A heatwave has hit India and temperatures are hovering around the mid 40s (113F). Weather forecasters here in the UK are warning of the same thing next week, only our highest temperatures are going to be around the low 30's (90F).
Now i know that compared to what India is suffering, it sounds pathetic to moan about the heat but dammit, to me 32c is uncomfortably hot.
I know summer is meant to be all about birds twittering, lots of sun and long, lazy days. But let’s be honest, it’s actually about wasps, sunburn, and the sun rising before you even get to sleep.
The worst part is is that the lack of sleep and heat makes me awfully cranky and moody. I swear when i wake up with my hair plastered to my face with sweat and pretty much keep it up till i finally drop off again for a few hours before starting it all over again in the morning. I keep my best cussing for the weatherman who gleefully informs me that it's going to be another glorious day. He wouldn't think his warm front was quite so glorious if i got to decide where to shove it. The sun doesn't shine there apparently.
Hot car interiors, the smell of armpits in the lift and more bugs than should be allowed to congregate in any one place at one time which is usually my bedroom ten seconds after i throw open the window.
I think it's about time us summer haters made a stand and got the UN, or whoever makes rulings on these matters, to make it illegal to ask anyone if it's 'hot enough for ya?' or to say 'bit hot 'innit' when you are drowning in your own sweat. Weathermen must stop saying 'another beautiful summers day' and call it 'another oppressively hot day where you will sweat if you so much as blink'. War must be declared on anything that bites or stings and men in tight speedo's must be declared a natural disaster area and cordoned off with bright yellow tape.
Roll on autumn and winter and showers, crisp cool days, fresh winds, chilly evenings and a cup of hot chocolate in front of a crackling fire and when i can just be naturally cranky and moody and it isn't heat assisted.
Sunday, 28 June 2009
Armed Forces Day Con
Yesterday was the first Armed Forces Day, an 'opportunity for the nation to show our support for the men and women who make up the Armed Forces community' according to the Government.
What it actually appears to be is a cynical ploy to recruit youngsters to the Armed Forces because for some reason, young men and women are choosing not to sign up for a career in the Army, Navy or Air Force.
It seems unthinkable that anyone would sign up for a career where you get inadequate training, are not handed the right equipment to do the job and your safety is jeopardised due to cost cutting. You wouldn't stand for it in an office but this is the conditions you are expected to work under if you sign up to 'defend' the nation.
Not that there will be much defending, the emphasis seems to be much more on pre-emptive attacking against countries that are no threat to us.
If you are content to become little more than cannon fodder in either of the current Governments misadventures in the Middle East then go along, wave your little flag and be taken in by talk of 'doing your bit for your country'. Ask about your pitiful pension, the second rate care in case of injury and heaven forbid the way your family will be left to hang if you are killed in action. Most importantly ask yourself why the former recruits are leaving in droves at the first opportunity.
My advice is to take it for the cynical, disturbing and exploitative move of our armed forces by a Government desperate to drum up recruits for its questionable wars.
Go to college or University, start up a business or go work at a factory, do anything except be suckered in by these callously calculating and devious tactics.
What it actually appears to be is a cynical ploy to recruit youngsters to the Armed Forces because for some reason, young men and women are choosing not to sign up for a career in the Army, Navy or Air Force.
It seems unthinkable that anyone would sign up for a career where you get inadequate training, are not handed the right equipment to do the job and your safety is jeopardised due to cost cutting. You wouldn't stand for it in an office but this is the conditions you are expected to work under if you sign up to 'defend' the nation.
Not that there will be much defending, the emphasis seems to be much more on pre-emptive attacking against countries that are no threat to us.
If you are content to become little more than cannon fodder in either of the current Governments misadventures in the Middle East then go along, wave your little flag and be taken in by talk of 'doing your bit for your country'. Ask about your pitiful pension, the second rate care in case of injury and heaven forbid the way your family will be left to hang if you are killed in action. Most importantly ask yourself why the former recruits are leaving in droves at the first opportunity.
My advice is to take it for the cynical, disturbing and exploitative move of our armed forces by a Government desperate to drum up recruits for its questionable wars.
Go to college or University, start up a business or go work at a factory, do anything except be suckered in by these callously calculating and devious tactics.
Saturday, 27 June 2009
Best Band In Heaven Revised
In light of the recent demise of Michael Jackson, it might be time to update a former post concerning the best line-up of dead musicians in heaven if St Peter ever decided to give Jesus a Happy Birthday concert.
Harking back a few years, i had Ron Wilson of the Safari's on drums purely on the strength of the excellent drumming in the song 'Wipe Out.
