New Year Resolutions are a bit hit and miss, set the bar too high (stopping smoking or biting your nails) and it's failure on the morning of 1st January and setting it too low (not eating chocolate between 11pm and midnight at the weekend) feels like you are not really entering into the spirit of things.
Luckily i have a great way of making you stick to your resolutions by using a punishment worse than whatever evil you are considering giving up.
Everybody has a thing they hate, a football team, a political party or even a cause and this is my suggestion for keeping, or at the very least making it harder, to break that resolution.
You write down your resolution, stopping smoking for example, and you put it in an envelope with a cheque for £50 (amount depending on how confident you are) made out to the absolute last cause you would give money to be it the Countryside Alliance if you are an anti-hunt supporter, the Labour Party if you are a dyed in the wool Tory or even the Tottenham Supporters Club if you are an Arsenal fan.
The envelope goes to a friend with the express demand that if you break the resolution, they post the cheque to whoever you made it out to.
If by a certain date, July 2nd for example which is the middle day of the year, you have stuck to your resolution then you get the envelope back and get to rip up the cheque and defy the hated organisation or football team the payment.
It is amazing how much the threat of helping out someone or something you hate with your hard earned cash keeps your focus.
Personally i have resolved to not play any Phil Collins songs on the CD Player. It was only later it was pointed out that i don't own a single Phil Collins song but by then the envelope with the cheque made out to the Catholic Church had been handed over, oh well, sorry Pope.
Thursday, 31 December 2015
Wednesday, 30 December 2015
Guns N Roses To Reform
That would be me then, along with 20 others waiting for the doors to open at midnight and to swap a ten pound note and a few pound coins for the Guns 'N' Roses epic double album, Use Your Illusions 1 & 2.
The vinyl may have been upgraded to CD over the years but you would be hard pushed to come up with a set of albums that top arguably these last great epics in music history. Every song on the first album a real belter, the second not quite so much but two albums that legitimately lifted Guns N’ Roses from being a great rock band into probably the greatest ever.
Unfortunately they imploded in acrimony not long after and although Axel Rose continued to plow his own furrow and finally put out 'Chinese Democracy' a few years ago, it wasn't the same.
Slash also did his own thing with other lead singers but it was like having a bottle of Moët & Chandon and drinking it from a mug.
Now it seems that someone has banged Axel's and Slash's heads together and they have come to their senses because the news is that Guns N’ Roses are set to reform with all the original members.
Initially i was as excited as a puppy with shares in a tail factory but then i thought about it and wondered should they come back?
At the moment they are remembered for being the pinnacle of rock music, they are the band everyone in the genre aspires to be so what if they come back and they are not very good? What if the time that has passed has dulled them into becoming just another Nickleback or heaven forbid, Bon Jovi.
What if they just go down the road of many from that era and just do the hits and don't bring out any new material and just become an older, fatter, slower version of their former selves?
Music is littered with acts that should have known when to stop and maybe Guns 'N' Roses should have stayed split and let us fans remember them as they were in their pomp when they were always drunk, mostly high but always brilliant and i could get away with wearing jeans with holes in them.
Government To Blame For UK Floods
When asked where, in the times of austerity, the money for the war in Syria would come from the Prime Minister announced they had a contingency chest for such events which will be needed as the cost of one six hour flying mission is a cool £508,000.
When asked why the money set aside for flood defence was being cut last year the Prime Minister mumbled about having to make cuts in all departments times of austerity.
The cuts seem to have come back and bit him on the backside as large swathes of North England and Scotland are under several feet of water.
As official documents show, the government’s own advisory board pointed out that a lack of funds would leave northern communities at risk of floods after a £180m flood defence project was scrapped in Leeds which is now flooded and the long-term cost of the disaster to everyone estimated to be somewhere around £5bn.
Much moaning from Sun readers about the £1.5bn foreign aid this country hands over to relief work around the globe while people in this country suffer floods but it was never a case of give it to them or spend the money on flood barriers, it was due to the Government cutting the budget for flood defence.
