Special Guest Blogger: The Tooth Fairy

Ever wonder where do your teeth go after they've either fallen out or been pulled out of your screaming skull by a sadist shining a bright light into your face?
If you don't swallow them (we don't want the ones that have worked their way out through your colon thanks very much) they are collected by people like me who receive an alert at Fairy HQ when someone say's the word 'Tooth Fairy'.
Now you are probably picturing Fairies, or Fae to give us our proper name, as something like Tinkerbell but there are two types, the 'Seelie Court' which are benevolent and helpful to you humans in need, so that's us along with Sprites and the Pixies and then you have the Unseelie Court which are ugly and horrifying and evil and malicious such as Elves (not Santa's guys, they are ok), Gnomes, Goblins, the Irish Leprechaun's and Trolls but you don't see many of them in the daytime as they hang about in caves, mountains or under bridges. Us Fae came about after a group of angels were thrown out of heaven as not 'Holy' enough but deemed not 'Evil' enough for hell so ended up inbetween and called ourselves Fairies.

As fairies have magical powers, but with no source of income, some of us decided to become cobblers, some started just hanging around in Gardens but some of us realised that teeth was where the money was and set up a business where we remove the tooth and leave a coin under the persons pillow.
Now there is no one common denomination for a single tooth but the better the condition the more cash we leave, so teeth free of cavities, well-brushed, low plaque and with a nice sheen get more than say one of Shane McGowan's gnashers but some fairies leave different rewards and it really just depends on the tooth fairies working in your area so look after your teeth kids or we may just start to withhold part of the payment.
You may be wondering what we do with all the teeth we collect? We collect the teeth so we can grind them down into Fairy Dust, the bad ones are much more work for us! We have to drill out all of the bad bits first so we don’t get nearly as much Fairy Dust from them.
All in all its not a bad job, the hours aren't great but thank God for the invention of Coca-Cola, now it's a job for life.