Monday, 13 August 2018

New Singer For Best Band In Heaven

What started out as a one off concert for Jesus's birthday a few years back, the Best Band in Heaven made up of dead musicians who were just lounging around on clouds has gone from strength to strength.
We had just finished a nine night tour of Valhalla when God came up to me saying that his place had been inundated with new musical arrivals recently and although he was happy with Bonham on drums, Lemmy on bass, Strummer on guitar and Hendrix on lead guitar, he was keen to exploit some of the newer singers that had shown up recently and he was never really happy with the Freddy Mercury man laying with man thing so he sent me a list of new, popular musical arrivals which would appeal to the younger generation of recently deceased.
Fearing a thunderbolt i decided to make use of Google to see who was the most popular dead singer so using the tried and trusted 'I Love...' method, i ended up with the following list:

Prince 714,000,000 hits 
David Bowie 47,700,000 hits
John Lennon 45,500,000 hits
Jim Morrison 27,700,000 hits
Freddie Mercury 27,400,000 hits
Tom Petty 27,000,000 hits
Jimi Hendrix 19,100,000 hits
Chris Cornell 15,400,000 hits
Janis Joplin 14,300,000 hits
Kurt Cobain 13,500,000 hits

Not one to upset a deity who once sent two bears to maul 42 kids to death for making fun of a bald guy, i told Freddy to do one and drafted in Prince to go front and centre hoping that he wasn't still doing that weird squiggle thing with his name.
I telephoned God to tell him who the internet had picked and after he said he was happy with the publics choice he said he wanted to discuss the playlist as he wasn't sure about the inclusion of 'Sympathy for the Devil' and 'Highway to Hell', but the line suddenly went dead and we were suspiciously cut off.

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