If we held on to the £1.5bn it wouldn't have necessarily been spent on building Northern flood barriers, more likely it would have been swallowed up in the day to day running of the country and we would still be flooded.
This Government has been trying desperately to shrink Government and all departments and their budgets have been slashed which is why you can't get through to HMRC on the telephone, or it takes months to get your passport application processed or a four month waiting list for a driving test and why the Environmental Agency are unable to build proper flood defences due to their budget being viciously reduced.
Some right wingers may be calling for a smaller state and less Government involvement but this is exactly what you get when that happens and because the Government ducked spending £180 million of our taxes last year due to austerity, it is going to have to spend £5bn to put things right this year.
Funny how it always seems to have enough money for a spot of war at half a million pound a mission, or three flood defence projects, but they set aside money for a bit war but have nothing left for keeping the rising sea out of our living rooms.
When asked why the money set aside for flood defence was being cut last year the Prime Minister mumbled about having to make cuts in all departments times of austerity.
The cuts seem to have come back and bit him on the backside as large swathes of North England and Scotland are under several feet of water.
As official documents show, the government’s own advisory board pointed out that a lack of funds would leave northern communities at risk of floods after a £180m flood defence project was scrapped in Leeds which is now flooded and the long-term cost of the disaster to everyone estimated to be somewhere around £5bn.
Much moaning from Sun readers about the £1.5bn foreign aid this country hands over to relief work around the globe while people in this country suffer floods but it was never a case of give it to them or spend the money on flood barriers, it was due to the Government cutting the budget for flood defence.
If we held on to the £1.5bn it wouldn't have necessarily been spent on building Northern flood barriers, more likely it would have been swallowed up in the day to day running of the country and we would still be flooded.
This Government has been trying desperately to shrink Government and all departments and their budgets have been slashed which is why you can't get through to HMRC on the telephone, or it takes months to get your passport application processed or a four month waiting list for a driving test and why the Environmental Agency are unable to build proper flood defences due to their budget being viciously reduced.
Some right wingers may be calling for a smaller state and less Government involvement but this is exactly what you get when that happens and because the Government ducked spending £180 million of our taxes last year due to austerity, it is going to have to spend £5bn to put things right this year.
Funny how it always seems to have enough money for a spot of war at half a million pound a mission, or three flood defence projects, but they set aside money for a bit war but have nothing left for keeping the rising sea out of our living rooms.
Tuesday, 29 December 2015
Lemmy
As usual when a massive character dies there has been much use of the word legend bandied about but to me Lemmy only had a couple of great songs to show for a long career, the aforementioned 'Born To Raise Hell' and Ace of Spades'.
The legend around Lemmy was his lifestyle, the bottle of Jack Daniels he downed and the two to three packets of cigarettes he smoked everyday.
He once halk jokingly said that as a musician he wasn't all that great but that 'the volume’s loud so nobody really notices that much' and for someone who had 23 albums, unless you were headbanging along to Hawkwind and Motorhead in the late 70's and early 80's he is largely remembered just for the Ace of Spades song and the scene in the Young Ones where they were legging it to University Challenge with Lemmy banging out the the song in the background.
What Lemmy bought to the table was that he was a proper rock star living the rock star life which we all would like to think we would be if given the opportunity.
"If you're going to be a fucking rock star go be one. People don't want to see the guy next door on stage, they want to see a being from another planet. You want to see somebody you'd never meet in ordinary life' he said and that is exactly what he did, hard drinking and touring until the end.
There are not many, if any, of the like of Lemmy making music today where the whole scene is dominated by plastic identikit performers so in that way he will be missed and he did leave behind two amazing songs which are impossible to listen to unless your eardrums are stretched to the point of disintegration.
Monday, 28 December 2015
Teaching Religion In Schools
Schools must teach that Britain is a Christian country the Education Secretary, Nicky Morgan, has said.
Under the new Department for Education guidelines, non-faith schools have to reflect the fact that British religious traditions 'are in the main Christian' while taking into account teaching about other religions.
