Calling Mr. S. Claus To The Dock

Your Honour, I appear on behalf of the Prosecution in this case against Mr S Claus, treading as Father Christmas of North Pole, Arctic Ocean.
First up i bring forward exhibit A, the very Sleigh that Mr Claus uses for his 36 hour long trip around the World which includes no safety features such as seat belts, airbags or crumple zones in direct violation of the Sleigh Health and Safety ruling. As Mr Claus is also fond of landing his heavily laden sleigh on rooftops, this causes undue worry to homeowners whose insurance policies are unlikely to cover an act of Santa. We are also considering as the reindeer are made to fly all night without a break, our concerns are around animal welfare laws.
Next there is the delicate extent of Mr Claus's indulgence in alcoholic substances during his trip where he consumes an unhealthy amount of spirits which leaves him unable to drive his sleigh in a coherent manner, we have evidence that on occasions it is actually the reindeer who operate the Sleigh.
As for arriving in peoples homes each year, it seems likely that Mr Claus is relying on some kind of implied consent to enter peoples residences to deliver presents but i would like it considered whether all parties involved in the transaction have fully understood what they are giving consent to and whether this tantamounts to trespassing.
The naughty and nice list is also to be considered under implied consent, the list is compiled and checked twice which is in direct violation of Data Protection Laws and essentially the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) for children's sensitive information as all those letters, addresses and details on who has been naughty and who has been nice.
Your honour, this is the case of the Prosecution against Mr S Claus and we request a cease and desist letters to be served on a Mr S. Claus, t/a Father Christmas while proceedings are underway.

With thanks to Lionel Hutz of Luvem and Burnem Family Law.

Ban It!!

It is not that often now you hear the original lyrics in The Pogue's 'Fairytale of New York' so the female now calls her other half a scumbag and a maggot and then rhymes cheap and haggard instead of calling him a cheap lousy faggot which made the Ofcom regulators nervous although the part where he says she is an old slut on junk they were obviously fine with.
The Pogue's 1988 song seemed to have got more sensitive as time went on and 'Baby It's Cold Outside' is another one which no doubt sounded fine when it came out it the 1940's but modern listeners got a little more uneasy in hearing a Festive ditty about getting a man getting a woman drunk so he can have sex with her so its still played, but not so much as it once was and 'Band Aid's Do They Know It's Christmas' has come in for some stick this year for it's less than favourable depiction of Africa but obviously all the other Christmas songs are fine, surely nobody could get upset about  Mommy kissing Santa Claus  or Bing warbling that he will be home for Christmas?
Step forward the Religious folk who like nothing more than wrecking their own holiday so Mommy Kissing Santa Claus was a 'mockery of decent family life as well as Christ’s birthday' and some Catholic dioceses denounced the tune and one American Radio station banned it completely which is what some folk tried to do when Elvis sang 'White Christmas' because Elvis and his wiggly hips were not 'family friendly' and several radio stations did actually ban it.  
Bing Crosby crooning that he’ll Be Home for Christmas in 1943 was banned by the BBC as hearing people may only be home in their dreams could 'damage public morale during World War 2' because obviously, many soldiers would not be coming home that or any other Christmas and 'Santa Baby' by Eartha Kitt in 1953 was banned by some radio stations as 'too sexy'.
The absolute ultimate has to be 'O Holy Night' banned by the Catholic Church because it included a 'total absence of the spirit of religion' due to the original lyric which alluded to God's Wrath (God has no wrath they said) and the fact the tune was written by an atheist Socialist and the words provided by a Jew.
All very humorous but if churchy people can get their rosary beads in a knot over any of those Christmas songs then they really should avoid 'Snowman' by Anti-Nowhere League as it certainly isn't a child friendly song and i am almost certain that what he tells us the Snowman want's to do is anatomically impossible unless the carrot is positioned very much in the wrong place. 

Peace In 2025 Doubtful.