The bass player was Phil Lynott from Thin Lizzy, rhythm guitar was handed to Joe Strummer and lead to Jimi Hendrix with a warning to not do any of that weird feedback crap or he was out.
It was the choice of Freddie Mercury as front man that caused the debate. If it was down to me i would have told St Peter to go with the ultimate in cool Kurt Cobain but Freddie was undeniably more of a showman and had a great voice so i grudgingly handed him the mic and mumbled things about Sun City under my breath.
By all accounts they have been doing quite well, with the songs 'Sympathy for the Devil', 'Highway to Hell' and 'Friend of the Devil' being particular crowd pleasers but the question has to be asked, should Jackson now replace Freddie as the man front and centre of the best band in heaven?
Jacko had the dance moves while Freddie seemed to just run about a lot in spandex and do that trademark punch thing and vocally, the mustachioed one wins hands down so i wouldn't change the line up at all.
Maybe as a welcome gift to Jacko we can get them to play his 'Heaven Can Wait' single for him. I'm sure he'd appreciate that.
Harking back a few years, i had Ron Wilson of the Safari's on drums purely on the strength of the excellent drumming in the song 'Wipe Out.
The bass player was Phil Lynott from Thin Lizzy, rhythm guitar was handed to Joe Strummer and lead to Jimi Hendrix with a warning to not do any of that weird feedback crap or he was out.
It was the choice of Freddie Mercury as front man that caused the debate. If it was down to me i would have told St Peter to go with the ultimate in cool Kurt Cobain but Freddie was undeniably more of a showman and had a great voice so i grudgingly handed him the mic and mumbled things about Sun City under my breath.
By all accounts they have been doing quite well, with the songs 'Sympathy for the Devil', 'Highway to Hell' and 'Friend of the Devil' being particular crowd pleasers but the question has to be asked, should Jackson now replace Freddie as the man front and centre of the best band in heaven?
Jacko had the dance moves while Freddie seemed to just run about a lot in spandex and do that trademark punch thing and vocally, the mustachioed one wins hands down so i wouldn't change the line up at all.
Maybe as a welcome gift to Jacko we can get them to play his 'Heaven Can Wait' single for him. I'm sure he'd appreciate that.
Bruce Is Back
When i think of Bruce Springsteen, admittedly not very often, i think denim and Courtney Cox in that Dancing in the dark video and Bruce's god awful dancing with her. In my mind he is safely back in the 80's along with Cyndi Lauper, ZZ Top and dayglo yellow leg warmers.
I always thought that he would be the sort of person who wore dusty cowboy boots and would put these abominations against fashion on the coffee table. Maybe he does, i don't know for sure but it might be safe to move it away from the sofa if he pops around.
Apart from a brief spell in the mid 90s with the song 'Philadelphia', the Boss and his hideous boots were a fading memory but now he pops up again in 2009 headlining the Glastonbury Festival.
I don't recall a time when Bruce was ever considered 'cool', maybe in America where songs like Born in the USA i presume resonated more, but as a teenager when he was at his height in the mid 80s, I just don't remember anyone demanding Springsteen at the school end of term disco.
He must have a wider appeal than i give him credit for because he is one of those artists who has been around for decades, albeit under my personal musical radar. It is good that the old acts get a chance to recapture their golden days although i hope that he doesn't drag anybody up onto the stage and dance with them because he may have been born to run but he certainly wasn't born to dance.
And for the last time, GET YOUR FILTHY BOOTS OFF THE TABLE!!
I always thought that he would be the sort of person who wore dusty cowboy boots and would put these abominations against fashion on the coffee table. Maybe he does, i don't know for sure but it might be safe to move it away from the sofa if he pops around.
Apart from a brief spell in the mid 90s with the song 'Philadelphia', the Boss and his hideous boots were a fading memory but now he pops up again in 2009 headlining the Glastonbury Festival.
I don't recall a time when Bruce was ever considered 'cool', maybe in America where songs like Born in the USA i presume resonated more, but as a teenager when he was at his height in the mid 80s, I just don't remember anyone demanding Springsteen at the school end of term disco.
He must have a wider appeal than i give him credit for because he is one of those artists who has been around for decades, albeit under my personal musical radar. It is good that the old acts get a chance to recapture their golden days although i hope that he doesn't drag anybody up onto the stage and dance with them because he may have been born to run but he certainly wasn't born to dance.
And for the last time, GET YOUR FILTHY BOOTS OFF THE TABLE!!