She has a point, why teach our children useful things like like the Big Bang and all that science stuff when we can teach them that the earth, the universe and everything in it was made by a big invisible man in the sky, and we are descended from a man made of dirt and a woman who was created out of that man's rib and was duped by a talking snake and we have to go to church and beg forgiveness from the cloud man.
A quick glance around the World and what is being done in the name of religion by the likes of ISIS and we should be pushing for less religion and not more of the nonsense whatever the flavour.
Under the new Department for Education guidelines, non-faith schools have to reflect the fact that British religious traditions 'are in the main Christian' while taking into account teaching about other religions.
She has a point, why teach our children useful things like like the Big Bang and all that science stuff when we can teach them that the earth, the universe and everything in it was made by a big invisible man in the sky, and we are descended from a man made of dirt and a woman who was created out of that man's rib and was duped by a talking snake and we have to go to church and beg forgiveness from the cloud man.
A quick glance around the World and what is being done in the name of religion by the likes of ISIS and we should be pushing for less religion and not more of the nonsense whatever the flavour.
America's Best
Americans were asked who they most admired in a Gallup survey and Donald Trump, the Republican
front runner for the presidential nomination, and Pope Francis tied for second place with President Barack Obama coming in first and Hillary Clinton topping the poll as the most admired woman.
Hillary, the Pope, Trump and Obama the most admired people in America...yep, America is screwed.
front runner for the presidential nomination, and Pope Francis tied for second place with President Barack Obama coming in first and Hillary Clinton topping the poll as the most admired woman.
Hillary, the Pope, Trump and Obama the most admired people in America...yep, America is screwed.
Sunday, 27 December 2015
Why Did We Come Here Again?
Although i'm not much of a fan, the new Star Wars film is breaking all sorts of records and it has led to many discussions around my favourite subject, Space.While the idea of humans travelling between Solar Systems does appeal, the nearest Solar System is 4 light years away, or 24 trillion miles, and as the top speed of our rockets is 20,000 mph, that's a 137 thousand year trip and it wouldn't be you setting foot on strange new lands like Captain Kirk, it would be your future generation born in transit.
The good news is that if there was a marauding hoard of Alpha Centurions plotting to explode that third rocky planet in the neighbouring solar system, it would take them the same amount of time to get here and by the time they arrived, the later generation of ET would have forgotten why there ancestors set off and probably trade beads with us.
That's why i'm not worried about an Alien Invasion anytime soon, on the Apollo 10 mission, NASA pushed the capsule to 24,790mph and decided that was as fast as our mostly-water bodies could handle without causing permanent damage to the astronauts so if that is as fast as we can go, that is as fast as they can go also.
Unless that is they are not carbon based life forms at all and their bodies can sustain higher G-Forces than us humans, if they can reach light speed they would be knocking on our door within 4 years.
Being a more advanced civilisation, they may also be able to exploit loopholes in known physics or through paradigm-shattering discoveries and all they would need on the trip is a packed lunch.
Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to invent blaster cannons then, just in case.
Dont Mess With Texas
Europeans have a wide and varied taste in music so we welcome Orchestras from the United States to our continent in 2016 with the National Symphony Orchestra touring Europe in February 2016, the Los Angeles Philharmonic is touring in France, Holland, Luxembourg and England in March and the Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra will be visiting Germany, Belgium, Switzerland and Austria in May and June.
On the list should also be the Dallas Symphony Orchestra but they have decided that: 'Due to the recent and tragic events in Europe and the United States, we believe that there is an elevated risk to the safety of our musicians and their families, guest artists, DSO personnel and travelling patrons, and therefore will not be proceeding with the tour of Europe at this time'.
Following hot on the heels of the DSO decision comes another withdrawal as the Fort Worth Symphony Orchestra have called off a six-city tour of Spain in May.
Maybe it's something in Texas folk that is not in people from LA or Pittsburgh but it's brilliantly ironic that the Texans choose to stay in the USA with its nutty gun laws and mass gun killings on safety grounds where people get shot as an everyday event and not due to a rare terrorist attack.