Plenty of songs around at this time of year declaring that with the arrival of the baby Jesus there would be an abundance of peace and love but a quick look at any newspaper will show that we have anything but peace and goodwill to all men, literally the opposite and it isn't going to be arriving any time soon.
Despite the bluster from the incoming Donald Trump, there won't be an end to the war in Ukraine on day 1 of his Presidency, there will still be Ukrainians and Russians firing things at each other on January 21st   and will continue long after because the Europeans are intent in futilely keeping the arms going to Zelenskyy to continue the fight to make sure 'Russia doesn't win' but as the Trump plan is to hand over the land Russia has gained to Putin, it will only keep the pot simmering to return at some point in the future.
Despite talks of a peace plan imminent, the Israeli genocide won't end with it as just like Russia, they will gain land through massacring Palestinians and evicting them from their homes as they have been doing it for over 70 years, under Netanyahu they spread out further into Palestine and Lebanon and have opened a new front in Syria where they have stolen large swathes of land and plan to move settlers into it so that will also keep things bubbling.
Also on the cards is the nod from their American backers to go after Iran which could ramp things up considerably in what is already a tinderbox and although there is currently a truce amongst the many new factions in Syria, it is an uneasy truce which is not expected to last.
There is another genocide going on in Myanmar while conflicts rage in Mali, Somalia, Ethiopia and Sudan, Afghanistan and Pakistan have regular skirmishes and although Islamic State have been quiet recently they haven't gone away as Iraqi citizens found out and the Houthi's in Yemen are still fighting against the Saudi's and UAE.
China appear intent in prodding Taiwan with an eye on provoking it into a war and with new conflicts breaking out all the time, unfortunately peace won't suddenly break out in 2025 while we have flashpoints pretty much everywhere you look around the globe.  

Ho Ho Her

According to the saying, behind every great man, there’s an even greater woman and Father Christmas is no exception because behind him he has Mrs. Claus, also known as Mrs. Santa Claus or Mrs. Santa, Mother Christmas or Mrs Christmas. It definitely isn't Mary as that's just a silly joke.
Since she was introduced in Festive stories in the mid 1800's as the other half of the Present giving duo, she has been in the background making cookies with the elves, caring for the reindeer, and preparing toys with her husband but not anymore, Mrs Claus is finally bursting onto the scene in her own right.
Some stores are ditching the Jolly fat man and Mrs Christmas has been replacing Santa in many UK grotto's this year and she can even help write children write their letter to her husband who as usual, who will let his wife do the lions share of the work at The North Pole by loading up the presents and preparing the reindeer while hubby snores by the fire before waking up sleighs off and gets all the credit.
Boots the Chemist upset the gammon faced loons this year by having an actress in their Christmas Advertisement doing exactly that which led to a chorus of outrage ranging from the end of civilisation to ruining a perfectly good tradition with 'wokeness'.
One lady who was interviewed said she preferred a Mrs Christmas in the Grotto and would prefer her child to sit on her knee and ask for presents because 'Some of the Santa's are a bit creepy' so finally, Mrs Christmas is stepping out of the shadow of her husband, the beard is optional.

Don Your Gay Apparel This Christmas

Christmas, it seems, is the best time to be gay because there are many Festive songs which tell us so but as they are mostly older songs, it means in the mood of happiness or lightheartedness and not the sort which gets the nutty religious right wingers frothing at the mouth but it doesn't mean that to our 2024 ears it doesn't elicit a smile or a childish giggle
In Twistin the Night Away Sam Cooke described New York as where 'the people are so gay' and in the Great Pretender the Platter's describe themselves as 'gay as a clown' and Gilbert O Sullivan remembers a time when he was 'Cheerful, Bright and Gay' in his song Alone Again (Naturally).
West Side Story has a song where the singers tells all that they feel 'pretty and witty and gay' and the theme tune from The Flintstones has Fred and Barney 'having a gay old time', yabba dabba doo indeed
but it is Christmas songs where there is an abandonment of  gayness.
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas tells you to 'Let the yuletide be gay, From now on our troubles will be miles away' while Deck The Halls thinks we should don our gay apparel Fa la la la la la, la la la and in that Andy Williams classic it may be the Wonderful Time Of The Year but it is also the hap-happiest season of all with those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings.
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (and ladies). 