Thursday, 25 June 2009
Michael Jackson
Shocking news reports that Michael Jackson has died from a suspected heart attack.It is interesting how he is going to be remembered and whether it is the music, plastic surgery or his court cases that will be his legend.
He undoubtedly was talented but it was the events outside of music that drew the most attention.
The plastic surgery that made him look so freakish and the accusations of child abuse that saw him making appearances in court will probably overshadow his music and video's.
Looking Anything But Safe To Me
I take the rare position regarding Iraq that i bitterly opposed going in but take the stance that we are performing an equal injustice by now pulling out.
The sad fact is that car bombings and killings are an everyday occurrence in Iraq but it is only when scores are killed that it makes any sort of headlines now.
The 72 people killed and 127 injured in a bomb blast at a Baghdad market yesterday hardly got a mention at all, as if we have pulled out now so it isn't our problem anymore.
Same as the 73 people who died in a truck bombing outside a mosque last weekend, or the string of blasts that killed 27 people across Iraq on Monday.
In April, 60 people were killed outside a Shi'ite shrine just days before twin car bomb blasts killed 51 people in Sadr City.
The facts are that it was because of us that Al Queada poured into the country to perform their carnage. Now we and the Americans have declared Iraq safe enough to leave to it's fate. That's safe?
As i have said many times before, we owe the Iraqi's. We broke their country and we should have the backbone to stay until it is fixed. Anything else is morally abhorrent.
Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al Maliki has told Iraqis not to lose heart if insurgent attacks increase as the imminent US military draw down creeps closer but he is probably in the safest place in the country. He, nor Brown or Obama, are going to be blown to kingdom come while browsing a market and if they can just brush off the high number of deaths as 'safe', then i fear for their sanity.
Iraq is not safe, it was a duck shoot when the troops were there and it is only going to be worse when the insurgents and terrorists get a free hand to bomb and kill at their leisure. We screwed the Iraqi's twice, once going in and again when we left.
The sad fact is that car bombings and killings are an everyday occurrence in Iraq but it is only when scores are killed that it makes any sort of headlines now.
The 72 people killed and 127 injured in a bomb blast at a Baghdad market yesterday hardly got a mention at all, as if we have pulled out now so it isn't our problem anymore.
Same as the 73 people who died in a truck bombing outside a mosque last weekend, or the string of blasts that killed 27 people across Iraq on Monday.
In April, 60 people were killed outside a Shi'ite shrine just days before twin car bomb blasts killed 51 people in Sadr City.
The facts are that it was because of us that Al Queada poured into the country to perform their carnage. Now we and the Americans have declared Iraq safe enough to leave to it's fate. That's safe?
As i have said many times before, we owe the Iraqi's. We broke their country and we should have the backbone to stay until it is fixed. Anything else is morally abhorrent.
Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al Maliki has told Iraqis not to lose heart if insurgent attacks increase as the imminent US military draw down creeps closer but he is probably in the safest place in the country. He, nor Brown or Obama, are going to be blown to kingdom come while browsing a market and if they can just brush off the high number of deaths as 'safe', then i fear for their sanity.
Iraq is not safe, it was a duck shoot when the troops were there and it is only going to be worse when the insurgents and terrorists get a free hand to bomb and kill at their leisure. We screwed the Iraqi's twice, once going in and again when we left.
The East Europeans Are Coming!
When it came to sport it used to be simple. Europe ruled football, America took the plaudits in boxing and Britain floundered around looking to blame everyone else when we did rubbish at everything except darts and snooker.
Now in the Confederation Cup, the USA football team have not only overhauled World Champs Italy in the group stages but have just knocked out Europe's best team in Spain to reach the final.
In heavyweight boxing it is the East Europeans now ruling the roost that America formerly claimed with all 4 of the Heavyweight titles firmly in the clutches of a couple of Ukrainian brothers and a Russian.
With Wimbledon dominating the TV schedules there is a very good chance that if you watch a woman's match, there will be an East European woman involved because suddenly woman's tennis seems to be swamped by them.
In the top 10 World female rankings, 8 hail from Eastern Europe, 5 of them Russian, with the 2 American William sisters making up the number.
A common criticism of the new breed of Champions from that side of the continent is that they are perfunctory, robotic and humourless which is in complete contrast to the razzmatazz and arrogance that Americans especially bought to sport events. It was this that made it especially sweet when they then lost. It seems that when one of the new breed of Eastern Bloc sports personalities win or lose, they keep it all under control which gets kinda boring.
I'd like to see one of the Klitchko's jump over the ropes, cartwheel around the ring and then recite a couple of rhyming couplets along the lines of that old joke about knocking his opponents teeth so far down his throat he will have to stick the toothbrush up his zhopa to clean them.
