One Moonlit Night In 1812

Way back in 1812, Great Britain was fighting a war with America and a key battle was going on at Stoney Creek in Ontario which the British won and forced the Yankee's to retreat out of Canada to the other side of the Niagara River and keep Canada out the hands of the burger eating war monkeys America.
Things may have been very different and Canada could have become part of America and missed out on 200 years of the metric system and visits from very iffy Royal Prince's and it is all down to a bunch of hysterical cock-ups one moonlit night in June.
Backed by a large group of Native American Indians, the chisel jawed British set out to make a sneaky attack on an American camp as they were heavily outnumbered and a surprise attack was their best chance of success against vastly superior numbers of Yankees but the Native Americans did their war cry as they approached which is apparently a thing with them but it alerted the sleepy Americans who put down their burgers and hot dogs and formed a line of defense as best they could, which turned out to be not that good at all.
A melee ensured and one American General, John Chandler, rode his horse out into the bedlam to try and direct his troops but rather predictably his horse wasn't bullet proof and was quickly shot out from under him and he fell to the ground.
Exposed and in the middle of huge fight with musket balls zinging around his ears, he decided that his muddy breeches offered very little protection so dashed back behind the lines try and rally his men to stand strong but when he got there he noticed that he didn't recognise any of the men and that they were all speaking with British accents who couldn't believe their luck and politely informed him that he was under arrest for the crime of being American and that it would be best for everyone involved if he just came along quietly.
The second in command, William Winder, was now bumped up to the job of top American banana and was now even more determined to beat the devastatingly handsome British so strode heroically into the emplacement to direct the artillery only to hear the words: 'Oi mateys, cor blimey me old china, we only got us another one of these yanks fellas' as he was surrounded by the British gunners whose base he had walked straight into and he was captured in the exact same fashion as his predecessor only minutes before.
Now with no leadership, the American troops decided they could just win it without Generals and attacked who they thought was the British but was actually another American troop who was rushing to their rescue.
The British stood on the side, supping tea and dunking biscuits while watching as a fierce battle ensued between the same side for an hour until both decided that they could not defeat this 'British army' and finally retreated leaving the British to look at each other and ask 'WTF just happened?'
America decided to leave Canada to the British after that and concentrate on their own country and Canada went on to become the nation we know and love today and act as a constant reminder to American's that if it hadn't chucked our tea in the river and gone warmongering mental all those years ago, Canada is the country that America could have been.