Special Guest Blogger: Benjamin Franklin

Founding Father, inventor, scientist, philosopher, printer, diplomat and author, I had more roles than Tom Hanks which isn't bad for someone who quit school at age ten and then apprenticed at my brother’s print shop before setting out on my own.
I bought the Pennsylvania Gazette and turned it into the most popular rag in the colonies between writing political essays, Almanacks and even had a pop at writing my own alphabet for the shiny new America.
I always thought that a common global language would be great and by dropping almost 25% of it by wiping out the letters C, J, Q, W, X and Y but the idea obviously never caught on among the masses but we did later drop the U, which is a vowel, but whatever.
I lived in England on and off for eighteen years and mediated conflicts on behalf of the thirteen colonies, i have one of those blue plaques the Brits like to throw up above the door of my house and even attended George III’s coronation and really thought we could do well as part of the British Empire, before hitting France to gain support for the Revolutionary War and spent nine years, munching baguettes and getting crucial aid to back our bid for independence from the British.
They loved me there, you couldn't walk around Paris without seeing my bald mug on posters and snuffboxes and busts and they even made a Franklin doll.
I helped craft both the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution and suggested things such as not having  a President but there should be an executive council that does the top job but if there really was gonna be a president, he should be there for one term only but those youngsters refused my ideas, not a single one of ’em!
We did raise a few eyebrows from the slaves when we read out that the line that all men are created and that the thirteen states are no longer under British Rule and have declared themselves an independent nation, as I was pretty hefty by then it was fair to say my girth was equal to three men.
I also invented bifocal glasses, was a pioneer of electro-convulsive shock therapy and an odometer which we strapped to wagon wheels because it was a few centuries too early for cars and the glass harmonica but most people know me for not getting electrocuted by lightning whilst outside flying a kite during an electrical storm.
I said that nothing is inevitable but death and taxes and a respiratory disease meant the first bit came true but i can still be seen  on the $100 bill, or i could be if i could find my damned bifocals.