Can't see it happening though. Hard to find anything to rhyme with zhopa.
Now in the Confederation Cup, the USA football team have not only overhauled World Champs Italy in the group stages but have just knocked out Europe's best team in Spain to reach the final.
In heavyweight boxing it is the East Europeans now ruling the roost that America formerly claimed with all 4 of the Heavyweight titles firmly in the clutches of a couple of Ukrainian brothers and a Russian.
With Wimbledon dominating the TV schedules there is a very good chance that if you watch a woman's match, there will be an East European woman involved because suddenly woman's tennis seems to be swamped by them.
In the top 10 World female rankings, 8 hail from Eastern Europe, 5 of them Russian, with the 2 American William sisters making up the number.
A common criticism of the new breed of Champions from that side of the continent is that they are perfunctory, robotic and humourless which is in complete contrast to the razzmatazz and arrogance that Americans especially bought to sport events. It was this that made it especially sweet when they then lost. It seems that when one of the new breed of Eastern Bloc sports personalities win or lose, they keep it all under control which gets kinda boring.
I'd like to see one of the Klitchko's jump over the ropes, cartwheel around the ring and then recite a couple of rhyming couplets along the lines of that old joke about knocking his opponents teeth so far down his throat he will have to stick the toothbrush up his zhopa to clean them.
Can't see it happening though. Hard to find anything to rhyme with zhopa.
Wednesday, 24 June 2009
Leave It On The Shelf
I once made a comment about 'The Catcher in The Rye' not actually being that good and pondered if it was one of those things where people are afraid to say so because everyone else seems to think that it's a classic. Turned out people were not afraid to say i was some sort of dullard.
I'm about to say the same thing about a film that i haven't deliberately gone out of my way to avoid but have heard constantly is the high water mark of sci-fi, so when i saw the DVD in a supermarket bargain basket for £1.99, i threw it into my trolley.
I'm not much of a fan of sci-fi movies anyway but i was willing to give 2001: A Space Odyssey a chance, especially as it had Stanley Kubrick's name on the credits and he generally turned out good, if eccentric, films.
The initial 'Dawn of Man' sequence i understand but it went on for far too long and that set the precedent for the rest of the film. Docking sequences and space walks that just dragged on forever and added nothing to the film except to make it twice as long as it could have been. It felt like a 90 minute film with a thin plot dragged and stretched out to fill 140 minutes.
The part of the film i had heard about most was the HAL computer killing the crew when faced with being disconnected. Loved that idea but by the time that event comes about, it is two thirds through the film and i was numbed by scenes of spaceships floating painfully slowly through space to loud classical music.
I can appreciate what Kubrick was trying to do, showing the vastness and emptiness of space but i just found it tedious and i rewound the ending twice and still didn't understand what went on at the end.
Maybe it was me, admittedly almost everyone else i spoke to about it today just told me i 'just didn't get it' and maybe that's the case but i wouldn't recommend it to anyone very highly. I'd give Catcher in The Rye a wide berth also. Neither of these classics live up to their hype.
I'm about to say the same thing about a film that i haven't deliberately gone out of my way to avoid but have heard constantly is the high water mark of sci-fi, so when i saw the DVD in a supermarket bargain basket for £1.99, i threw it into my trolley.
I'm not much of a fan of sci-fi movies anyway but i was willing to give 2001: A Space Odyssey a chance, especially as it had Stanley Kubrick's name on the credits and he generally turned out good, if eccentric, films.
The initial 'Dawn of Man' sequence i understand but it went on for far too long and that set the precedent for the rest of the film. Docking sequences and space walks that just dragged on forever and added nothing to the film except to make it twice as long as it could have been. It felt like a 90 minute film with a thin plot dragged and stretched out to fill 140 minutes.
The part of the film i had heard about most was the HAL computer killing the crew when faced with being disconnected. Loved that idea but by the time that event comes about, it is two thirds through the film and i was numbed by scenes of spaceships floating painfully slowly through space to loud classical music.
I can appreciate what Kubrick was trying to do, showing the vastness and emptiness of space but i just found it tedious and i rewound the ending twice and still didn't understand what went on at the end.
Maybe it was me, admittedly almost everyone else i spoke to about it today just told me i 'just didn't get it' and maybe that's the case but i wouldn't recommend it to anyone very highly. I'd give Catcher in The Rye a wide berth also. Neither of these classics live up to their hype.
