Friday, 14 April 2017

Easter v Christmas

According to my more religious friends, Easter is the highlight of the Christian calendar which surprises me as i always thought it would be Christmas and the birth of Jesus rather than the time when he died.
Also Christmas is much more celebrated than Easter which is a bunch of confusing religious days all lumped together in a week so it's Palm Sunday, Good Friday and then culminating in Easter Sunday whereas Christmas is just Christmas Day and everyone knows what happened on Christmas Day but there are lots of confused looks when asked what happened on Palm Sunday. So with one eye on religious holiday harmony, let's put the two religious holidays to the test.  

Easter has the advantage that the days are longer and the weather warmer as it rolls around in Spring while Christmas is in the deep mid-winter so chalk one up for Easter. Easter 1 Christmas 0

As a vegetarian i am not best placed to judge whether the Christmas turkey beats the Easter lamb but according to people who enjoy eating bits of dead animals, a slaughtered baby sheep tastes better than the slaughtered poultry that adorns the Christmas dinner plates so another one for the Easter holidays. Easter 2 Christmas 0

As Simnel cakes are just a light version of the more frutier, darker and tastier Christmas cake you have to ask yourself why settle for Hugh Grant when you can have Johnny Depp so Christmas wins this one without breaking sweat. Easter 2 Christmas 1

Buns and Pies
It's not just member of the KKK who loves a hot cross, especially when it is on top of a bun but if you like your sweet fruity buns without a cross, you can buy tea cakes anytime of the year. Mince pies on the other hand are as Christmassy as asking the fattest guy in the office to put on a red suit and hand out the Christmas Presents to the staff. Mince Pies yes, tea cakes with a cross on top, not so much. Easter 2 Christmas 2 

Easter cards are a relatively new thing whereas Christmas Cards have been handed around since Queen Victoria's ample backside sat on the throne. As someone being killed isn't a particularly pleasant thing to have on the front of a greetings card, Easter Cards tend towards bunny's and eggs whereas Christmas cards have snow, robins, Santa, snowmen and for some reason a family sat around an animals drinking trough in a stable. Easter 2 Christmas 3

Christmas is a set date, December 25th so it moves around the week but while Easter moves around March and April, it is always on a Sunday which means Easter weekend is always a long weekend whereas Christmas is just Christmas Day and Boxing Day off work so Easter's guaranteed 4 days off work beats Christmas's guaranteed 2 days off which is especially annoying if its mid week as you have work either side of it. Easter 3 Christmas 3

For some reason, nobody has managed to come up with a good Easter song in the same way that Christmas has caught the imagination of songwriters. I can't think of one tune that tells us that the Easter Bunny is coming to town or how we wish it could be Easter everyday. Christmas has songs about Santa, snowmen and reindeer with red noses leading sleighs so until songwriters manage to find a way to make a catchy ditty about crucifixion and resurrection or even chocolate bearing rabbits, Christmas wins this category easily. Easter 3 Christmas 4

Christmas is time for Mulled Wine and Eggnog, Easter doesn't have a traditional drink but it does have a ready made, much used joke by uncreative people about Easter being the time of the year to get as hammered as Jesus. Unfortunate a tasteless joke about nailing a hippy to a giant wooden plus sign doesn't make up for a lack of Easter drinks so Christmas again for this one. Easter 3 Christmas 5.

The whole raison d'ĂȘtre of Christmas is about the giving and receiving of presents and the fun of Christmas is gazing at the brightly wrapped box with your name on it under the tree throughout December and the anticipation of ripping open the shiny paper on Christmas morning to reveal a Boots Talc and Bodywash giftset. With Easter, you know what you will get, a chocolate egg with the only anticipation being if it will be a delicious Cadbury's or the cheapy Kinnerton type which will stay in the fridge until August and then find it's way into the bin. Easter 3 Christmas 5

The votes are in then and the final result is Christmas is the champions of religious holidays and Easter will have to try harder.
With that in mind enjoy the four day weekend and if you plan to spend Good Friday getting as hammered as Jesus but in a different way, you have 3 days to get over it. Happy Chocolate Egg Day everyone.

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