Prince Andrew The Desperate Royal

 I'm not much of a Royalist, if i had my way they would all be turfed out and Buckingham Palace would be bulldozed for a football pitch but as i am not far enough up the chain of command to expel the King and his family, they carry on sitting there collecting tens of millions of our tax for doing very little, bloated, slow and largely clueless and that's just Prince Andrew who is in the news for another scandal, this time befriending a Chinese spy.
Following his friendship with pedophile Jeffery Epstein, the £12 million over handed to Virginia Giuffre to stop her testifying in a sex assault case, the car crash of a BBC interview where his already low reputation sunk beneath sea level and now his links to Yang Tengbo who police found a message on his phone which advised him to target Andrew because : 'He was in a desperate situation and will grab on to anything'.  
Where the Queen seemed to have his back and deep pockets with regards to the sexual assault case, King Charles doesn't seem to be so warm and fuzzy towards his brother and has told him not to attend the Royal Christmas Day meetings at Sandringham Palace to: 'separate from the perceived activities of the Duke of York' as one Royal source put it.
The Duke of York has a history of the problem with his lack of judgement and his finances with the security bill for his 30 mansion Lodge in Windsor running to several million pounds per year although he doesn't receive any public funding from the Sovereign Grant.
We can assume he inherited a pretty bundle from his mother but the rush to money always seem to outweigh his financial situation with links to dodgy Turkish businessmen and even reported to have taken loans from a deposed Tunisian president to pay off his debts so it is easy to see why China saw him as a weak link because he really will grab onto anything, including 17 year old girls in Jeffrey Epstein's house which is where all his troubles began.

Allow Me To Explain Elon

The United States of America is a great big country on the other side of the world where there’s Hollywood, hot dogs, huge cars, guns everywhere, cowboys, cactuses, skyscrapers and flags with stars and stripes on them everywhere but what they also have is a South African who took a $44 billion company and made it into a $12  billion company but its okay because he is the World's richest man and soon to be sat at a desk with the title 'Efficiency Tsar' in Donald Trumps Government.
It is exciting in a car crash type of way to watch from afar what Trump will do, exciting in that in 20 years’ time the footage will be on documentaries with ominous music and we are seeing it happen in real time and with Elon Musk welcomed into the Trump Government fold, it will be like the perfect nuclear family, in a Chernobyl type of way.
Unfortunately, Musk hasn’t limited himself to all things American and posted on Twitter how Britain is becoming a 'tyrannical police state' for jailing rioters and posted a picture of far-right Tommy Robinson in a prison-issue blanket and inquired: 'Why is he in prison for 18 months?'
Obviously Googling it is too much effort so allow me to explain to you Musky, Robinson is in prison for contempt of court, because he wouldn’t stop repeating false claims about a Syrian refugee teenager. It’s not even the first time he’s been in prison for contempt of court. He went before for trying to collapse a grooming trial, which would have put multiple female victims through the horror of having to testify twice.
He also weighed in on the farmers' protests, accusing the U.K. of going 'the full Stalin' as it increased inheritance tax on farms worth more than £3 million, and i don't really understand the intricacies of British Tax Law but farmers having to pay inheritance tax at 20% over £3 million while the rest of us pay 40% over £325,000 isn't really a hill to die on.
Still, nice to know you are paying attention to us over here Elon, obviously you don't get any of it and don't mind looking a fool which gives us big chuckles so i look forward to your next installment of 'Things in Britain i don't understand but will ignorantly comment on anyway'.

