Today Is...International Men's Day

Today is International Men's Day, a time to stop, pause and reflect on just what the men contribute to the lives of us women.
First up is that oh so cute way they ignore manufacturers instructions and just soldier on swearing, hitting things with a hammer and blaming the packers for giving them the wrong bits. So what if there are bits left over, who doesn't like a lopsided bookcase that looks as though it will collapse if a book got anywhere near it.
Then there is the frustrating habit women have of slowly flicking through the television to see if there is anything worth watching so thank the lord we have men to dive-bomb through all 150 channels in two minutes and settling for golf or snooker and then falling asleep within ten minutes leaving us women to plod through the channels ourselves yet again.
While ancient men went hunting sabre tooth tigers and other dangerous animals to impress their women, modern man's version is throwing things in the air and catching them in their mouths. Doesn't matter if it's sweets, nuts, cigarettes, grapes, it can't go the short distance between hand and mouth without first being launched up to the ceiling and caught in their mouth in an impressive display sure to make us women go weak at the knees, risking eyes and teeth if our hero's coordination goes awry with that last walnut.
Not being blessed with a penis i can only guess at just how difficult it is to aim the short distance between your midriff and a toilet bowl with a drop distance of less than 2ft. As all men seem to have problems with it i can only assume it is very difficult indeed so don't worry you poor darlings, Bathrooms have lino flooring for a reason.
Finally men's bodies are very different to women's bodies which is why when we get a cold we can carry on shopping, doing housework and doing the cooking but when a man gets a cold his only option is to lay on the sofa moaning and writing his last will and testament, the precious lambs.
So let's celebrate men and thank our lucky stars that if we want a bottle opened or to park the car that we have left in the road because the parking space was too small, they are always there for us, God bless 'em.