Sunday, 21 June 2009
Blair Demanding Secrecy
I don't guess it comes as too much of a shock to anyone that Tony Blair wants the Iraq Inquiry to be held in secret. The obvious question is why would he want that? The only answer is that because he is unable to get away with this, as he seems to have got away with 'accidentally' shredding his expenses.
According to reports, the former Prime Minister has urged Gordon Brown that the long-awaited hearings should be held in secret to avoid becoming a 'show trial'.
Mr Brown faced heavy and sustained criticism for announcing that the inquiry would be held behind closed doors and was immediately pressured into a re-think by an array of senior political and military figures denouncing the decision.
Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg said: "If this is true about Blair demanding secrecy, it is simply outrageous that an inquiry into the biggest foreign policy disaster since Suez is being muzzled to suit the individual needs of the man who took us to war - Tony Blair."
So if Blair is urging Brown to hold the Inquiry into the invasion of Iraq, be held in private, it simply reinforces the belief that he has something to hide and as he once replied when answering questions about his over zealous anti-terrorism laws: 'Those with nothing to hide have nothing to fear'.
Remember that line Tone? Feeling a tad uncomfortable about the whole thing?
According to reports, the former Prime Minister has urged Gordon Brown that the long-awaited hearings should be held in secret to avoid becoming a 'show trial'.
Mr Brown faced heavy and sustained criticism for announcing that the inquiry would be held behind closed doors and was immediately pressured into a re-think by an array of senior political and military figures denouncing the decision.
Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg said: "If this is true about Blair demanding secrecy, it is simply outrageous that an inquiry into the biggest foreign policy disaster since Suez is being muzzled to suit the individual needs of the man who took us to war - Tony Blair."
So if Blair is urging Brown to hold the Inquiry into the invasion of Iraq, be held in private, it simply reinforces the belief that he has something to hide and as he once replied when answering questions about his over zealous anti-terrorism laws: 'Those with nothing to hide have nothing to fear'.
Remember that line Tone? Feeling a tad uncomfortable about the whole thing?
Saturday, 20 June 2009
Wimbledon Fortnight
It's mid-July again so time to start the annual game of building up the chances of a British tennis player winning Wimbledon.
As Andy Murray is the only one anyone here knows, can i save some time and point out now how Andy Murray battled his way in a typically brave British manner to the latter stages before losing like the bottling Scotsman he is. There, now where's my strawberries?
Hang on, it seems that Britain's brave and talented Andy Murray has actually got a chance this year according to John McEnroe and a few other experts, especially now that Rafael Nadal has hobbled out of the tournament.
The English contingent of the British Isles does seem to have a bit of a love hate relationship with the dour Scotsman which wasn't improved when he said that he would "support anyone but England" at the 2006 World Cup. Canadian Greg Rusedki was never really accepted as a Brit, especially as we had 'Tiger' Tim Henman who was rubbish but was as English as afternoon tea and the Queen Mother while Greg sounded like he had just taken off his Mountie uniform and was stroking a Caribou.
So as fickle as us English are, whether Murray is a heroic Brit to cheer or a miserable faced Jock depends upon him lifting the trophy in two weeks time.
My money is on Roger Federer to win the thing and for Murray to stomp off court mumbling och aye the noo in the quarter's or semi's.
As for the women, Anne Keothavong is British number 1 which doesn't count for much as her number 49 World ranking underlines. Serena Williams to be handed the Women's Trophy by the Duke or Duchess of Kent.
As Andy Murray is the only one anyone here knows, can i save some time and point out now how Andy Murray battled his way in a typically brave British manner to the latter stages before losing like the bottling Scotsman he is. There, now where's my strawberries?
Hang on, it seems that Britain's brave and talented Andy Murray has actually got a chance this year according to John McEnroe and a few other experts, especially now that Rafael Nadal has hobbled out of the tournament.
The English contingent of the British Isles does seem to have a bit of a love hate relationship with the dour Scotsman which wasn't improved when he said that he would "support anyone but England" at the 2006 World Cup. Canadian Greg Rusedki was never really accepted as a Brit, especially as we had 'Tiger' Tim Henman who was rubbish but was as English as afternoon tea and the Queen Mother while Greg sounded like he had just taken off his Mountie uniform and was stroking a Caribou.
So as fickle as us English are, whether Murray is a heroic Brit to cheer or a miserable faced Jock depends upon him lifting the trophy in two weeks time.
My money is on Roger Federer to win the thing and for Murray to stomp off court mumbling och aye the noo in the quarter's or semi's.
As for the women, Anne Keothavong is British number 1 which doesn't count for much as her number 49 World ranking underlines. Serena Williams to be handed the Women's Trophy by the Duke or Duchess of Kent.
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