A common phrase i have heard spoken by men in stetson hats and cowboy boots is that everything is bigger in Texas and that certainly seems true, the yellow streak down the back of their Orchestra's is huge.
On the list should also be the Dallas Symphony Orchestra but they have decided that: 'Due to the recent and tragic events in Europe and the United States, we believe that there is an elevated risk to the safety of our musicians and their families, guest artists, DSO personnel and travelling patrons, and therefore will not be proceeding with the tour of Europe at this time'.
Following hot on the heels of the DSO decision comes another withdrawal as the Fort Worth Symphony Orchestra have called off a six-city tour of Spain in May.
Maybe it's something in Texas folk that is not in people from LA or Pittsburgh but it's brilliantly ironic that the Texans choose to stay in the USA with its nutty gun laws and mass gun killings on safety grounds where people get shot as an everyday event and not due to a rare terrorist attack.
A common phrase i have heard spoken by men in stetson hats and cowboy boots is that everything is bigger in Texas and that certainly seems true, the yellow streak down the back of their Orchestra's is huge.
Thursday, 24 December 2015
Christmas Eve Mass
Welcome to the Christmas Eve midnight sermon with me, the Right Reverend Lucy.
As we celebrate the birth of that child 2015 years ago in Bethlehem, let's take a moment to celebrate this miracle in song. Please turn to page 157 in your Hymn books and join me in 'While Shepherds':
'While shepherds washed their socks by night
all watching ITV
the angel of the Lord came down
and switched to BBC'.
Indeed, the Angel of the Lord did come down at that time and turn the shepherds television over to BBC which they were not happy about because they had been watching 'Bethlehem's Got Talent' and it was just getting to the bit where they announced the winner.
'Look unto yonder stable where the child of your Lord is unto being born to save all mankind' said the Angel beckoning the shepherds to follow him which they said they would just as soon as they found out who won.
Unperturbed the Angel of the Lord called down a chorus of other Angels to announce the arrival of the Saviour, please turn to page 17, 'Hark the Herald Angels'.
'Hark the herald angels sing,
Beechams Pills are just the thing,
Peace on earth and mercy mild,
Two for a man and one for a child'.
Indeed, one Beecham Pill for the Holy child and two for Joseph but none for the girl who God had chosen to receive his holy juice and who after the birth was curled up on the floor next to a disgruntled pig who was already miffed that his drinking trough had been emptied and now had a baby human in it.
News travelled fast and soon Kings from the surrounding area were making there way to visit the child of God. Please join me in hymn number 141 in your pray books, 'We Three Kings'.
We three Kings of Orient are,
one in a taxi, one in a car
One on a scooter, honking his hooter,
smoking a long cigar
Soon cigars were being smoked and hooters were being honked everywhere for the baby Jesus and from that day, each 25th day of the twelfth month, we celebrate the events in that stable by coming together to open presents, eat Brussels Sprouts and sing songs.
Our final song this Christmas Eve, although not a Christian Carol, has become a favourite and it's number 300 in your hymn books, 'Jingle Bells'.
Jingle Bells, Batman smells,
Robin flew away
Father Christmas lost his knickers
On the motorway...hey!!
So Goodnight, have a very Merry Christmas and remember if you are looking for God, can you also have a scout around for Santa's pants at the same time.
As we celebrate the birth of that child 2015 years ago in Bethlehem, let's take a moment to celebrate this miracle in song. Please turn to page 157 in your Hymn books and join me in 'While Shepherds':
'While shepherds washed their socks by night
all watching ITV
the angel of the Lord came down
and switched to BBC'.
Indeed, the Angel of the Lord did come down at that time and turn the shepherds television over to BBC which they were not happy about because they had been watching 'Bethlehem's Got Talent' and it was just getting to the bit where they announced the winner.
'Look unto yonder stable where the child of your Lord is unto being born to save all mankind' said the Angel beckoning the shepherds to follow him which they said they would just as soon as they found out who won.
Unperturbed the Angel of the Lord called down a chorus of other Angels to announce the arrival of the Saviour, please turn to page 17, 'Hark the Herald Angels'.