ICC Being Kept Busy

The International Criminal Court (ICC) sure is busy lately because as well as going after warmongers and genociders (looking at you Putin and Netanyahu) they are deliberating on the legal responsibility of historical Global polluters it has issued an arrest warrant for Myanmar’s leader of the country’s military regime, Min Aung Hlaing.
Hope they have enough cells in the Hague because with the addition of the Myanmarese, 29 defendants are now at large today with ICJ Arrest Warrants and looking nervously over their shoulders are 8 Russians, 6 Libyans, 4 Sudanese, 2 Central African Republicans and 2 Kenyans, 2 Israeli's, a Ugandan, Rwandan, a Malian and a Palestinian all wanted for crimes related to genocide, war crimes, crimes against humanity, and aggression.
The arrest warrant handed to Min Aung Hlaing is due to his role in the gross violations of human rights in the deportation and persecution of Rohingya Muslims and includes the razing of almost 300 villages, attacks upon civilians resulting in over 5,000 deaths, and the rape and sexual assault of women and girls.
The International Criminal Court (ICC) investigates and, where warranted, tries individuals charged with the gravest crimes of concern to the international community: genocide, war crimes, crimes against humanity and the crime of aggression so if you see any of these 30 people milling around in your neighbourhood, give the police a ring to come pick them up because all 30 are winners of an all expenses paid trip to the Netherlands where a warm reception awaits them.

Well Done Ireland

Blimey, it seems that you can't even call out a country for Genocide these days without that country taking offence which is exactly what Israel have done after Ireland supported a petition at the International Criminal Court last week accusing Israel of the war crime.
Obviously the knee-jerk reaction of the Netanyahu Government was to reach for that tiresome accusation of anti-semistism before announcing that they would close their Dublin embassy due to Ireland's 'extreme anti-Israeli policies’ which the Irish Taoiseach, Simon Harris, replied was: ' deeply regrettable' and 'Ireland will always speak up for human rights and international law'.
Why anyone would be upset that a nation committing genocide has shut up its Embassy is confusing but Israel is fast running out of friends but it does have a good one in Moldova which is where the Israeli Government is planning on opening a new one due to the East European country being more friendly towards Israel.
Netanyahu could always go to Ireland to discuss it, or rather he could but as Ireland have agreed to detain him in line with the ICJ issuing of an arrest warrant for Netanyahu if he showed his corrupt face there it wouldn't be worth buying a return ticket, a plane would be provided for him to The Hague.
The patch of the Planet that Netanyahu can visit without having his collar felt is thankfully rapidly shrinking but as he is facing charges of fraud, breach of trust and bribery and up to 13 years in jail, it could soon become very much smaller.

Santa, Father Christmas Or Christmas Goat?

In Britain we call him the chubby, white bearded, red suited guy who delivers presents as Father Christmas but he is a man of many names from St. Nick to Santa to Kris Kringle which must confuse the reindeer about who exactly they are dragging around each Christmas Eve.
Santa Claus is an American mangling of the name Sinterklaas which was the Dutch name for Saint Nicholas while Kris Kringle was a mangling of the name 'Christkindlein' which is the German for 'Christ Child' referring to the baby in the manger although now they also call him Der Weihnachtsmann or Christmas Man.
Father Christmas began life in the 15th Century as Sir Christëmas who was a symbol of the Season which morphed into Father Christmas and is the name in England, Australia and New Zealand and also in France (Père Noël) and in Spain (Papá Noel) while in Chile, children wait for Viejito Pascuero (Old Man Christmas) but we really should take his name from what his family call him in Lapland which is Joulupukki, or Christmas Goat as the original gift-giver was a goat.
So what is his real name? Surprisingly, the first guy flying around giving out presents for good behaviour in Yuletide was Norse God Odin who flew around in December and all derivations of him since are based on him and it was round 1200 that the Church decided they needed a Yuletide character and successfully muscled in with their own guy, Saint Nicholas, who finally became Santa Claus and merged with Father Christmas in all but name.