Special Guest Blogger: St Moses the Black

I assume that in the 1700 years since i was alive black people are now treated the same as whites but back in my day blacks were treated as sub human and a lower order than the whites so not unexpectedly we went off the rails sometimes and i was considered a bad apple on account of all the murdering and robbing i did but i started off as slave of a government official in Egypt who dismissed me for theft and suspected murder of another slave.
I say suspected because there was no such thing as reasonable doubt or burden of proof then and anyone could be found guilty of any number of crimes and the victim could not speak up prove my innocence mostly due to him being dead from having my knife in his neck at the time, but still.
In order to make ends meet i became the leader of a gang of bandits and we would roam the Nile Valley, spreading terror and violence and as i was a large, imposing figure, not many people resisted when i waved my knife in their face and demanded their money.
On one occasion a man caught me making my getaway which annoyed me immensely so i ran back but seeing a huge black man waving a knife screaming that he was going to kill him gave him a clue of what was about to happen and he had the sense to make a run for it to fetch the authorities so instead i killed four of his sheep and ran off to escape.
Obviously, a big black man ugly enough to make an onion cry covered in sheep's blood wasn't going to be that hard to find so i hid out amongst some monks in a colony in the desert and i was impressed that they fed me and accepted me so i asked to join them, became a Christian, was baptized and joined the monastic community.
One time the Abbot ordered the brothers to fast but some brothers came to me saying they were hungry so i prepared a meal for them but some neighboring monks reported to the Abbot that i was breaking the fast and when he arrived he took one look at me and backed out babbling that he just realised that the divine commandment of hospitality out-ruled his orders to fast. Damn straight it did.
Some years later a group of thieves wanted to rob the monastery where we were living but i caught them off guard and singlehandedly beat them all to a pulp and dragged their bloodied bodies to the chief monk to ask what to do because after-all it wasn’t a monkly thing to kill them and the head of the monastery said to forgive them and send them away, which surprised the robbers so much that they all apologised, converted and became monks too.
My death at 75 was a noble act, another group of bandits attacked the monastery and the brothers wanted to defend themselves, but i told them to retreat rather than take up weapons and i would stay behind to fight off the warriors so i stood there alone and prayed for Gods arse kicking help.
Now God might be good but he isn't that good because a 75 year old man screaming 'come on then, you want a piece of me' to a horde of tooled up warriors ended about as well as you imagine.