'Hark the herald angels sing,
Beechams Pills are just the thing,
Peace on earth and mercy mild,
Two for a man and one for a child'.
Indeed, one Beecham Pill for the Holy child and two for Joseph but none for the girl who God had chosen to receive his holy juice and who after the birth was curled up on the floor next to a disgruntled pig who was already miffed that his drinking trough had been emptied and now had a baby human in it.
News travelled fast and soon Kings from the surrounding area were making there way to visit the child of God. Please join me in hymn number 141 in your pray books, 'We Three Kings'.
We three Kings of Orient are,
one in a taxi, one in a car
One on a scooter, honking his hooter,
smoking a long cigar
Soon cigars were being smoked and hooters were being honked everywhere for the baby Jesus and from that day, each 25th day of the twelfth month, we celebrate the events in that stable by coming together to open presents, eat Brussels Sprouts and sing songs.
Our final song this Christmas Eve, although not a Christian Carol, has become a favourite and it's number 300 in your hymn books, 'Jingle Bells'.
Jingle Bells, Batman smells,
Robin flew away
Father Christmas lost his knickers
On the motorway...hey!!
So Goodnight, have a very Merry Christmas and remember if you are looking for God, can you also have a scout around for Santa's pants at the same time.
Sunday, 20 December 2015
1914: Christmas Truce
The story of the 1914 Christmas truce between German and British soldiers is a well known and heart warming tale that shows that even amongst the muck and bullets, the killing stopped for Christmas.
We may like to believe that for just one day, all across the front, men from both sides emerged from the trenches and met in No Man’s Land to exchange gifts and play football but first-hand testimonies tell us what really happened.
Along the Western Front, a scattered series of small-scale ceasefires did happen between some German and British forces but the festive reprieve was far from a mass event and for the vast majority December 25th 1914 was a day of war like any other.
There was always periods of 'quiet time' when soldiers would agree not to shoot at each other while they recovered wounded soldiers, bury the dead and shore up trenches. As both sides went about the grisly business, usually within shouting distance from each other, the soldiers would to banter and swap supplies for cigarettes.
During the pause to collect the dead on Christmas Day 1914, a carol singing competition erupted between some German and British soldiers and where it happened, enemy soldiers did indeed meet and spend Christmas together and exchange gifts and take photos.
Meanwhile, on most of the Western Front, bloody battles continued over the Christmas period and those that dared to come above the top were met with gunfire.
Reports and photographs of these small-scale unofficial ceasefires reached the papers back home and the military authorities who declared: 'Informal truces with the enemy were to cease and any officer or non-commissioned officer found to having initiated one would be tried by Court Martial with harsh punishment for any man caught refusing to fight'.
The small truces of 1914 never happened again but the story was out there and has been retold, re-shaped and romanticised many times since.
We may like to believe that for just one day, all across the front, men from both sides emerged from the trenches and met in No Man’s Land to exchange gifts and play football but first-hand testimonies tell us what really happened.
Along the Western Front, a scattered series of small-scale ceasefires did happen between some German and British forces but the festive reprieve was far from a mass event and for the vast majority December 25th 1914 was a day of war like any other.
There was always periods of 'quiet time' when soldiers would agree not to shoot at each other while they recovered wounded soldiers, bury the dead and shore up trenches. As both sides went about the grisly business, usually within shouting distance from each other, the soldiers would to banter and swap supplies for cigarettes.
During the pause to collect the dead on Christmas Day 1914, a carol singing competition erupted between some German and British soldiers and where it happened, enemy soldiers did indeed meet and spend Christmas together and exchange gifts and take photos.
Meanwhile, on most of the Western Front, bloody battles continued over the Christmas period and those that dared to come above the top were met with gunfire.
Reports and photographs of these small-scale unofficial ceasefires reached the papers back home and the military authorities who declared: 'Informal truces with the enemy were to cease and any officer or non-commissioned officer found to having initiated one would be tried by Court Martial with harsh punishment for any man caught refusing to fight'.
The small truces of 1914 never happened again but the story was out there and has been retold, re-shaped and romanticised many times since.
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