in my defence happened to be a very large bear at the time). Yes, that story. The one where Zeus, in his infinite wisdom, yanked us both into the sky to become constellations.
Let me tell you as charming as the afterlife is, it’s a bit cold. And static. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Allow me to regale you with the most hilariously awkward chapter of my life, before I became a permanent fixture in Ursa Major, forever frozen mid-swing with a stick.
I was born in ancient Arcadia, which, let me tell you, is a place of breathtaking beauty if you don’t mind the shepherding, the goats and the fact that your mother is a hunting goddess named Callisto.
Mum had the misfortune of catching Zeus’s eye but Hera did not appreciate the situation so, in a fit of divine pique, Hera transformed my mother into a bear and here’s where things got awkward.
One day, while out on a hunt I came face-to-paw with my own mother. She didn’t recognize me, obviously, because 1. She was a bear, and 2. Hera’s curse made her forget her mortal life.
But still! I was just about to swing my club and end her existence when Zeus froze us both in place and mumbling that we had potential as constellations, here am i forever mid-lunge, my stick forever mid-swing, while my mother, now Ursa Minor, glowers at me from the tip of my club.
So, here’s the thing about becoming a constellation. It’s not all poetry, sailors using you for navigation or romantic stargazers whispering your name because where most people know Orion, Perseus, or even that twinkling twerp, Sagittarius but Arcas? I’m a mythological footnote but being a constellation my main role is to forever point people in the direction of Polaris.
So always check if your mother’s been turned into a bear. And if you ever find yourself immortalised in the stars, pack a flask because its chilly up here.